Her dad was dead. Her dad. Her father. Ted Tonks. Her dad. He was dead.

That was literally the only thought that had swirled around her head the past week. Hell, maybe even longer. She didn't keep track of the days anymore. What was the point in doing that when each day didn't bring her closer to seeing her dad again?

She either slept or was down here, on this chair, staring into space. Sometimes she ate and sometimes she didn't. More often than not she didn't. Hunger wasn't something she could feel right now.

She heard the living room door open but she didn't look towards it. Who cared about talking to people? There was nothing to say. Nothing to do.

The heavy tread indicated that it was Remus. He came to a front of her and still she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She didn't want to see the grief on his face. Kr the worry. Or the anxiety. She could hardly deal with her own emotions never mind someone else's. Well, maybe her mum's but all they did together was cry and Tonks didn't think she had any water left in her body to do that today.

"Dora?" Remus tried but she shook her head.

"Don't, Remus. Just, don't."

She couldn't cope with any of his platitudes or reassurances right now. Not when her dad was dead. Nothing would make that right. Nothing was e er going to make that right.

"I'm here if you need me."

She knew that. Of course, she knew that. It was just, well, it didn't matter, did it? Remus was here but her dad wasn't. That wasn't going to change.

The body, his body, had been returned to them a few days ago - Tonks wasn't sure anymore how many. Kingsley and whoever else had been with him, Hestia and one or two others had been the ones to find her father and the other people he had been on the run with. Or, rather, their bodies. Because the Snatchers had killed more than just her dad. They had killed more people. They weren't Snatchers, they were killers. Murderers. They couldn't have returned the body right away, apparently. They hadn't even been able to get it when they first came across it, the Snatchers had still been in the area and they couldn't risk it. So, his body had stayed out there for a whole day, nearly two, before they could retrieve and ide tiny it properly. That's when Kingsley came here to tell them the horrible news.

Then they had to bring all the bodies to safely, what an awful horrible task but they had done it. And had even cleaned everyone's faces, making them look presentable. If you could make dead people look presentable.

Tonks choked back a sob. He had still looked like her daddy but thinner, more gaunt. And there was an awful burn across his forehead from a hex or a curse.

At least he was intact. That they had a whole body to bury. Or anybody. Some people weren't so lucky.

Why did it feel like there was a massive, gaping hole that had been punched out of her heart? It hurt so bad. Was it supposed to hurt this bad?

[xxxxxx]

Tonks was numb at the funeral. Completely numb. She couldn't bring herself to feel anything. Not even a little pit. Inside her was just a soul-sucking, emotion annihilating, black pit. Kind of like the hole in the ground that was her father's grave.

His grave. Because he was dead. But she couldn't even react to that thought. Reacting meant that she had feelings, which she didn't. Not today. If she felt anything today, she wouldn't be able to get through it.

She needed to get through it. She had to go to his funeral. She had to... she had to say goodbye. A choking sound came from her at that thought. It was harder than she thought not feeling anything.

Looking over to her mum, she could see that she was the same. Tall, proud and pale. So very, very pale. She walked over to her and they embraced. Clung onto each other, more like but Tonks didn't care. She needed her mum and her mum needed her.

There were no tears. They were all cried out. And they had to be strong. They couldn't break down in front of even this small gathering. No. That wasn't their way. Maybe she was more like her mother than she thought.

Her dad was dead and she wasn't ever going to see him again. Ever. Ever. Ever. She still couldn't comprehend that. She didn't want to. She shouldn't have to.

Why did he have to die? Why him? There were other people, other Muggleborns, who were getting through this. Why couldn't he have?

He was never going to see her baby, his grandson. Or granddaughter. She didn't even know which one he would have guessed she would have. He was never going to get to hold it, play with it or teach it to like muggle sports and weird music. He wasn't going to get to do any of that.

So, they buried him and there was no standing around as everyone just went home. They went home. To a home they'd never see Ted in again.

"Hey," Remus said gently, sitting next to her, making the sofa dip.

She nodded at him, not saying anything but not sending him away either. She wasn't going to do that anymore. Push him away. They couldn't afford that. She didn't want that. Not really. Not even before when she had snapped at him. She just didn't know how to process her emotions and feelings. Merlin, she still didn't but she did know that she wanted Remus close to her.

"He's gone," she said weakly. He's really gone."

"He is," Remus said in a rough sort of voice, like he had just finished crying recently.

He had been grieving too. Remus had also loved her dad. She had forgotten that.

"He's not coming back."

Remus sighed before replying, "No, he's not."

"I want him too."

"I know, Dora."

Tears welled up in her eyes. "I miss him."

It was then that Remus drew her in for a hug and let her bury her face into his chest. This normally calmed her, soothed her but not this time. She breathed deeply and frowned when his scent didn't automatically make her feel better.

"Come on, let's get to bed."

"But, mum-"

Andromeda had spent all the time after the funeral cleaning and basically clearing out the kitchen, without saying a word to anyone. Which is why Tonks had been sitting in the living room, so she could be close. Neither of them did well being together right now.

"Leave her. She needs to do this right now."

"But-"

If Tonks needed to rest then Andromeda most certainly did as well but Remus was shaking his head.

"She needs for us not to be here," he examined gently with the voice of one who had plenty of experience with this. "She needs space to break down and she can't do that when we're here. When you're here. She won't allow herself to."

She looked at her mother again and realised he was right.

"Okay."

Slowly, and after giving Andromeda a kiss in the cheek that she barely paid attention to, they went to bed.

Except she didn't sleep.

"Remus?" She said suddenly, making him roll to face her. He hadn't been sleeping either. "I think I know what I want to call the baby if it's a boy."