Chapter 4

They held each other as long as they dared before reluctantly pulling away. The time to talk would come later when it was just them. Right now they had work to do. Jay helped her stand, his arm tightening around her waist as she stumbled slightly; the pain in her head was nothing compared to her stomach. Being impaled wasn't like being shot or stabbed, never mind the infections she'd had to deal with. She was still supposed to be recovering. Yet as she scanned the group she forced herself to push it back and let go of him, not pulling away per se, because she couldn't bring herself to, but turning so that she rested against his side. It was still a personal position but it was more appropriate, not to mention it helped the shame she felt when she looked at Hailey. The woman's face was controlled but tight, wary, and she couldn't quite hide the hurt in her eyes.

She had to remember Jay wasn't hers anymore.

That he might not want to be.

Tess turned her attention to Voight and found him already watching her, how she interacted with Jay, how she handled herself. Taking her measure. She saw it for what it was and let him, taking in the rest of the scene out of the corner of her eye; Kevin and Adam stood across from them while Hailey, Vanessa and Kim stood further back, still within ear shot but closer to the remaining men who were now cuffed and on their knees. She didn't know what it was, the look in Voight's eye or the way he held his gun, but she had a feeling the bullet that had ended Igor had come from his weapon.

"Sergeant." She gave him a small dip of her chin, one officer to another, but otherwise stayed quiet.

After a moment he grunted quietly then gave one back, a sort of begrudging approval in his stare and she gave him another almost imperceptible nod, hiding the quirking of her lips when his pursed. She didn't know him personally but she knew his record, on and off the books, and though there were things they disagreed on she respected him but she would be damned if he didn't learn she deserved respect too.

"Tess Danvers." She said at last, taking a step forward to shake his hand. "CIA, Special Activities Centre. Former."

She almost forgot to add the last bit, the word still foreign on her tongue, then cursed silently. She was still close enough to Jay that she could brush her fingers across his without anyone noticing, her guilt rising like a tidal wave. This was not how she'd wanted to tell him. Not how she'd wanted to do any of this.

But his fingers brushed back. "Tess and I first met during my second tour." He said steadily, holding his Sergeant's stare when the man looked to him.

Everyone's brows rose and she could see Voight wasn't pleased, by her relationship with the agency or with Jay, but something passed between the two and he just huffed quietly; it seemed to be a favoured method of communication. "I take it they're not friends of yours?" He asked, motioning with his head to the Russians.

She shook her head lightly and immediately regretted it when the throbbing intensified. "Not exactly. They're Bratva. Those ones work for Ivan Shevchenko, the others for Igor Kuznetsov." She replied, pointing the two groups out.

"Igor? Seriously?" Voight gave Adam an unimpressed look for the interruption and the man quieted, though she caught him sharing a slight smile with Kevin.

"Igor Kuznetsov?

She nodded.

"The Igor Kuznetsov who runs guns up and down the Midwest for Alexei Genrich?" She nodded again, keeping her face passive as his jaw ticked. "What did he want with you?"

"He didn't. He did." She said, motioning to Ivan with her head. When he saw their attention on him he scowled and looked away and this time she didn't hide the uptick of her lips. "I was meeting a contact at a bar downtown- he had information I can pass along to my team. As I was leaving his guys grabbed me, gave me a quick introduction to a dumpster. Far as I can tell whatever deal they had I was just supposed to sweeten it."

Voight grunted as he looked at her head, then gave the rest of her another once over. "Didn't turn out so well."

"Thanks to you." She gave each of them a grateful smile, sharing the briefest glance with Jay before she turned back. "I'm guessing you knew about their meeting?"

Voight nodded and looked around, taking in the damage. Out of the eight men five were dead, and the remaining three injured, and while it may not be bad by his standards she didn't think his superiors would be too happy with the way this had panned out.

"How do you want to play this?" Tess asked quietly, holding his stare as his eyes flicked back to hers.

