I held my breath as I stared at the door.
"You don't always have to touch something to feel it's history. When you're in an area of strong energy, you can concentrate and sense the echoes." Master Vos explained as he stood behind me. I heard another Padawan address him with the title. And, it felt natural. I let out the breath as I reached out to open the door. I paused, looking back. He smiled and nodded at me, encouraging me to keep going. Anakin had gone off to find his Padawan, Ahsoka, and he said they'd meet up later. Now, I was being taught to control my powers. I turned back to the door and stepped into the threshold of the room. "Feel the Force all around you. Feel it flow through you. Look into it. It has a story to tell. Listen." I relaxed as I stepped further into the room. I closed my eyes and listened. There were whispers. Words floated through my ears.
"We'll always be here for you, Kemara." Obi-Wan.
"Come on, let's go train." Anakin.
"You're destined for more than you know, you just have to trust in the Force and yourself." I couldn't place who said it, but it filled me with warmth.
"We're the weird ones. The special ones." Anakin said it, but I could hear in his voice he was young.
"Deal." That was a young girl's voice. My voice?
"Goodnight, Mari." Young Anakin said back. I had a nickname.
"Goodnight, Ani." I heard myself say back. I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Something clicked inside me. Like, it made sense. I couldn't remember my past yet, but I knew... this is where I'm meant to be.
I turned back around to look at Master Vos, but Anakin was standing right next to him. A smile broke out and I walked back out into the hallway. Anakin couldn't help but smile, even if he was skeptical as to why.
"The special ones?" I offered. Somehow, I knew how he'd react. His smile morphed into one of complete joy.
"The special ones." He affirmed, grinning from ear to ear. I couldn't stop the short laugh that escaped my lips.
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"Argh!" I cried out in frustration as I realized I'd been put on my back yet again. I got back to my feet and started walking to the side of the arena.
"Kemara, just have-" Anakin started, but I spun around on my heel and threw a finger out at him.
"Stop saying 'have patience!' It's been weeks! It's been weeks and I still haven't remembered anything else significant!" I couldn't control my rage. I was useless to them. I stomped my foot and pointed at the ground as I spoke up again. "I can't remember it!"
"Calm down. Getting worked up isn't going to solve anything. Maybe if you just-"
"I've tried everything you've suggested. Everything Obi-Wan has suggested. Nothing is working!" My hands were balled up into fists as I shouted at him.
"You just need to give yourself more time." He tried to reason.
"I don't have time!" I argued as I threw an arm out to motion to the Temple around us. "I heard you and Obi-Wan talking! I'll have to leave the Order if I can't remember my training!" My anger morphed into fear as the realization dawned on me. It came out of my mouth and it became a reality. By pushing it down, I thought I'd be able to focus on remembering. But now that time was running out, all my insecurities and fears were boiling over. And I'd just exploded on one of the only people trying to help. I straightened myself and quickly turned to leave the training room.
"Kemara!" I heard him call out from where we had just been sparring as I ran out the door. I found my way to an empty courtyard and slowed to a stop at a big tree. Feeling drawn to it, I slowly descended the steps. I reached my hand out and laid it flat against the bark. I let out a deep breath and closed my eyes, opening myself to its story. It felt close. I relaxed while concentrating on the familiar feeling. It was getting closer...
But something pushed back and it was gone. I gasped and snapped my eyes open, staring at my hand that was still resting on the tree. My fingertips were white from squeezing so hard. I slid my hand downwards against the bark slightly, pausing before letting it fall to my side completely. I let out a depressed sigh as I took a step back and lowered myself to sit on the steps. I closed my eyes again and hung my head, feeling the stinging sensation that I knew all too well as tears. I wrinkled my nose and squeezed my eyes shut, pressing a half balled fist to my cheek.
I mean, what was wrong with me? Why couldn't I remember things anymore? I felt the familiar wetness run down my cheek as I sniffled, running the back of my hand across my face. Hugging my legs, I set my chin down on my knees. I opened my eyes and stared at the leaves on the ground through the blurry picture that my tears welling had created. I was going to be kicked out of the Order and the only people I ever knew would be ripped away from me. The only people I cared about.
