Probably one of my longer chapters. I am not good at writing suuuuuper long chapters but anything between 4 - 8k words is fine for me. I know some people write theses for the chapters, with like 20k words and I am envious, but that is just not within my capabilities!
Started adding poetry to set the tone of the chapter, perhaps? Doesn't necessarily reflect a character's thoughts but
All' mein Gedanken, die ich hab,
Die sind bei dir,
Du auserwählter ein'ger Trost,
Bleib' stets bei mir.
Du, du, du sollst an mich gedenken,
Hätt' ich aller Wunsch Gewalt,
Von dir wollt' ich nicht wenken.
Du auserwählter ein'ger Trost,
Gedenk' daran,
Leib und Gut das sollst du ganz
Zu eigen han.
Dein, dein, dein will ich beleiben,
Du gibst mir Freud' und hohen Mut
Und kannst mir Leid vertreiben.
Die allerliebst und minniglich,
Die ist so zart.
Ihres gleich in allem Reich
Find't man hart.
Bei dir, dir, dir ist kein Verlangen,
Da ich von ihr scheiden sollt',
Da hätt' sie mich umfangen.
Die werte Rein', die ward sehr wein'n,
Da das geschah,
Du bist mein und ich bin dein,
Sie traurig sprach.
Wann, wann, wann ich soll von dir weichen,
Ich nie erkannt' noch nimmermehr
Erkenn' ich dein geleichen.
- Anon.
Titan territory was unpredictable and dangerous, even when everyone was well prepared. Unfortunately, you one could never be totally prepared in the Survey Corps for just about anything; there were always some abnormalities and uncertainties. It's a miracle to make it back alive even once. Traditionally, you weren't a true Scout until you made it back alive from your first mission and you were considered a well-rounded soldier of formidable strength and courage if you made it back alive a couple of times.
Today was, in essence, a test for Levi's squad. He wanted to see how four of the best soldiers from the 100th cadet corps would fare.
As the sun rose, wildlife awoke. You could hear the buzzing of cicadas, the wind blowing through their hair and unadulterated sunlight piercing their very souls without being blocked by the shadows of the Walls. Some of the cottages that weren't too far out from the Trost District were still intact but vines and ivy had burst and sprouted through the open windows. Some houses were completely destroyed and you could still see some tattered furniture.
Bláithín became aware of the pounding in her chest. She had come to realize that no matter how many times she has gone beyond the Walls, she would always be a bit nervous.
The horses continued on as one big group, it would be a while before they launched theLong Range Scouting Formation. They needed to get into flat land and be fully thrown into Titan territory.
"Titan!" a soldier called out.
The rookies all gasped and kept their eyes glued on their respective. Bláithín cast her gaze to the source of the yelling. It was a big Titan, twelve metres perhaps. It had its arms hugged around its body and it moved its head to the sound of the horses. Its eyes glowered upon its potential food. Unless the Titan was going to wreck the formation or take out casualties this early on, there was no point in engaging.
"A Titan this close in and with the sheer amount of scouts, not to mention all the rookie soldiers…" Bláithín mused to herself. Her task in this expedition was to be in charge of the squad with Levi, but if a Titan did need to be taken out, then she would. Veteran soldiers like her were tasked with this unspoken responsibility.
"I'll take it out," Levi stated, "mind my horse, should only be gone for a few seconds." He said. He stood up on the saddle and launched himself into the air. His squad watched on in amazement as he handled all the cutting. As quickly as he left, he came back and Bláithín let go of his horse's rein.
They continued to ride until they made it into flat ground and out of the residential area. Erwin spread his arms out to signal his soldiers to get into their correct positions of the formation.
It only took a few hours, but they had reached their destination. They were in the process of unloading and building the supply bases now and were currently under a kilometre away from the forest Erwin had mentioned. There was a mountainous region nearby for shelter. Not too high up for the horses but the Titans would struggle to get up there and with the added advantage of sleeping during nightfall when the Titans weren't active, it made for a safe resting spot. The expedition so far had been only straightforward and so far, they had sustained no casualties. Things were going well, seemingly.
