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"Come on, wake up." Levi said, shaking her by the shoulder.
Bláithín woke up suddenly, eyes snapping open at the movement and sat up straight like a pole. Her hair was unkempt and she looked absolutely exhausted. She was too sleepy to notice the bed sheets had fallen and now left her upper body exposed. Levi looked at her and let out a sigh, covering up her chest again. She held the sheets close to her now and looked at him.
Her partner was now fully dressed, looking as tidy and as neat as he ever did; there were no signs of last night's escapades on him at all. Whereas Bláithín looked… the opposite; totally disoriented, messy hair and droopy eyes.
"Good morning, Levi…" she murmured, eyes hazy.
"Morning." He said back.
She blinked slowly, coming to terms with her surroundings, and then gasped. Everything from last night was coming back to her all at once.
Levi had bedded her last night, and here was the man in question, looking at her semi impatiently and waiting for her to get up. It took every ounce of self control to not let his brain wander back to the way her body moulded with his, or the sounds that escaped her mouth, or the way she felt.
No, Levi was a man of discipline, but only Bláithín Hahn could make him falter.
Having her lay on his chest as he tried to fall asleep was the most relaxed he'd ever felt. His fingers trailed over every bump and crevice he could find, drawing circles here and there as she slept soundly. What shocked him was the sheer amount of scars all over here; she was dotted with tears and bruises. He knew the girl was clumsy, but it was a bit unnerving. Even so, it was a night he had no intention of forgetting any time soon, but for now, he had to push it out of his mind.
It had been years since he was last on intimate terms with someone in that way and he was gobsmacked that after everything they had been through - all the tender moments but of course the blowouts, too - she trusted him enough to take away whatever shred of innocence she had left. He was surprised she liked him that much to sleep with him.
It was a foreign experience for them both.
Memories of the way he held her the night prior made her smile as they lingered in her mind. She was right; Levi was an ardent lover.
"Guess you're still exhausted," Levi concluded, pulling the covers back. He walked over to the chest of drawers and dropped something onto the bed next to her. "I figured you'd want to sleep in, so I grabbed your clothes for you. Get dressed, you don't want to be the last one out."
She nodded and stretched, swinging her legs out over the edge of the bed. She stood up after reaching for her bra and top layers but only to quickly sit down again with a grunt.
"You okay?" Levi asked, not standing over at the window. The window wasn't shut nor were the curtains drawn, they were on the third floor. Even so, Levi felt the need to close the curtains.
He walked over to her as she spoke again. "I'm… a bit sore." She said, referring to the throbbing pain she felt down below.
"Ah…" he aired, awkwardly while he averted his gaze. He rubbed the back of his neck with the palm of his hand before turning back to her. "Sorry."
"No, it's okay…" she said, getting up again, trying to ignore the pain. It wasn't insanely painful and she would be more than able to go about the day as planned, she was just taken aback at the sensation. "Just a weird feeling."
She dressed silently and Levi pulled back the curtains once she had gotten dressed. She walked over to the chest of drawers, pouring herself a glass of water. She looked to the right of the glass jug and noticed a banana.
"Is this for me?"
He peered back at her.
"Yes." He lied, swiftly. It was actually for him, but in that moment, he did remember her vaguely mentioning something about bananas being her favourite. That, and this banana wasn't totally defiled by bruising or looked as terrible as the one yesterday. He could grab something quick before the winter hike, and they were already running out of time as it is.
She walked over to him and loosely garlanded her arms around him. "Thanks, Levi!" she beamed.
Levi cocked a brow at the sudden affectionate gesture and awkwardly brought a hand up to pat her on the back. "Eat your damn food, woman."
"Yes, sir." She said, sarcastically and threw in a salute for good measure.
"Tch."
Fully buttoned up in their winter attire and looking more presentable (and with the dirty sheets discarded), they walked outside to face the elements. Mostly everyone was waiting outside and packed. Levi and Bláithín walked towards Hange. Mike was currently talking to one of the instructors, a map in his hand and pointed to areas on it inquisitively.
"Good morning, you two. Did you sleep well?" she said with a smile. Levi grunted in response as he wrapped the scarf around his neck tighter. "Levi, Mike said he wanted to talk to you, I believe?"
"Alright then." Levi replied and walked over to the much taller man.
Hange smiled at Bláithín and sidled over to her, her grin increasing with every subtle movement. "So, how is Levi?"
