There were no thunderbolts, no lightning crashing down from the sky when Asterix's world fell apart; but then again, it was only in the theatre that you expected them.

They'd been sitting outside Asterix's house, having lunch, when Obelix had suddenly stood bolt upright, staring at something behind Asterix's back.

Asterix whirled. What could make Obelix look like that? "Obelix? Are you all—"

A tall Roman woman shot past Asterix like the thunderbolt that would have been appropriate for her coming. Purple draperies fluttering behind her, she flung herself at Obelix, landing in his arms with an audible thud. "O Obelix, anima mia, vita mia!" she cried in the lilting tones Asterix remembered so well, peppering his big friend's cheeks with kisses. "I just couldn't stay away from you any longer!"

Asterix took a step towards them, although Gaulish gallantry dictated he should make himself scarce. "We had no idea you were coming," he said, unable to help the ungallant suspicion that had crept into his voice. Was this, then, the cause of Obelix's wandering mind and distracted air?

"But I sent him a letter!" Latraviata murmured, still running her hands through Obelix's hair. She looked sidelong at Asterix, her expression all sincerity, while Obelix just stared, standing there for all the world like one of his menhirs.

"I never saw it." Asterix didn't feel right. But it would explain the odd behavior he'd seen from Obelix of late… But Obelix hadn't ever shown him the letter… And Postaldistrix hadn't mentioned it…

Latraviata, with a familiarity that Asterix found faintly embarrassing, plunged her hand into his motionless friend's pocket. "Here," she said, producing a crushed and folded piece of parchment. Asterix stared. He'd known Latraviata was wealthy, but to send love letters on parchment… She thrust the letter into his hands like Exhibit A and recommenced pawing at Obelix.

Dear Obelix, Asterix read, I can't stop thinking about you. I was a fool to ignore your proposal of marriage. I can't live without you. I'm coming, my darling.

"How long have you had this?" Asterix found himself asking Obelix.

"Wrstksft," Obelix responded. Asterix's shoulders slumped as he handed the scroll back to Latraviata.

"He kept it from you? You mean you didn't know I was coming?" Latraviata's eyes were wide and round, the picture of shock. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's all right." Asterix elbowed Obelix in the stomach. "He was probably lost for words."

And he stared as Obelix just bowed his head and allowed Latraviata to lead him away, babbling about wedding plans.

"WHO did WHAT?"

"Don't stare like that, 'Pedimenta dear, it's not dignified." For once, Vitalstatistix had the freshest and newest village gossip – at least the gossip related to the war between the sexes, which was the gossip that most interested the village ladies – and he was rather relishing the uncommon moment. "Latraviata is in love with Obelix, and wants him to go to Rome with her."

"Latraviata, that Roman actress who came to the village impersonating Panacea?"

"That's right."

Impedimenta's needlepoint lay by her side by now, forgotten. "The one who nothing was good enough for?"

"Really, my dear, what atrocious grammar. Yes, that's the one…"

In Geriatrix's hut, the village elder was getting much the same reaction from his wife. The tall woman turned on him, eyes blazing. "You don't mean to tell me he's going to marry that—that hussy!"

"Well, my poppet, love does strange things to men."

"Walking around as though she belonged here! How dare she!"

Geriatrix smiled. "There's no need to be jealous, my love. I only have eyes for you."

His wife glared at him. "I'd like to know who she thinks she is."

Fulliautomatix's wife scowled at her husband, eyes narrowed. "And she wants to marry Obelix? Our Obelix?"

Fulliautomatix grinned. "It's not that unusual, Ferra."

"But I thought she fancied Asterix?"

Fulliautomatix winked. "Some women prefer brains, and some prefer," he chuckled, "brawn."

"Don't tell me what women prefer." Ferra had stood up by now, and started pacing the confines of the hut. "And is he going to go with her?" She stopped, turning to glare at her husband as though it was somehow his fault. "Leave the village for a woman? And a Roman woman, at that?"

Although he was maybe three times his wife's height, Fulliautomatix cringed. "He's free to…"

"Free! Ha! I'll give him free!"

Back at the chief's hut, Vitalstatistix was facing a similar storm. Impedimenta had worked herself into a fine fury. "And what about Asterix? And our village? Is he just going to waltz off? At least Astronomix and Sarsaparilla had the decency to get married here in the village, and leave together!"

"'Pedimenta…"

The Chief's wife drew herself up to her full height. "I'll have a thing or two to say to Obelix! You mark my words!"

Asterix was sure he must be dreaming.

Only a day ago, he had been worrying about Obelix's pensive mood. Now, like a whirlwind, their old friend and sometime nemesis, Latraviata, had descended upon the village in a coach and four, proclaiming her undying love for his best friend. And said best friend was seriously contemplating chucking it all and going to Rome with her.

It had to be a dream.

"I don't like this," Getafix said sotto voce to Asterix, later that afternoon. The news had spread around the village like wildfire. It was so unexpected that everyone was in a tizzy, and Asterix hadn't even had a chance to find out how the rest of the villagers felt about it. To tell the truth, he was a little uneasy about it himself: it didn't seem to be a plot, but it wasn't as if Latraviata hadn't played them false before.

