Chapter 8

It felt even better than she'd thought it would. It had been so long since she'd been in the rain for any longer than it took to run from one dry spot to another, not counting the occasional time she got caught during a scouting mission, but she was never able to enjoy it. But now? Feeling it wash over her, feeling the power of each drop as they hit her skin?

Tess felt more free than she had in weeks.

Maybe months.

"What the hell are you doing?"

She looked over her shoulder to see Jay staring at her from where he stood under the porch, looking every bit the disgruntled gentleman, if gentlemen wore jeans and form fitting Henley's, and smirked. "What does it look like?"

"Like you're trying to get struck by lightning!"

That was unlikely.

Still her heart began to race as she watched the strikes flash across the sky, each one filling the world with light for one incandescent second. Tess wasn't religious, hadn't been raised it and had no interest in joining its ranks but if anything made her believe in something higher it was moments like this.

How could anything human ever compare with this?

Something in her chest started to loosen, a weight she hadn't realized she'd been carrying, the weight of her last few ops, and she took a moment to let it go, only after it was gone remembering that Jay was still watching her. The thundering in her chest stumbled when her gaze met his, when from ten feet away she could feel the heat but even though her throat closed up she smiled, holding his stare as she took a slow step back.

"At least stay in the yard!"

As predicted he rushed down the steps, actually pulling her back from the gate and though she could see he was tempted to pull her right back inside he didn't. Instead he just stared, his hands wrapping around her waist as his eyes searched hers and then he smiled, so bright and full of awe that it stunned her, and as he slowly tipped his head back it became her turn to watch him. How each droplet left a trail down his face and neck, how some were lucky enough to slip beneath the little v in his shirt and how his lips parted just a touch, his tongue poking out every so often to lick a drop away. How the bit of tension that was always in his shoulders slowly started easing and how his breaths deepened as his hold on her got tighter. Closer. Eventually Tess closed her eyes too and for a while they just stood there, the only steady thing in the chaos that raged around them and when she finally looked at him again he was just tilting his head back down and she knew she couldn't hold off any longer.

"I used to do this with my mom. Whenever it stormed we'd go out, and sometimes the winds would be so strong they'd push us down the street, and if one of us had had a bad day, or a bad week or bad month we'd yell. Curse at the top of our lungs until we felt better, until the rain carried it all away."

He didn't respond, didn't pull his eyes from hers- she didn't even think he was breathing. All that calm from seconds ago was gone, replaced with barely contained agony. She wanted to take it, to carry it for him but she couldn't.

That wasn't how it worked.

"You can move on without feeling her loss." Tess told him, raising her voice so he could hear her over the downpour. "You can. But I promise you'll be stronger if you do. You'll be happier."

So much pain. He was in so much pain and it just kept growing until what little space had been between them disappeared, his forehead banging against hers as he yanked her closer; his breaths were so ragged they drowned out the thunder but she kept her own steady.

"It's okay." She whispered, praying he would believe her, that he would trust her. "It's going to be okay."

Nothing.

Her heart sank when he didn't do anything, didn't say anything, didn't-

But then it came, the roar as Jay tilted his head back and let out a shout so full of rage and agony it sent shivers down her spine. And he kept going, occasionally pausing to gulp down a breath before he would scream again, again and again and again until his voice finally gave out and his head dropped back against hers. She gently cupped his face, brushing her thumbs along his cheeks until his eyes rose to meet hers; they were tired, full of the familiar weariness and emptiness that came with grief but they were relieved too. Hopeful. It was that spark that had her taking a few steps back, holding his gaze as she brought her leg up and sent a spray of water at his shins.

Jay slowly looked down and then slowly looked back to her and when he didn't do anything she lifted her leg again but that was when he pounced.

