Sorry for the long delay again, but my original plot is loosely based on the manga and it was taking a few wild twists and turns lately so I didn't want to write something from out of the ordinary.
Also, college is very stressful, my apologies.
The sun finally completed its tour of the day, setting at the horizon. Amber rays filled the sky as it set, with the still lingering contrasting blue, adding to spectacle.
You can never see this on the inside, Bláithín said to herself.
The Survey Corps were approaching a beaten down castle. Bláithín walked up to Isabel, Farlan and Levi, and began to undo the straps. She took all three in one hand, and guided them towards some metal bar and hooked them up to it. She retrieved two wooden crates of water and laid them out in front of them and gestured them to drink with a gentle pat one their manes.
"Squad Leader, are we really staying at this run down joint?" Isabel asked, a bit of disappointment laced her voice.
"Yeah, I doubt anyone's been here for at least a year. The walls looks pretty battered down but...it looks like they've made good use of these old ruins. Of course if the titans attacked, they'd be able to break down the walls with ease. But if we spend the night here then we should be okay." Farlan stated, trying to figure out the Corps' motives.
"That's right, titans don't attack at night, right?" Isabel questioned.
"Well, that doesn't mean anything, Isabel," Bláithín warned her. Bláithín turned around to face her, extending a finger. "We're outside the Walls. Literally anything could happen and we must constantly be as prepared as we can be."
The four walked inside the castle that was fairly lit by torch lights. Soldiers were distributing different supplies. Some were laying out blankets along the grounds. Soldiers went off into their usual clique or whatever. Bláithín had intended going over to Mike and Hange and let off a bit of steam. Erwin was busy talking to the Commander. Bláithín looked over at Isabel, Farlan and Levi who were talking...rather secretly.
"Ah, Bláithín, stop worrying," Hange told her. "I'm sure they're fine."
"...But the documents that mattered weren't there..." Bláithín heard Farlan said at one point, making her feel a bit uneasy. Her mind wandered back to what she had said nights prior...
"I am not losing any more people that I am able to protect. If you are going to kill Erwin, you're going to have to come through me, first."
The blonde was going to walk over there. Her blood was boiling, she was not going to let a handful of mercenaries from the underground uproot her life even more.
"Bláithín. Stop it," Mike intervened and fell onto his knees beside the two girls. Mike inhaled sharply through his nose, as if this whiff could solve all. "...I don't like this place all that much..." he grumbled, wriggling his nose.
Bláithín noticed Farlan, Levi and Isabel wander off. She shook her head and gave their actions a lazy wave. She walked down and sat in front of Hange and Mike.
"Are the thugs behaving?" the tall man asked.
She pursed her lips into a tight line before looking at him for a second. How did he have the audacity to speak to her so calmly after everything he had done to her. "It took a while, but I've finally broken through to them...okay, kind of."
"What about the 'grouchy shithead'?" Hange asked. She butted in before Bláithín had the chance to speak.
"We've kind of got some sort of 'if you respect me, then I'll respect you' relationship." She commented.
She stood up, and picked a bag that she was going to use as a pillow for the evening.
"You mean that guy who took out the twenty meter class?" Hange exclaimed, her hands hitching onto her kneecaps.
"Yeah, that's him," she breathed, lying down on the bag, hands lazily crossed at the back of her head.
The three eventually walked back into the room, making Bláithín feel uneasy again, and shifting her weight to her elbows. Her head jerks at any movements made by the trio.
"We'll have to kill him..." Levi was heard say.
Bláithín's eyes widened greatly upon hearing this.
"...I'm going to speak to them. You've gotten loads of time with them, now it's my turn," Hange stated, and began to shuffle over to the three friends after adjusting her glasses to the bridge of her nose.
She was going to yell to Hange to just wait, but was too late, for she was already at the group. Bláithín grimaced out of possible discomfort, but there was some humour in it, as she watched the unfolding scene that the reckless Hange decided to join.
"Hey! Can I disturb you for a moment?" she asked, a large grin forming her features. "I saw it, you know. The decisive moment!"
"The decisive moment? What are you talking about?" Levi asked.
