He heard crying and awoke. He didn't get up out of bed though, savouring the half-sleep state he was in.
Ever since Bláithín bought him the chamomile tea, he had been sleeping very well, for the first time in years, too. His eyes felt heavy and he didn't want to wake up, but the day of a soldier in the Survey Corps started pretty early.
The cries from what he presumed was coming from the Mess Hall continued, though they seemed to be calming down. Bláithín managed to persuade her sister to stay in Trost for a couple of days at least, and that meant Elise's baby was occasionally waddling around the barracks for a few hours everyday.
"Big-bro!" Isabel exclaimed as she burst through the door, "make the baby be quiet!" she whined.
Speaking of babies, Levi said to himself as he watched her sit down. "Babies usually cry for two reasons. If they're hungry or if they need changing. They shit and piss themselves right up their backs, it's gross." He snorted.
"Wow, you seem to know a lot about babies." She said.
"What? No. It only makes sense, if you can't speak and communicate your needs, then how else do get attention? You just scream your lungs out and hopefully your shitty diaper gets changed or whatever."
The talking of children made him think of his own mother, Kuchel. The times he would cry and yell when he was so hungry, and he thought his mother couldn't understand him. It only dawned on him years later that it's not that she didn't understand him; more like, she understood him all too well. Due to their living circumstances though, she just couldn't fulfill his request to be fed. Neither could she find food to fill her own stomach. He used to see his own mother shed tears at night, when she thought he had been sleeping. The burden the woman carried weighed heavy on her till she breathed her last breath; her last sick, dying, painful breath, before sickness overwhelmed her system.
He wished he had gotten up and wiped those tears away. He was but a child at the time and lived in unfortunate circumstances. But he was well acquainted with pain, even from an early age. The mother who pretended to be so strong was so riddled with pain, physically and mentally, all she could do was sob in defeat because fate dictated her to raise a child in a place that was not at all hospitable.
He shut his eyes tightly for a second to block out the painful memories. He got up and walked towards the door once he heard the crying had more or less stopped. He walked into the Mess Hall and saw Bláithín and her sister. It seemed as though Elise was going home today and he noted that Bláithín looked rather sad.
Elise had packed her bags and took the infant from Bláithín's, placing her in the pram. Bláithín was more than sad though; she was scared.
'My days are numbered…'
What does meeting with her adoptive sister have anything to do with her being killed? Perhaps Sven suspected Bláithín never died to begin with. Even so, the likelihood of her perishing was astronomically high due to her line of work.
Just why… why did he want them dead?
She thought back to her home - well, could she even call it home was another thing - in Mitras. On the days where she not a good, perfect little girl, she would wander up to the third floor of the Hahn estate. She remembered the end of the corridor to the left of, it was always enshrouded with murky shadows; the lights were not allowed to be turned on, said Sven.
His word was law, no matter what.
But, she felt mischievous one day… and she walked into his office. The office was cleaner than she had imagined it to be, considering her uncle practically lived in it. He kept it presented well. She saw the chess board on his desk. As a girl, she never was allowed to learn that. She did remember her uncle saying something about it one time…
"A King will always conquer," he paused as he knocked over the other counter, "its Queen. She will forever be at his mercy in life."
She remembered seeing potions bubbling away in test tubes on the shelf near his desk. She remembered seeing syringes near them too; they laid about on the desk but also inside briefcases.
Her uncle was a smart man, but he didn't like his business known. She had learned that the hard way...
"You insolent brat," he snarled. She gasped and turned around; her jaw slackened as she saw him remove his belt and hold it in his hands.
.
.
Bláithín found herself frozen to the spot thinking about it.
Insolent brat…
Insolent brat…
It echoed in her head.
She shook away the painful memories and proceeded to walk her sister out the door. She leaned down and kissed Eden on her forehead before speaking again. "I have two expeditions coming up. A small-scale one which is tonight and a larger one not long after that. I'll write to you shortly after they are done and I'll come visit you. I can't guarantee it will be soon though."
"That's fine. I'd probably be free to see you too anyway. Write to me in advance." She replied.
Bláithín watched her wheel her pram and pull it into the carriage. She raised her arm into the air, almost as a way of gesturing her to get out, to come back, but she knew it wouldn't be good for her either to stay here.
The carriage took took off, leaving Bláithín behind watching it ride off into the horizon. Her lips trembled with anxiety and for the first time in a while, she felt her eyes well.
Maybe it was because there was no way of knowing if this was the last time she'd see her?
Maybe it was because she was losing more precious people in her life and there was nothing she could do about it? Everything was out of her control, wasn't to plan.
And Bláithín hated that.
If her sister was soon to meet her untimely death… when was Bláithín going to meet hers?
She exhaled heavily and walked back into the headquarters and saw Levi resting against the architrave. "What do you need, Levi?"
"What's this about a small expedition you mentioned?"
"Long story short, if we don't catch a Titan, Hange will start drooling inappropriately. We received permission from Commander Keith to carry it out. Not many people are coming." She replied.
"Am I?" he asked. "And is Erwin?"