Setting up the bases in Titan territory was always risky, since so many soldiers would be preoccupied with constructing the bases and not enough would be left to defend the formation. The bases were nothing more than small towers that held gas, blades and spare 3DMG gear that the Survey Corps could stop by if they needed an emergency restock.
Levi stood in the trees nearby. The trees stood closer together the closer you got to the forest, so there were enough trees here to spot Titans from. He peered down at Bláithín who was standing next to Oluo and Ioana and was currently giving them orders while simultaneously teaching them the basics of setting up these bases. He had noticed that her head seemed clear enough and she seemed to be in a good mindset for the day that was in it. He felt something akin to relief.
Maybe she just needed the day to herself, he noted. He descended to the ground once he spotted a small group of Titans through the telescope that had been lended to him, four of them. They were still far away but he decided that he should be closer to the group. Erwin saw him come down and walked over to him.
"You saw them too?" he asked. Levi nodded. "Terrible timing, would have been better if they had showed up while we made our way out here and now they have snuck up on us now."
"I can take them down no problem. They don't seem to be too big." Levi replied as he looked up at his commanding officer.
Erwin nodded, relieved that he had a soldier like Levi. He pivoted sharply and looked at the blonde vice captain who was now yelling at Oluo. "How's Bláithín doing with her new position as Vice Captain?" he asked.
"She seems fine." Levi answered, matter-of-factly.
"You seem to know her the best after Hange given that she spends a lot of time with you. Do you think she'll ever be captain of her own squad again?" Erwin asked.
Levi now turned around and looked at her. He remembered yelling at her in the hospital that one time. He remembered the way she looked; the way bags hung under her eyes, how prominent her cheek bones and her complexion was as pale as a ghost. Her hair was unkempt and even in her sleep, she looked sad.
Levi had never quite forgiven her since then, and he doubted he ever would. Sure, she proved to him not long after to look after herself more but he didn't want a repeat of this. She was like a damn child and always needed to be looked after otherwise she'd go off by herself and play tragic hero. It didn't matter how much she proved to him now that she seemed to be in a mentally better place; Levi knew better than anyone that healing from this harmful mindset, this depression, this way of living… well, he knew it wouldn't be linear. He knew she was going to have bad days and he knew she would spiral one day in the future. It was just a matter of when. That was his analysis of Bláithín Hahn.
Levi knew all too well because he also had bad days. Who didn't? The only difference is that once Levi accepted the fact that he was feeling low, he would be in control of himself. Bláithín was never in control.
He never understood how a girl from Mitras could have a tragic life. She grew up with everything handed to her on a silver platter and he expected her to be the snootiest of people he had ever met. In actuality, she was the very opposite of materialistic. When they were away in Mitras that one weekend, he learned that her family had tons of secrets and that these secrets plagued her. The abuse of her uncle plagued her, the death of her parents consumed her.
Bláithín Hahn was happier these days but you could see it in her shining blue eyes that there was something else there. It was pain. It was anger. It was depression.
It was grief.
Grief that was from a number of sources. Grief for the parents she lost, grief for her sister. Grief for the person she never got to be and grief for the life she once had. Grief for the person she could never be as she had to grow up way too fast for her own good.
Bláithín had yet to grieve, maybe that was the root of some of her problems.
His little flower may be okay right now, but when will she not be okay? When was she going to crumble next?
"No, and definitely not for a long time. Until she gets over this depressive disposition of hers, she shouldn't be responsible over the lives of four or five others without a superior such as myself. Not when she is only just after learning what it means to be responsible for herself," he replied. "Has she always been this way?"
Levi had only known her from the moment he was taken above ground, but he didn't care to know anything about her before 844 and he didn't care to ask. Still, this insight might provide him with more information on the girl.
"We don't know much about her, nothing apart from what she has told us. That being she was from Mitras and was to be sent to Shiganshina. She fell asleep one evening and then woke up in a bed at the Training Corps. She refuses to speak much further about her past than that and we have stopped asking."