"What am I talking about?" she quizzed, voice brimming with energy, hunching her back, and resting her hands on her knees. "It's obvious that I'm talking about that titan you brought down! That really was amazing! I was overwhelmed with excitement!"
"Ah..." he breathed, realization now hitting him. He personally though it wasn't anything that impressive by the looks of it.
"Ugh, Hange!" Bláithín moaned, shaking her head.
"I haven't spoken much to you but everyone in the corps know me! You're Levi, right?" she asked, before averting her eyes to Isabel. "This girl over here is Isabel," before averting her eyes to Farlan, but stumbled for his name. "And this is..."
"Farlan." He grumbled.
She plopped herself hard onto the ground sitting in between Isabel and Farlan, and playfully slapped his shoulder. "Right, right, Farlan! Nice to meet you!" she beamed, enthusiastically. She turned her gaze towards the grouchy shithead. "You didn't come here from the training Corps, did you Levi? How are you so skilled at using the 3DMG?" she pestered. He simply scowled at her.
"...Nothing special. I simply practiced." was his response.
"Did you learn from anyone? The first time I tried it, I had a hard time balancing. You should have seen Bláithín, she had no coordination from time to time, and when she does, it's always a mere stroke of luck! She's honestly hilarious!" she exclaimed, slapping her knee. Bláithín scowled at her, faking a smile of sorts. Hange shrugged at first, letting out a giggle. "Do you have any tricks or tips for improving?" she asked, looking at Isabel.
"Not really." She growled through her gritted teeth.
"Maaaan, you don't mince words, huh? Even a tiny hint would be great," she pried. She turned her head to the other soldiers in the vicinity. Everything now quietening, the majority of the soldiers turned their attention towards the three friends. "Come on, I'm pretty sure everyone's itching to know...Everyone saw how you fought. The way you fight encourages us to believe that humanity will not lose to the titans. It was really awe-inspiring to watch!" she confessed.
"He-he-he! We're amazing, aren't we!?" Isabel boasted. "They're thinking better of us? Did you get a good look?"
"Yep, it was awesome. Which is exactly why Levi should-"
"-Big Bro is the strongest one out there! Even in the Underground he was the strongest!"
"Really now! I'd love to know the secret to his strength, you know!" she replied, not even trying to hide this weird form of desperation. The brunette snapped her head again to the ravenette sitting before her. "Hey, Levi-"
"Big Brother is um...um..." Isabel stuttered. "Anyways, he's strong!"
Hange flashed her a smile and took out a sewn pouch, and handed it to the cheerful redhead. "Here, Isabel. Would you like to try some of these sweets I got from a friend?" she offered. Isabel swiped it out of her grasp and taste tested the sweet with the tip of her tongue before placing it all in her mouth. "So how about it?" she asked, averting her eyes to Levi. "Would you be willing to let us know what goes on inside your head?"
"I can't. I'm self-taught. It's not something that you can easily teach to others." he responded, coolly.
"But-?"
He shook his head, "Sorry. I'm exhausted."
Hange furrowed her brows dejectedly and stood up. "I see...I'm sorry for disturbing you. Thank you, Isabel. Thank you, Farlan," she expressed, patting their shoulders. "Let's take a nice long chat next time, okay? If we make it back alive, I'll buy you lunch sometime." and lightly waved them goodnight. She walked back over to their squad leader. "Jeez, Bláithín...You've such a depressing squad..." she commented.
"Tell me about it," she grumbled, and stood up. "Before we leave tomorrow, I guess I have to go over Erwin's strategy with them," she announced before walking over to the trio.
Shortly after going through the scouting formation, Bláithín returned to her group of friends, plugging her ears.
She tried relaxing into her place before remembering something. "Isabel!" she shouted, disregarding the fact that some people had fallen asleep.
Isabel perked up from her conversation with her two friends. She gasped when a paper-aeroplane hit her head. She picked it up and opened it.
"Good aim," Hange acknowledged.
"I know, right?"
