Chapter 6
Present Day
"You know it's okay to be nervous."
"I'm not."
Well that was bullshit.
Tess had been staring into her closet for ten minutes and for a woman who usually got dressed in two that was a long time, not that he was complaining- her return was still new enough that Jay was drinking in every glimpse of her he could get, especially when there wasn't much to obscure his view. Even if the scar from where she'd been impaled still made his stomach churn, and his eyes always hurried over the one down her spine. She had so many now. And he didn't like the stories behind any of them. Still they were a part of her, and he would never ask her to cover them, but he didn't think Hermann would appreciate it if she showed up to Molly's naked.
He was finally taking her.
Which was why he understood her nerves- he shared them.
"I'm not."
Shit.
Had he said that out loud?
He'd been doing that a lot lately. He always did around her.
"I mean obviously it's going to be awkward but once everyone gets a couple drinks in them I'm sure we'll all get along great."
He looked up in time to catch her grin and found himself matching it. That was true. And she was right, most likely everything was going to be fine but… damn if it wasn't going to be uncomfortable. He knew that. So did she. So why didn't she want to admit it?
"I just want it to go as smoothly as it can."
Tess gazed at him softly, steadily, and some of his concern wavered.
Maybe she was fine.
After all, what were a couple of drinks to her?
That was truer than he liked to think about but as she pulled on a top, the brightness of the white material making the phoenix on her chest even more striking he couldn't help it.
So much. She'd been through so much.
Nine hours. That was how long she'd been impaled, waiting on a team that was looking for her in the wrong place. Nine hours bleeding out, conscious right until rescue arrived. When… when she'dseenhim. Telling her to come home. Giving her the strength to save herself. All just days before he'd been shot; when he'd woken from surgery her face had been the first thing he'd seen and he hadn't stopped seeing it for days. Or hearing her voice. Telling him to hold on. To wait. God he was so happy he had. But he still couldn't help thinking it hadn't been enough. The scar on her spine had come from a Bratva enforcer, as had the one on her thigh. Myasnik. The Butcher. A man she told him 'saw the art in his craft'. Jay had had nightmares about what that meant, and it didn't help when he woke to find her soothing them away. He'd taken her, tortured her for information, for pleasure, but apparently had only had her for a few hours before he'd been forced to let her go by the same man who'd helped to smooth things over for them last week. Dimitri Vasiliev, one of Russia's most influential mob bosses. One of Russia's most influential mob bosses was her friend, as apparently were members of all kinds of organizations, global and local, even political.
She'd said she'd made herself known but he hadn't realized just what that meant. It reminded him so much of Voight, and yet he knew his Sergeant had never been subjected to the things she had.
Several of her fingers had been broken. Again. Her wrists. Ankles. An arm and a leg, the same one as last time. So many concussions he wasn't entirely joking when he teased her for spacing out. And that was just the physical injuries- God only knew what kind of mental torture she'd endured. But it hadn't been all bad. Tess was adamant that for every dark story she shared a light one, like how she'd gone cliff jumping in Greece or eaten a tarantula in Cambodia, how she'd made friends with a seal in Australia; he'd already memorized the sound of her laugh in the video Vivienne had taken of her and her slippery admirer.
"Ready?"
Shit.
He looked back over and found her already dressed; how had she still managed to beat him?
"Yeah." He answered with a quick smile. "I'm looking forward to it."
"No you're not."
Her words might have been flat but her tone wasn't, and though for a second he thought about lying Jay knew there was no point- he might have trouble reading her but she had none reading him.
"No, I'm not."
He joined her at the top of the stairs, his eyes once again catching on her phoenix tattoo as he did. He'd discovered a few days into his furlough that when it lay properly the centre of that bird, that core of brilliant white fit perfectly behind his necklace. Like St. Michael was a shield, guarding her heart.
That was his job. Tonight, and always.
And once it was done… they'd come back here. To her home. To their home. They'd go to sleep and they'd wake up and then they'd do it all over again. And that was worth any amount of discomfort.
"But I'm looking forward to it being over. And I'm looking forward to next time."
