Chapter 6

Hers wasn't the only houseboat in the marina, there were just over half a dozen, but she still knew the moment Jay spotted it and slowed with him as they neared, watching from the corner of her eye as he took it in. It was a story and a half tall, dark blue wood with exposed walnut beams, and decorated with items she'd collected on her travels, things like oars from Taiwan and New Zealand, a beautiful intricate net from Greece, twin bronze castings of dolphins from Brazil and her favourite, an anchor from her hometown Esquimalt.

"I spent a couple weeks in a houseboat in Bali a few years ago." Tess said quietly as she opened the door. "It was beautiful and I had the money so I figured why not build one for myself? It's not exactly the same style, but Chicago's got a different climate."

She stood off to the side as he entered, tracking him as he took a few steps past her and looked around in silence. They were standing at the front of the open space, a turning staircase to their right with a bathroom and bedroom tucked underneath, the kitchen and dining area to their left and the living room at the back, with a small glass sunroom at the very end. The floors and exposed beams that ran up the walls and across the ceiling were the same dark walnut as the exterior and the same blue was used on the trim and kitchen cabinets, even the large sectional in the living room, while the walls were painted a soft gray. She'd designed it to be soothing but had added pops of colour throughout to brighten things up, not to mention she'd really run with the water theme; there were odes to marine creatures natural and otherwise scattered everywhere.

"It's incredible." He took a few more steps then turned in a slow circle, awe and delight written across his face.

He liked it.

She'd hoped he would.

Years of practice meant it wasn't hard to hide her nerves but she still had them, butterflies raging through her stomach and thrumming in her veins, so forceful Tess had to remind herself to breathe. This wasn't just her home, it was hers. The first he had ever seen and only the second she'd made for herself. All the years they'd known each other she'd never had a place of her own because it hadn't seemed necessary, not when they were always together. Even after their relationship changed and she would stay with Mouse or Lydia there were still countless nights she found herself at his apartment, and when she started to realize how much she needed a place of her own and began staying in hotel's he would come and stay with her. Being able to have him in a place that was truly hers satisfied an urge she'd had for a long time, and she couldn't help but wish her aunt had gotten to see it too.

The thought cast a cloud over her heart and she held back a sigh, putting an easy smile on her lips instead. "I'm glad you like it. There's a bar if you want a drink." She pointed out the liquor cabinet, each cream-coloured door painted with dark aqua mermaid tails, then took a breath. "I'm going to go change quickly."

His eyes shot to hers and after a brief second he nodded, too quickly though, like he was trying to hide his own nerves.

From the moment he'd fired that shot something had been between them; bullets, other people, injuries and misunderstandings but now there was nothing. Just time. Enough that Tess was going to take a few minutes of it for herself.

She headed upstairs with another quick smile, stripping off her clothes the minute she was out of sight and tossing them in the basket in the corner before she leant against one of the wall to wall, floor to ceiling glass doors that opened out onto the upper deck. She owned several properties in the city, several more around the globe, and she loved them all, but this one had quickly become one of her favourites; she loved the view of the harbour at night, way the warm lights of the city framed the dark, endless water. The rest of the space was decorated similar to downstairs, with the same walnut floors and beams, the built-in closets along each wall painted the same blue, with a queen-sized bed in the centre and the master bathroom at the back, which boasted a very large black copper tub and a boysenberry fish scale tile shower. After a few minutes of letting the water soothe her, of letting her mind empty and reset she dressed once more, grabbing the grey sweatpants and dark green t-shirt she'd discarded on her bed hours ago before heading back downstairs, absentmindedly putting her hair up as she went.

The night wasn't over yet.

She found Jay standing in the living room, looking at some of the photos she had up near her desk. A quick scan showed he'd taken off his boots, slight tension in his body but otherwise a loose, relaxed posture, and the sight of him so at ease warmed her heart and lessened some of her own worry. He must have sensed her presence because he turned after a few seconds, just staring for a moment, his eyes riding the line between soft and tight, and then-

"You had purple hair."

She blinked in surprise, then nodded as she walked over. "Blue too. And pink for a little while. Pretty much every shade of cotton candy. I went through a phase." She shrugged a shoulder as he looked her over, no doubt imagining it, and watched his eyes soften.

"You have a cat." He said next, looking over at the couch. She followed his gaze and found said feline lounging across the back of the sectional, her black fur stark against the blue fabric, and she simply lifted her head and gave a slow blink before stretching out and rolling over as he let out a quiet huff. "What's her name?"