Isabel unfolded the piece of paper to find it a picture of a beach bursting with colours to greet her. Cerulean, cobalt and baby blue etched on the paper indicated the ocean and the various shades of yellows and oranges indicated the silky sand. She actually could draw. Kind of - for certain people, it merely looks like a large portion of blue and a large portion of yellow.
"It's a beach. Now, leave Levi's horse alone," she ordered.
"It's fine, she settled for another one," Farlan told her.
Isabel began to write a message with an old pen she conveniently happened to find on the ground. As scribbled away, Bláithín gaped at her.
"Ugh! Give it back, I worked hard on that stupid picture!" she cried.
Levi took it off her, folded it up and sent the paper aeroplane back to her. It hit off Bláithín head causing her to pout.
The next day, the Survey Corps took off bright and early before the titans sniffed them out. The sunlight was practically white and blinding. Bláithín squinted her eyes in better efforts to make her surroundings visible.
After a few minutes of the formation traveling like a wedge of some sort, Erwin bellowed, "ALL SQUADS! EXECUTE LONG DISTANCE SCOUTING FORMATION!" With his arms spread out wide.
Within mere minutes of riding up north after assembling the formation, Bláithín and her squad noticed a few red flares dart through the sky.
"It's a huge battalion but...it's moving as if everyone has become one. Yep, I should've known that Squad Leader Erwin's no ordinary guy. Looks like he's arranged it so there's no chance of the rear guard running into any titans before we reach the next supply post." Farlan pointed out.
"Up 'til now, we've changed course fourteen times. Guess there's a lot more of 'em then you'd think, huh?" Isabel presumed, counting on a few of her fingers.
"So in other words, we're all fucked if we stop moving. Is that what you're saying?" Farlan asked.
Their squad leader sighed heavily. If they wanted to go and have a picnic, there are in fact surprisingly pleasant places back inside the Walls to sit down and engage in casual banter. "Basically, yes, now pay attention or-" Bláithín began to say, but looked up at the sky. Her lips parted and her face scrunched up when a droplet bounced off her nose.
Levi grumbled to himself. "Oi. What's up with you?" Levi snapped, a bit bewildered as she lost her train of thought.
"...We're about to head into some heavy rain - stay alert!" she ordered, whilst looking up at the thick, grey clouds that continued to pile onto one another.
"Squad Leader?! What on earth...This shouldn't be happening!"
"Well, guess what: it is! Stay alert, because it's going to get messy!" she shouted back at her squad, who all nodded in response. Bláithín already had to squint her eyes as the rain began to pelt against them. But to make matters worse, the storm clouds just happened to be a pain and brought some fog as well. "Shit! DON'T BREAK FORMATION! YOU MUST STAY TOG-"
"What the hell are you saying, Squad Leader Bláithín?!" Farlan exclaimed.
Bláithín heaved a sigh and shielded her face with her forearm.
"Isabel! Farlan! Don't get separated!" Levi called out, concern and distress heavily lacing his tone.
Bláithín looked behind at her squad; the situation continued to go downhill. Lightning struck first, and the bang followed. She squinted her eyes from the brilliant, white light that could blind someone in close range. The violent booming was unfathomable to describe. It was so sudden and far too soon to have brought that much destruction.
Bláithín went to fire the flare for an emergency as it was the first thing that came to mind, as to everyone else, but the smoke washed away with the pelting drops as fast as it was fired. It was as if it was washed down the drain again. "SHIT!" Her horse's hoof momentarily skidded with the wed mud, and almost fell off the saddle. Almost. She sucked in a breath, trying to calm herself down. She stroked its main for a few seconds. "Easy, it's alright..." she soothed before she gulped.
The squad continued to battle Mother Nature's power, but it was proved just about impossible as the fog thickened. Bláithín shook her head in disapproval. But they had no choice but to ride on.
"Can it be that their visibility has been cut off?!" Farlan questioned. His voice was just about definable through the lashing rain.
"Hey! What the hell are we gonna do!? We totally lost sight of everyone!" Isabel yelled.
"All we can do is keep moving. We shouldn't be that far off from the rest of the squad," he replied. "We just have to keep going forward blindly...and hope that this fog will clear up fast-!"