Tess gave him a soft smile, stepping closer as her fingers brushed along his jaw. "Me too."
"Good." He gave her a slow kiss, then slapped her in the ass to lighten the mood. "Now let's get going."
That lightness didn't last for long. The closer they got to Molly's the tenser he got, so much that he almost forgot to pay the cabby, and then he caught her eyes flicking behind him as he held the door for her and it spiked. Because that was the fourth time she'd looked to that same spot across the street, and because for the first time Jay realized that while this might be her first time inside the bar that didn't mean it was her first time outside it.
How many times had she sat here, longing for a glimpse of him?
How many times had she sat outside the precinct, or his apartment?
How many times had he missed her?
He had to shove those thoughts down fast as Adam started waving them over to where he sat with Kevin and Kim; there was no sign of Hailey or Vanessa, but the latter had said they'd make it out. Was it bad that he hoped they didn't? Probably. But he'd take anything that made this night easier. And having Hailey and Tess in the same room, never mind around one of these small tables… that was not going to be easy.
"Hey, glad you guys made it."
Adam moved to give he and Tess room to sit, her across from Kim and him across from Kevin, his partner giving a simple but steady nod that helped to ease a little bit of that tension. He gave one back, and one to Kim too, but then he looked at Adam and found him grinning.
And Tess smirking back.
Oh boy.
"So what's it gonna be?" She asked, her easy smile belying the mischief in her eyes as his friend's brow rose. "Your first question."
Adam went back to grinning. "I wanna know how you two really met. He's been very stingy with the details."
"Mm, yeah he's very mysterious. And very humble."
"Humble? Nah, that don't sound like him."
"Okay, can we at least get some drinks before we start this?" Jay asked as everyone laughed at Kevin.
"Oh now you want a drink?"
Tess looked at him with a twinkle that told him he should have expected this and since he knew better than to try and beat her at a battle of wits he withdrew, pretending he couldn't hear his friends laughing as he headed for the bar.
"Hey Jay, what can I getcha?"
"Hey Hermann. Whiskey please. Double. And a rum and coke, also a double."
Wine was usually Tess's drink, or tequila, but the former would make her too tired and the latter way too chatty. The double was because she'd been right- they were definitely going to need alcohol to get through this.
"For your friend?" The older man asked with a hint of a smirk.
Jay liked Hermann, and more than that he respected him, but he still had to hold back a sigh; he was a private guy at the best of times but he supposed if he wanted Tess in his life he was going to have to get used to sharing her. "Old friend. And yes please."
"Coming up."
Hermann turned away to get the drinks while he turned to look back at the group. His group. God it was strange to see her with them. He could see them eyeing her, her tattoos especially, several were on display, but they were laughing. She was laughing, making them laugh, already looking like she'd known them for years.
Hadn't she?
Tess had known them for as long as he had, probably knew just as much about them as he did, if not more. He wanted to tell them that. Tell them how she'd saved them, saved their unit. He wouldn't, Voight knew and that was enough for now, and it was going to have to be because he wasn't going to be the one who made that call. But he wanted to. She probably thought it wasn't a good idea, that it would make them distrust her but he knew she was wrong. Adam would be on her side instantly, hell he already looked like he was and Kim and Kevin wouldn't be far behind and once Hailey… once he fixed things with Hailey she would be too and then Vanessa would follow. But that was Tess's call to make and maybe… maybe she didn't need to. She certainly didn't look like she needed any help.
She was telling a story, his teammates hanging on her every word and when she started to mime stabbing herself he realized what one.
Theirs.
"But wouldn't you know, just before I took it home- pew! – it went flying out of my hands."
"Pew? Is that your imitation of a gun?"
Jay smirked when Adam almost knocked over his beer as he came up behind him but his stomach still tightened when their attentions all turned to him; he'd never been a fan of the spotlight and as much as he liked this story it came from a time in his life he'd never told them about. A time he still didn't really like to think about. But he didn't have to do it alone. And honestly, he probably didn't even have to say much.
