Revamped: 10/03/2021

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear." - C. S. Lewis.

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In life, you can't always get what you want.

To Bláíthín, it was odd hearing that - accepting that - for the first time. She was raised as a noble child, an addition to one of the most powerful lineages throughout the Walls.

Up until now, her life was planned; set in stone. She always knew her next step. That being, securing a place in a leading grammar school and acquiring the finest education as possible. Then, leaving school and meeting her suitors; noble children were often married off to improve prosperity for both families involved. Her role would then shift to being a mother and housewife.

Everything was calculated and decided for her and she accepted this.

Knowing that her parents would no longer be behind her though made her realize the futility of promises, swears and oaths. All this time, such were concrete statements of the absolute truth. It was all so utterly unfair to have your world crash around you.

Bláíthín cast a glance over to Elise and then to the butler who had prepared dinner.

"Dinner this evening," he stated with a bright smile on his face, hoping food may make the girls budge an inch. He knew what had happened but assumed it would have been better to be an oblivious fool to what had just transpired.

He laid the table for them with a light salad followed by a delicious edelfisk, served in a peppery sauce. Last up came the bread, both white and brown, warm and fresh. He stood up straight once he left the platters on the table and bowed to the two girls.

Elise looked at her dinner before her. There was no point in keeping her in the dark about what had happened and unfortunately, she found out equally as abruptly as Bláithín. The blonde walked in on her reading the letter in her bedroom and the girl was equally was disturbed and horrified.

"Elise, y-you... you need to eat."

It took a lot out of Bláíthín for her to even say that. She tried blinking away her tears. She wasn't emotionally prepared to stomach this by any means, but she felt a great sense of duty within her to nurture Elise.

To take care of her.

To protect her; to step into the shoes of her mother and look out for her. Aisling had entrusted her to be the 'good girl' around her, the girl who protected others and selflessly looked out for those around her.

Bláíthín was no mother though. How could a twelve year old ever fill that spot? She was far too young to assume such a role yet. Sure, she protected her from Sven when he was angry at them, taking her punishments for her instead. Or she'd sneak out after school was finished and buy delicious food from the near-by bakery. She just assumed that when duty called... she figured she'd have to be doing the right thing.

Bláíthín could see the tears welling in her sister's brown eyes until they spilled, and she let go of her strained and stifled emotions, crying unabashedly. Bláíthín's heart tore at the very sight of her sister crying. If Bláíthín wasn't able to process death like this, it was surely much harder for a ten year old.

It was a very long night. They both retired to their rooms without uttering a word to each other, though the two sisters hugged each other very briefly before they tried to put their own minds at ease.

Though it was far from a peaceful night. Halfway through the night, there was a banging on her door…

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Bláíthín awoke with a fright and gripped her bed covers, knuckles turning white. To be fair, she wasn't exactly sleeping well to begin with. She leaped out of bed and was going to make her way towards the door when her uncle burst through. Bláithín wasn't exactly too pleased to see him when he refused to acknowledge her and Elise's suffering earlier on today; not to mention, the man didn't seem bothered by his sister's passing by any means. In the dim light from the hallway, she could see he didn't seem to be grieving in any way; if anything, he seemed to be in a state of panic.

"Uncle... w-what's going on?"

He grabbed her arm and rushed her down the stairs. The girl stumbled and tripped over the last few steps. She spun around on her heel, facing him. In his blue eyes, there was a state of urgency and fear. "You need to leave. I cannot explain. There is a carriage outside, waiting to take you to Shiganshina."

Bláíthín was lacking the sense of panic that he had. Where was all of this coming from?

Just why on earth would she have to go to Shiganshina? That was almost a two day journey away…

She was just dressed in a pastel blue night-gown and slippers. She wasn't equipped to leave her own home in the middle of the night. She was being pushed down the grand steps of the Hahn estate until she stopped dead in her tracks, which her uncle wasn't too impressed with. He muttered a curse under his breath and he raised his hand in the air.

No, don't hit me… I'm sorry…

In a panic, she moved her hands to defend herself from his slap. Her wrist seared with pain and she looked up at him with doe eyes, now pricking with tears. "W-why... must I go there, Uncle?" she asked, her voice in a whisper. "Is Elise coming with me?"