He kicked some right back and she quickly darted to the side, giggling when he grabbed her from behind and started swinging her around and briefly she wondered if any of his neighbours could see- if they'd thought she was a demon before what would they think now? She tried to dance away again when he put her down but before she could he was spinning her into him and then she only had a second of looking up into his smiling face before his mouth took hers. It was soft yet deep, the kind of kiss where the butterflies started swooping and swirling, where she felt like they became one person. Their breaths even mingled when they finally pulled apart, still in unison as they locked eyes.

"Can we leave the yard now?"

He huffed a laugh and nodded, tucking her hair behind her ear before he laced his fingers with hers and motioned towards the gate. Jay was still a little subdued but he seemed happier, lighter, and he played along no matter how ridiculous she got, and sometimes just to make him laugh she was extra silly, like when she tried to get him to play leapfrog. She had gotten him to play but he'd stopped after a few turns when his knee clipped her ear- it hadn't even hurt but of course that hadn't mattered to him. She'd never had anyone treat her the way he did, who took such care, he outright refused to let her go anywhere near the street, and though sometimes it made her roll her eyes even when she did a part of her was also blushing, some inner light set aglow.

When he finally took them back inside she was still thinking about it, especially as he brushed a kiss against her forehead and gave her a little push into the living room before heading upstairs, something about getting a blanket, and as she stood there and took in the candlelight dancing on the walls she realized she knew exactly what came next.

She'd read enough books to be able to recognize a cliché when she was in one and she knew him well enough to know which one he'd follow. They would have a moment, followed by another one of those kisses that made her toes curl, maybe even a few of them, but the night would end with him kissing her gently on the forehead as she fell asleep in his arms. It was a good trope, one of her favourites, but she didn't want it. Not tonight. All her life she'd been that girl, careful of who she got close to because she knew how deeply she fell, how deeply she hurt, but she was tired of playing it safe. It was one thing to choose the characters in her books over the boys in her class when they were gross or immature or didn't bother to acknowledge her existence but Jay wasn't like any of them. He practically was one of her characters, except for the fact that he wasn't. He was real and he was here and he wanted her just as much as she wanted him.

But he'd never say it.

He was so afraid to push that he wouldn't ask, which meant that if Tess wanted this, wanted him, she was going to have to tell him.

"What are you doing?"

And it looked like she was going to have to do it now.

"You're gonna get sick."

The next thing she knew a towel was being draped over her shoulders and he was right in front of her, his scent surrounding her as his hands ran up and down her arms to try and get her warm.

Was she cold? She didn't feel it.

"We need to get you dried off. I brought-"

"No."

The refusal just slipped out but he heard it, and immediately stepped back to see what line he'd crossed.

How was he always so good?

"I don't want to just get changed and go to sleep… I want you."

She knew the exact moment Jay understood because his eyes flared, darkening before that bit of grey lit up like steel.

"Are- are you sure?"

"Yes."

She'd never been more sure of anything.

But the blank way he stared at her… what if he wasn't?

The thought sent a sudden spike of panic rushing through her and words just started tumbling out. "Unless you don't want to. If, if you aren't ready, because of your mom, or if you just don't want to, that's fi-"

"I want to."

Jay may have pulled away from her before but he pushed in now, pressing his body against hers until he was so close her head began to spin; her insecurities had started to run away with her but the way he held her told her that he wanted this just as much as she did. But that didn't mean he wasn't still hesitant. His eyes were searching hers, trying, needing to make sure she'd thought this through. That she was ready.

"I want this. I want you. I have… I have ever since I went to your barracks."

That night… it was the first time she'd realized that whatever was between them was about more than just survival. Because she had survived. She'd survived Hess, survived Selim and his men and her own stubbornness. She'd survived the darkness inside her head. And when her team had come and she knew it was going to be okay, that she could start to move on, she'd realized she hadn't wanted to.

Not without the Ranger.

Her Ranger.