As if to agree Tess bumped her leg against his, those sapphire eyes soft and steady as her lips pulled up in another smirk. "That is my imitation of a sniper rifle. A handgun would be a bang. Shotgun a longer, more exaggerated pew."
She followed up with a demonstration, not unlike her but far more at ease than he'd expected her to be, more herself, and he couldn't help watching as she grinned at Kevin, or the way her face softened when she turned to Adam.
"Looks like we have two great art pieces now."
They sure did. She wanted to frame them. Was going to he was sure, just as soon as he moved the rest of his things into her place. And brought back a few of hers.
"I'm looking forward to seeing them." Adam replied after a moment, quietly clearing his throat before his gaze flicked to Jay.
They only shared a glance but it was enough for him to see that his friend got it. He saw the connection between them and understood it, knew for himself what it was like to have a bond that time and circumstance couldn't rattle- after all he and Kim had a history that was nearly as complicated as his and Tess's. The weight that had been bearing down on him all night, all week finally started to lift, especially as he tuned into Tess's invitation to have them over for dinner. The dig at his cooking almost didn't register, not that they would know, because he was so focused on the first half of her sentence. We'll have you over sometime. We'll have you. Him and her. The two of them.
All of them.
And damn if that wasn't a good picture.
Jay still let her do most of the talking but he shrugged off as much of his discomfort as he could and ignored the rest, and after a while he wasn't uncomfortable at all. Well, hardly. She shared a lot more than he had, nothing private but still personal, like how his 'big strong Ranger arms' had carried her to safety and how he'd liked to fight the mean head nurse Katherine, he'd almost forgotten about that crotchety old bitty, how he'd held her hair back when she was sick and her hand when she cried. Tess wasn't shy when it came to the darker details of what had happened to her but as was her way she met them with light, and a lot of praise towards him which he also tried to shrug off, even as he did the same to her. He wanted his friends, but his teammates specially to understand the complexity behind the work she did, if only so they could understand just how easily she did it.
Some got it better than others.
"I didn't understand half the words that just came outta your mouth."
"Master of Engineering in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science and Master of Science in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science. With a focus in bioelectrical engineering and artificial intelligence."
"Yeah repeating it isn't going to help him."
Adam made a face at Kim and gestured with his beer towards Tess who was only half holding back a grin. "Do you understand what she said?"
"Yeah. She has a Master of Engineering in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science and Master of Science in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science with a focus in bioelectrical engineering and artificial intelligence."
"Repeating it isn't understanding it!"
"It means I have two degrees in the same field, on relating topics but with slightly different approaches." Tess cut in with a smile. "A Master of Engineering is a bit more focused on application while a Master of Science is more focused on research. For engineering I studied bioelectrical engineering-"
"That would make sense."
Jay had to hold back a laugh as Kevin nodded his head seriously but nearly broke when he met the man's gaze when Adam turned away. They'd finally moved off of his and Tess's relationship and onto her genius, a topic he was always down to discuss, but their friend was having a bit of difficulty, which was fair. He probably only understood 70% of what she talked about and that was before.
She'd gone back to school.
She had mentioned it last week, so off-hand it almost slipped past him and he'd had to do a double take before making her backtrack and explain; in the span of two years, two and a half she kept stressing, as if an extra four months made it any less impressive that she had gotten not one but two Masters degrees, in fields he was only pretending to understand better than Adam. He wished he could have seen it. Her back in class, though technically she'd done most of it remotely, but still all the messy notes and textbooks she would've had strewn about, watching her study and staying up late cramming for tests, passionate about the craft she was honing. The craft she told him she'd ignored for too long, whose new limits made her 'even more badass than he could imagine.' He trusted her, but he wasn't so sure- when it came to what Tess was capable of he could imagine a lot.
"And for science I studied artificial intelligence." She finished with a wry smile, the look she shared with Kim warming his heart.
"And you did all of that in two years?" Adam asked incredulously. "While still doing ops?"
"Just tell him you're a genius." Jay cut in as he took a swig of his beer. They'd be here all night if Adam had it his way.
"I'm a genius."
"Got it."