Sven continued to push her down the stairs against her will. It seemed as though he couldn't care less. "I can't explain right now." He continued to tug her along with him out into the garden and beyond the metal gates. He held her hand as she stepped into the carriage.

She shook her head frantically, more tears welling in her eyes. Hadn't she cried enough today?

"Uncle, please! Why am I going to Shiganshina?!" she wailed. "I can't live there by myself, you know I can't! Tell me what's going on! Why can't you come-"

"Sven, shut her up, will you? She's giving me a headache!" shouted one of the men at the front.

Sven looked at his pocket watch and pushed her into the carriage and quickly shut the door behind her.

In that moment, she felt her heart split in two. Everything happened so quickly, she could hardly react.

Bláíthín balled her hands into fists and pounded on the window, begging to be freed. She cried and screamed through the glass window, looking back at her taller man who looked totally unsympathetic the whole time. She could hear the thumping of her heart that pounded like a jackhammer; she could feel the burning, salty tears trail down her cheeks. Her senses had now been amplified tenfold, her tears so hot they would leave burn marks in their tracks reminding her of her defeat in this situation.

Defeat.

I'm so... helpless, she said to herself. Why is this happening to me?

She was being stripped away of everything she loved. Elise, her care-free and loving sister and always played pranks on her. Her friends from her grammar school, who comforted her when she longed to see her parents. And above all, her Aisling and Simon themselves who even when they were so tired after the expeditions they partook as part of their career of Survey Corps veterans… they always made it within their best interest to reunite with their daughters and take care of them as though they never had left in the first place.

She sat on the seats in the carriage in utter defeat once the horses began to move. She buried her head in her hands and continued to sob.

This world is just so... tainted and unfair, for nearly everyone squashed behind these cramped walls.

She was so tired. Her breathing was uneven and shaky, she gasped in deep strokes as she tried to console herself. She wasn't tired physically, just emotionally. She wasn't planning on going to sleep. She exhaled heavily and wiped her eyes.

Mom… Dad… Will you explain what's going on? Will you give me a sign…?

Her lower lip trembled, arms extending as though she was reaching out to try to hug someone.

But Bláithín Hahn was alone now, and she had no idea why she had to suffer so.

Her arms came back and cradled herself instead.

I miss you… Please…

She had to step up now - as much as she didn't want to - and had to be the 'good girl.' It was at that moment that she decided she wasn't going down, not like this. She wasn't going to be placed in another situation of unfamiliarity. How would she even fend for herself in Shiganshina?

An hour later, the horses stopped moving. She peered out the window and saw that the men had stopped outside of a bar. The bar itself looked somewhat familiar, maybe her parents had gotten something to eat there and took their daughters with them.

Okay, so I'm still in Mitras, she noted.

She tried opening the door to find out that it was locked shut. She huffed heavily and stared up at the ceiling and noticed the pane of glass on top was open ajar. She stood up on the seat. She was quite tall for her age so she was able to reach. She tipped the pane up to see if it would move and to her misfortune, it didn't. This was her shot of running back home… She was going to do whatever she could.

She took off her shoes that had a slight heel to them and started to hack away at the glass on top. The glass started to shatter like streak lighting across thunderous clouds. She shielded herself with her forearm as the glass rained down. From the very slight knowledge she had on self-defense - which really was incredibly slight, mind you - she shielded her thumb with her fingers and punched through the glass. She hissed as shards of glass cut her knuckles, but it was fine. It wasn't as painful as everything that happened today after all…

She pushed herself up and stood on top of the roof of the carriage. She was a tiny bit scared of heights and having to jump from distances, but that didn't matter now. She closed her eyes and took a leap of faith. She landed on her feet. They hurt but against all odds, she could still walk.

Then, she heard the door to the tavern burst open. Maybe Sven's guards only stopped by for a quick 'top-up'. They yelled in shock upon looking through the carriage window and finding out she wasn't there and it wasn't long before they started yelling at each other, slinging accusations back and forth. One argued that they should be honest and report to Lord Sven Hahn as to what happened, but the other clarified they'd probably lose their heads to fail at such an 'easy task.'

