"Never have I ever kissed another dude to try to impress a girl."
"I hate you."
"Dude, cakeeater, you've got to drink up on this one, too."
"No way! That was fuckin' bro rape. I did not want any part of that."
.
The group having tired of the television options an hour earlier, everyone soon moved onto the classic drinking game, 'Never have I ever'.
For the first few rounds, things stayed pretty tame; everybody sticking with general interest picks like 'Never have I ever gotten a tattoo' or 'Never have I ever been arrested'. However, as the alcohol continued to flow, and people became more comfortable around one another, the picks became more specific, allowing long-forgotten escapades to resurface.
Having already been called out for the time he gave himself a concussion while getting a blowjob, Portman decided to return the favor by reminding Charlie of the time junior year when he attempted to impress a girl by kissing Adam...a move that, unsurprisingly, did not work as hoped.
Though it was pretty hilarious.
.
"Whatever man. You know you liked it." Charlie joked, reaching over to ruffle Adam's hair; Julie still in Adam's lap.
"No offense, but if I were gay, I'm pretty sure I'd pick someone hotter than you."
"You know that was the best night of your life!"
"Yeah," Adam deadpanned, trying to shake a sprig of hair out of his eyes. "I jerk off every night thinking about you in your flannel and worn out Reeboks. It's really what gets me going."
"Screw you."
"Nah, that's the entire point. I very much do not want to screw you."
"Loser."
"Okay, my turn." Averman chimed in, happy to embarrass his old pal Goldberg. "Never have I ever pretended to be related to be related to Barbra Streisand to get in a girl's pants."
Laughing, the whole crew remembered the time that Goldberg had half the school convinced that he was related to dozens of famous Jewish people; Eden Hall's WASPy-ness a perfect foil for anybody who wasn't Protestant, white, and Midwestern.
The place could have made a ranch dressing ad look diverse...
"Hey man, I can't help it that we had like, two Jews at Eden Hall. I was going to milk that for all it was worth!"
"But Barbra Streisand?"
"It worked better than making out with a dude!"
"Seriously." Adam pointed out, still half traumatized from that blunder. "In what world did you ever think that would work?"
"I don't know." Charlie shrugged. "It's hot when girls make out. I didn't see why the opposite wouldn't work, too..."
September 5, 2000
"Well, the good news is that she's finally found love..."
Julie sat out in the dorm's common room, sprawled across a plaid sofa as she took advantage of the new 'free nights and weekends' addition to her phone plan.
Down the hall, she could hear a girl crying to her mom about the need for a new roommate, while a few feet away, another student was burning popcorn.
"That is fantastic. Such great taste."
"This is Erica we're talking about." Adam reminded her at the other end of the line. "I'm just happy that she has a distraction from cooing about how amazing it is that we're at the same school."
"It really is quite the coincidence." She agreed, trying not to think about the fact that every boy at Dartmouth reminded her of her first love; that she'd do a double take every time she heard a Midwest accent, or saw a crop of sandy hair.
Maybe he'll end up playing for the Bruins next year.
That would be nice...
"I know. Huge secret that I was going to be going here. Plus, you know, the one in a zillion odds that multiple people from Minnesota would end up going to Minnesota..."
"So crazy. Right up there with winning the lottery or getting struck by lightning!"
"Exactly!"
"It really is a small world...
.
For the first two weeks of school, Adam had been dealing with an unwanted shadow in the form of Erica Tate.
Between Brittany Laws leaving for Wisconsin, and Tricia Micek deciding to go to Ole Miss, the Eden Hall cheerleader had been left without her usual entourage. Never one to be alone, when it dawned on her that Adam too was still at U of M, she had taken to following him everywhere she could. On multiple occasions, she had invited herself up to his fifth floor apartment downtown, leading to not one but three awkward evenings of her sitting in his living room while he attempted to watch Sports Center in peace.
.
Fortunately for all involved, the week before, she'd found the one other person on the planet who could share her surprise at the idea of two people from Minneapolis ending up at school in Minneapolis: Brian McGill.
.
"So how do you feel about her taste in love interests?" Julie asked, recalling the bloody match-ups against Shattuck-St. Mary's.
"Erica and a PIKE-reject who barely knows how to write his own name? It's a match made in heaven."
"You're so mean!"
"To which one? She literally spent an entire night on my sofa because I couldn't get her to take the hint!"
"Okay, true." Julie laughed. "You're also probably the only guy in history to have random girls sleeping on your couch because you didn't want to sleep with them."
"What? It's Erica, not Sarah Michelle Gellar."
"That's literally not relevant to anyone else."
"So how about you?" Adam asked, staring out at the city skyline as they talked. "Any updates on the saga of Ashley and her overflowing wardrobe?"
"I swear. Her shoes multiply at night. It's like bunnies-this morning, I found a pair of her flip flops under my bed."
"You have a clothing orgy going on." He nodded solemnly, getting up to grab a glass of water. "You need to figure out how this works so you can start breeding clothes. Endless khakis could be pretty great."