They all laughed, Tess grinning as she tipped her drink his way and he couldn't help doing the same as he watched her do it, even as he caught Kim watching him; he knew it was strange for his friends to see him like this, so open and relaxed, but the feeling didn't last long.
"You guys look like you're having fun."
Fuck.
Vanessa might have been smiling but Hailey wasn't, not genuinely, not to him, and a second look showed a hardness in her partner's eyes that grew whenever they flicked his way, to the arm he had wrapped around Tess. Tess. Fuck. His hold on her was stretched just slightly, enough that he knew she'd noticed the women first and tried to move away, except he hadn't let her. Fuck. It was too late to pull back now, and he wouldn't, but seeing the pain in Hailey's eyes as he finally met them sent a sharp one right through his heart.
Fuck he hated this.
"Hey, glad you guys finally made it." Adam greeted, he and Kim moving their stools closer to Tess so the detectives could sit. "We were just discussing the fact that apparently Tess is a genius. Graduated suma come something from MIT at twenty."
"Summa cum laude." She corrected, looking as though she didn't notice the change in the air. She could, and he was willing to bet they all knew that but she didn't let on and slowly everyone eased into their seats. "And it was twenty-one. Jay mentioned you studied law? That had to be difficult."
He had not, and Hailey gave him a look to say she doubted as much but she returned Tess's smile and nodded.
"Yeah, for a while. But I figured out pretty quick it wasn't what I wanted."
"What about you? How does a supposed genius end up working for the CIA?"
Supposed?
Jay couldn't stop his anger from rising at Vanessa's slight, that better have been accidental, but he held himself in check. Mostly. "She was recruited. She had offers from most government agencies and a few governments-"
Fuck.
He hadn't meant to say that.
"Woah, wait, governments? As in multiple?" Adam asked, brows raising as he looked her over.
"Just Canada." Tess said with a small wave of her hand, even as everyone began eyeing her with disbelief. "Comes with the dual citizenship."
"Yeah but how'd they know about you?"
Double fuck.
It wasn't that Jay didn't want his team to know how she'd gotten her start, or that any part of him had any issue with it but telling them wasn't supposed to have been his call. Not that she seemed to care; she just leant back in her seat, a soft smile on her mouth and a mischievous sparkle in her eyes as she looked around the table.
"Well. Let me just start by saying that the statute of limitations has expired."
"On most things."
Her eyes shot to his, everyone's did but he only held hers, putting the same wry smirk on his lips. If this was how she wanted to play it then he had her back.
Always.
Her smile grew as she gave a little shrug. "Most. Let's just say I was a very… engaged digital citizen."
"A 'hacktivist'." He explained, mostly to Adam who rolled his eyes at the insinuation he wouldn't know the term.
"Wait, so lemme get this straight. You hacked the government and they responded by giving you a job? That's gotta be some mad skills you got."
The look Kev gave her was shocked but full of admiration and as Tess continued, going so far as to give examples he gave his friend his own look of gratitude. They were still new as partners, figuring out what boundaries the other had and what they felt comfortable pushing, and though Kevin hadn't pushed him on Tess at all his support had been clear. And solid.
"How did you not get caught?"
"Clearly she did."
His anger spiked again as his gaze traveled back to Vanessa. Jay understood that she was only trying to look out for her friend, he got that, he really did, but Tess wasn't the bad guy here. She didn't deserve the third degree and she sure as hell didn't deserve to be doubted.
"Actually she wasn't." He responded firmly, and though Tess's foot brushing against his helped to calm him Jay left a little of the hardness in his voice. He wanted his newest teammate to recognize that she had crossed a line, and for the others to be careful not to do the same. "They never had anything on her. Nothing they could prove anyway."
"So then why- hey, thanks Stella."
Hailey cut herself off as Stella came over with hers and Vanessa's drinks, everyone collectively waiting until she'd gone back behind the bar to resume their conversation.
"Why'd you choose the CIA?"
Tess just shrugged again, as unruffled as ever. "I like being behind a computer. But being stuck behind a desk? Not my thing."