Finally, finally that steel melted and he smiled, the towel forgotten as his hands wrapped around her waist to pull her closer. Her heart was thundering and she couldn't stop herself from trembling when his lips took hers but it was okay because she was pretty sure he trembled too, like both of them were suddenly keenly aware of every touch, of what each one was going to lead to. And she wouldn't lie it made her nervous, more than she had ever been but then they pulled apart and his head came to rest against hers, his hand gently stroking her hair and those nerves started to drift away.

There wasn't a need for them.

Not with Jay.

"Show me?" She asked quietly, watching as he swallowed heavily then nodded, those mossy eyes more resolved than she'd ever seen them before he tilted her head back and kissed her again. A sweet, gentle peck that only furthered her own resolve.

He was the person she wanted to be with and she wasn't going to wait any longer.

Twenty-four years was long enough, eight if she was being realistic, but still Tess was starting to wonder if maybe… maybe he was the reason she'd waited. Maybe deep down she'd known she was waiting for this.

For him.

He gave her another smile and those thoughts disappeared, all her focus going to his eyes as they slowly roved over her and then to his hands as they slid to her front, from her shirt to his. He stepped back to take it off but the material was wet, she'd forgotten that they both were so when it clung to his skin she stepped back in to help; she hadn't meant for her fingers to start trailing across his chest the second it was gone they just did, over each soft dip and hard line and sun kissed freckle. Every so often she flicked her eyes up to find Jay watching her with just the softest, sweetest smile and soon she was raising her own arms, wanting him to see her too. He complied and though he didn't touch her the way she had he looked, his stare so hot it made her mouth go dry and then his finger brushed along the top of her jeans and she nearly swallowed her tongue, trying and failing to keep her heart in check as she gave him a slow nod. And because he was him he kissed her first, soft and sweet before he kneeled before her. It was the most intimate position she'd ever been in but he kept his eyes on hers and the steady green calmed her, even if her breath did hitch when he began to slide the denim down.

They shared a laugh when it got stuck and she had to steady herself against his shoulder but then it was off and he was tossing the material behind him and her breath left again, and since it was already gone she tilted her head up for another kiss, letting him stoke the fire inside her until she felt brave enough to reach for his pants. As soon as she touched him he went still, his eyes scanning her face but this time she didn't meet them, instead taking a deep breath before she knelt.

She'd been wrong- this was the most intimate position she'd ever been in.

It was the closest she'd ever come to being face to face with a penis. In the few times they'd gotten physical Jay hadn't really let her touch him, which she was actually miffed about because her only other experience was what she assumed had been a bad hand job at that shitty frat party with the Alpha Epsilon asshole and she really didn't want to this to be anything like that. But gentle fingers brushing along her shoulders reminded her that it wouldn't be. Jay wouldn't care if she didn't know what she was doing. He would teach her. Still she went slowly, like him struggling for a second around the ankles but then they were joining the rest of their clothes in their sopping pile and her heart was back to going a mile a minute.

What did she do now?

The gentle tugging at her shoulders suggested she should rise but… she was already down here. And… well she'd never really wanted to be close to a penis before, because she hadn't wanted to be close to the men attached to them but Jay was different. She wasn't afraid to see him. She was nervous, and she was sure her face was as red as a tomato but she wasn't afraid. So with another breath she reached for his boxers but her fingers had only just slipped inside the elastic when the ones at her shoulders became more insistent, drawing her eyes up to his.

Oh they were dark.

Dark but strained, fighting to hold himself in check.

"I want to." Tess reminded him softly, waiting until a bit of that tension eased and he gave her nod, though she kept his stare until his shorts were off and then finally allowed herself to look at him.

Yup.

The most intimate position she'd ever been in.