Ahsoka and I had been getting to know each other more as the weeks had passed. She told me about all the fun we'd had pranking Anakin in the past and then said I'd had a grand prank envisioned for both Obi-Wan and Anakin, but that I'd tell her when I got back from my mission. I blinked softly a couple times, letting the gathered tears spill down my cheeks. She had even showed me how we used to get around the temple without getting caught.
"The vents?" The voice made me pick my head up and turn it quickly to face them. Obi-Wan was standing there his arms crossed and leaning to one side. I realized my jaw had fallen open so I closed it slowly and furrowed my eyebrows at him as I turned to him barely, still holding myself. "Anakin told me." He said gently as he straightened and walked down a few steps. Unfolding his arms, he sat down on the same step just a few feet away. He let his hand closest to me rest on the ground while the other arm laid across his knees.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I pled. He let out a sigh and looked down to the ground near my boots as he answered.
"I didn't want you to stress." His point was valid. Now that I knew, I was stressing. I guess he knew me really well.
"But now what am I going to do? Where am I going to go?" Tears welled as I looked back to the ground, lowering my head slightly. "I have nothing." A surge of pain flowed through me, but I realized it hadn't come from me. I didn't dare look over to him.
"We have friends who would take you in, help you get on your feet. But we're not there yet. We still have some time, Kemara. And you will always have us." As the tears that were in my eyes trailed down my cheeks, I looked back up to him, a small but hopeful smile graced my features. He was looking back at me with the same smile. He waited a moment before speaking again. "Now, take a minute. The Council wants to speak to us shortly. I will meet you outside of the Council chambers." My smile faded slightly, but I nodded at him as he stood up and knelt next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "We'll figure this out. I promise."
"Okay." I whispered as my smile came back a little. He squeezed my shoulder and stood up to walk back into the Temple. I took a deep breath and looked up into the tree's leaves as my cheeks dried. A warm breeze blew through the tree, yet a chill ran up my spine. I stood up slowly, suddenly uncomfortable. I looked all around but found nothing amiss. I let a sigh out through my nose as I started up the steps. I needed to go meet Obi-Wan and the Council.
"You're not going to find answers here." The familiar voice said as I whipped around, creating a bo staff made of ice.
"How did you even get in here?" I hissed as I stood in a defensive stance like Anakin taught me.
"That's not important, but what is important," He said nonchalantly and motioning with his hands before inhaling and slowing down slightly. "Is you." He finished, throwing his hand out, creating a whip of fire that I blocked with my staff. He gripped his cord of fire tightly as it curled around my staff and yanked it out from my hands and it shattered on the ground at his feet. I held my hands out in front of me ready to fight like Anakin had been showing me, but he simply put his hands behind his back and stood up straight, looking me in the eyes with his chin down.
"I'm not going to sit here and listen to any more of your lies." I threatened as I balled my fists.
"That's fair, but you'll want to hear these truths." He offered, not advancing in any way. I blinked, and let my scrunched face relax a little. I realized he had also just wrenched my weapons out of my hands so I backed up a couple steps. "I didn't disarm you so you'd be defenseless. I did it so you'd focus on me. Focus, Valors. Feel my intent." I squinted my eyes at him once he called me that name again.
"Quit calling me that! That's not my name." I demanded. He put his hands up in a defensive way.
"Apologies, you don't remember it yet. Your time here has been helpful, but only to an extent, yes?" I cast my gaze down to the ground for a second before looking back up at him.
"How did you know? How long have you been watching me?" I asked, taking another step back in realization.
"I don't need to watch you. We are connected. I can feel your frustration. Your confusion. You and I both know this isn't where you're supposed to be. You can feel it." I slowly put my hands down and started to turn around.
"I'm not going to stay here and let you manipulate me."
"You need something significant to you! To help you remember!" He called out. I froze in my tracks. My lightsaber. "It's on Vandor." He stated calmly. I racked my brain trying to remember anything about the snowy planet that I could, but nothing came to mind. "I put it there so you'd feel at ease in your environment."