"Aelin." She told him with a smile, going over to scratch under her chin.

There was a short pause and his brows furrowed. "That was not the cat characters name."

It shouldn't surprise her that he recognized it, she'd talked about the characters from all her favourite series often enough, but it still made her heart clench. "No, that's the name of the fire-breathing bitch queen who she very much resembles. The shapeshifters name was Lysandra."

"-andra." Jay finished with her, smiling to himself as he got it right, and the look he gave her, sweet and tender was so familiar she was hit with the most exquisitely painful ache.

He was looking at her the way he always had. The way he'd looked at that young girl he'd rescued in the desert, the girl he'd held while she cried, who'd built blanket forts and spent hours watching the stars with him. How many nights had she been afraid he wouldn't look at her this way again? And now she was scared he was. Because he didn't see that she wasn't that girl anymore. An evolution of her, but no longer the same person. And Tess couldn't do this, couldn't move forward if what he wanted was a woman that didn't exist. She couldn't be a ghost again. She wouldn't.

His brows suddenly furrowed, his face filling with concern but she shook her head to stop him from coming closer; it took her a moment to start. To find the words. "My life is a lot more complicated than it used to be-"

"I don't care." He cut her off softly but firmly, and when he took his next breath she swore she could see the weight of the world on his shoulders. "I want this Tess. What we were, what we're going to be now, whatever work we have to do I want it. I want you."

She wanted to believe him. Maybe even needed to, but she also needed him to understand. "I'm not the same girl you knew."

"I know." Though the conviction in his gaze stayed steady something in it changed and she realized he did. Jay could tell she was different. Darker even. He just didn't care. "But you're still my girl."

Tess couldn't stop the tiny noise that slipped out at his words, just like she couldn't stop him from rushing across the room the moment he heard it. In an instant his lips were on hers, kissing her with everything he had while his hands slid into her hair, one fumbling as he pulled the elastic out and threw it to the side. She could feel the love he felt for her, the longing, not just the last five years but a decade's worth, a lifetime's, and she took it, let it fill her, let it break and heal her and then she gave everything she had back to him. She was done waiting, done doubting. Jay was here. Her Jay, hers, here and wanting her. That little ember of hope became an inferno roaring to life inside her and she deepened the kiss, running her hands up his chest and over his shoulders, shivering at the way his body curled around hers when she let out a soft moan. His own hands slid slowly to her hips, pushing her closer every inch but just as his fingers slipped under her shirt and brushed along her skin he stilled, his grip instantly soft, and she knew he'd remembered her injuries. She could barely feel them. All she could feel was him.

"No." She took his face in her hands, holding him to her just as he went to pull back. "I need you."

Even after everything she hadn't realized how much until this moment. She had been destroyed. Everything she was, everything she'd believed in burnt to ashes and she had been the one to set the fire. And when all was said and done she'd rekindled it, picked up the pieces of her life and put herself together again. But one had always been missing. Nothing had ever changed how she felt about Jay, how integral he was to her. Nothing ever would.

"I love you." Another whimper slipped out as he said it, as she heard the truth of it in his voice but he kissed it away, lifting her up so her legs wrapped around his waist before he whispered it again. "I love you."

Tess could have heard him say it a thousand times and it still wouldn't have been enough. He loved her. He still loved her.

She tried to say it back, would have shouted it if he'd let her but he didn't so she settled for nodding, pushing into him as she dragged her fingers through his hair, every touch stoking the fire between them. Instinct must have guided him as he made for the stairs because he never stopped to look where he was going and his grip never faltered, his hands still caressing her when he lowered them onto the bed. They were panting as he finally pulled his mouth away but then their eyes caught and in an instant all the urgency was gone. There was no need to rush. They had time now. For a moment they just stared but then his eyes fell, his face softening as he slowly bent his head and pressed a kiss to her necklace. Their necklace.

So long as you have this you have to come home.

It was a promise she'd known she might not be able to keep but had made anyway, knowing how desperate they both were for some kind of assurance they wouldn't lose each other; even then they had known that what was between them was stronger than they could understand and the relief and gratitude she felt now knowing they had made it back to each other was staggering. She couldn't help bringing his lips back to hers, pushing his shirt up and watching as he pulled it over his head, running her hands across his chest the second it was gone, over each familiar plane and dip and scar. God she'd missed him. After a moment Jay lifted her own top, his face going slack as he traced the bird on her chest before he peppered it with kisses, slowly making his way down her body, and she was so lost in his touch that she forgot there were some things he wouldn't want to see.

