Chapter 3

Present Day

The next week was the best of his life.

All the others had been with Tess as well, each powerful, vulnerable, poignant moments that had shaped the core of his character but this one surpassed them all because this was a culmination of all the rest, of everything they had wanted for as long as they had wanted each other. This was the end they'd been fighting for and the beginning of what came next.

And Jay couldn't get enough of it.

He couldn't get enough of her. All he wanted was to be with her, to be around her, to touch her, smell her, kiss her, hold her. Honestly it was starting to get a little ridiculous and he was almost surprised she wasn't sick of him but if anything Tess was feeding his need, always running her hands along him and peppering him with kisses, not to mention that anytime he was even semi-reclined she was in his lap. The emotion between them, the intensity of it... it was all consuming. The only time he had ever felt anything like it had of course been with her, not the first time they'd become intimate, not even the second because time and circumstance hadn't really allowed for it but the time after that. After his discharge. That month had been the first chance they'd really had to explore each other, who they were outside of their jobs and how they worked together.

And though things had been simpler back then it only made where they were now more meaningful because they understood the significance of what they'd been through. What they had overcome. Every day the air around them was becoming lighter as it sank in, as they began to unburden themselves of all they'd carried these last few years.

Tess had more to share and she started by telling him about what had happened with the agency, the nine men who had bought her information and how fiercely she had pursued them, the people she'd angered and the friends she'd made along the way. How it had taken fifteen months until she'd been safe, as safe as she could get, how she'd come back to the city, her voice growing quiet when she explained how she had seen him with Erin and chosen to stay away. That she had liked his former girlfriend. He'd shot her the most incredulous look when she said that she'd been rooting for them but even though he eventually got her to admit how perverse that was she remained adamant that he shouldn't feel guilty. In fact she was so firm in her belief that neither of them should that even while he tried to believe her he couldn't help wondering how much she believed herself. And even though Jay knew she was right and he would never regret being with Erin nothing would ever stop the guilt he felt knowing that Tess had come home twice and found him with another woman. That she had walked away twice believing he was happier without her, believing that a day stillmight come when they could be together.

No, he would carry that for the rest of his life. And he could see that she knew that, that she hated it but also understood it. It was probably why she shared that she had had someone too, though he'd given her another dubious look when she'd explained that the last time she had seen that individual, who she described as a smart mouthed British mercenary named Dean, he'd been abandoning her in a dingy in the middle of the South China Sea. Apparently the broken paddle now adorning the side of her home had come from said excursion, after it had been bitten in half by a particularly temperamental sand shark.

Jay hadn't really known how to react to that beyond anger that someone could treat her so poorly and what he knew was completely hypocritical jealousy but they talked it through until each of them started to feel better, the way they did with every heavy topic that came up.

There were a lot.

Five years worth of experiences, for each of them; there was no way they could cover them all in a week but thankfully neither seemed inclined to try. Instead they talked about things as they came up, their friends and teams, Will and his father, which had been a particular sore spot for her, the stories behind their different scars and her tattoos. There were several of the latter he got to discover, his favourite being the small outline of a moose she had added to the background of the Sequoia tree that ran up her left side, the one she had gotten with him in Tofino. His least favourite was the skeleton blowing bubbles on her left shoulder, not because it was any less beautiful but because of what she told him it represented. Death. It didn't matter when she explained the reasoning behind it, another nod to one of her favourite series he still didn't like it. In his mind death and Tess were two words that didn't belong in the same sentence.

And there was still so much more, things he knew she was holding back, but given what she did share he didn't mind.

She was so different now.