Bláithín looked at him and corked a brow, acting curious. Of course, she knew full well why he wanted to know if Erwin was coming along, and since he wasn't, he suddenly seemed less interested. Not that he looked totally interested in the first place. His aim was to dispose of Erwin Smith and in exchange, he'd get citizenship in the inner wall. It made sense; he had a lifetime a suffering and the least he deserved, along with many other like-minded people from the Underground, was perhaps a cushy life in the Inner Wall. This wasn't going to work out though. Erwin knew he was being targeted and didn't plan on being killed by some uncontrollable mercenary.
"No, he's not. I'd suggest refilling your gas and replacing your blades."
"Tch, why should I?" He squawked, almost as if he was surprised she 'dared' to give him an order.
She looked at him with a slight deadpan. "Because I said so, now hurry it up."
It wasn't long before a myriad of stars dotted the sky above them. The sun hadn't entirely set though, so there was a lovely sunset to behold. There was a crisp breeze, one that their cloaks wouldn't shield them from. Bláithín, among others, were shivering.
Before they had set off for the Titan enrapture that evening, Bláithín assigned a horse to Levi. He was black and more importantly to Levi, perfectly groomed. Perfect for a clean-freak, she said to herself. Levi seemed to have a knack for getting along with animals, perhaps… better than his attempt at getting along with people.
"Stay behind me. We won't see much as it's night, so you probably won't get the same rush soldiers nor-"
"Whatever." He said, cutting her off.
Exhibit A: clearly animals were easier to get along with than humans for Levi.
Hange gave strict instructions to stay tucked together. She was approaching this enrapture differently. Titans moved provided there was sunlight. She wanted to know if even just one Titan would follow and until how long. She brought torches with her though, and was hoping the light from them would lure them along.
They snapped the reins as they made their way out of the Trost District and en route to outside the wall of Shiganshina. The order was to stay as close to the wall as much as possible. They started to slow down on Hange's orders, which was only a few kilometres from the Walls. The horses were trained to run far longer distances, so if they needed to flee, the option was available.
It certainly was rather peaceful for now, nightfall was slowly creeping in so less Titans would be about. It always felt great to escape the repugnant smell from inside the walls. The clean, crisp air always felt so refreshing.
She felt her horse becoming restless so she knew there was a Titan about. She was quickly snapped away from her cloud nine and reminded of the cruel lives they lived and of the humanoid monsters who dictated their freedom. As they rode to the other side of the hill, she was quick to detect a two hands hovering over them.
"TITAN!"
"Levi, take down that one on the left!" Bláithín ordered as she catapulted herself into the air. She launched her grappling hooks and aimed to slice at the Achilles tendon. The Titan began to fall to the ground and the soldiers scattered away. She noticed Levi hadn't obeyed her orders. He remained glued to the saddle of his horse. His face looked slackened and she saw emotions strong enough to make his face move.
Levi was afraid. He was rooted with shock and fear. She didn't think he had it in him. But who wouldn't be scared seeing a Titan for the first time? In general, Levi didn't lack the skill; if anything, he had an abundance of it. But it was his pride that would get him killed, or his inability to listen. Maybe a bit of a shock was all he needed. Titans weren't predictable like humans so maybe, if his line was suddenly put on the line, even just for a second, it would shock him enough into listening to his younger superior.
The Titan almost squashed Levi had she not screamed at him again. "LEVI, GET OUT OF THE WAY!"
Maybe it had dawned on him that no matter how good at 3DMG he was, Titans' moves were totally unpredictable beyond the walls? Or that the Titan dummies he had been training on were not at all accurate representations of the Titans themselves? He came to his senses though and rode out of the way while his squad leader delivered the finishing blow to the nape.
It was just as he had heard, they were grotesque and intimidating beyond words.
She jumped off the burning carcass and ran over to him. "Why didn't you follow my orders, you could-" she stopped upon feeling a shadow come over them. Another titan with its eyes dead-set on the two of them. She hissed a sigh and carried out another finishing blow to the nape.
"Is it meant to smell that bad?" He asked, blocking his nose with his sleeve as he watched it decay.
"Yes, unfortunately. Once the cut has been delivered, they break down very quickly. Now, get back on your horse, and you will follow my orders the next time!" She lectured.
They continued to patrol the area until Hange had more or less lost the plot and spotted a deviant she wanted. She ordered everyone to chase into a forest. Of course, no one in their right mind would chase after a deviant but that was Hange Zoe for you. It didn't help they were riding through the dark and visibility was limited. The fear on the soldiers' faces was undeniable - they did not want to be here, but who would for that matter?
"Come back, my darling! I just want to plaaaay!" Hange yelled, gleefully.
"Someone put her in the nuthouse." Said another soldier.
The forest wasn't that big and they exited it almost as quickly as they came in. Hange came to her senses and her horses skidded to a halt once she discovered a swarm of titans. They weren't necessarily outnumbered but there was certainly too many to take down for such a small number of soldiers. All soldiers flew up in the air to engage, much to Hange's dismay.
