Chapter 7

Thirteen Years Ago

The night should have ended there.

Really, there was only so much that should reasonably be allowed to happen in one evening but then his family loved to push limits.

After they'd gone back inside Carol had shooed him into the kitchen to clean up while she took Tess into the living room for that glass of wine, 'since she isn't going anywhere now', and it had only taken five seconds before his brother started teasing him. He'd been able to ignore the jabs at their failed sneakiness and maybe even secretly enjoyed his nickname for her, little demon, but when he'd brought up all the 'sinful' things they must've been getting up to... Jay had snapped. Logically he knew Will was only joking, he'd have made the same comment himself if the tables had been reversed but he'd already been on edge and after what she'd shared it hadn't taken much to push him over. He'd grabbed his brother in a chokehold and taken him straight out the back door but of course being the older sibling Will had felt the need to assert his dominance, or try to, and they'd quickly started brawling. He'd just kneed his brother in the stomach when the sound of the screen door snapping shut caught his attention and suddenly there was Tess, his dad and his aunt beside her and the words he'd just shouted hanging in the air between them.

'She's a virgin!'

No one had moved, their faces almost comically frozen in shock before Tess slowly turned to his father.

'At least now you know there hasn't been any funny business?'

His aunt had lost it. Full on, hands on her knees, tears streaming down her face as she pointed at her brother's lost it. Meanwhile his dad had just shaken his head and walked inside without a word, the next snap prompting him to shove his brother to grass and grab Tess, barely listening to Carol's scolding as he rushed them upstairs. He'd felt awful, he'd lost count of how many times he apologized but once she got over her shock she had just laughed, albeit into his chest as she tried to hide her own embarrassment but it had been genuine and the sound had eased his guilt. Still they hadn't left his room for the rest of the night, not even when his aunt had called up to say she was leaving and Tess had tried, but he'd grabbed her in a bear hug and told her that she didn't need to bother because she'd likely be back again first thing in the morning. Sometime in the last month without any of them knowing Carol had copied one of their keys and begun letting herself in whenever she wanted. Which was often. And then of course less than an hour after that Tess had been the one to hold him down when he'd tried to go after his brother, he'd called her a little demon when saying goodnight, and to his surprise it hadn't been difficult for her to keep him down. Not that he'd really struggled.

Much.

Will had gone back to work two days ago and though Jay was thankful not to have to deal with his teasing anymore he was also sad to see him go. With Tess there to ease the tension they'd been able to talk a lot more but with his next deployment due to start in a little over a month, who knew when he would see his brother again? He prayed the next time was under better circumstances.

It had been eight days now since his mom's funeral. Fourteen since she'd died.

That first week had been the worst of his life but this last one... it shouldn't rank among the best, but it kind of did. In an awful, horrible way because of Tess it did. Speaking of her, she was failing to hold back a snicker from where she sat beside him in the truck, both staring out the windshield at the rain that was once again pouring down.

"I don't understand how this keeps happening." He muttered, trying to judge the distance to the house. Not too far thankfully but the sky had quickly gone from dark to black and it was barely past seven pm.

"It's spring in Chicago. That means storms. You've just got shitty timing."

He shot her a look. "You wanted the desserts too."

"I did, but I also suggested an alternative route that would've gotten us here sooner."

"You can't know that."

She just held his gaze, her little smirk making his own lips pull upwards; he couldn't help it if her smile was contagious. So deciding to take a page from her book he shrugged and made a break for it, their laughter as they ran inside almost drowned out by the loud claps of thunder and shrill ringing of the phone. He hurried to answer it as Tess started flicking on lights, noticing as he did that someone had already left two messages.

"Hello?"

His aunt's relieved voice answered him. "Jay! Thank goodness- I was starting to get worried. Is Theresa with you?"

"Yes she's here."

"Good. You keep her there. The city is calling for everyone to stay indoors until the storm passes. Your father was taking me home from the mechanics, I told him he wasn't going to be able to fix it himself, no you could not have," she paused to shout, "so we're stuck together. I doubt we'll have as much fun as you two."

He turned away the second he caught her teasing tone and walked over to kick his shoes off. "We'll be fine Aunt Carol."