"You are such a weirdo."
"I'm just being practical. I had to spend like, $400 at Dayton's yesterday."
"Get anything good?"
"Nah. Just like, replacing khakis and stuff. Hence the need to figure out how to breed my clothes."
"So. Shall you be joining me in bed tonight?" Adam whispered, his breath warm on Julie's neck.
She still sat curled in his lap, his arm around her waist as the rest of the Ducks continued their banter. Giggling, she leaned in even closer, her face now resting against his.
"I'm pretty sure you're married." She reminded him, running a finger over the stubble that was beginning to grow along his cheek and jawline. Flecked with silver, it stood out against his now ruddier complexion.
"Oh gosh. I didn't mean in in that way!" He shook his head, turning bright fuchsia as he clarified his intent for the night. "I meant, Charlie has a perfectly good bed saved for me, and I promise that I'm comfier to sleep with than the floor."
"And Laura is going to be okay with that?"
"I can build an entire wall of pillows between us if I have to! It's definitely okay."
Looking into those lovely blue eyes, Julie just smiled.
If it weren't for the fact that he was married, she would have been okay with a lot more than simply sharing a bed.
"And you'll have enough room?"
Finding a comfortable sleeping position is difficult enough without a spine full of titanium...
"Do I look like I'm 900 lbs.?"
"You know that's not what I meant. Dork."
...
"Never have I ever ditched a date to go watch hockey."
"Whatever dude. That's a failure on your end." Jesse laughed, happy to give Ken a hard time as the majority of the Ducks found themselves having to drink up to that round.
Amused, Russ reached back for a bowl of popcorn that sat on the coffee table, recalling the fight that ensued with Shamika over the cancelled plans.
.
Even with Jesse going to school the next state over, word had tended to travel back to Eden Hall pretty quickly; leaving all to know of his misadventures in back in Milwaukee.
.
"Didn't you get your ghetto card revoked for that one?"
"I'm still blacker than the ace of spades, man."
"Yeah right. Next thing you knew, you were dating some white chick, going to check out the creepy sound in an old farmhouse."
"Whatever. You probably go apple picking every fall."
"Shit yeah." Russ agreed with a shrug. "White people knew what they were doing on that one. Apples are awesome."
"Yeah. When you buy them at the store."
"You're missin' out, man."
.
A moment later, Charlie's turn arrived. Remembering the 'bro rape' comment, he decided that it was time to return the favor; happy to give a hard time to the old teammate sitting at the other end of his sofa.
"Never have I ever bitched that practices were too short."
"Yup. And who set the all-time scoring record?"
"That one never has been broken." Charlie chuckled, shaking his head. "Two decades, and I still haven't seen anyone come close."
"See?"
"You'd better watch out." Fulton reminded him, looking back at the two of them as he thought about how unfair it was that his most dedicated teammate had gone nearly two decades without stepping foot out on the ice. "Eventually Eden Hall will realize they've got the wrong guy coaching."
I know he can't very well play anymore, but he really should have done something different.
That was just too much hockey knowledge to let go to waste.
"Yeah." Charlie agreed, his voice serious this time. "There'd probably be a few more National Championship banners up there if we had him around."
October 8, 2000
"I am so dead."
Julie sat in front of the mirror, the phone cradled against her shoulder as she looked at what she'd done.
Her new nose ring glimmered in the light, the gold stud now the only thing that she could see.
.
A week earlier, getting her nose pierced had seemed like a lovely idea. As she and her roommate Ashley walked into the piercing studio downtown, not a qualm passed her mind, aside from a brief flick of concern about the pain. Fifteen minutes later, they'd walked out triumphant; proud to no longer be the sheltered private school kids they'd been just a few months before.
The problem was, that had been a week prior.
September.
It was now early October, and as fall break approached, Julie found herself reminded of the fact that she had parents.
Parent's who might not approve of this hole she'd added to her face.
"Heh, I'm pretty sure they'll get over it." Adam assured her, still as steadfast as usual.
...
Ashley couldn't understand her concern: Ashley's brother was now a cross dresser in San Francisco. After that bombshell, Mr. and Mrs. Handretti were no longer the sorts to micromanage appearances.
Connie too failed to see what the issue was: In her case, Guy had decided he wanted to leave U of M for the minors once the year ended. She'd already told her parents that she planned on dropping out of junior college to follow...a move that, unsurprisingly, meant they now had far bigger concerns than their daughter's sartorial choices.
Adam, on the other hand, well, he was still the same dutiful son he'd always been, cognizant parents or no.
...
"My dad? Maybe. My mom? Have you forgotten about the time I highlighted my hair? Pretty sure she'll literally kill me. And then herself. You'll have to fly out to the funeral and everything!"
Adam laughed, thinking about the menagerie of mild dysfunction that seemed to define all three Gaffney sons as as he sprawled across his leather sofa, the Minneapolis skyline glimmering in the background.
"How'd she ever survive your brothers?"