And so, they sat on patrol hoping the prodigal daughter would return.

But she didn't.

She wasn't going to.

She had tucked her way inside a stairwell and continued to walk down until darkness enshrouded her vision. She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the lack of light from the moon that had once illuminated the streets until she saw what appeared to be candlelight at the end of the stairwell. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her until she approached what appeared to be a city made of mud walls.

She had heard rumours of this place - the Underground District - and they appeared to be true.

She saw violence against women and children alike, gambling, drugs, drunkards. She saw poverty.

She saw the hungry eyes of older men that looked at her petite frame.

She saw the people struggling to walk, whose legs had broken down due to lack of sunlight.

She saw the children and mothers crying, crying out for a bit of sustenance.

It was far worse than the utter hell she had been going up until now. This was not a place for her… The people down here had known tragedy their whole lives, unlike her. She pivoted around to the entrance she came in only to see a guard standing by the stairwell. He dismissed anyone who didn't have any valid form of citizenship.

What had she done? How could she be so foolish and not watch where she was going?

She continued to walk. She wasn't going to back down, she refused to. Though ideally, it would have been a wise idea to try persuade the guards to allow her up, everyone knew Lord Sven after all. The only problem was what was going on above ground… had Sven sent more guards out to search for his niece in every nook and cranny of Mitras? She couldn't risk it.

Her uncle was a sour man who had conservative ideals and had no problem resorting to violence to get what he wanted or as means of punishment. She was accustomed and familiar with the leather belt and wooden spoon herself. What would happen if she showed herself to the family estate after escaping the carriage he had put her in in the first place? She didn't even want to imagine.

And so, she traveled deeper and deeper into the Underground until her legs gave way and exhaustion seized her mind.

A trio had been walking around at the time, led by a raven-haired man. Neither of them had been watching where they had been going until said raven-haired stopped the female companion beside him from stepping over the young sleeping girl on the corner of a house.

"Levi-bro, do you know her?"

Levi eyed her precariously and knelt down before her, turning her around to lie on her back. She was wearing a burgundy petite coat and a pastel blue sleeping dress. The family insignia was sewn into the left breast pocket.

"I know of her, Isabel. She's one of those prissy nobles. This is the Hahn insignia," he answered. "The question is how could she be so stupid to wander into such a shit-stained district like this."

"How do you know she's a Hahn?" Isabel asked.

"It says it there." He replied, pointing to her breast-pocket where a handkerchief was shoved in.

"I wish I was able to read…" she spoke under her breath.

Levi eyed her for a few seconds more. He noted her puffy cheeks and the tracks her tears had left. He noted the bruises on her shoulders that resembled lashes from belts, they seemed recent. He sighed.

Surely, this was just a girl who didn't know any better and just ran away after getting a belt to her side. That was his conclusion. That would have been any person's conclusion down here; to see the sight of a noble child lying down asleep outside a derelict house? They'd naturally assume it was a case of a spoiled, naive child who was too unaware of their surroundings and wandered down here. Probably ran away from home as an act of defiance.

She looked so damn pitiful.

"If I had to guess… this shitty brat ran away from home, not wanting to be discovered." He hoisted her over his shoulders. "Farlan, tell the guard at the nearby stairwell they may have fresh meat coming." He ordered the fair-haired lad.

"Why? Where are you taking her?"

"Well, I already have two hungry mouths to feed, don't I? I can't handle a third. I'm certainly no daddy to this spoiled brat," he answered as he started to walk to the stairwell. "Every once in a while, the Military Police collect future recruits for the Cadet Corps. At least if she goes there… she'll have food and a bed to sleep on."

Isabel and Farlan looked at each other before the other male spoke up again. "If that's the case, why can't we go up?"

Levi rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue. "Tch, don't be stupid. We have too much of a reputation down here to ever even dream of going up there. Stop spouting such bullshit, we'll never make it up there."

After a while of walking in silence, the girl was left in the hands of the guard at the post where the stairwell was.

The trio walked away, Levi walking in front as if nothing ever happened...

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