"I'm sure you will. But just in case don't forget there are candles in the sideboard, they're much more romantic than a flashlight, I'm just saying, oh and double check that all the windows are-"

Before Jay could hang up the house went dark and a second later the line went dead, not even a dial tone left to show that someone had been on the other end.

"Was that good or bad timing?"

He huffed a laugh as Tess's voice floated over to him; she was probably only five feet away but he could barely make out her silhouette. "Stay there."

Instinct and muscle memory guided him into the kitchen and to the top drawer on the left-hand side and after a brief fumble he found the small flashlight inside, quickly clicking it on as he headed back and scanned the living room. There wasn't a tiny blinking light anywhere.

"I'm gonna check the fuse box."

"I don't think that's going to do much."

She was probably right but he headed for the basement anyway, careful to take the steep and rickety stairs one at a time before he opened up the circuit panel. Yup. Every source of power was out. Something must have downed a power line. Probably the winds that were making the trees outside shake. Probably one of said trees. Just for the hell of it he tried flipping a couple breakers but when nothing happened he trudged back upstairs, finding Tess almost exactly where he'd left her, just a few feet closer to the window with her arms now wrapped around her as she watched the storm.

Every time he looked at her he got that tug in his heart, and that throb lower down, the one he was constantly trying to ignore. It was like now that he'd allowed himself to look at her that way Jay couldn't make himself stop, and now that he knew she didn't want him to?

That she wanted him, felt for him what he felt for her?

If he'd been drowning before he didn't know what to call what he was now.

It didn't help that he spent every second with her, waking and sleeping, not that he slept much. That first night he'd just stared at her, right till morning, taking in every line and arch and wisp of hair; Tess never looked more vulnerable than when she was asleep, which he thought made her fierceness all the rest of the time that much more impressive. From the second she'd flipped that blade he'd been amazed by her, by her strength and resilience and tenacity. By that spark in her eyes that said she wasn't going down without a fight. But he'd never understood what she'd seen in him. Why he was the only soldier she hadn't flinched from, the only man she'd talked to, the only person she'd listened to. Her faith in him had astounded him more than anything and knowing what he did now only made that trust more precious. Made him more determined to honour and protect it.

He did his best. Not touching her wasn't an option, not anymore but he kept it respectful. Never let his hands wander or his kisses linger, not for too long anyway and not when they had too much privacy, a tricky balance though he managed to keep it. And he could tell Tess enjoyed it. Her cheeks were practically always pink she blushed so much, from everything from those more intimate moments to even the simplest gesture of tucking her into his side.

It was that innocence that kept him in check.

She wasn't the first virgin he'd been with, he and Ali had lost theirs to each other but he'd been young then, and inexperienced, and a little unknowledgeable, and he didn't want that for Tess. And granted he knew what he was doing now, he prided himself on the fact that he always made sure his partner got their pleasure first but she didn't have the same experience he did. She didn't really have any. After waiting what he'd deemed an appropriate amount of time, which ended up being the next afternoon he had brought up what she'd told him and asked his questions, and though he could tell it had made her uncomfortable she'd answered. Aside from him there had only been four guys she'd kissed, two of whom she'd gotten physical with- one heavy make-out session when she was sixteen and once at a dorm party in college, with a guy he would very much like to run into in a dark alley one day. Apparently after begging her to touch him, and barely touching her, the boy had had a temper tantrum and stormed off when she didn't want to go all the way.

Prick.

And that was it, at least for her personal life. Jay had the feeling there were other stories she didn't share, particularly when it came to her time at the Farm; she was too casual when she talked about it and always found a way to switch the topic, in the kind of way that he never realized it until later. He didn't push her on it, she would tell him when she was ready but it was still there in the back of his mind, a constant reminder to take care.

Except for that second night. That night... Jay had been so focused on denying his desire that he'd forgotten she had her own. And Tess may have been a virgin but she was not shy. Not with him.

She'd waited until they were going to sleep, with her back pressed snugly to his front and then started moving against him. It had taken all of ten seconds before he'd had to stop her, ten torturous, glorious seconds and when he'd called her on it she'd flat out admitted it, teased him when he explained that he didn't want to push her by saying that she was the one doing the pushing. It had made him laugh, and ache, both in his heart and in his pants. She wanted him. He knew it, could feel it but... he needed to hear it. And she'd told him, and used her hands to show him, only the slightest tremble when she guided his to her breasts, her soft, plump breasts and pert little nipples, the ones that rose beneath his fingers, beneath his shirt. His. She'd driven him crazy with her breathy moans and intoxicating scent, with the way she'd melted under his touch, and when she had guided his hand to the top of her sweats and flicked her eyes to his in silent permission, in request, Jay had lost it.