Remember to not tell her anything, Bláithín reminded herself. "He's fine, I guess," she said, plainly. She tightened the scarf around her neck, stifling the clouds of condensation that escaped her. "Why'd you ask? You could have asked yourself?"
"Oh, you know," she began in a sing-song tone, "you two seem awfully close!"
Bláithín brushed it off with a wave of her hand. "Well, we've known each other for almost three years now and we're in charge of a squad together. It's only natural we'd become-"
Hange slung a deadpan look at the blonde and it made her lose her train of thought. "Yeah, you know… I couldn't sleep well last night…" she mumbled, vaguely.
Beneath her navy scarf, heat rushed to Bláithín's cheeks. "That's… unfortunate. You'll be exhausted after today, so you might-"
With a heavy sigh, Hange then came out with, "Dummy, I heard you two last night."
Well, shit.
Bláithín tried so hard to not react or give it away, but her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of their sockets and Hange let out a high pitched giggle. Bláithín tried to hide more of her face in her scarf as the bespectacled brunette cackled more, drawing Levi's attention and Mike's, peeking up from the map.
"Wow… I did not think Shorty had it in him to take you to bed with him like that!" she cried. "Sleeping together in a bed is one thing, but I didn't think you two would sleep together in that way!"
"Shh, Hange, please…" Bláithín begged, not wanting extra stares.
Hange pursed her lips and smiled, brightly. There was a maniacal glimmer in her eyes, the kind that would scare Moblit because he knew she was about to rope him into more experiments. She lowered herself down to Bláithín's level. "Well, how is he? Was it good? How many times did you do it? Were you two safe?"
Bláithín's face contorted with every passing question. "He's great, alright? Please stop asking me!" she yelled, pointing a finger up at her friend. Hange leaned in more, waiting for the answer to her final question. "Yes, we were safe."
"Oh, okay, good!" she declared with a clap of her hands. "We do not want any babies just yet!"
"There will be no babies ever!" Bláithín countered, hands flying into the air for added emphasis.
"Oh… so you two aren't dating?" Hange asked, looking suddenly crestfallen. "I really thought-"
"No, no…" Bláithín began. "We are, it's just very, very new. Only as of last week."
Hange's crestfallen look vanished instantly and was replaced with a gleeful smile. "Yay, so that means babies in the future!"
"No, it doesn't!"
Hange continued her pestering until Levi and Mike returned. Levi eyed his partner curiously, noting her sudden discomfort. He quickly concluded she probably didn't want to talk about it.
The snowing got heavier and the wind now had a bite to it, signalling the perfect conditions for this training. Each instructor or squad leader rounded up the people they were in charge of. The cadets were to be in charge of carrying out this training, but the squad leaders were there to oversee any dangerous situations arising. Bláithín rounded up Daz, Christa and Ymir and stood in front of them, explaining the rules she had been given.
"So, our team is the blue team. Quite simple, we just walk deep into the forest of the mountainous region up there," she said, pointing to the mountains behind her, "pick up the blue flags along the way leading us to the well and then back again. The faster we do it, the better. But with the snow getting heavier and heavier, it will cover up our tracks and conditions will very quickly worsen. Any questions?"
"W-What is your name?" a squeaky voice came out. The girl who spoke was tiny, beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes, similar to Bláithín. "And what division are you in?"
Bláithín smiled, sensing the girl's nerves. A much taller girl next to her - Ymir, she presumed - elbows the girl next to her. "Don't be so damn nervous, Christa." She grumbled.
"Well, Christa, I'm Bláithín. I've been in the scouts for six years and I am a vice captain," she answered. Whenever Bláithín saw someone's eyes possess a childlike innocence similar to that of Eden's, she felt the need to be extra protective. "You don't have to be nervous. I don't bite," she joked, "and I'll keep all of you safe."
Levi walked up next to her with Connie Springer from yesterday behind him, and three other boys who were all, hilariously, taller than Levi. Bláithín would have laughed if she wasn't about to be surpassed by Ymir. There were two boys behind him who seemed to be quite close - Bertholdt and Reiner, if she remembered correctly - and another boy stood behind him, freckles dotted on his cheeks.
"Don't do anything stupid." He said, seriously.
"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled in response. She leaned in to whisper. "I should let you know… Hange is aware of, well, us."
Levi blinked slowly and clicked his tongue in annoyance. "I told you to be quiet."
"Not my fault!"