The sound of his breath hitching as he pulled her pants down reminded her and her eyes shot open to find his locked on her abdomen, his fingers reaching out to ghost over her wound until his face dropped and they drifted to her back, and the matching scar that lay there. So much pain filled his gaze that the words she'd been trying to gather died on her tongue and all she could do was tug him back up, kissing him softly as she rubbed her own fingers over the scar on his shoulder. She knew it hurt, it always did when one of them was injured, but the times they'd almost lost each other didn't matter. Only that they hadn't.

Only that they were together now.

He must've known what she was thinking because he nodded and slowly went back to making his way down her body, though his heartache was still clear when he came to the jagged line that now graced her thigh. As soon as her sweats were off he brought his lips to it, tenderly brushing them along every inch before he moved back to her stomach and did the same. For a moment he just rested there and she ran her fingers through his hair, reveling in the feeling, in his presence before he moved to the wheel of fortune tattoo on her other thigh and she lost herself to his touch once more. His lips trembled as they caressed it, as he realized the part he played in it, the fervour of his kisses intensifying until he ended with a kiss to each ankle, and as he finally stood to take off his jeans and their eyes locked Tess swore that the rhythm of her heart matched his. Jay was so much more to her than just the man she loved, he was a piece of her. The most integral. He was her home. Tess had thought she could take that piece back but she couldn't; she may have had a life without him but he still held that part, as sure as her heart beat.

She'd hated him for it for a while but in the end she wouldn't have it any other way. She was his, just like he was hers.

With the same understanding in his eyes he nodded and together they slipped off their underwear, their breaths syncing and hands twining as he settled over her until the sudden feel of metal against her finger caught her attention. The Claddagh ring she had given him after his accident, her way of promising that regardless of where she was or what she was doing she would always be with him. Would always come home to him. She hadn't expected him to still be wearing it. But it was different, the heart now pointing away from him, pointing… Pointing towards her. She didn't have words for the emotion building inside her but Jay didn't seem to need any, just pressed a soft kiss to the corners of her eyes before he pressed his forehead against hers.

"To whatever end." He whispered huskily, kissing away her tears as they fell.

After a moment she caught her breath and nodded, cupping his cheek to hold him close as he smiled down at her. "To whatever end."

They kissed softly, deeply, and when he pushed inside her it was like they'd never been apart. They fell into the same rhythm, the one that was uniquely theirs, remembering the way they moved together like hearing the notes of a familiar song and though every thrust brought them closer to the end Tess felt like they were outside of their bodies, the pleasure secondary to the love that moved through them. Everything they'd been through, all the love and loss, pain and hope, it had all brought them to this moment, strengthening the bond between them until what had started as a thread and turned to steel at last became titanium. And as they finally brought each other over the edge, their eyes still locked, Tess knew not even death would break it.

It took a few minutes until she felt herself coming to and Jay's scent was all around her when she did, that soothing, intoxicating blend of earth and chocolate, his weight pressing into her, his warmth surrounding her as they slowly caught their breath. She nestled further closer but had barely trailed a hand down his back before she felt the stickiness of blood.

He groaned grumpily the moment her body stiffened and buried his head in her neck, his arms tightening around her. "Don't care."

She peered over his shoulder anyway to examine the set of tiny crescent marks on his shoulder, all bleeding lightly, but then his head lifted and she forgot all about them, staring blankly as she took him in. The strong line of his jaw, the freckles spattered across his cheeks and then his eyes. She loved his eyes. Loved the way they changed colour with his mood, from dark hunter green and storm cloud gray to pure spring like they were now, softly taking in the features of her own face.

Coincidence was something her job, and her life, had taught her to question but Tess was still struggling to explain tonight, how through all the chaos they had managed to find each other a second time, never mind with such a parallel to the first, but the truth was she didn't care what she called it. Only what she did with it. She had Jay back and she wasn't going to let him go again. So whatever came, whatever battles she had to fight she would. For the smile he was giving her right now, she would fight.

And then he ran his hand over her cheek, kissing her tenderly before he shifted to the side, just enough to give her room to breathe, and then he buried his head back in her chest so she closed her eyes with her own smile and started running her fingers through his hair, and all she could think as she drifted off that she couldn't remember the last time she'd been so happy.