Not his control, but his reluctance.

She wanted him and he was going to give her whatever she wanted.

And he had. He'd had her writhing beneath him, bucking her hips against his hand until they both went mad and when he'd finally brought her over the edge he had gone right over it with her. In his pants, like a fucking preteen. He'd been mortified, even more so when she'd tried to return the favour but he'd quickly tucked her into his chest, still grumpy but also smug when she fell asleep within minutes. And after cleaning himself up and pulling her back into his arms he'd spent the rest of the night staring at her, once again lost until the dawn reminded him he needed rest too.

Tess made him feel things he'd never felt before but she was also the thing that brought him the most clarity. With her he knew exactly where he stood, what he wanted and who he was. Easy, considering the answer was the same to all three.

Her.

'All I ever wanted was someone I trusted. Someone I respected and admired and who felt those things about me. And if I couldn't have that... I'd make myself okay with being alone.'

That was what she'd told him when he'd asked why she'd never just done it, given into the pressure she'd explained she'd dealt with- it wasn't that he thought she should have, he'd just never known anyone who hadn't. Who was so sure in themselves that the opinions of others didn't matter. Hearing her answer had torn him up inside. On the one hand it made him livid she had never had anyone make her feel that way but it also gave him a ridiculously warm and unfamiliarly fuzzy feeling to know that he got to. Jay had the chance, the privilege to do this right and he was going to.

"Nothing huh?"

Mmh?

"I figured- there are power outages everywhere. Looks like we got here just in the nick of time."

Crap. He moved on autopilot as he headed towards her, giving his head a mental shake as he did. This was not the first time he'd zoned out thinking about her. Not even close.

"How do you know?"

Tess tapped her pocket, her phone inside it, and he gave a slow nod. Jay wasn't bad with technology but if he wasn't on Mouse's level he definitely wasn't on hers, so he would take her word for it.

"I think I heard Carol say something about candles?"

Double crap.

The dim lighting meant he couldn't quite make out her blush but he knew her well enough by now to know she had one, and that her lips were doing that cute little quirk, the one she got whenever she was being sassy.

It figured his aunt would be right about this.

"She did." He reached out until his fingers brushed hers and then pulled her into the dining room, passing her the flashlight while he went through the drawers. "We can bring these to my room-"

"No way."

He looked over to see her shaking her head and immediately kicked himself. Of course she-

"This is the first time in weeks you have had the place to yourself and probably the last for a while. You are not going to spend it cooped up in your room."

And there went the thought that she was afraid to be alone with him. He should've known better-anytime he thought she was thinking about herself it always turned out she was thinking of him. He put the candles down on the table and looked her over, a smile tugging at his lips at her firm stance. "What's the plan captain?"

"We could make a fort?"

A memory flashed through his mind, an image of the one he'd built for her on her last night on the base, with the chocolate and beer and the wide opening so they could watch the stars, and he felt his throat thicken. "You set up the candles, I'll grab the blankets?"

His voice was heavier than he wanted it to be but Tess nodded, passing him the flashlight before she began to fiddle with the lighter. He turned to go but paused, ignoring the jackhammer in his chest to press a soft kiss to the side of her head, the drumming slowing when she let out a quiet sigh and leant back into him. Both of them shared a few quiet breaths before he gave her another kiss and then he continued on his way.

He didn't understand how the thing that drove him wild was the same thing that steadied him but God did he love the feeling.

They didn't do an actual fort.

The candles made it a fire hazard, plus Tess wanted to be able to watch the storm, but they made themselves a nice little nest. He'd pushed the coffee table back and layered the space between it and the couch with blankets until they could no longer feel the floor and with the candles she had scattered around the room felt warm and cozy, a refuge from the chaos outside. They'd even opened up a bottle of wine to go with the desserts they'd picked up after dinner, he'd had it with casserole, and had spent the last hour slowly trading bites back and forth.