Levi oftentimes forgot that he was the one who essentially signed her up to be paired with Death for the rest of her life. He was only seventeen then, he didn't know any better on what to do with a girl who had accidentally wandered into the Underground District. Placing her in that wagon that was to be taken above ground to enlist young children in the Training Corps was what he thought was a good idea at the time. Taking children above ground was a way to slowly take away the pressure and some starving mouths outside of the Underground District and put them on a silver platter for the Titans. It was cruel and it was wrong, but he knew that a sheltered girl from Mitras at the time would not last a minute down in the Underground.
"I trust your judgement," Erwin said. He looked around and walked away to order other soldiers to proceed with building the next base.
Meanwhile, the first supply base had been built. Bláithín, Oluo and Petra were loading it with grains, large sealed beakers of water and first-aid supplies. All the spare blades, gas and gear had been loaded already.
"Good work, you two. Take a short pitstop and then we can check on the other bases in a little while." Bláithín ordered.
"So, Petra," Oluo began. His tone already sounded cocky or like he was already going to boast about something. "How about you and I start a competition? Let's see, er, half a year from now… Whoever kills the most by-"
Bláithín stopped listening, and walked down the hill's shallow incline to Levi who was taking in his surroundings. Erwin had walked over to them and Bláithín saluted.
"Bláithín, I have known you for almost ten years, you don't have to salute," he said, waving his hand.
"How is the squad doing, Hahn?" Levi asked.
"Not too bad," she said and then she heard a loud shriek. It sounded like it was from Oluo. "Ah, that's probably Oluo biting his tongue again." She said and was confirmed when his speech sounded incredibly mumbled.
Levi furrowed his brows in a way to say, that's so odd. He turned back to look up at Erwin. "Yeah, the squad is all okay. Oluo is just, how do you say, really fucking weird at times. And Ioana is a bit antisocial, can't get a good read off her at all."
"Funny coming from you." Erwin replied with a smirk.
"Tch. Watch it." He snarled.
"It's good you seem to connect with your squad despite the occasional odd moments. Keith put this squad together for you but if you feel they no longer match your criteria, then you're free to release them. You should consider having an assessment soon."
Bláithín chuckled a bit and then remembered what she needed to say to Erwin. "Oh, yes. I suggest we set up camp sooner rather than later. With the density of people camping in the mountains, Titans will be drawn to us. If we set up camp early and get an early night's rest, we can leave before the sun comes up when Titans won't be active."
A pretty sound plan, Erwin couldn't deny that. They didn't want to be facing a swarm of Titans when they were waking up in the morning. He puzzled over the idea of getting more work done in the day though, they wouldn't have another chance like this so easily. Plus, that begs the opportunity of the Titans attempting to climb up. Titans are shown to be learners if there is prey in sight, there is no way to say they won't leave them alone for a whole night. Better yet, he could have his soldiers leave during the night, but it wasn't worth gambling with exhaustion coupled with the fact that it took them four hours to get out here already and that was with daylight.
"And if they attempt to climb? I know they'll struggle, the incline up the mountain into the cave is steep but that won't stop them from trying." Erwin inquired. Levi was twiddling his thumbs beside him, he had no say in the matter. As long as he slept in some place clean, he frankly didn't care.
"We brought cannons. Three people can watch and we can all be on rotations while the rest of us sleep." Bláithín reasoned.
Erwin cocked his head to the side in thought as he puzzled it over. It made sense. "Alright, Bláithín. That's a fine plan. We will finish up here and-" Erwin was interrupted by a girl's shriek.
That sounds like Petra, Bláithín noted and ran back up the hill where the supply base was. She saw Petra and Oluo backing away in fear. She hurried over and peered down and noticed a five meter class on all fours climbing up the hill. Shit, how did no one nearby spot this sooner, why did no one fire off a flare?! How irresponsible, she said to herself. She debated if that was hypocritical or not considering she was also in close proximity but there were other soldiers closer to the supply base that were nearby too.
Petra and Oluo were slow getting to their feet to scamper down the other side of the hill. So much for Oluo and Petra's competition, she said to herself as she launched her grappling hooks into the top of the supply base and propelled herself into the air. The Titan was already making its way over to Petra and had its greedy hand out for her by the time Bláithín was in the air.
