I had this scene planned out for so long, only for it to end up being extremely OOC. If it bothers you, I will unpublish this and rewrite the chapter. Do let me know down below.
Also, I failed a module in college (ayy) so I have repeat exams coming up in like a week or two. I'll try write something before then, but obviously I gotta pass the repeats otherwise I have do freshman year of college all over again so ;;;;;;;
White light was beginning to filter through her closed lids. There was a gentle breeze present.
As Bláithín began to open her eyes, it was like her soul was ripped from her body. She cast her gaze to the left and noticed that she was hooked up.
She sighed and did her best to prop herself. As she did so, the gentle breeze caressed her face. Everything felt heavy but in spite of that, the light was calling her.
Sunlight.
Everything was so bright.
She vaguely remembered the past events and could recall she was in Mitras up until now at least… Right now, she was in an infirmary.
She peeled the covers off from her and gasped upon seeing the bandages around her stomach. They needed to be changed, blood was slowly seeping through, and god forbid if Levi saw them.
Levi…
He brought her here, he must have.
She ran her fingers over the wound and winced. There was a scar healing there - she could feel how rough the skin was - but the skin must have been weakened upon injury and is now prone to bleeding until she is fully recovered, she assumed.
To her right was a desk with a snuffed out candle and a few flowers, now wilting. Funny how the wilting flowers always symbolised her condition right; always needed to be taken care of otherwise they'd fall weak.
She heard some muttering coming from behind, outside of the room. She frantically sat up only to grumble with the pain that shot through her core. She inhaled through the pain and gently let herself step to the floor. She stretched what tense muscles her body would allow her to. Her knees felt a bit wobbly and weak at first, but she was alright; she'd manage.
"Ah, you're awake," came a voice. Bláithín looked up.
"Hange?" she inquired. "What are you doing here? How did you get here?"
"Surprise!" she sang. "Erwin, Mike and Levi are all here. They're just… doing man stuff."
Bláithín quirked a brow. "I don't think I want to know what that entails of… but I digress, how did I get here?"
~*~ (a few nights prior)
"Bláithín!" Levi yelled as she fell to the ground. She was limp and lifeless, blood pooling beneath her. "Shit!" he cursed.
He held her in his arms like she was made of china, and carefully stood up to get away from this messed-up house as fast as he could. She was drifting in and out of consciousness in his arms, groaning in pain occasionally. He knew she was bleeding out at an alarming rate, but running might make her pain worse and he wasn't sure what he wanted to do.
Levi was too emotionally invested in the girl to ever see her in pain.
Of course, he would never admit that though.
Her head fell back further, not officially plunged into darkness. "Stay with me, dammit!" he yelled at her.
He ran further and further, as fast as his legs could carry him until he found a horse and coach. He begged than man to take him to the nearest infirmary. He sat in the coach and laid Bláíthín on the seat. He knelt down on the floor and tore off a part of the leg of his pants. He bunched it into a ball and pressed down on her stomach, putting pressure on the wound.
"Don't you dare go." He said to her.
…
When Hange had finished explaining, Bláithín sat down. She put her head in her hands and sighed heavily. Hange quirked her brow. "Why do you look so dejected?" she asked her friend.
She propped herself back onto the bed again and laid down. "He's always looking after me… I guess I just feel bad."
Hange knew Bláithín hated being a burden to others. She noticed her blonde friend was happier with the newest addition to the Survey Corps, and if one put two and two together the answer would be obvious.
They cared so deeply for each other and have become steady figures in each other's lives.
Still, the urge to strive for perfection around him was still there. She didn't want to be taken care of; she felt she didn't deserve it. She didn't want to feel like she was dragging everyone around her down.
She wondered if she had stayed in Sine, how much more would her mental health have plummeted?
"Speaking of Levi, where is he?"
"Oh!" Hange exclaimed, "He said, and I quote… 'I'll be damned if I have to go change her bandages again', but he said he'd come in and check on you."
Bláithín nodded, relieved that he wasn't going to completely ignore her. Suddenly, her stomach growled and she squirmed in her bed to try to silence the rumbling. She hadn't eaten in a few days. Hange chuckled to herself.
"I'll go see if the nurses can prepare something." She said, excusing herself to leave until Bláithín called out to her again.
"Thanks for… taking care of me and having everyone come up to keep me company." Bláithín spoke, softly.
Hange stiffened for a second before smiling. Smiling because… it wasn't her who told everyone to come up and see her. It was a certain raven-haired man. Thinking of how much the two had bonded recently always made the bespectacled brunette smile.