So different and yet so much the same that sometimes it hurt to look at her. Jay thought it hurt her to look at him too but she didn't seem as wracked with it, like she had grown used to people changing on her. Changing the way they viewed her. It didn't take long to realize that wall she had up wasn't a reaction to him or the circumstances that had brought them back together but instead just a part of the everyday armour she wore now. And though it didn't come down it was like she let him inside, sometimes intentionally and sometimes because he was learning her, her new tics and mannerisms. Most were the same to be honest, just... muted. The little crinkle in her brow when she got upset and the way her lips pursed when she was unsure, how her head would tilt when something tugged at her heartstrings, to the left if she was happy and to the right if she was sad. But she didn't pick at her nails or play with her jewelry, didn't shift on her feet or bounce her knee. He told himself there wasn't much need for her to do those things, that as heavy as some conversations got they were both overjoyed to be back together and though he knew that was true it didn't change the fact that she was different.

Because she didn't twirl. It had always been one of his favourite things about her, the way she would get lost in her head and give a little spin when she was cooking, or folding laundry, or just walking down the hall; she never even knew when she was doing it which was why he loved it so much. It was always the best way to tell how she was feeling because she only did it when she was really, truly happy, and if she wasn't doing it now...

It was his fault. For not being there, for not being the safe haven she could come home to, where she could get a reprieve from all the horrors she experienced, the things she saw and the things she had to do. He tried to make up for it by showering her with his love, trying to make sure she knew how sorry he was, that he meant it when he said nothing would change the way he felt about her but… he also ignored it too. Avoided bringing it up by telling himself they had enough going on, that he didn't want to spoil this time, that... that maybe he could fix it.

It wasn't as though she was so wildly different that it was impossible. She still stretched her body like a cat, more obvious than ever with Aelin next to her for comparison, still hummed along to her instrumental music and swayed to whatever played in her head when it wasn't filling up every corner of the house. Still loved to drape herself over him and soak up his warmth, still took comfort in the sound of his heart and the feel of his skin against hers, which was easy considering they were almost always naked, or would have been if she didn't have so many damn windows.

She still gave him that look.

Like she couldn't quite believe he was real, that he'd chosen her. It used to make him feel special. Honoured. Now... The sensation of fingers running through his hair emptied his mind and he blinked up at Tess, grinning as she lowered herself into his lap.

"How's the food coma?"

"I said it before and I will say it again, I would gladly spend the rest of my life in a coma if it meant I got to eat your cooking every day." He took the water she'd gone to grab as she laughed, taking a large swig before he put it off to the side and began to run his hand down her legs, watching the tiny goosebumps that rose on her skin before he tugged the blanket over them; they'd come up to the deck to take in the view of the harbour after dinner, which had been a spectacular creamy pasta with scallops, and though the days were getting warmer the nights still had a cool chill, enough that he didn't think his old muscle tee was enough to keep her warm.

The fact that she still had the shirt, which was at least eight years old by now, astounded him.

"You can't eat if you're unconscious." She retorted smartly but her smile was soft as she rested against his shoulder, one hand still playing with the hair at the nape of his neck as the other ran across his chest, up and down, back and forth until he was so lost in the motions he almost missed when she spoke next.

"Hmm?"

"I said I can't imagine how crazy your beard would get if you didn't shave it for that long."

Jay huffed and rubbed his cheek against her temple, his laugh growing when she squirmed. "I thought you liked my 'rugged Irishman' look."

"I do. But I might like it even more if it didn't scratch me." She teased as she started to play with his scruff.

To be fair it was a lot longer than he normally kept it, and therefore thicker and scratchier. As a kid he had pined for something more than his peach fuzz but as he'd gotten older and his wish was granted it just became a nuisance; the time was he could've gone weeks without shaving whereas now he usually had to trim it down every couple days. And since he hadn't in a week she could easily drag her fingers through it and despite her comment, and the teasing remarks she loved to make about the little patches on either side of his chin that were always thinner than everywhere else had been doing so constantly. Had been kissing it softly the way she was now, nuzzling closer as she slowly made her way along each side of his jaw until finally her lips took his.