"Petra, Oluo! GET OUT OF THE WAY!" she bellowed as she dove down to slice the nape of the neck. Blood sprayed into her air and coated her uniform. She noticed a much smaller Titan behind it run past her and head straight towards Oluo whose eyes were locked Petra. "OLUO!" she screamed as she pierced the nape of the small Titan's neck. The Titan looked back at her with its beady eyes and started charging towards her. She tossed her blades into its eye and it cried out in pain. While it was preoccupied with the sudden blindness at the hand of her blades, she buried her new set of blades deep into its neck and sliced ferociously before the Titan fell down and started decomposing.
Bláithín's hair began to steam as the blood evaporated but her uniform was completely soiled. Oluo and Petra made their way over to her with wobbly legs.
"Oh…" Bláithín said as they approached her. They both looked at each other and shrieked. "You two might need a spare change of pants."
Within two hours, the supply bases had been set up and the Survey Corps soldiers started to make the way to the cave where they'd camp for a few hours. Following Bláithín's idea, canons were positioned at the opening of the cave with new soldiers stationed every two hours.
If Bláithín had to guess, it was around 6PM. She peered out over the edge of the cave and looked at the cirrus clouds in the sky, hues of dark pink and orange flooding her vision. She was drinking from a canteen behind her enjoying the silence until she heard footsteps come up from behind her. "Levi?" she quizzed.
"Yeah," he called out in response. "How are Petra and Oluo? I take it they are still shaken up?"
"As expected," she replied. The two of them walked back into the cave where all the Scouts were huddled. One of the scouts was trying - and failing miserably, at that - to create some sort of a fire. There was no kindling or anything, what did he expect? Petra and Oluo sat across from Bláithín and Levi around the make-shift campfire. "I mean, they have a fresh pair of pants now!" she teased.
Oluo's teeth still chattered rapidly against each other as he relived what happened. Petra on the other hand was as pale as a ghost, eyes wide as plates.
"V-Vice Captain…" Oluo spoke out, "t-thank you s-so much!" he stuttered, though it was more of a wail.
Petra held her head in her hands. "D-Does it get any easier? I was so terrified, I was completely rooted to the spot." She said.
Bláithín brought her leg up and leaned her left leg on top of it. "Eventually you get to a point where you get comfortable with being uncomfortable is what I'd say," she answered. "Incidentally, in all of my eight years being a soldier and five being a scout, I have yet to piss my pants," she added, pursing her lips together. Who knew this was something you could brag about? She slung her gaze over to Levi and asked for his input. "Levi?"
"Tch."
"Okay, so Levi refuses to answer but I'm assuming he has not wet himself either," Bláithín translated. Memories of all the Titans she had killed over the years momentarily flashed over her and flooded her memories. All the people she had lost. "Yeah… Titans are scary and they always will be."
Silence permeated all around them. Erwin was off in the distance chatting over logistics and other stuff that didn't concern the lower-ranking members of the Scouts. He walked over and rubbed his hands together for a bit of warmth before sitting down and other soldiers followed suit. Bláithín saw everyone shivering and stood up.
"I have matches in my bag but we aren't going to make a decent campfire with rocks alone. I'll go out and find stuff to make a fire." She announced.
Levi snapped his gaze over to her as she was walking towards the girl as she neared the exit of the cave, then back at Erwin and then back at the girl. "Wait!" he called out.
Bláithín stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to look at Levi. He was tapping his gas canisters and checking his blades as he rose to his feet. "Why are you-?"
"I'm coming with you, Hahn."
Bláithín's jaw fell slack. "Erwin? I'm pretty sure I am fine to go by myself?!" she defended.
Erwin sighed heavily. Was this going to be the first of many arguments between Levi and Bláithín? Who could say, but Erwin noticed their connection… Who didn't at this stage? As long as they didn't distract each other, he wasn't going to interfere with them too much. Still, he could trust Levi to reel her back in.
After all, it wasn't just Levi who was aware of her past suicide ideation. A lot of her close friends knew. They may be around to help her when it gets out of hand but this is something she will ultimately have to resolve herself by looking deep inside herself. There was no harm at the moment in finding comfort in other people but they weren't going to be around forever.
"We don't trust you." Levi said to her, blankly, and Bláithín's face contorted with hurt.