"Can you guys hear me!?" Bláithín shouted back. "But the way things are moving now, flares are going to be completely useless no matter how much time passes!" she shouted out amidst the dense fog, voice becoming more muffled by the second. She might as well have been screaming into her pillow.
"Squad Leader?! Do your noise rounds still work!?" Farlan called out.
"They should!" she replied. "Keep moving forward and follow the sound of my voice if not!"
This was too much for Bláithín Hahn, far too much for her to take. Panic had overridden all other feelings and notions; she couldn't concentrate and frankly, she had never felt so terrified. She had a duty to protect her squad and she had a very strong feeling that today she would not succeed in doing so.
She looked back at them, identifying the murky figures as best as she could and she gulped. She suddenly felt her eyes well with tears.
Huh... why am I crying?
Bláithín normally didn't falter like this. She looked back one more time and as though she had no control over herself, she muttered the words, "I'm sorry."
Sorry because she had a strong inkling she was going to fail them.
That she was was going to fail herself; that she wasn't going to be perfect.
Sorry to herself because once again, she felt like a worthless squad leader.
Even after everything she had been through, Bláithín was still weak and emotional.
If only people - and in particular, her squad - could see her now... that behind her stable exterior that seemed to be at peace, was a frightened little girl who ached for the love and attention she never received as a child which, in turn, morphed into an unhealthy obsession of perfection. A mixture of depression, tears and hopelessness; a nightmare of unspoken fears and immense pain and suffering.
Bláithín looked over her shoulders. She could just about see the shadows of her squad's horses. Just. She felt a great sense of uncertainty all around her; it literally felt as if it was being breathed upon her by a titan. Just then, she heard a noise round, and she jerked her head. What...? Behind her she could hear squabbling between Isabel, Farlan and Levi, but it wasn't definable at all now, the fog kept thickening.
Hard to see, hard to breathe.
She couldn't concentrate.
And all of sudden, she couldn't hear them anymore.
The situation worsened beyond what was originally thought possible.
Her horse was circling the titans, as she tried to find the nape of their necks. Amongst the fog and pelting rain, soldiers' screams were to be heard.
Bláithín's heart was in her mouth, she could hear little else but a throb, but that was no valid reason not to take action. "Don't move! I'll help you!" Bláithín shouted up to him.
Only the soldier's upper body was visible. His waist down was in the jaws of an flesh-eating, depraved monster.
"SQUAD LEADER BLÁITHÍN! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!" he protested. Panic and hopelessness laced his tone, shaking his head frantically. "JUST GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!"
"NO!" she screeched.
"TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! PLEASE GO BACK TO YOUR OWN-" but his speech became muffled and fell to a nought when engulfed by the putrescent lips of the titan.
The titan had smothered him and shoved him into its large mouth. His hand was cupped so it was kind of inevitable. Bláithín stepped back a few feet, though she was still listening for other signs of trouble. She heaved an almost self-disappointed sigh. Anger and revenge wouldn't bring him back. She mounted her horse to find more suitable place to pick the fight.
She heard Farlan shout something over into her direction. But it soon became quiet.
"FARLAN!" Isabel and her both screamed.
Bláithín mounted her horse and galloped into the direction of his voice, when she saw a figure with pigtails zip through the air. "Shit..! ISABEL! GET BACK! I'll take it out!"
She was throwing caution into the wind by zipping up to the titan from her original post. Bláithín was closer, it would have been easier. She jumped into its opening fist and sliced its fingers.
"HYAH!" she screamed, triumphantly. She withdrew her grappling hooks and pierced its arm higher up from its original position. She swooped down to slice its nape, but to her horror, she missed and struck its shoulder blade area. Isabel's body stiffened and buckled as the gravity of her mistake hit her, and hard.
"ISABELLE, NO!" Bláithín screamed, and ascended into the air to assist her.
But she was too late to do anything; her gear had malfunctioned and she was jammed into its back. She couldn't move, her gear was caught. Both stopped dead in their tracks to do anything and a titan bent down and simply stared at her, its mouth open wide to have its snack.
"Bi...BIG BRO-!" she tried to wail, but the titan shoved its head into her, and down came her decapitated head.