"You should thank Levi, Bláithín. He sent out a carrier pigeon to us saying you were in need of medical attention shortly after you had been checked in here… He cares for you, Bláithín, and you should really consider yourself lucky. He even helped me bathe you and-!"
The blonde's jaw fell slack. "WHAT?!"
Hange pursed her bottom lip, almost as though she was completely clueless as to why she'd be freak. She brought her finger up to her chin as she recounted the memories.
"Don't be freaked out! You weren't even full unclothed! We had to clean your wounds. He held you upright so that your heavy, unconscious body wouldn't-"
"I don't even want to hear it,"Bláithín snapped, cutting her off before wanting to wallow in embarrassment.
"If it makes you feel any better…" Hange began, "Levi sometimes knocks me unconscious to get me clean too so I mean-!"
The door to their room burst open and, well, speak of the devil. Bláithín didn't know if she was relieved or shocked to see him… especially after everything he must have seen. She hoped to god he was wearing a blind fold. She had reason to believe that Hange set him up to do this… that maybe they'd perhaps look at each other differently?
"Oi, Shit-Glasses, if you're going to talk shit about me, at least make sure you do it quietly or I'm not outside the damn room." He groaned, visibly pissed off. He locked eyes with Bláithín and his gaze softened significantly. Hange noticed the the way their eyes practically became glued like magnets and decided to see herself out.
"Thank you, Hange, I'll talk to you in a bit." Bláithín said.
Levi cleared his throat awkwardly and walked towards the window. He was wearing a white shirt, buttoned up to just under the collarbones and the sleeves were rolled back behind his elbows. He wore black slacks too. He must have gotten a change of clothes, maybe he requested it to be brought up. He pushed the window out as far as it would go, inhaling the fresh air. He spun around on his heel.
"You doing okay?" He asked her as he began to approach her.
Bláithín pulled the covers up to drape her delicate frame. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said softly. At this point, Levi had sat at the edge of her bed, allowing her to get a perfect view of his side-profile.
He looked tired. His eyes looked a bit more sunken in than normal. She hoped he had been sleeping somewhat ever since she got himself checked in here. He looked worn out though, so he probably hadn't. He glanced over at her, giving her his full attention as he studied her complexion. She continued to look back at him. "What is it?" he asked.
"I-I'm sorry that you have to look after me again…" she whispered, ashamed.
After all, how dare she not be perfect?
She was currently a hair out of place and in her mind, almost was never good enough.
"Look, Bláithín… what's most important is that you're awake now," he said. She couldn't ignore the exhaustion in his voice. He sounded fed-up.
"Levi." She beckoned.
"Hmm?"
"Elise is gone… isn't she?" she asked. It wasn't even a question that she wanted answered; she wanted a confirmation. Levi's silence was a dead giveaway. He looked at her and noticed her eyes lost their glimmer.
She had lost another person.
She inhaled sharply before speaking. "I asked you to check on her. I had given you an order."
Levi looked at her with disgust. "I saved you. I chose to do that. You'd best suck it up and be grateful."
She stiffened at the bite in his words. He did save her, he did protect her and here he was, looking out for her again. The poor guy was there to nurse her back to full health. Little did she know - and he wasn't going to tell her - that he sat at her bedside hoping that she'd wake up again. He spoke to her about this day, and how much bathing her was a chore, or how he couldn't wait to return to the headquarters and get back in routine, with the same callous he normally did, but at a hushed tone. He drank tea beside her. He had done everything beside her.
God forbid he lost the last person who was truly close to him.
And now she was complaining about how she lived instead of her sister, per se. She only wished Levi had checked on Elise and not come back to her.
She wished Elise lived instead of her.
Her mind was so far down a depressive, metaphorical rabbit hole that she had no hope of resurfacing. All she could ever do was wish for people to see her as a good person; someone who'd sacrifice herself to be seen as useful.
Someone people would speak well of after she had passed onto the next life.
"T-there is nothing wrong with wanting to protect-"
"Bláithín," he intercepted, his voice a bit softer now but there was a touch of annoyance with it, "If you lay down your life for no other reason, other than improving your image, that is nothing but wrong." He told her, looking deep into her dull, blue eyes.
Oh, how she wished to be whisked away to somewhere else other than here right now. She wished for him to be quiet and to not lecture, but his voice was commanding; it was strong, penetrating.