"Y-you don't trust me…? But, but… but why?" she breathed. Her eyes were as wide as plates, unable to take her eyes off of Levi. Levi may have said "they" didn't trust her but Bláithín could only fixate on the fact that Levi still didn't trust her. Respect her? Of course. Trust her? Not quite yet.
It hurt. She felt her heart constrict in her chest and she felt like the air was knocked out of her lungs. How long had they not trusted her? Or was she truely naive to believe they'd trust her to come back after everything she'd done?
"We don't, Bláithín," Erwin confirmed, pragmatically. "Levi will accompany you as you search for stuff for our campfire."
Bláithín's eyes pricked with tears and she hastily blinked and wiped them away. She whisked around on her heels and around out of the cave in shame. Levi looked back at Erwin and his eyes seemed to speak 'now what the hell do I do?' and Erwin gestured for him to follow her. He huffed a sigh and rolled his eyes before making his way out for her. He peered down over the edge to look for her and to spot for any Titans down below. Titan movement seemed to be slowing down so he skidded down the hill and walked behind Bláithín who was trudging into the forest, clearly in a huff.
Levi looked on ahead as he walked into the forest, praying to himself that there would be no Titans to get them out. The trees were more than big enough for 3DMG so if he did have to slice a few Titans, he'd do it without a problem. In fact, you could easily walk on the branches here, they were so fat and wide. The dark woods stand as noble black knights, fresh from the fields of legend. Bláithín's trudging had slowed, she was probably no more than five metres from him. He figured she was hurt but by the goddesses she was a soldier, she couldn't just storm off like this if she saw fit? This is the height of unprofessionalism!
Again, though, he realized she needed time but she couldn't stray too far by herself. And thankfully she didn't, for she did end up slowing down here and there to pick up thick branches and stones. When she was bent down, Levi was able to stand beside her.
"Hey." He said, simply. She stood up, lips pouted still and eyes furrowed. Tears had been streaking down her face and more threatened to still and he felt his heart skip a beat. Oh, how he hated to see her cry.
"What do you want?" she spat, voice laced with venom. He knew it wasn't just viciousness in her tone, it was mostly hurt and shame.
"Let's talk." He said, and he didn't seem intent on taking 'no' for an answer. Levi hated that.
"I don't want to, I mean, you clearly can't trust me." She retorted and walked off again to pick more twigs.
He shook his head, he had no idea how to get through to her. He didn't want to yell at her like last time (even though that was what worked.) That was no way to talk to her if she were to ever get better by herself, for she'd only be scared into doing this. This growth and change had to be autonomous. Sure, Levi's attitude towards discipline was always pain and he thought it was a great teacher. But that couldn't be used here.
She continued to inspect twigs and stones. She was used to relying on coal in Sine and big logs for fire, but these couldn't keep them warm for a whole night. Levi was crouching over again and by the way he was slowly tapping his foot, he was eager to continue this conversation.
"Can't you see I'm hurt, are you that dense? Just leave me alone…" she mumbled.
"I'm afraid I can't allow that," he replied, rolling his eyes. He turned behind him when he heard stomping coming from the entrance of the forest. "Tch, seriously?" he groaned, staring at the nine metre class.
He turned around and launched his grappling hooks into a nearby tree. "Hang on tight." He instructed.
"Huh? Le-?" she started but her grips tightened around the branches she had picked up when he hoisted and pulled her closer to his chest before dragging her through the air up to a tree branch. Levi landed, sat her down gently and he stepped a few feet away from her before looking into the distance. He sat down then and turned his head to look at her. She seemed thankful for it, hiding her face behind her blonde hair and twiddled with the long two strands that always hung down. He wasn't exactly expecting her to suddenly go singing his praises; she was still butthurt.
"I'm not letting you walk off on your own," he reiterated. She looked up at him and he looked back at her. He swore he saw her pupils dilate a bit but now was not the time to question it. Another time. "I don't trust you."
She wore a downcast gaze for a second as her lower lip trembled. She looked back up at him with those sad, oceanic eyes that he had come to appreciate seeing but hated how sad they always looked. There was always something tucked away inside them and he wondered what her eyes would look like with all that misery. She continued to look at him and she felt her cheeks dust a light pink and quickly turned away. She looked down at her calloused hands when she felt them get pricked by the clouds' tears.