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked, turning back around to face him. He hadn't moved from his spot by the tree.
"You won't be able to help if you can't remember." I furrowed my eyebrows at him.
"I'd never help you. You hurt Anakin."
"And he tried to stun you." He threw back. I gulped down a lump in my throat as I realized he was right. "They kept you in the dark about your future here. And not for the first time." I lowered my gaze back to the ground, letting my shoulders slump slightly. "I took you away from them because I wanted to show you the truth. I have never once lied to you... sister." My breath caught in my throat as I pushed my shoulders back and looked back up at him with my chin up.
"You are not my family." I snapped, taking a step forward and pointing a finger up.
"Not by choice, but we are connected, you must feel it." He seemed to plead. "We have a common goal. You'll remember once you get your lightsaber back." I looked into his eyes and also reached out through the Force. I felt no ill intent from him. He seemed to be telling the truth.
"And where exactly is my lightsaber? I can't just search a whole planet." I crossed my arms and leaned to one side.
"You'll know. Just as you'll know you need to join me after you remember." I scoffed at his words.
"We're done here." I said as I straightened and turned around.
"You know you can't tell them!" He called out. I slowed to a stop but didn't look back. "They'll never take you if you tell them the truth. They won't let you leave either. You know what you need to do." I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Opening my eyes and turning back around made me look around. He was nowhere in sight. I cast my gaze down to the ground as I realized my enemy was right.
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Standing on the bridge of Obi-Wan's flagship the Negotiator, I stared at the blur of stars that created the hyperspace tunnel. I had met with Anakin and Obi-Wan right as the Council summoned us into their chambers. I lied and said I had remembered where my lightsaber was and we were now headed there. Anakin and Ahsoka rounded up their best troops and came along.
I was thankful for all the assistance, but I didn't think I warranted all of this hassle. I heard the blast doors slide open behind me and the patters of boots on the metal floor coming towards me. I looked over as Obi-Wan stopped next to me, looking out to the stars. I looked back out as well.
"Even when you have no idea who you are, you are yourself." Obi-Wan spoke up after a moment of silence so I looked back up to him. I wasn't sure exactly to what he was referring so I stayed quiet. "You love the stars. Exploring. I'll always find you on the bridge." I nodded, looking down to my feet, unsure of what to say. The more I found out about myself, the more foreign it all seemed. I just wanted my lightsaber and for it all to be over with. My stomach gave a soft growl that I'm sure only I could hear. I started to turn, but paused as I spoke up.
"I think I'm going to go grab a bite to eat..." I informed him quietly before walking away from the viewport. He didn't try to follow me so I began my adventure to the mess. I call it an adventure because I kept getting distracted and taking wrong turns. My thoughts dwelled on what was to come. Surely, once I got my lightsaber I'd remember who I was, right? What if I didn't? Would the Order kick me out or continue to help me? Obi-Wan said we had friends that would take me in, but I didn't want to add more problems for other people. Especially if that Sith kept following me.
"Commander?" I blinked and realized Cody was standing in front of me. "Are you lost? This is the third time you've passed me." Warmth rushed to my cheeks as I looked around. I got caught getting lost on a ship I'd apparently been on for countless months. I looked past him to see another trooper with yellow markings on his armor as well.
"Sorry, just lost in thought, I guess." He motioned for me to wait just a moment with a finger as he turned to the trooper he was just talking to.
"Dismissed." He said gruffly. They saluted each other and the trooper turned around and walked away after nodding at me. I forced a smile at him before Cody turned back around. "Where were you headed?" We started back down the hall as I told him the mess. "Ha, that's just around the corner." His laugh put me at ease a little. We rounded the corner and sure enough, there it was. The door slid open to reveal a room full of clones without their helmets, bustling about, getting food, and chatting with their fellow soldiers.
"Thanks, Commander." I said slowly. Cody let out a snort laugh thing.
"Sorry. You don't have to address me by my title. You're higher up than me." He clarified. I let my mouth form an O shape as my head tilted back a little in realization.