Bláithín tumbled to the ground again, as she watched another one of her squad fall prey to the Titans in the space of a few minutes. Where's Levi? she asked herself.
Farlan was still in a dangerous position; he was right in front of the two titans, about to fall prey to one of them. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" he seethed, out of pure maleficence. He went to pierce the titan...But alas, if one fell, they might as all well have fallen; his gear was disconnected. "WHAT THE-!? Fuck, it's disconnected!"
No...No...I'm not going to lose anyone else out here! she swore, solemnly. She ascended as fast as lightning and went in to slice. "I will not leave anybody behind anymore! Farlan, I want you to find a horse and get some help, anyone who is alive!" she ordered.
"BEHIND YOU!" Farlan warned. "There's one more!"
Mid-air, Bláithín spun around sharply and noticed a titan's claw like grip coming dangerously close. It snatched her in that split second, its fingers threatening to shatter her rib-cage. She coughed up a great globule of maroon liquid, shutting her eyes to fight through the white hot pain. Tears immediately spilled down her cheeks, and she huffed relentlessly. A stench resembling decaying flesh greeted her nostrils. She closed her eyes, facing the inevitability that she was going to die when something clicked.
"Don't make yourself look like some piss-poor hero. Have some dignity and value your life, you idiot."
She was getting tired now, the pain was immense. Still, she made an effort to appear to be fighting back. She stabbed the Titan in its eyes and it cried out. It was enough to make it loosen its clench around her and she fell to the ground in a heap.
She saw other soldiers sigh with relief, knowing she was still alive. She was a perfect soldier. But she was not a perfect person.
She attempted to stand but she gasped in horror noting that she didn't feel anything in her legs. She lightly dashed her fingers against her rib cage, feeling the crimson blood soaking through her shirt. Her legs felt like they had been crushed and could barely stand, but that didn't matter. She still had to put Farlan's safety above her own.
To look perfect.
"Farlan!" she screamed out, jabbing her dual blades into the ground to keep her standing. "Fuck..." she hissed, brows knitting together in immense pain. "F-Farlan! FARLAN, CAN YOU HEAR ME!?"
Where was he?
"FARLAN! NO, NO!" she protested, denying the inevitable that had probably happened. She ascended into the air again, despite her agonizing pains stunting her performance, she searched for him.
But it was too late.
He was gone.
As were the titans that massacred all of the soldiers around her.
Her lips trembled and tears bubbled over her cheeks. Bláithín landed on the ground in a heap again. She let out a groan - she knew her body was about to give out now. She clutched her abdomen for dear life until her body keeled over from its squatting position. Once she realized she had landed on her crushed knees, she threw herself onto her behind.
Rage like no other burned through her soul. She bit her lower lip, stifling a scream of anger, loathe for herself and the Titans. If her body was able to do something, she would have gone out and torn that Titan to shreds. Was she responsible for their deaths? 'I was too slow...' she told herself.
Her entire being was consumed by an inky shadow.
The Titan peered over her, sadistically hovering over her slowly. As it lowered its hand to her, trying to get a form of her body correct for its grip. Bláithín inhaled a shaky breath, accepting her demise - there was nothing she could do to save her. Suddenly, the Titan jerked and a vicious battle cry like no other assaulted her eardrums.
This person was screaming, venting through his slaughtering.
Slice.
Tear.
Rip.
Her eyes widened upon noticing the mop of black hair belonging to the man who was almost dashing over the Titan. His cuts were deep, clean, swift, agile and deadly, even if Titans just regenerated.
Bláithín gasped. She recognized this voice over the past few months. Her wheezy breaths increased in pace, as the man's vocal chords emphasized the sheer disdain for these mindless, man-eating monsters. If he found out that she had failed to protect his best friends, what would he say? Would he hate her more than he already did? Never talk to her again?
The man who was screaming his heart out, all the while crying, who had just finished decapitating the Titan was none other than her still standing squad member...
It was Levi.
She suddenly felt as if she had to be there for him. She had no reason for this at all either, which confused her a lot.
Levi howled out once more, rolling and slicing down the Titan's arm, before jumping up to viciously slice the nape.