He could tell that she'd been nervous, that she still was a little bit and so he was doing his best to make her as relaxed as he could; Jay knew that it wasn't him making her nervous, but more so what his presence implied. Tonight may not be the first time they'd ever been alone together but it was certainly the first time they'd had this amount of privacy, not counting the two nights they'd spent trekking through the mountains, though having a host of Taliban soldiers hot on your heels wasn't exactly conducive to romance. And to be honest Tess wasn't the only one he was worried about. His own heart refused to settle and he found himself growing more and more aware of her, of her breaths and her smiles and her eyes, the ones that kept dipping down to his lips.

Best behaviour.

Mrs. O'Farrellwas babysitting kind of behaviour.

"What's this called again?"

"For the fourth time," she held up four fingers, wiggling them as he rolled his eyes, "it is called Pavlova. It's a meringue-based dessert from Australia. Or New Zealand, I'm not totally sure. But it's delicious."

"Yeah it is. I think it's better than the cheesecake."

"Agreed. However I do think the chocolate peanut butter was a good pick."

"Thank you."

They shared a smile and swapped boxes again. They'd gone to the bakery at her suggestion, one of her go-to places, and he'd been amazed at the selection. Cakes, cheesecakes, pies, torte's- no wonder it had taken him nearly twenty minutes to decide. It had nearly taken her that long and she'd only been stuck between two, the Pavlova or a lemon cheesecake she said she would kill for. He believed her, and full as his stomach was he wished they'd been gluttonous and gotten it anyway.

"Can I have some more wine?"

"Sure." He refilled her glass then passed it back, running his eyes over her where she sat against the couch and laughing when she took a sip and made a small face. Apparently she didn't like white wine as much as red, she found it too bitter, but it was all they'd had.

"Okay, I'm done. Last bites are all yours."

"Nope."

"Yes! I can't eat anymore."

He pushed the boxes towards her, trying to hold back a smirk as she narrowed her brows. After a minute she took a half bite of each and pushed them back with her own little smirk and this time he couldn't help but laugh, finishing them off before tossing the empty boxes on the table behind him.

"You are very stubborn, you know that?"

She just grinned and took another sip of wine and he found himself looking her over again, his heart giving that little tug.

God she was pretty.

Her hair was up in a messy bun with little tendrils falling down to frame her face, her light skin almost glowing in the candlelight; for someone who spent as much time in desert and tropical climates as she did she wasn't nearly as tan as she should be. She was dressed casually, in a white t-shirt and cuffed blue jeans, her nail polish just as bright but beginning to chip in some places, one leg stretching out as she tucked the other-

There was something on her leg.

On her right ankle.

Without thinking he grabbed her foot, squinting as he pulled it closer to get a better look. It was a tattoo. How had he never seen it before? He supposed he wasn't often staring at her ankles but still. She had a tattoo.

"Can I have that back please?"

He looked up and caught Tess staring at him with her brows raised and quickly flushed. Without realizing it he'd pulled her foot up almost right to his face, forcing her to stretch out in what looked like a very uncomfortable angle.

"What were you looking at?"

He took her wine so she could right herself but his eyes kept snagging back on the tattoo.

A trident.

"Sorry. I just- is it for Luke?" He asked quietly, watching as she gave a slow nod, her thumb brushing over the ink before she tucked it beneath her and turned to look out the window.

The trident was the symbol of the SEALs, usually combined with the eagle, anchor and pistol but it didn't surprise him that she hadn't gotten the whole insignia. No one but a SEAL should, but it was still a fitting tribute to her fallen comrade. She had told him how Luke had died, his futile attempt to save her, and he understood how she felt. In his two tours he had only lost one close friend, not exactly similar circumstances but the same kind of sacrifice, but he had lost even more men. Men he'd eaten with, bunked with, fought with. The bonds forged in war were deep and the reality meant it was a loss you learned to get used to but that didn't mean the pain ever lessened.

Jay had never been great about talking about his feelings but because it was Tess across from him, because he hated that look on her face, soft and sad but still so strong he reached out and took her hand. She was slow to meet his stare but when she did she just held it, something building in her own until she tightened her grip.

"Do you trust me?"

Well that wasn't what he'd expected but he did so he nodded, pulling himself up as she stood and began heading for the door.

"We're not…"

"Oh we certainly are." She said with a smile, just before she ran out into the storm.