"Answer this for me and then perhaps I'll leave you alone if you are truly honest and learn from your foolishness." He demanded, thus initiating his brutal interrogation of her very being.
She wanted to look away but he cleared his throat, signalling her to pay attention. Close attention.
"After that expedition wherein I lost my two dear friends, you sat before a Titan and you accepted defeat, right until I came up and killed it. Did you, or did you not, give up on everything and accept defeat?"
Her eyes were as wide as plates as she attempted to lie through the skin of her teeth. She shook her head in opposition.
"You did," he answered truthfully. He continued. "After said expedition, did you, or did you not, purposely avoid eating thus exacerbating your health? Did you refuse to change your bandages, thus leading to infection?"
"No…" she answered.
"Yes, you did." Levi confirmed.
The pattern continued for a bit, and with every passing question, Levi got angrier and angrier.
"Did you, or did you not, then choose to not eat the right foods which left you physically weakened? Did I, or did I not, have to come in and make sure you were eating some form of protein and made sure you worked out, changed your bandages and have Hange and I supervise you back to full health?!" he said, voice getting louder.
She tried to shake her head vehemently. Her eyes clamped shut, afraid to look at him.
Her collar is grabbed. "Did you, or did you not, attempt to leave yourself alone in that bedroom so that some lunatic assassin could do away with you?!"
The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. Bláithín felt the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child. There is static in her head, feeling genuinely threatened by Levi's outburst. Brick by brick, her walls came tumbling down. When Bláithín would cry, on the rare occasions in which she did so, there was a rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound. Levi was not finished yet though.
He revealed everything in her that she never wanted to be: a disgrace.
His white-knuckled grip on her hospital gown tightened. "Is this the piece of shit I chose to save over her sister?!"
It hurt excruciatingly so knowing that despite her efforts to look good, she was dragging Levi down. The energy and anger coursing through Levi could all be seen in his eyes. She could also see the pain he was in though.
Levi was worried for her, beneath his angry exterior anyway.
Bláithín Hahn was an elite soldier and squad leader in the Survey Corps, someone people could put their trust in. She could only see herself as a liability. Cadets would salute her in the hallways and would look up to her for her skill, but she walked around as though she was a slave to those who actually gave a damn about their lives and wanted to be like them.
She gulped, sobbing in her hands. She shook her head, buried deep in her mental and emotional anguish.
She had cracked, split, and there was no going back.
"You better pull yourself together, Bláithín."
She shook as she continued to cry, but froze instantly as he brought his calloused thumbs up to her eyes and wiped away any new falling tears. She looked up at him but he seemed a bit distant. He was studying her closely.
"And never… ever…"
He paused to collect himself and calm down.
"...purposely endanger yourself for such pathetic reasons."
From this moment forward, Bláithín promised to herself to not bring anyone else as close to her as Levi was. All he was doing was suffering with her. Her heart constricted in her chest as she looked at him, not able to stand seeing him in distress.
He let go of her now, and moved back. He got up and walked over to the foot of her bed.
He needed to calm down.
He had never spoken so much to anyone, really. Apart from maybe Kenny, but even then, he was reserved.
Grief and death had changed that man significantly, and knowing that Bláithín selflessly and excessively attempted to plunge herself into the grips of Death himself, scared the shit out of him.
He cared way too much to see her go.
He recounted back to yesterday, seeing her at her weakest in her comatose state. She wasn't recovering and Hange had said her pulse was slowing, that her body was getting tired.
"Levi, she said, attempting to defend herself. "I know you have lost many people throughout your life… but this is the nature of life in the Survey Corps."
Levi snarled. He had never been so worried yet so pissed off at the same time before.
"I'm sorry…" she whispered to herself.
"No apology will ever atone for what you have done to me, to Hange and to everyone else!" he spat. "For the past six days, we have come in only to see your cheekbones more prominent than the last. We had to see you cry in your sleep from the pain that you submitted yourself to in the first place. I had to give a second opinion to Hange when your pulse got slower and weaker… and you know what? I thought of my mother. She was only a couple days ahead of your current predicament."
Levi smoothed his bangs back.
"So how fucking dare you ever assume that your actions aren't having effects on everyone else." He spat with malice, storming out of the room.
Bláithín was left in the room, shaken and miserable.
How could she be this naive? Why did she assume that all the while she thought she was being selfless, that she wasn't hurting those around her?
Foolish girl.
He had been with her, watching her slip further and further… only to not realize how far she had dragged him down with him.
"Come back…" she called back, voice laced with agony.
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