He wasn't completely hard but he was certainly on his way, and somehow unsurprisingly well-groomed, and though he was definitely bigger than her vibrator she wasn't afraid it would hurt or that he wouldn't fit, a trope often described in her more adult books. She took him in her hand before she even realized she was doing so, marvelling at how soft his skin was before his sharp inhale caught her attention. Jay's hands were balled at his sides, his jaw tight as his eyes fluttered closed. She'd never seen him this way before, so vulnerable, and again her hand started moving on its own, sliding up and down his length as he quickly began to harden further. Tess was torn between watching his face and watching him but then she saw the little bead that gathered at his tip and it was like a part of her woke up, some primal instinct she'd never quite felt before now. She had every intention of licking that bead away and giving in to the low pulse starting in her belly but before she could,

"Stop."

The pain in his voice startled her and she immediately let go, trying to see what she'd done wrong as he pulled her up and into his chest, though he kept a noticeable amount of distance between their hips.

"I'm sorry, I- did I hurt you?"

"No. No, you didn't do anything, it's just- this isn't-" Jay let out a frustrated huff and shook his head again, stroking her hair and breathing deeply until his eyes finally softened. "Tonight isn't about me."

"Yes it is."

Why was he so surprised by that?

Didn't he understand that tonight was only happening because of him?

"Jay… you are the only man whose penis I have ever wanted to put in my mouth." He let out a startled laugh that broke the tension and they relaxed into each other, his arms gently wrapping around her as she brought her hands up to cup his neck. "I want this because I want you. More than I've ever wanted anything. Just… tell me, if I'm doing something wrong?"

He nodded solemnly then tucked her hair behind her ear, brushing his fingers across her cheek as he did. "Tell me if I do? If I do something you don't like?"

"I promise." The last of the tension in his eyes disappeared and she went in for another kiss, nuzzling into him when he began to run his hands over her back.

How could such a simple touch set her body on fire?

This time it was easy for Tess to slide to her knees and take him into her hand and after a few long, slow strokes to set them both at ease she leant in and ran her tongue along him; he was a little salty but not as much as she'd been expecting and that little bead actually tasted almost sweet, though Vivienne had told her that so long as guys had good hygiene going down on them wasn't a big deal. Her friend loved to give her tips and tricks and just general good knowledge, and had been beyond ecstatic when after meeting Jay she had started to pay closer attention. Still nothing she had heard or read could have prepared her for the sound he made when she did it, a low, breathy groan that shot straight to her core.

Suddenly all those doubts that she wasn't going to know what to do vanished and she wrapped one hand around his base, her fingers just unable to touch and then took what was left in her mouth. The noise that followed spurred her on and she started moving faster, doing her best to keep her hand and lips in sync, running her tongue along him when she needed to catch her breath. She couldn't take all of him, and since gagging wasn't particularly sexy she didn't want to try, but she also didn't feel the need to. Jay was clearly enjoying himself. Almost immediately he'd widened his stance and slid a hand into her hair, holding it back for her as the other trailed down the side of her face, sweet little caresses that made that inner light shine. And then there were the noises. Moans and groans and soft curses spilled from his lips, each one sending shivers of pleasure through her- she'd never imagined she could make someone feel this way, or that she would feel so powerful doing it. And then she remembered something Viv had said, about the importance of both men and women knowing the other's anatomy, and though this time her hand did tremble slightly she brought it down and gently cupped his balls. She'd been worried how he might react but his hips immediately bucked forward as he cried her name and that combined with the way his own hand tightened in her hair set that prowling animal inside her loose, at least until Jay's husky voice once again called her away.

"I'm close."

"Isn't that the point?"

He huffed a laugh but shook his head, gently but firmly pulling her to her feet. "I'm not ready to finish yet."

Oh.