"Looks like rain," she mumbled and she felt Levi stiffen beside her. The man had come to hate rain over the past few years and she didn't need an explanation as to why. Rain reminded him of that dreadful expedition back in 844. Levi was always good at concealing his emotions but now, she could tell the breath had hitched in his throat. She scooted over to him and for once, Levi seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. Grabbing his hand in hers and smoothing her thumb over his knuckles seemed to bring it back. He looked down at his hand, blinking slowly.
"And this is why I don't trust you," he said, "I never know what you'll do, and I never know what will happen. You'll always run off, you'll always be too clumsy and hurt yourself and you'll always fuck up somehow."
She gazed into his eyes and gasped. She could always see flickers of emotions in his eyes, though it wouldn't be obvious to anyone else.
Levi was hurt from her actions. Levi was scared for her. Levi cared for her. Levi was worried about her. And the rain caused an outpour of these emotions, clearly.
"I told you I'd get better…" she mumbled.
He sighed heavily. She just didn't get it. "I don't give two shits if you get better or not. You have betrayed my trust in the past and I don't take that lightly. When someone betrays me, I don't forgive them easily, and after everything you have done, what the hell do you expect?"
Bláithín scowled at him. She was trying her best to try to get through to him. He was right, though, and deep down, perhaps she knew that too. But she couldn't see that right now. She was so caught up in her own hurt, her own pain, her own sadness and her own guilt.
She shook her head as the tears spilled out again, all the while rain wet their hair and raindrops beaded their faces. Their uniforms were soaked. It was like that day all over again; both of them upset, both of them hurt and both of them in pain.
"Christ, I don't know! But maybe you don't know how I feel, Levi!" she yelled, tears streaming down her face. She stood up on the branch now to further illustrate her hurt and Levi only looked up at her with furrowed brows and a pout. "You don't know what it's like to not feel loved for most of your life and to be ignored and rejected and be openly called a burden, a waste of space and everybody would be better off if I died. I hated it! Most of my childhood was spent alone trying to please other people and living for them, and I still do! I have never been wanted or needed and I have come to live my life that way… that if I died out on the field, the Scouts would have some sort of victory and they'd have one less mouth to feed! I have been alone for so long in my life and you have come along now and expect me to stick around! You don't give a shit about me! You never have!" she said, though she didn't mean that last part, but her emotions had her so riled up.
Levi stood up to face her and backed her into the tree trunk. He held her by the hips to prevent her from falling. "Then you clearly know nothing about me," he snarled, anger and hurt painted over his countenance. "You know nothing about me, you don't know shit. I am asking you to value your stinking life and to not be reckless or go off on your own. Countless people have walked in and out of my life and maybe I also fucking hate it when I'm alone too! But at least I am responsible for myself and don't play the role of the piss-poor hero, looking for attention! I'm not a selfish fuck who only cares about my own feelings and never those around me!" he yelled.
To the outside this may have been hard to believe because of his abrasive exterior. But those who knew Levi knew that he was a man who had seen it all and his heart was in the right place, and that the exterior was just… well, an exterior.
Bláithín's knees buckled and she heaved for air as she fell to her knees. Her heart was breaking and trying to knit itself back together only to break again. Levi took a step back and watched her in this pitiful state, just like back in the hospital. He couldn't deny that he felt his own breath get lodged in his throat as he watched her like this, watching her bawl her eyes out in the pouring rain. But maybe she needed this second wakeup call. As he looked into those pained eyes, he felt as though she was starting to understand. Partially, anyway.
Because right now… Bláithín had been cracked…
Bláithín Hahn was starting to grieve.
Bláithín Hahn had reached rock bottom… and the only way to go from the bottom was up.
Levi knelt down before her, his eyes not leaving her. She looked back up at him as she sniffled and saw the exhaustion in his eyes. Exhaustion for worrying about her, exhaustion from being scared of when she'll leave again.
"My f-family… I'll always have to leave and serve them…" she gasped as she continued to shake.
Levi sighed. Yes, her family name was a hefty load and one that only she could bear. "And that's your business and nothing for me to interfere with." He replied, voice a bit hoarse from yelling. "I'm mainly talking about when you're out in the field."