"Yes, it was?" he countered with a raised brow. "I warned you."
"You're an ass at times, Levi."
"Guilty as charged." He acknowledged with a nod. He turned to face her again. "I mean it, keep your eyes and ears open."
"Yes, sir." She replied.
Soon after a bit of bickering, they were off. Bláithín and her group trudged through the snow that was starting to get very thick. The mission was easy enough, and they had the day to complete it. Bláithín checked what supplies she had in her rucksack. All other leaders received the same: a measly bit of rope, a compas, ration bars, two ice axes, two lanterns and a flask of water. Bláithín didn't know how cold it was but she knew it was below freezing point and as such, the water had to be kept in the rucksack.
She was mostly healed since her injuries sustained just over a week ago. A very small fracture was all that was sustained and she was certainly well enough to hike and walk, but 3DMG was off the cards for another week just to be safe. Levi was right to warn her to be extra careful, just in case her injury slowed her down, even just marginally.
On her map, there were red circles on where each flag would be and it was just a matter of following the map. After about an hour or so, the squad came to a ledge that towered over them. They could stand under it for shelter and there was some shrubbery nearby that would burn quickly if they had to stop and make a makeshift fire. Bláithín was concerned that the dark-haired Daz was already complaining of the cold. Bláithín had done this three times already when she spent three years training and she knew how to put a brave face on when battling the elements.
"Are you thirsty, Daz?" she asked him. "If you're dehydrated out in the snow, you're as good as dead."
"We can't eat the snow if we're desperate?" he whined.
"No, your body temperature will drop trying to melt the snow when you ingest it and we can't afford that to happen at any cost," she explained. "So, Daz, are you thirsty?"
"No, Miss."
Her mind drifted over to Levi for a second. She remembered being in the Underground when she had to recruit him and she remembered it being cold, but that was from lack of sunlight. Was he used to this cold? Did he know how to handle himself?
No, he'll be fine, she dismissed to herself.
She peered under the cliff and walked through the arch it formed when it touched the ground. She spun around on her heel when she caught sight of something blue.
Bingo, first blue flag. It was on top of the ledge. There was no way to get at it unless she climbed up. It was an angular, jagged ledge that was part of the rest of the mountain and beyond it, was a pathway that led to higher ground. She deduced this jutted out like a sore thumb from years of erosion and weathering.
"I'll climb up." She announced.
Climbing wasn't a skill that was often practiced in the military but there was no arm in being good at it. She gripped onto one of the rocks and she closed her eyes when she let out a pained grunt, the sharp edges digging into her rough hands. She took a deep breath in and swung her weight on top. The ledge was narrower than it looked and she'd easily slip and fall if she wasn't careful. As she crawled, the heard the sound of an owl or large bird flapping its wings as it flew away. She jerked her head quickly and in the midst of her distraction, she felt herself slip. It was a steep fall, eight feet down if she had to guess.
Thankfully, her sharp instincts that had only heightened within the past month played in faster than expected and she secured herself. It was as if her mind had already seen the fall coming before her body did.
Weird, I'm not normally that fast, she mentally noted.
She crawled further and tossed the flag down to Christa who then placed it in the bag. Bláithín moved to a squatting position and then skidded down.
"Are you alright?! You almost fell down!"
"Yeah," Bláithín acknowledged. "But I didn't in the end, thankfully."
Bláithín brushed the snow off her coat and looked down at the map again. Amidst the falling snow, an idea came to her. She removed her scarf and walked over to the nearest tree in a neat bow. If they were lost but made it back to this tree, then they wouldn't be far from the base.
Walking back up to the three, she signalled them to carry on. "We need to keep moving."
A quick knock sounded against the wooden doors of the Commander's office.
"Enter." He called out.
Erwin was looking out the window, admiring the dancing snow flurries. He didn't always allow himself to enter such a calm state of mind to be distracted by the weather, but he figured he needed it.
The man was stressed.
Public approval for the Survey Corps always rose and dipped, that was expected. But when he received word earlier that cold January from Darius that the Premier was left with no other choice but to slash the budget in half, Erwin panicked. And the face of the Survey Corps couldn't be seen panicking.
Lack of funding meant less expeditions and less funding for restocking of equipment. Lack of expeditions meant less supply bases on the supply line to retake Wall Maria, if that day ever came.