They fought mercilessly, severing limb upon limb. Smoke rose into the air, filling their lungs. It was hard to breathe. Levi and Bláithín hacked away at the titans. She stopped mid air upon hearing a blood curdling scream.
"HANGE!"
She gasped and looked back into the distance and saw that Hange was grabbed. Skimming through the air, she cut the Titan's arm and the grip was released. Hange fell to the ground and Bláithín stood up to shield her. Hange and her continued to back away from the Titan that tried to grab with its other arm.
She looked 'good' here, didn't she? She was defending one of her closest friends. That's what it was meant to be good. She kept wiggling the blade in the Titan's face. Her facial expression contrasted her actions, you could see it in her eyes. They looked calm, still, devoid of fear and panic.
Maybe she was done with being good, she was done with being perfect.
Maybe she hated being perfect but for so long, it was all she ever aimed for.
Perfection, it was going to be her downfall one of these days.
Insolent brat…
Insolent brat…
Insolent brat…
I've been nothing but good this whole time, she whispered under her breath as the Titan grabbed her by the waist and lifted her into the air.
Insolent brat...
She looked back at Levi and she just knew he saw it; he saw how she had resigned herself to death if it came to it. She had no problem dying, as long as she looked morally good in the process. She wanted to look like she was saving a life instead of her own, so that she'd be remembered as a 'good' person. Because all her life, her uncle saw her as the very opposite.
An insolent brat, right?
He didn't look too impressed as he whirled into the air and killed his first titan. He didn't think he'd have to save his superior. She fell to the ground and brought a hand up to her ribs where she was squeezed and saw two boots step before her. She looked up and saw the man who saved her.
"Don't make yourself look like some piss-poor hero. Have some dignity and value your life, you idiot." He said coolly. He wasn't impressed, not at all, but he bent down and slung her arm over his shoulder and helped her stand. "Hange, we need to seek shelter. We're freezing our asses off here. Or better yet, let's just go back."
Hange managed to stand up by herself just fine. She looked at all of the soldiers' dejected faces and realized that it was foolish idea to go out at such an ungodly hour… even in the name of science, she had to admit it! It had been around fourteen years since they last successfully captured a Titan and even then, twenty soldiers lost their lives for it. She sighed and ordered everyone to retreat.
Levi assisted his squad leader over to her horse. She hopped up on the saddle, trying to clear her mind. Levi saw through her act and a part of her felt… ashamed?
"Are you okay?" he asked and for once, he sounded concerned. Even if it was only a tiny bit. Did she even deserve his concern. She was still in shock, he could see it; she looked into the distance as she failed to command her own horse to follow everyone else. "Oi… You heard me, right? Don't tell me that shitty Titan made you go deaf or something?"
She looked at him and then looked out into the distance and gently snapped the reins, "Y-yeah, I'm fine."
It was late that night when Levi returned to his dorm and he was beyond relieved to see that Isabel and Farlan had stayed awake from them. Levi walked over to the window and shut the blinds before sliding into his bed. He didn't even bother to change into looser clothes for bed - which Farlan and Isabel noticed - and asked him.
"Levi-bro? What's the matter? You always change into looser clothes before bed?"
He rolled over onto his side, his back facing them. Isabel peered over, checking on him and noticed he was shivering. She informed Farlan by whispering it in his ear. He nodded and left the room.
"Oi, where's he going?" he snarled, his voice sounding a bit nasal. "I don't need anyone to come-" he began, but Farlan came back with Bláithín.
"I hear you're sick, Levi." She spoke, genuine concern lacing her tone.
"I'm not sick," he retorted, which was followed by two sneezes. The blonde squad leader chuckled at his stubbornness and walked over to him. She pressed her hand against his forehead and he slapped it away. "Don't touch me, get your hands off me! I don't need you babying me."
"But I'm not trying to. You have a fever and you're getting a cold. I may be your superior but I am responsible for you three as well," she replied. She had come into the room fully equipped and popped a thermometer in his mouth. "Thirty-eight degrees, just a little bit high. Nothing too serious…" She said.
Isabel stared at her in slight awe. Beneath her occasionally strict exterior (as expected of an elite soldier), she could tell she genuinely cared about them all. Levi tried to refuse her help but eventually, he gave up trying to shoo her away and let her talk. He let her give her advice on what to drink and eat. And maybe realized it too.
She tore the blankets off him and sighed heavily. "Change into something lighter-"
"I'll be fine. Please, let me sleep."
She stopped to appreciate his 'please', even if he didn't truly mean it. "Listen to me, change into something lighter. You'll overheat and you'll feel even worse, your brain will fry. And we don't want that."
"What made him get sick?" Farlan asked.
"If I had to guess, it's the weather. He's not the only one from the expedition who has gotten a case of the chills. It'll pass though, he'll be fine," she said, as she walked towards the door. "If you're not over it by tomorrow night, I'll get Hange to check on you, or something… Sleep well, Levi." She said, and shut the door.
Hey everyone! I'd really love to know what you guys are thinking. If you're enjoying it, or if you have any constructive criticism, do let me know!
- Kirsten :)