Bláithín looked back down to continue to let all those tears out. Nine years of baggage was coming out right now.
"Bláithín." He called out. He was calming down, his voice was soft. She didn't look up. He tried again. "Bláithín."
She still couldn't face him, the emotions of grief and shame overwhelming her. She heard Levi sigh and he grabbed her by the chin with his thumb to make her look at him. "What?" she choked.
"If you must know, you're irresponsible, reckless, selfish and the clumsiest person I have ever met," he began. "But you are a valuable soldier to the Corps. Because you're skilled and because you're strong and because you work hard. We need you here." He said, but it sounded like he had more to say.
Silence permeated between them both and she gulped. He took his eyes away from her before speaking again.
"I need you here." He admitted, quietly, his voice the softest it had ever been. Bláithín gasped at his vulnerable confession.
He heard her gasp and looked back at him. He held her by the shoulders and pulled her close to his chest for a few moments, burying his face into her wet, blonde hair. She relaxed into his embrace and a part of him wanted to hold her like this for long… but the thumping in his chest said to stop. "Now…" he began. He swept his thumb under her eyes, taking away any fresh tears with him. "Stop your shitty crying, and get up." He ordered. They both stood up and she wiped her eyes some more.
He realized that in the midst of their outbursts, the branches, twigs and stones must have fallen. They would have been useless wet, anyway. He anchored his hooks to descend once he assured them both that the Titan was gone. "You ready?"
"Hey, Bláithín," Hange said, gently, as she walked up to the two soaked veterans. "How are you doing?"
Bláithín had finally stopped crying by now, but she still seemed down in the dumps. Levi came to her rescue… if you could call it that. "She's fine now, she just needed to throw a tantrum like a baby." He answered as he walked towards the now lit fire. "I am fucking freezing." They heard his voice must have stuff while they had their blow out.
Hange grabbed Bláithín's hand and smiled at her. She pulled the blonde close to her and rubbed her upper arm. "We care about you, okay?" She whispered. Bláithín's lower lip trembled again but she sucked it up and walked towards the campfire. A cast iron kettle sat in the middle of the campfire and other soldiers sat around in or on their bedrollers. Bláithín sat down next to Levi and Hange gave them both a cup of black tea to warm them up. When she wasn't looking, he slung his gaze over to her to silently check on her.
It was nice being able to chat so casually with all the soldiers while they all drank tea around the campfire. It was a rare sight and it was even rarer to see Erwin of all people so relaxed. Some people sang, terribly, while some others went off to dreamland. Some went to bed earlier than others in case they were on lookout. Levi had never seen Bláithín smile so much in these fleeting hours.
A glimmer of gold and red caught Bláithín's eye. Ioana was roughly two spaces away and she was staring intently at Bláithín. Made her shiver but she tried to strike up a conversation with the shy girl and inched closer. Levi stared back at her, listening in.
"Ioana, your ring is lovely," she complimented with a smile. Ioana scooted closer to show her. There were two rings actually, Bláithín looked at the one on her right hand. "Ooh, morganite?" she inquired. Ioana nodded.
"Morganite?" Levi asked, not familiar with this word.
"Yeah, it's a pretty gemstone," Bláithín answered as she turned over to her left hand to find the gold ring. Levi shrugged but still listened. He was aware of how off-putting Ioana could be. "Ah, your gold ring is lovely too," she began but she zipped her mouth shut once she noticed something. "Oh…"
Levi sat but a smidge closer, but still drank his tea to create a disinterested look about him.
Ioana's ring wasn't just a gold ring, it was a signet ring with her family's - presumably - insignia on it to set her apart. This ring was a way of identifying people in the Inner Walls in Particular.
"Yeah, I'm from the Inner Walls, too." Ioana mumbled and then cupped her hand over her mouth in shock.
Bláithín scooted back towards Levi. Too? That was no coincidence. "H-how… How do you know I am from the Inner Walls?" she asked, peering down at her.
Ioana's eyes were wide, her mind running a hundred miles a minute. How did she know she was also from the Inner Walls? It wasn't something she told anyone, Bláithín only told people she trusted as she hated dragging people into the part of her life she so desperately wanted to forget.