The next thing she knew he was taking her mouth so deeply her knees went weak, his warmth and his musky, chocolatey scent making her head spin, not to mention the feel of him pressed against her. All of him, still very much hard and very much throbbing. She followed easily as he walked her back towards their makeshift bed, her heart giving that little tug when he took a moment to gently pull her hair out from beneath her before he settled on top and as he did it hit Tess for the first time that now it was her turn. The anticipation made her shiver and like he knew it Jay deepened the kiss and the subtle aching that had been steadily building between her legs quickly turned more insistent. At first he just ran his hands up and down her sides, across her back and stomach, slow caresses that felt like he pulled her into him with every inch and then they slid down to her thighs and he did pull her closer, hiking her leg up around his hip until his core pressed against her own; she would have moaned but he was still kissing her, his tongue making broad, sweeping strokes that destroyed any chance of rational thought. Her body was on fire in a way it never had been before, not even close, and everything he did just fanned the flames, from how his lips moved down to her neck and covered her in teasing, featherlight kisses to how his fingers trailed along her sides, getting closer and closer to her breasts with each brush.

Tess had always liked her boobs- they were on the bigger side, and a bloody nuisance in the field, or really any physical activity without the right kind of bra, and they definitely weren't the perkiest but they were soft and full and smooth. And sensitive. Greg and Paul, the only boys to ever touch them had both been handsy, and clumsy, but thankfully it was an area they'd gotten bored of quickly.

But not Jay.

Jay knew exactly what he was doing and he took his time doing it. His hands were just the right balance between gentle yet firm, and they were thorough. Everything he did was and she could tell it wasn't just because he was being careful with her. The way he touched her was almost… meticulous. Like he'd been waiting for this, planning for it and now that it was happening he wasn't going to waste a second of it. Not that she minded. She could have laid there all night so long as he was touching her, especially when he finally sat up and started taking off her bralette, the focus in his now hunter green eyes so intense it took her breath away. They roved over her, taking in every curve, every dimple, every detail- and as he suddenly pushed her right arm up above her head, holding it there with his left, her second tattoo. Well, second to him. His face was so intense as he bent down to look at it that she couldn't help but laugh.

Alright. Maybe a little handsy.

She told him as much, smirking when his head shot up and he flushed, in an instant going from sensual lover to chastised school boy. He let go quickly but she stayed where she was and motioned for him to go ahead. This was the first she'd ever gotten, and since it was on her ribs it had hurt like a bitch, but she loved every inch of it. All three of them.

"Is it Victoria?" He asked quietly, twisting his head this way and that as he examined it. Always thorough, her Ranger.

"Partly."

His brow furrowed at her cryptic answer and he cocked his head as he looked it over again, taking in the wave on either end and the mountains, plains and trees that made up the middle. Her beloved Canada. She'd never shown it to anyone else, aside from her aunt and Vivienne when she caught a peek while she was changing one day and demanded to see it, but the reluctance she usually had when it came to sharing her past didn't exist with Jay. She didn't think there were many pieces of herself she hadn't shared with him, or that she wouldn't be willing to when the time was right.

"I got it a few weeks after moving here. I was in class one day, just completely homesick, so I skipped and just… wandered into the first tattoo shop I saw. Lydia was so impressed." He made a confused face, which was fair given that it wasn't the normal response and she laughed, her heart starting to flutter as he came back up to lay beside her. "From what I've been told both her and my mom could be pretty wild but Lydia was younger and therefore she says naturally more chaotic. But apparently neither of them were ever cool enough to go get tatted up, at least that young."

It was his turn to chuckle but the sound caught in his throat when she nestled into the fingers that ran down her cheek and for a minute he just stared but then his brow furrowed again, like something had just occurred to him.

"Do you have any more?"

She'd been wondering if he'd ask.

Her only response was to tilt her head to the left, letting him search until he found the small line of script hidden behind her ear.

Hush little tempest.

"It's what my parents used to call me." Tess explained quietly, tracking him as best she could from the awkward angle and trying not to shiver when he traced the words. "I was also a wild child."

She'd expected him to make a joke about how that didn't surprise him, or at least shoot her a smirk indicating as much but he didn't. He just stared, and the way that he looked at her… she didn't know how to explain what it was that made his gaze so different from everyone else's, from people who arguably knew her better than he did but there was something, some understanding he seemed to have that no one else did. Not even her. And then he kissed her and she could feel it, feel the love and the awe that he felt for her, for her, and if that hadn't already blown her away his words would have.