"Is that why you chose the SAC? And the SOG? Jay explained the difference but it seems like you were more interested in the political side?" Kim asked, her eyes flicking cautiously between he and Tess.
Clearly his message had been received, but now Jay felt bad- Kim wasn't the one he had an issue with, wasn't ever someone he'd had issue with. Probably because she and Kevin were the least problematic of their group.
God he hated this. These were normal questions, ones he'd known were going to come up, ones he knew needed to be answered but he still didn't like it. And more than anything he didn't like that he couldn't tell if this was bothering Tess as much as it was him. It didn't seem to be. She seemed fine, seemed like herself, so much so that he was starting to doubt himself, doubt the concerns that had been building up all week. Maybe she really was fine. She kept saying it, and though clearly she'd been through hell she'd always known how to handle herself, her pain. Was it so hard to imagine she'd worked through it? No. Did it hurt to imagine she'd done it without him? Yes. But how he felt didn't matter. Only how she did. So he held his tongue, reserving his support to the small circles he rubbed on her back as he listened to her reply.
"Partly. I wanted to push myself, see what I was capable of. But also, the whole reason I became a 'hacktivist'," her leg bumped his as she gave him a teasing smile and the softness in her eyes eased more of his tension, "was because I didn't trust the government. Any government. And while I believe that tech is only as good as the person who created it I also think it's only as safe as the people who wield it. Choosing operations meant that my programs could never be used in ways I didn't agree with."
In the silence Jay wondered what he'd been worried about.
Of course his girl didn't need help. She could always hold her own.
And it helped that rescue arrived in the form of a shout across the bar.
"Lilith!"
Will. Thank God.
His brother pushed his way through the crowd and as soon as he was within reach grabbed Tess in a bear hug, so tightly Jay heard her gasp a quiet 'oh damn' as he lifted her up, and though the sight filled him with an indescribable feeling of happiness he also remembered that the wound on her stomach was not fully healed. Not by his standards anyway.
Maybe Tess would let him have Will check it out.
Probably not.
"Hey, you wanna put my girlfriend down before you break her?"
He did, albeit with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. "You see how insufferable he is without you?"
"Wow. Thanks."
The others laughed but he knew they were surprised by the welcome, maybe even by the fact that his brother knew her at all, but Jay pushed all of that back- all that mattered was that Will was here now. He'd promised he would be but they both knew that didn't include hospital emergencies, and in one as busy as Med that was almost always bound to happen. Seeming to sense his anxiety his brother gave him a subtle nod, then turned to the group with a big smile.
"Do you guys' mind if I steal them?"
"Wait, we're not going to get an explanation on that nickname?"
"Nope."
Jay didn't bother to look anything less than pleased that the conversation was over and thanks to his partner who was the first to laugh it off no one seemed to take offence, except for Tess who merely gave him a dry look as he sat her at a table far enough away from the other's that there was no fear of being overheard. Not to mention the crowd helped to block the view. Although as he realized that they were sitting alone he wondered if his friends silence had more to do with the fact that his brother had stayed behind. And more than that was providing the explanation is friend had asked for.
"You do realize you left our drinks behind, right?"
What?
Tess was staring at him, brows raised in bemused exasperation that grew as he looked down.
Son of a bitch.
At least now he had a reason to grab his brother. And possibly knock him upside the head. The thought might have been written on his face, or his friends just knew him because Adam made a motion as he approached and Will turned, fast enough that Jay had to make his own motion for his brother go grab their beverages, which he did before meeting him.
"I swear if you told that whole story-"
"You really think I'd do that? To her?" Will clarified when Jay gave him a dry look.
"It still wasn't necessary."
"Were you really expecting him not to share it?"
Jay just sighed as Tess grinned at him and passed over her drink, they would both be getting refills, soon, and pretended like it didn't make his heart pound to watch her and Will turn to each other.
"See? She knows it's a good story. It's really good to have you home."
Home.
The word ran through him, the way it did every time he heard it. She was home. She was home, she was home, she was home. And she was happy.
Right?
Tess looked over and smiled at him, soft and sweet, and steady, and he relaxed.
She was happy. And she was home.