Normally she preferred being the one to call the shots but she knew it was important this first time to let him, to show that she could and would play by his rules. At least sometimes anyway. Because she needed him to trust her, for Jay's sake; this was his superior so she wasn't going to take any chances.

He took her offer in for a long moment and when he nodded again a palpable tension released amongst the group. "Come back to the district and get yourself cleaned up. I got a feeling there'll be a lovey reception waiting for us."

"Suits always show up when the party's done." She said dryly, feeling some of her own tension ease when he huffed in agreement.

Tonight may not have been what she'd wanted but at least it was going well.

He began giving orders for the others to stay behind until patrol and the crime techs arrived and as he did Jay turned to her, staring softly for a moment before he took off his hoodie and passed it over. She wasn't able to stop her smile as she slipped it on, or the quick inhale of his lingering scent, watching as he scanned the area around them until he picked up a vest that lay discarded on the ground and took what she presumed was his rifle from Kevin, the man giving them a kind if not curious smile before they began to follow Voight. It took everything in her not to look at Hailey as they did, but that didn't mean she didn't feel the woman's eyes on her long after they were out of sight.

This wasn't how she'd wanted to do this.

There was another moment as he helped her into his truck where she was back in two places, two points in time that were so similar yet so distinct, and the feeling was so strong it overwhelmed her. She knew he felt it too and they both stayed quiet as he drove off, each unsure how to broach what was between them. They were so far from where they'd started, from who'd they'd been, but life had thrown them back together and Tess was going to take advantage. She didn't know what was going to happen, what Jay wanted, but she had promised herself a long time ago that if she were lucky enough to make it home to him she would make things right and she intended to keep that promise. She owed it to him.

"I'm sorry."

"Tess-"

"I didn't want to come back like this." She caught his stare and tried to show in hers how truly she meant it. They were such easy words, common, but she meant them with everything in her. "I thought I should wait for the right moment but-"

"I don't care." Jay was firm as he cut her off, as he took her hand and locked his eyes on hers. "You came home." The way he said it, the relief and love in his voice and eyes was so genuine she couldn't stop the tears it brought to hers, and then she watched him swallow heavily and it was an effort to keep them from falling. "You said... you're done?"

She recognized the fragile hope that filled his beautiful hunter green orbs, knew the way it twisted the heart and soothed the soul, and to see it in him... all she could do was nod and try to keep her breath steady. "I'm done. I retired three weeks ago. I just..." Try as she might she couldn't stop the quiver in her lips, her voice, her hand in his. "I wanted to come home."

His breath caught and for a second his eyes closed, his hand squeezing hers tightly. "You are now." He breathed, nodding to himself before he looked over and gave her another one of those smiles. The kind that made her fall just a little more in love with him. Her head was a jumble of emotions, guilt and uncertainty chief among them, but Jay just looked happy. "To whatever end."

Hearing those words, that promise, sent a wave of emotion over her so strong Tess had to shut her eyes against it. Deep down she'd always known he would forgive her, he was too good not to, but she hadn't expected it would be this immediate, this... simple. But she should have. This was the way he'd always been. No matter what had happened, where she'd been or how long she'd been gone when she came home he was there. Whatever was happening in their lives, whether or not they were romantic, Jay was there. He was here right now, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand and quietly telling her it was okay, everything was okay, they were okay.

It might have been the hardest thing she'd ever done but she made herself believe him.

She opened her eyes and found his flicking between her and the road, his worry and frustration at not being able to do more written all over his face; if they hadn't been following Voight she was certain he would have pulled over. This wasn't what she'd expected and she didn't know where to go from here but she knew she wanted it. Wanted him, however she could have him.

She took his hand and cupped it in hers, letting the tiny seed of hope she'd kept alive all these years finally start to grow. "To whatever end."

He let out a breath, the tension in his eyes relaxing as he returned her smile, and then he squeezed her hand, going back to driving as she leant back and looked out the window. There were things they still needed to discuss, a new normal they needed to establish, but they would. They would be okay.

And so would she.