"I love you." Jay whispered, his voice soft and yet rough with feeling as he pulled away to look down at her again.

For a moment she couldn't think, couldn't breathe with all the emotions that started running through her.

He hadn't meant to say it. He meant it, that was clear as day, but he hadn't meant to say it. And she couldn't blame him. She'd been holding back on telling him the full extent of her feelings too- neither had brought it up but they both knew this visit was temporary, knew the danger they would both be going back to. How high the chances were that this… this might be the last time they saw each other, if not forever then at least for a long time, until whenever fate or coincidence decided to throw them together again. And that fear… normally it would make her want to run, to hide somewhere it wouldn't be able to find her but she couldn't. Not when Jay was still staring at her softly, with more vulnerability than she knew he had ever shown anyone.

"I love you." She managed to rasp just before she dragged his lips back to hers, letting her body express what she didn't have words for.

This wasn't the end for them, not by a long shot. She and Jay were bound together, no matter the time, no matter the distance, no matter all the hell that was sure to get thrown in their path. They were each other's, from now to whatever end finally claimed them.

But it wasn't now.

Right now they were alive and together and death was a long, long way away.

And with every kiss they pushed it further back, until the only thing they could think about was the other, until the only thing she could think about was him. God she loved the way he touched her. The way he covered her in kisses and the way his hands held her so tenderly, always pulling her closer, and how his mouth slowly moved from circling her breasts to taking one of her nipples inside its heat, sucking and licking until her eyes rolled back in her head. Her core throbbed, a wild drumbeat that echoed in her chest and then he started meeting it, his hips thrusting and rolling against hers, a prelude to what was to come and Tess lost whatever control she'd had over herself. With the other people she'd been with she had always felt self-conscious, hell even when she played with herself a part of her was always shy but not with Jay. With Jay she didn't think about what her body was doing, what noises she was making- with him there was only pleasure. He gave her everything she wanted before she even knew she wanted it and right when she thought she was going to burst he gave her even more, finally pulling his mouth away as he slipped his fingers beneath her underwear. It was all she could to do to nod, once as he pulled them down and then again when they were finally off, when his eyes stayed so fiercely locked on hers. The care he showed her even in the midst of their passion made her heart give that sweet little tug but when he moved back up to kiss her again she couldn't help but let out an annoyed huff.

"Fucking touch me already." She mumbled in between kisses, her laugh turning to a moan when he ran a finger down her.

"Well since you asked so nicely." Jay's eyes were almost black they were so dark, so focused on hers as he gently cupped her head and then he slowly, oh so slowly slid his finger inside her. Just like last time just feeling a part of him inside her caused some of her tension to ease, at least until he started moving and then it built right back up again.

Fuck the way he touched her.

He played her body like an instrument, wringing cries from her as easily as if he plucked the strings of a guitar, creating his own melody until she was putty in his hands; she was so lost in his actions that she barely noticed as he made his way down her body, at least until he brushed a kiss across her belly button and then she felt like one of those strings snapped. He was going to…

Oh.

It made sense, she'd done it to him, and had enjoyed it, and she knew she'd likely enjoy it now but… gosh her insecurities ran deep. All she could hear was a bunch of stupid little boys saying it was gross and 'fishy' and-

"I want to."

Her eyes shot down and met Jay's, soft and gentle and sweet, and honest, and instantly her breath came a little easier. It was okay that she was nervous- he would show her. She still wasn't brave enough to hold his stare but she lay back down and let him push those uncertainties back until she forgot all about them, and when his tongue finally ran along her she had just enough sense to wonder why she'd been worried in the first place.