Ioana removed her hand and spoke. "I… you see…" she began, "people recognise you as the 'Girl Gone Missing' up there and as a Hahn, you have very recognisable features."
It was no secret that the Hahns were one of the wealthiest families in all of the land, and it was true that the Hahns also had striking features. Most of them had deep blue eyes and light blonde hair and a high nose bridge. They had 'friendly' faces, so to speak. Bláithín may not be recognisable in military attire but if she wore her best clothes and walked around Sine, people would recognise her easily.
Still though, Bláithín Hahn had never heard of the Meyer family. Families often integrated together.
Was Ioana lying? And if so, what for?
"Bláithín, Levi, it's your turn on the canons next." Erwin said to them, snapping her out of her introspection. Erwin stalked off.
Levi stood up and kicked her lower back. "Come on, get moving." He told her and walked off towards the edge of the cliff. She soon followed and sat down next to Levi who manned one of the canons.
It was now the dead of night, approaching 11PM probably so if there were Titans out now, it would be quite surprising. Still, Levi wasted no time in shooting down any Titans that threatened to come near them. He decided not to broach her about what Ioana said.
"The stars look nice tonight," Bláithín said after a good half hour of silence and staring out into the distance.
Levi hummed to himself in agreement as he looked out. Stars filled the sky like pale corn into freshly turned ground. It was the promise of life in the darkness, a sense of warmth springing from the cold. It was a vastness to bring humbleness and an eternal space to bring gratitude for the coziness of home.
"There was a drain in the Underground where the light would shine in. It wasn't very big but enough to poke your head up. Isabel, Farlan and I would look at constellations." He spoke out. His voice was hushed, careful not to wake up any of the sleeping soldiers.
"Oh, that's nice," Bláithín replied. She looked over at him as he contorted his head around, looking for the familiar patterns. "Do you know the names of them? I don't."
Levi looked around a bit more. "I took it upon myself to read up about them years ago. I don't know too much, but..." he said as he stood up. "Pointer," he said coolly, gesturing to her to extend her index finger. He held her wrist and guided her hand to show her the patterns he was aware of. "That one there is Ursa Major, apparently meant to represent a mother bear but I can't see it." Levi told her.
"I don't think you're accurately meant to see pictures in the sky when it comes to constellations."
"Shut up," he retorted. "Do you see it?"
"...Yeah, I do." She said and she smiled. Levi's cheek was right next to her ear as he bent down from behind her and guided her finger. She could hear his breaths brush against her ear. She had never been so close to him and she admonished herself for thinking such girly, childish thoughts.
"That one is Lyra, means eternal love or something like that? Sappy as all hell," he grumbled and then guided her hand some more, "This is the big dipper and it points to the North Star. Its position never changes." He explained.
He let go of her hand and sat down again. He took a swig of water from his canteen and sighed. Bláithín looked back at him. "Staring at me a lot today, aren't you, Hahn?" he called out. Bláithín blushed and looked away, face beet red. "I'm not fussed either way. Don't think I don't notice, though." He continued.
"I just wanted to thank you for earlier…" she mumbled, twiddling her thumbs. "And I'm sorry for yelling at you."
"I'm not," he said with a smirk. He looked back at her. "It was needed to get through that-" he leaned over and flicked the side of her head, "-thick ass skull of yours."
A bitter chill fell over them and soon enough Bláithín had started to chatter and shake. She rubbed her arms to keep warm. He noticed this shivering.
He looked at her a lot too, and it made him feel… strange, perhaps? Made him feel off.
"Oi," he said, grabbing her attention, "go to bed, I can over this shift." He said.
"I refuse, Captain," she teased. "I want to stay." She said.
Their eyes met and she smiled at him. A genuine smile, where her eyes smiled too. No darkness in them, no pain. Just at peace, for once.
Good, don't go, he found himself saying in his head.
Please let me know what you think. I hope it wasn't too OOC or too fast paced or anything. Let me know if there is anything you would like to see in future chapters before Blevi comes official! Or if there is anything you would like to see in general? Always love constructive criticism and comments so I know what's going through your heads!