Levi stood over a fallen Isabel, she could hear him whimpering through bereavement.
That was the last thing she'd ever expect to hear from him - she even deemed his screaming as uncharacteristic of him.
But he was human, he had feelings too that were just kept behind his abrasive persona. And it was obvious that when his two best friends died, he was going to be heartbroken. Tears and blood stained his face, but his bangs did a good job of concealing it.
The raven-haired man gasped upon noticing the close proximity of his squad leader. He ran over to her and he picked her up, swinging an arm around his shoulder. He pulled her face to look at him. He patted her wounds on her cheek and she looked up at him.
She could already see it - he looked so dead inside. He looked so tired, physically, emotionally and mentally. Loss this great and this dear was something he wasn't experienced enough in. His eyes had some light in them at the time, but now she felt like she was looking into an endless abyss of emotional pain, guilt, melancholy and pure hatred.
Inhaling sharply, she cupped his cheek. "I'm sorry."
She continued to whimper. "Isabel a-and F-Farlan... they are..." she sniffled.
For a split second, Levi gnashed his teeth together, his eyes growing darker and emptier by the second. "Dead."
Nothing too much, but it was enough to convey something to him. He averted his gaze, giving a final sniffle, backing away slightly, but enough to feel the warmth of the fingers on his bloody cheek.
She saw him crack, his exterior had cracked in front of her. But she had experienced this so many times before.
It wasn't much, but she whispered, "It will be okay...I promise you that you'll be okay..." she whispered ever so softly.
She took away her hand, knowing it was probably invading his personal space. It didn't provide much of anything. But, if he was going to be completely honest with himself, he appreciated it a small bit...because for a few seconds, he felt nothing...
And it felt...better.
He was mourning over his friends' death, very true, but with her here he felt lost, if that was the right words. Everything froze temporarily. As if nothing had happened - time wasn't moving. His hearing was warped and all he could hear was his heart beating rampantly from the anger that still had yet to leave his system.
"Shh... it'll be okay," she whispered gently to him one last time.
She felt another sharp pain radiating up her legs, too powerful to bear. She fell to the ground in a heap once again, not having the strength to shed a few tears of this pain. Her eyelids were droopy.
Levi had attempted to grab her while she tumbled but he was too late. He briefly examined her injuries. He internally cringed upon seeing the open fractures on her legs.
Rain pelting against her already dripping wet face, she sighed. The droplets were coaxing her eyelids to fall, but she stayed awake. All she could do, all that she wanted to use her energy for was to look into his dead, bloodshot eyes and say, "I'm sorry,"
He didn't look at her after that and looked the other way after firing a purple flare.
After Levi's confrontation and row with Erwin, Bláithín was placed into a wagon. After a few groans and grunts, she eventually got into a lying position. Levi stepped onto the wagon and sat beside her.
He watched her for a few minutes as she tried to adjust to the bumpiness of the wagon. He exhaled heavily and that caught her attention.
"Why are staring at-?" She asked but paused as she clutched her stomach, her back arching as she writhed in pain for a few seconds.
Levi watched her, concern for her physical injuries flooding through him. "Don't move. Relax." He told her, looking into her eyes.
Tears sprung in her eyes again and she clamped them shut, her lips parting. "It h-hurts," she sobbed. She inhaled sharply. "It hurts so much."
Levi looked back at her. "I'm sure it does... Just don't move, you'll-"
"-Make it worse," she finished. "I know..." she added, solemnly.
Levi stood at the edge of the wagon, on look out for any titans who may have decided to follow them home. He gripped his blades tightly, looking out at the vast landscape. He vowed to protect her.
Maybe they died under her supervision, but the poor girl needed a break. He wouldn't dare question her about it, for she may be as traumatized as him too. He looked back at her and he felt his chest stiffen when he saw her wincing in pain. Her wounds had been bandaged but blood was seeping through at an alarming rate still.
He muttered a curse under his breath and made a vow.
"I am not fucking losing anyone else."
For those who mightn't know, an open fracture is when the bone breaks but it sticks out through the skin
Please REVIEW! Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
Stay cool
- Kirsten