It felt good. Just like before, just like everything Jay did he did it thoroughly, pumping and rolling his finger until there wasn't a part of her he hadn't touched, until he'd explored places in her she hadn't even known existed, places that made her moan and cry and curse, all the while paying special attention to that little nub that drove her wild, sucking it into his mouth until she thought she would scream. And then he traded his finger for his tongue and she did. A noise she hadn't thought herself capable of making escaped her lips and the next thing she knew her hands went from holding his head in place, which she hadn't realized she'd been doing to gripping the blankets so tightly she thought her nails would tear right through them. This was a pleasure she had never experienced before and every time she thought it couldn't get any better it did, from the way his tongue lapped inside her, against all those spots that made her cry out until her voice was hoarse to the way his hands held her in place, firm even as his fingers lightly danced along her thighs. The way he could be so loving even as he filled her with such lust made her heart ache and as she forced her eyes open so she could get a glimpse of him she couldn't help but shiver. He'd said he'd wanted this and she'd done her best to believe him but seeing it was a whole other thing. The desire on his face took her breath away, though somehow not his, his groans sending delightful vibrations through her, and his dark hunter eyes made her feel very much like prey, very willing prey, and she gave herself over to him until she forgot about everything else, everything that wasn't his hands or his lips or any part of him that didn't set her on fire.

Jay brought her to heights she had never reached herself and just when she thought she couldn't get any higher his thumb pressed on her clit and she exploded, an orgasm more powerful than anything she had ever felt washing over her. And it didn't end- instead he started rubbing his thumb faster and harder, moving his tongue furiously until she exploded for a second time. Tess may have screamed she was so overcome but she'd never know because a second later everything went black, stars bursting behind her eyes before her whole body went limp. She had no idea how long she laid there but eventually she remembered there was a world outside her, a world where soft lips brushed kisses across her face and a hand ran soothingly up and down her side.

Jay.

It was a struggle to open her eyes but she managed to, just long enough to see him gazing down lovingly at her. She didn't have the energy to ask him to kiss her but like always he knew what she wanted and gave it to her right away, a gentle peck that sent more shivers through her still trembling body.

"I really liked that." She mumbled quietly, turning her head so she could breathe him in as he moved closer.

"Good. So did I."

Oh his voice. That husky timbre made her blush every time and he knew it, giving her a pleased, proud, very male smile as he looked her over and tucked some hair behind her ear. It made her heart race but she held his stare as she kissed his shoulder and took his hand, her fingers easily slipping between his; she wanted to tell him what she was feeling, the love and wonder that was all because of him but she didn't have the words. She didn't know if any existed but she didn't need them. Neither of them did. They moved at the same time to kiss each other softly, sweetly, the most perfect, storybook kiss that sent the butterflies in her stomach swirling.

She'd been right- this was what she'd been waiting for. For him. For Jay. Her Jay.

She would wait a lifetime for him, but not now. Right now she was going to have him. Tess deepened the kiss, sliding her arms around his neck as he shifted to climb atop her, unable to help her shudder as she felt his core brush against hers but while she let out a low moan and pushed closer Jay had the opposite reaction.

"Condoms!"

She nearly jumped at his shout but he didn't even notice, his eyes going wide as they darted back and forth, like he was berating himself for not thinking of it sooner. It was fair but she hadn't thought of it either, though truthfully… she didn't want any. She had an IUD so pregnancy wasn't something she was worried about and though she and Jay hadn't discussed STD's she knew he would have said something if that was an issue. So as he went to jump up she grabbed his arms to hold him in place, doing her best to keep her blush to a minimum as he looked at her with confusion.

"I have an IUD. I have to for- I have an IUD."

The first look he gave her was angry, no doubt because he knew why the contraception was needed, and was recalling when it had nearly been necessary, but then his face softened, his eyes running over her nervously. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." She was learning that Jay needed verbal confirmation, especially when it came to anything physical. Especially when it came to her. And sure enough his expression wavered briefly, right before his brow furrowed with that little crinkle of concern.

"You're sure?"