"Commanders." A trooper said as he walked out of the mess, slipping between us with a head nod.
"Sorry, all of this just feels weird to me." I said as we stepped into the room and headed for the food line.
"You said the same thing when we first met after you and General Kenobi first took command of the 212th." As we got our food and sat down, we continued talking about the war. How long it's been, our fleet's role, Anakin's fleet, the battles we've fought in, and even our last mission before I went missing.
"None of that sounds even remotely familiar." I groaned and facepalmed as my elbow rested on the table.
"I wouldn't sweat it. You'll remember eventually." Cody said nonchalantly. "You always pull through." He sounded so sure. I hoped he was right.
"Hey, Commanders!" A few clones approached. I put my arm down on the table and looked over to the clones.
"Boil, Waxer, Trapper. What do you scrappers want?" Cody asked.
"Just wanted to come see our favorite Commander!" One of them said. I looked back to Cody to see his response. He only had a little smirk on his face. When no one said anything for a few seconds, he raised his eyebrows at me. I quickly turned my head back to the gaggle of clones to my left. They all had dumb grins on their faces. I looked back to Cody quickly then back to the group again.
"Oh, you guys mean me?" I blurted out as a hand flew to my chest. They all broke out in laughs. "Whaat?" My face broke out into a smile as I laughed too. "Why am I the favorite?" I asked looking between the three of them and Cody.
"Probably because you actually give them what they ask for." Cody whispered loudly, leaning over the table as he stood up. I furrowed my eyebrows and stood up after Cody again. The clones were laughing again, but were quickly silenced as the ship lurched. My smile fell as I felt it. The cold. Just like every other time he showed up. It was the same cold. How? How could he have gotten onboard and gone unnoticed this whole time? "Commander, are you alright?" Cody addressed me, snapping me out of my head. We must have fallen to the ground as it felt like the ship came out of hyperspace. Not by choice, though. Like, it was removed. I looked up at him from the ground and his face sobered quickly. "What is it?" The terror in my mind must have shown on my face because he seemed to snap to attention.
"He's here." I said, my voice barely above a whisper, staring off past Cody as I realized what this meant.
"Cody to bridge. Red alert. We have an intruder onboard." He said into the comms on his arm guard. Not a moment later, the sirens wailed and clones all around us rushed into action. "Come on." Cody knelt down slightly and held a hand out to me. We gripped each other's forearms and he helped me to my feet. He rushed out of the mess and I was right on his heels. "Do you know where he is?" He asked as we ran. I shook my head as I began to answer.
"No, I just-" Then I felt him. I slowed to a stop, causing Cody to quickly stop as well. "This way." I started down another hallway, Cody following quickly. As we were running, Cody raised Obi-Wan on comms.
"Cody, what's happening?" Obi-Wan questioned.
"I'm not sure, sir. I'm with the Commander and we're headed towards the reactor, it seems." He paused before continuing. "General, she thinks he's on the ship."
"What? How in the blazes could he have gotten onboard?" I don't think he was asking in particular, he just sounded astounded. "Cody, stay with Kemara. Do NOT leave her side!" Obi-Wan ordered. "We will meet with you as soon as we can. We need to secure the bridge."
"Copy that, sir." Cody affirmed. "I'll let you know what we find. Cody, out." We made our way down to the reactor and I ran in without slowing down.
"Commander, wait! It could be a trap." Cody advised. We slowed after crossing the door.
A trooper laid on the ground on his back with one of his arms above his head. There didn't seem to be any blaster marks on his armor, nor any marks to indicate he had been hurt. I knelt next to him as Cody came up next to me and picked up the fallen blaster on his other side. Relief washed over me.
"He's still alive." I relayed as I looked up to Cody. He didn't say anything, just nodded and put a finger to his mouth as a way to say be quiet. Right. We needed to secure the reactor. Fortunately, it didn't take us long to find the intruder. Unfortunately, he jumped down and landed in front of us on the catwalk. Cody brought the blaster up and I heard it charge, ready to fire.
"Hello, Valors."