"She doesn't care! She's given up on them. I'm her one child left to make her proud."
"I'm pretty sure you're still doing that."
"I am not." Julie whined. "As far as she'll be concerned, I might as well drop out and join the circus."
The kind with a big tent and cool animals?
"You'd get to hang out with lions and travel the country if you did that!" He pointed out, his mind now consumed with how much fun it would be to snuggle lions and see places that weren't covered in snow. "It could be pretty fun."
I mean, they just look so fluffy...
"You are such a loser."
"You know those lion manes look awfully cuddly."
"How do you even think about these things?" She asked, leaning in closer to get another look at the gold stud.
"How do you not think about these things? They're like, the most important issues facing our nation today."
"Cuddly lions?"
"Pssh, yeah."
.
For a brief moment, Julie's thoughts wandered away from the dread of disappointing her mother, and back to the lovably absurd debates that had filled many an evening in high school. She could smell the Acqua di Gio and old-building musk of his dorm room, and feel his sheets cool against her skin.
In this world, they could spend the next two hours arguing about whether polar bears really build snowmen and drink Coca Cola, or whether hamburger trees exist; all the while with sounds of Metallica coming through the walls.
High school was pretty nice...
.
"Weirdo."
"I'm not the one who decided to get my nose pierced."
"Not. Helping."
"I was kidding. Seriously. I'm sure it looks beautiful, and that your parents will be just fine with it...once they take a day or two get over the shock."
"Easy for you to say! You're as perfect as you've always been."
Oh boy...
"Have you forgotten about how endless my capacity for stupid choices is?" He reminded her, his own father's criticisms not far from mind.
Even with Phil six feet under the ground, not a day had passed when he couldn't hear the patriarch's words playing through his head, reminding him of the many ways in which he was inadequate.
.
"Sweater vests are a questionable decision." Julie joked, getting up to grab a soda from the refrigerator. "But I don't think that counts."
"First of all, fuck you. But yeah, no. Trust me, you bring me home, and I'll put your nose ring to shame."
"Well, now you've just got me curious."
"Stay curious! That's what you get for insulting my sweater vest collection."
"Fine." She giggled. "I love you and your sweaters. Now do tell."
"Okay, well, for one, I managed to break off a piece of my front tooth last night, so until I can get it fixed, I'm looking pretty special-ed worthy."
Ouch.
"And how did you do that?"
"You know how some people can open a beer with their teeth?"
"Yeah."
"I'm not one of them."
"Oh my gosh, no! Are you okay?"
"Other than my pride? Yes." He assured her, laughing as he ran his tongue along the jagged edge of tooth. "But my pride is definitely not okay!"
And my tongue won't be, either, if I don't stop doing that.
"Oh man, yeah, that does not sound fun."
"Super not fun. Turns out my dad was totally right whenever he'd call me an idiot."
.
For a moment, Julie grew quiet: She knew it was an offhand comment, but still, it made her sad.
Adam of all people deserved better.
.
"Whatever. If that's the dumbest thing you've done this year, you're really doing this whole college thing wrong."
"Oh, I can assure you." He chuckled. "That is definitely not it for my stupid decisions thus far. "It's just the most recent. Last month's tattoo was way dumber."
"Wait. What?"
.
Her eyes grew wide at the very thought of this.
Nice, tasteful-to-a-fault Adam ever finding himself in a tattoo parlor? This from the same guy who acted like cargo pants were the second coming of the apocalypse?
What's next?
People buying phones without buttons?
.
"Yeah..."
"Umm, I expect details! What? Where? Why?"
"Okay, well, somewhere in my drunken imagination, I decided that getting the Sigma Chi letters tattooed on my hip, but with the 'X' made out of hockey sticks would be a great idea."
"What?"
"Yeah. Turns out my imagination is fucking stupid, and there's no way I should ever do anything my brain comes up with."
She could only imagine the angst he must have felt the next day; his perfectionism not the sort of thing that allowed for such misadventures. Still, she couldn't help but smile at the mental image. As dumb as it was, it was also one of the most bro-tastic things she'd ever heard.
Plus, when you look like him, literally anything can be sexy.
"I mean, I could have told you that based on your desire to cuddle lions."
"That is not a bad idea." He reminded her. "That's an awesome idea. You're just jealous because they give you some kind of cat inferiority complex."
"I hate you."
"Uh huh. Yeah. You certainly always liked using me as a scratching post..."
"Oh my gosh-"Julie buried her face in her hands laughing, her ill-advised nose ring now the furthest thing from her mind. "You are-I hate you so much!"
"Pretty sure I can still find a few traces of you on my shoulders if I look hard enough..."
"No words for how much I hate you."
"You're the one who left me maimed from your claws."
"Jerk."
Author's note: I apologize if these past two chapters haven't been terribly eventful. Believe me, like the Titanic, there's plenty of eventfulness to come in the next couple of chapters. For now, let us enjoy the final moments of Young Adam/Julie being Young Adam/Julie;)