Asterix hated himself for his own suspicion, though. Being sceptical of Latraviata's intentions was as good as saying that Obelix didn't deserve the love of a good woman, or that any woman who showed an interest in Obelix had to be a part of some plot. And that, Asterix did not believe. Obelix was the most loyal friend anyone could have. He loved truly and deeply and he'd follow you to the ends of the earth. Once he gave you his heart, he gave it for life. Any woman would be glad to have him…

"How dare you!"

Asterix and Getafix's heads snapped up in unison, to see Mrs. Geriatrix approaching Latraviata. The actress was gliding in from the opposite end of the village square, Obelix in tow. "How dare you take away one of our own! You—you Roman hussy!"

Although they were the same height, the Roman diva looked down at the Gaulish beauty with aplomb, and made no reply. She took Obelix's arm. "Coming, darling?"

Obelix, who appeared to be in a daze, linked his arm through hers, and they took a few paces in the direction of his hut. Asterix and Getafix watched as a fish whizzed through the air and caught the happy couple in the back of the head.

"WHO THREW THAT FISH?" Obelix whirled, brandishing the offending object by the tail – a mullet, by the looks of it. Mrs Geriatrix stood with her arms defiantly folded, but it was Unhygienix who answered.

"You mullet over and you'll know who threw it! That wedding of yours stinks to high heaven! Coming to winkle you out of the village, is she? Shame on you, falling for her act, hook, line and sinker! OUCH!" Unhygienix yelled as the fish returned to him, hitting him in the nose with a resounding SPLATCH.

From his vantage point at his anvil, Fulliautomatix laughed, becoming the next recipient of the fish. From there, the village plunged into a free-for-all fish fight, the menfolk piling up, and the women running out of their houses to join in where Bacteria had somehow gotten into a fight with Mrs. Geriatrix. Only Latraviata stood aloof, one hand on her canted hip in the pose of a classical Roman statue, watching her future husband battering the village fishmonger with the already battered mullet—presumably to show him his plaice.

"BOYS! BOYS!" The Chief came running on his shield, expertly ducking a fish flying out of the fracas. He stood with some dignity, or as much dignity as you can show while dodging flying fish. "Stop it at ONCE!"

"You stay out of it!" snapped his wife, from somewhere underneath a large village woman.

"Yeah, shut up!" yelled somebody else.

"GET DOWN OFF THAT SHIELD IF YOU'RE A MAN!" Geriatrix shouted.

But for once, Vitalstatistix ignored the baiting. "WE HAVE GUESTS!"

The fight subsided somewhat. "Guests?!" Geriatrix tumbled out of the melee, brandishing his stick and disentangling Baltix's hand from his mouth. "Do you mean this Roman foreigner," he gestured to Latraviata, seemingly immune to her charms, "here to break up the village?"

"That strumpet!" snapped Mrs Geriatrix, her hair messed and blouse askew.

"Coming here all the way from Rome!" Impedimenta struggled up from between two large ladies. "As if Gaulish girls weren't good enough."

"You're not going to stand for it as Chief, are you?!" Unhygienix added, climbing down off three or four villagers.

"It would be an act of treason!" said Fulliautomatix, drawing himself up to his full height and crossing his arms over his chest. Vitalstatistix looked from one of the villagers to the other.

"Why shouldn't Obelix marry who he pleases?"

All eyes turned to the voice that had spoken. The villagers parted to reveal Asterix, arms spread wide, head high.

"But she's a foreigner…" Unhygienix ventured.

Asterix took a step forward, tones ringing and clear. "Shame on you all! Is this our Gaulish gallantry, standing in the way of a woman who's come all the way from Rome to be with the man she loves?"

Some of the men were looking ashamed. Getafix was frowning as Asterix spoke, but made no move to undermine him. "But he's going to leave the village…" Fulliautomatix said sheepishly.

"So did my parents! So did his, for that matter!" Asterix gestured to Obelix, who lay blinking up at him from underneath a pile of villagers. "So did Panacea when she got married. Everyone's free to leave. Our village is the last bastion of freedom in Gaul. The last thing it should ever be is a prison!"

"Asterix is right," boomed Vitalstatistix. "Be worthy of your Gaulish heritage and welcome our guest, here to become a Gaul by marriage!"

There was a long pause. Finally, Impedimenta struggled the rest of the way out from underneath the other women, and tottered over to Latraviata, holding out a hand. "I'm sure you're very welcome to become a Gaul by marriage, my dear."

The picture of theatrical grace, Latraviata took Impedimenta's proffered hand and sank to one knee, just coming eye-to-eye with the other woman by virtue of her height. She bowed her head, as befitted the respect due a chief's wife. "Your magnanimity knows no bounds," she murmured. "Our home in Rome will always be honored to receive your visits."

Impedimenta's eyes widened and she shook Latraviata's hand gingerly, as though she might explode at any minute. Another woman came up behind her. "I hear you work in the theater," she said hesitantly.

The actress' smile lit up her face. "You and yours will have a front-row seat in all the theaters of Rome. You have but to ask—we shall be family by marriage henceforth, after all."

By ones and twos, the village women came over to welcome the newcomer. The men disentangled themselves and adjusted their clothing. Asterix looked on, forcing himself to keep a smile on his face as the village welcomed Latraviata into it, and the men shook a stunned Obelix by the hand. He shot a glance at Vitalstatistix; it wasn't often the village chief rose above petty rivalries, but Asterix was deeply grateful he had chosen this moment to do so.

Grateful, even though Asterix's world was falling apart.