This, he thought as his own hand slid into her hair to pull her closer. This was all he needed. Against the guilt, the hurt and doubt- as long as he had this, had her, none of it stood a chance. Not against them. He had just slipped his hand underneath the blanket, intent on reminding her just how strongly he felt when the shrill ringing of his cellphone broke through the silence, instantly dampening his mood.

"No."

Tess snorted a laugh, another when she pulled away and he tried to tug her back but she just stared at him, her face filled with quiet happiness, and he knew their little reprieve was over.

If he was honest he was surprised they'd had this long. Voight, who was no doubt the one calling had reached out just once this week, four days after he'd taken off, and though he'd heard his Sergeant through he had quietly asked for more time. And been granted it. Of course Tess had tried to make him change his mind, nearly tripping on her way down the stairs when she realized what the call was about but he'd caught her and firmly, but gently, held her back until he'd hung up and then very adamantly explained that he would go back to work when he was good and ready and not a moment before. And though he wanted nothing more than to cuddle back up next to her he knew that time had come.

It was time to get back to the rest of the world.

Still another groan slipped out as she slid off him but he got up and padded over to the nightstand where his phone was charging, quickly accepting the call. Just like he'd thought it was Voight. "Hello?"

"Hey. You free?"

Jay looked over his shoulder at Tess and took her in, how the red glow of the sunset lit up her raven hair and how her eyes matched the deep blue of the sky, her smile soft but steady as she gazed back at him, and slowly nodded.

"Yeah, I'm good. What do we got?"

Earlier this evening an as of yet unidentified crew had ripped a hundred grand worth of cocaine from the Vice Lords, leaving a body count of seven in their wake, eight if what patrol said about the lone survivor who'd been rushed off to med was accurate. It was likely- most people didn't survive three bullets to the chest. From what they'd been able to gather two men had been driving the now empty truck, with two inside and four following in two separate vehicles, one tailing the truck and one leading, both of which had been totaled. That meant the crew they were after had at least that amount of manpower, possibly more considering they'd already confirmed from their tattoos that each of the dead had indeed been Lords. To complete a hit this big and not lose anyone was impressive, though as Kev pointed out they could've taken any of their own with them to avoid identification. Crews were getting smarter and smarter.

"Alright, head back to the district." Voight's gruff voice brought everyone's attention away from the scene and back to him. "I want ID's on all the victims and full profiles; I wanna know who their friends were, girlfriends, baby mama's, everyone. Whoever pulled this rip likely had someone on the inside feeding them information and I want to know who."

They all nodded and started heading back to their cars and as they did he caught Adam eyeing him for the umpteenth time. He wasn't the only one. Jay had been getting looks from the moment he'd pulled up though everyone had greeted him warmly. Well, mostly everyone. Hailey still wasn't making direct eye contact with him but though it hurt he'd kind of expected it. What he hadn't expected was for Adam of all people to be the one giving him the side eye.

"Can I help you with something?" He finally asked, Kevin and Kim giving the pair looks as they stopped at their cars.

"You coming for me?" His friend countered as he stopped next to Kim, all of them furrowing their brows at his distrustful look before he pointed to his beard and then Kevin burst out laughing, Kim rolling her eyes as she too huffed a laugh.

"Wouldn't even be a competition." Jay replied with a smirk, making Kev laugh even harder as Adam waved a dismissive hand and hopped in his car, Kim smiling as she jumped in beside him.

Looked like they'd spending the evening together. Again.

He shook his head as he watched them go then turned to do the same, pausing when he noticed Kevin still staring. "You worried too?"

The man smirked, shaking his head as he opened his door. "Nah, I'm good. Just…"

"Just what?"

"You seem happy."

The tension that had been building in his shoulders eased at the soft look on his friend's face. "I am."

"Good. I don't want a broody partner who pouts all the time like you normally do."

It was his turn to make a face but Kev just laughed and hopped in his car, leaving Jay to roll his eyes before he finally climbed inside his own. If he was lucky he'd get home before Tess went to bed.