"I want to feel you."

His eyes flashed, part hunger and part love and the next thing she knew he was kissing her so hard her head spun. The rest of the world faded away when he kissed her and she couldn't have been happier about it, would gladly spend her life alone with just him if it meant he could always kiss her.

This time he didn't hesitate, tenderly cupping her head as he lined himself up with her entrance and then finally, finally he began to push inside, inch by exquisite inch until at last he was fully seated inside her. There were moments where it started to hurt, where he stretched her just to the point of pain but he went slowly, more gentle than she would have thought possible and his lips were never far from hers, covering her face in little kisses and pressing his forehead against hers as he whispered quiet reassurances and after a few minutes the discomfort eased and there was nothing but pleasure. Tess tried to hold his gaze, tried to memorize each fleck of colour, the different shades of green and hints of grey, tried to tell him how amazing it felt, how much she loved him for giving this to her, for being the amazing man that he was but it was all too much; the feel of him, the emotion in his eyes and then he began to move and she lost whatever sense of control she'd had. All she could do hold onto him, pulling him as close as she could as she did her best to match his rhythm, slow and gentle and so deep she felt like they became one person. She'd thought she'd had a pretty good idea of what sex was going to be like, after all the mechanics never really changed and even though they weren't the same thing toys were a pretty good substitute for a penis, or at least they had been because Tess didn't think anything was ever going to match up to this. This feeling of fullness, of taking and being taken, of the thrusting and bucking and kissing and touching. And that was without the connection between them. The one that made her feel like her soul was bursting, a kaleidoscope of colours they set free in each other. It was no wonder it didn't take long for her to climb that peak, to be brought to it by Jay, his hands and lips and hips, the ones that started moving faster and harder, like he was losing himself in her just as much as she was in him. And then they came together one more time and she exploded, with just enough time to feel his release before she saw stars once again, wave after wave of pleasure washing over her until it all came crashing down in the most glorious, exhilarating tumble.

Her breath came back first, albeit slowly, and then the rest of her senses one by one, first the sweet and musky scent of chocolate and then the sound of his own ragged breaths, the lingering taste of his lips and then the feel of him pressed against her, pushing into her, holding her like he had no intention of ever letting go. She hoped he wouldn't. Her body followed his as he slowly rolled onto his back and pulled her across her chest and it took several minutes of laying there and soaking it all in before she had enough energy to push herself up to look at him. God he was handsome. With that sweet smile and those bright eyes, all the freckles that one day she would make a map of, his hand lazily running up and down her back before he gently pulled her up and kissed her.

"How do you feel?"

"Amazing."

If it was possible his smile grew even brighter, his fingers trailing up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Good."

"You too?"

"Very much amazing." He whispered as he gave her another kiss, grabbing her in a tight hug as they each nestled closer.

No one else could make her feel this way.

This safe or loved.

This important.

Pat Halstead thrust his key into the lock, rubbing his eyes as he did. Damn he was tired. He'd thought there wasn't going to be much to do in a blackout but then Carol had brought out the whiskey, and if he was going to listen to his sister prattle about everything under the sun he was going to do it with a drink in his hand. Or several. He grunted as he pushed the door open, then looked down in confusion. Why did the carpet feel wet? And what was that pile by the-

Oh.

There was Jay, laying on his back in the centre of the living room with his girl, Theresa, nestled into his side; the blankets wrapped around them did little to hide their undress and he quickly turned away.

He wanted to be annoyed, he'd been very clear about no funny business, but the way his son was holding her… it reminded him of how he used to hold Mary. Hell, he could practically hear her voice in his ear reminding him what they'd been like when they were young and dumb and falling in love. God his heart hurt thinking about her. He didn't know what he was supposed to do without her but he supposed the only thing he could do was listen to the only bit of her he had left. So he headed right back out the door, making sure to lock it behind him before he hopped in his truck.

Maybe Joe would be awake.