Chapter 9

Present Day

"I'm just getting the rest of my clothes; I'll figure out what I'm doing with everything else later."

"You could keep it."

"For the I don't know-eth time I don't want to."

"And for the I don't know-eth and one time I don't get why. It's yours."

"I don't need something that's just mine."

"Oh cause that's not codependent."

Jay looked over his shoulder and caught Tess shaking her head as she leant against the railing. They were at his apartment to pick up the rest of his clothes, he'd come briefly after work that first day to get enough to get him through the week but he was eager to get the rest. Because unlike she kept suggesting he didn't want to keep this place any longer than he had to.

"First off," he replied as he slipped his key in the lock and ushered her in, "as if you don't have your own dependence issues. Second, I'm not saying I don't need a space that isn't mine. I'm saying I don't need this one. You already have, however many properties, I'd rather my paycheck go into one of those."

Granted he hadn't seen them yet but if the boat was any indication they were going to be nice.

She'd always had good taste.

Expensive taste.

"Awe. You really think you're gonna pay rent?"

He shut the door and turned to see Tess staring at him, an impish half smirk on her lips, and suddenly felt a decade worth of payback land at his feet.

"I am going to pay rent." She just cocked her head, the way a parent would to a small child then wandered into the living room and out of his line of sight. "I'm paying!"

Silence.

No he wasn't. Even if he tried, the money would never make it into her account and any cash would undoubtedly end up right back in his wallet. But… she couldn't stop him from buying her presents. And if he had more to spend then he could get more. Maybe even some fancier ones. Deciding he could live with that trade, for now, Jay looked after her for a moment and then made his way upstairs; he could use a minute alone.

The first thing he did when he walked in his room was head for his closet, tossing the duffel bag on the bottom towards the dresser before he reached up and carefully took down the one on the top shelf, gently taking out the small black shoebox from the side pocket before he took a seat on the bed. By the time Tess had gone there hadn't been too many of her things left at his place, just her favourite fuzzy pillow, her favourite fuzzy blanket, two of her favourite mugs, a few changes of clothes, several of which had been his, and these. After a while he'd given the rest to Mouse, where they were now stored with his things but the items in this box… they were all Jay had allowed himself to keep. Even when keeping them could have meant the end of him and Erin if she'd found them. A scrunchie and a Chapstick, the vanilla kind she liked, neither necessarily important items but both things she used so frequently that he just liked having them on hand, a pair of earrings, her favourite hat, her toque, and her copy of Ella Enchanted, which had come to him barely more worn and torn than it was now. Every few months, sometimes every few weeks if things were rough he would gently flip through it, sometimes taking out the notes and photos he'd slipped between the pages for safekeeping and sometimes not, always checking to see how much of her scent still clung to the paper. Not as much as the toque but enough that it helped to keep him sane.

It wasn't the same as what she'd done for him, wasn't as obvious or as lifesaving but it was something.

Hopefully it was enough.

Jay put the box back down and picked up the duffel bags, filling them with as much as he could and deciding he'd come back for the rest, mostly his thicker winter gear and a few pairs of boots, then headed back downstairs. He found Tess in the living room, just looking up from a photograph she must have taken off the shelf, smiling at him as he walked in.

"Find anything interesting?"

"Maybe." She answered, a little skip in her step as she nodded towards the box.

"Oh you mean this?" He gave it a teasing shake but the action didn't stop his heart from pounding, or his throat from going dry; he hadn't really planned on giving it to her now, hadn't had a plan at all, so why not? "I know it's not the same but… I just, I don't want you to think that I ever let go."

He could tell she was confused but she took it from him, brushing her knuckles across his and giving him a soft look as she did but it was hard to feel calm when she lifted the lid, when her face went still as she took in the contents. Not a twitch, not a crinkle- she was frozen, like one of those people who dressed up like statues, who could hold the same pose for hours. Slowly, so damn slowly her head tilted, an inch to the right and then two to the left and then her lips pursed and she… she smiled. Not even a sad smile but a real one, the kind where her lips wobbled just a bit, the only hint that there were emotions swirling beneath the surface. How could she be so fine? He hadn't been at her place.

Did she really not care that he'd let her go?

Had she made peace with something that had never happened?

"Why aren't you sad?" He blurted out, unable to hold himself back from asking anymore. "Why aren't you angry? Tess this isn't-"

"Don't you dare say it isn't enough."

It wasn't the firmness in her voice that quieted him it was the thickness, proof that she wasn't as unaffected as she acted. Tess shook her head, maybe at him, maybe at the circumstances, and then with one hand still holding the box motioned to the room around them.

"Jay… it's not that none of this affects me, of course it does, but it… This is part of what I was fighting for."

That hit him hard.

He didn't realize he'd looked away until he was staring at her thumb brushing along the back of his hand, soothing the rampant tremors that ran through it. She… his own anger and guilt tried to rush him but she just squeezed, pressing her nails in until his eyes shot up to hers, instantly calmed by that ocean blue. Full and deep but steady. Sure. Tess held his gaze until he started to feel those things too, and then her head gave another little tilt to the left.

"The only thing that makes me sad is that I wasn't here to see those cheekbones come in."

He huffed a small laugh. "Funny."

"I'm serious."

"I know you are."

She gave him another smile then nodded over to his gym bags. "Did you actually fit everything in there?"

"Pretty much. Just some winter stuff I'll come back for later. My lease is up next month anyway so I'm gonna contact my realtor, see if they want to keep the furniture and appliances and stuff."

"You can't just give it all away!"

She was staring at him so incredulously he had to laugh. "Why not? We don't need any of it and it's not even that nice- you haven't even looked at half of it."

"Well that's true. But there must be some things you want to keep. We can put them in storage."

"Nope." He swung the bags over his shoulder and gestured to the box in her hands. "I do have more of your stuff though, so we will need to stop by my storage unit one of these days."

"Oh yay, another emotionally charged trip."

"Not for you. You're dead inside. Cold as a fish."

Tess elbowed him as she walked past and he grinned. "Watch it or we're putting the bike away too."

"You would not."

"Not if you let me ride it." She replied with a wink, leaving the door open behind her as she skipped out onto the street, the sight of that box held tight in her hands as she slipped through the gate making his heart tug.

"Hey, wait up!"

"See? Aren't you glad we came out?"

Fourteen years later and that sassy little smile of hers still got under his skin the same way. In the way that he wanted to take it off her mouth with his but there were a lot of people around and a crime scene wasn't really an appropriate place for public displays of affection.

Jay didn't usually mind when he got called in on his day off, he loved his job and he'd never been good at being idle but having Tess to come home to was changing that. They'd barely finished putting his bags in the back of her car before she'd suggested they take the bike out for a spin and with the sun out and the crisp spring air tempered by a warm breeze hell if it wasn't the perfect day for it; it was even a Sunday. But criminals didn't really care about weekends or holidays so here they were.

Not that Tess looked bothered. She was just staring up at him with a soft half smile, those blue eyes pulling him in until he almost forgot where he was, that anyone but he and her existed.

"Tell me when you're done. I'll come get you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to."

She did. Was looking forward to it, and that made him look forward to it too. They'd had most of the day together and even if he had to leave now… she'd be there when he was done. Tonight and tomorrow night and all the nights after.

Well, most of them. Tess might be a homebody Jay knew his girl would never be completely tame.

He'd never want her to be.

"Take care of her. No wheelies or anything." He said as he pointed to the bike and took a step back, watching her pull her helmet on with a grin. "I mean it."

Tess just twiddled her fingers at him to back up as she started the bike so he turned to go, holding onto her happy smile as he met Hailey's tight one, quickly giving her and the rest of his team short nods.

"What do we-"

The roar of the bike cut through the air and without turning he knew exactly why.

"Did she just pop a wheelie?" He asked Kevin, his partner holding back a smirk as he nodded. Of course she had. Jay shook his head then looked to Voight, finding his Sergeant watching her go with arched brows. "What do we got?"

Weird.

His stomach felt weird, tingly and tight, nervous jitters shooting through his limbs as he pulled on his jacket and slipped his phone back in his pocket, scanning the bullpen for a quick second. Voight had called it a night a little while ago, telling them to come back fresh tomorrow but his Sergeant remained in his office, looking something over. Whether it was related to the case or something else Jay didn't question and since his Sergeant didn't lift his head he didn't bother saying goodnight, just turned and headed downstairs, surprised to find Kevin chatting with Platt, his partner giving him a nod as he walked over.

"Hey man. Thought you were gone already."

"Just about. You need a ride?"

"Nah, Tess is picking me up. Thanks though."

"Alright, cool. You know I gotta make sure my boy's alright."

"Ha, appreciate that. Night Trudy."

She waved, now on the phone and they both returned it, quickly making their way out front where the sight of Tess parked across the street, leaning against the bike as she smiled at him made his stomach give another weird fluttering clench. She was here.

And he could see her this time.

Those thoughts about how many times he hadn't still bothered him, and he knew that even if he asked Tess wasn't so anal that he would ever know the real answer. But he knew about this time. And this time was good.

"Yeah, that looks like a way better ride."

Jay looked over just in time to see Kevin cringe.

"I didn't- I'm gonna go."

"That's a good idea."

His partner bumped him in the arm and then waved to Tess before he hurried off but his words stayed in Jay's mind, his eyes running over her as he caught the helmet she tossed towards him.

This was way better than driving home alone.

"I told you, you didn't have to come."

"And I told you I was going to anyway." She replied with a soft smile, gently brushing her hand along his arm. "How's the case?"

"Nothing we can't handle. How was the rest of your evening?"

"Very emotionally intense. I watched the episode of Doctor Who where the Doctor almost dies but in the end saves the day."

He had a vague idea of what she was talking about, she'd made him watch the show with her enough but in a tv series where the main character was alien that could 'regenerate' and change their appearance it was hard to keep things straight so he just nodded- he was used to how attached she could get to her fictional characters and knew that his only role was to listen, and when needed soothe.

"Oh that episode. That's a good one."

"It is. Then I made dinner, there's some for you in the oven, played with Aelin, smoked a bit and took a nap."

"Sounds like a good night."

"Better now."

God her smile was pretty.

It took him a second to realize she was straddling the bike and then he quickly took his place behind her, only half-listening as she said there was another thing she had to tell him until,

"I'm not wearing anything under this jacket."

I'm not wearing anything under this jacket.

For a good long minute Jay just stared at the brown leather, picturing the smooth skin beneath it until Tess started wiggling, a sign for him to put his helmet on or just to tease he didn't know but he did, but as he wrapped his hands around her he couldn't help letting out a quiet groan. Yup. She wasn't wearing a thing. He was suddenly very eager to get home, yet when he realized she was taking the long way he couldn't bring himself to care- he couldn't remember the last time he'd left work this happy.