Erwin never lost hope that someone or some people in the Walls knew something that the rest of humanity didn't. He had reason to believe, as did most higher ups across the Garrison and Survey Corps, that the people closest to the King knew of this information. Yet, for whatever reason, nobody said anything.
How could humanity be content with living behind these godforsaken Walls? And if there are people who know anything about the Titans, would they ever say anything?
"Good afternoon, sir," Petra said with a salute. The strawberry blonde walked over to the mahogany desk, two pieces of paper in her hands. "This is a letter addressed to you."
"Thank you, Petra," he said, taking the letter and sliding his index finger through the seal. Petra stood, having not been dismissed yet.
Seal?
Erwin was quick to notice the letter wasn't taped or glued shut. Instead, it had a wax seal and there was an insignia - coat of arms, even - printed on the wax in blue. The blond dragged his fingers over it and brought it closer to examine it. There was an image of a bird on it and underneath the base of the coat of arms were two letters.
'S.H.'
"A hen?" he asked, aloud.
"Excuse me, sir?" Petra said. Erwin tossed her the letter and asked her to take a look at the bird. "Yeah, sir, it looks like a hen."
Erwin took the letter back, rubbing his chin in thought. A letter with a wax seal and with a distinct coat of arms meant a letter from the nobility. Why on earth would he get a letter from the Inner Walls? It didn't seem to be from the Premier, he would have recognised the image of the two swords anywhere on the envelope. Nor did he see roses or a unicorn anywhere to imply it was from anybody else in the military.
"Hen… Hen…" he murmured to himself.
He tried thinking if he had pissed off any nobles recently? Or had he made contact with any of them. None to his recollection.
Then the realization hit him like a tonne of bricks.
"Hahn…" he spoke, softly. "Hen, Hahn. This is the Hahn insignia."
Petra looked at him in curiosity. "As in Vice Captain Hahn?" she inquired. Petra suddenly looked like she had seen a ghost and let out a gasp. Erwin raised a brow at her suspiciously, beckoning her to speak. "I recognise that symbol, sir."
"Oh?"
Petra handed him the other piece of paper in her hand. This wasn't a letter though, it was more like a postcard of sorts. Informal compared to the envelope he had received. On the card was a single line and in the corner, the letter was stamped. The same insignia. And another 'S.H.' was underneath it, leading Erwin to believe the two initials were part of the stamp or wax seal.
Thank you for your help the other day, Petra. Unfortunately, I won't be returning to the Corps for the foreseeable future. - Ioana
Erwin blinked at the letter, having received a letter of notice from Ioana. She said she had personal reasons for leaving and that she'd be back soon, a month at the latest. She had approached him with a bag already backed and on her back, he couldn't say no. She didn't seem to be in any rush, it was the same haunting brown eyes that looked at him and told him she'd be back soon. But Petra's letter contradicted that, saying she won't be returning?
"Petra, you're dismissed. Thank you." He said. The girl nodded and left him.
Erwin figured he had waited long enough. He tore into the letter and laid it out flat on his desk and read to himself.
To Erwin Smith, Commander of the Scout Regiment,
It fills me with sadness to know that the budget for the Scout Regiment has been cut yet again. As you may know, my late sister, Aisling, served in your ranks for many years before coming to her untimely death. And now, I am filled with pride to know that my niece is there, honouring her mother's legacy. It seems my family is tied to the Corps, more than I expected. I am so grateful for everything you do for humanity; your sacrifices are not in vain, that I assure you.
I am writing to you to say I would love to sponsor the Scout Regiment. I have no need for all my riches and knowing I would be benefiting humanity's survival in the long run would fill me with joy. As such, should you accept, I would love to host a banquet in the Scouts' honour. It would be a real privilege for me to meet your higher ranking soldiers.
And my niece, Bláithín. I need to have a word with her. For old time's sakes. She knows we ended on poor terms the last time we spoke, but I have a feeling I'm going to die in the next few years. Just a gut feeling, but my instincts have yet to be wrong. So, I would like to make amends with my estranged niece.
Write back soon, Erwin. I would love to begin the preparations.
Yours faithfully,
Sven Hahn [S. H. ]
Erwin exhaled heavily as he digested the contents of that letter. There was one thing that stuck out to him in particular amongst all else. While he was grateful for the help this would bring if he accepted - and he was seriously considering it (for the betterment of the Corps) - he was a bit suspicious.
How did Sven Hahn know of the Premier's decision to cut funding?
That would have been a matter that had to be kept between Darius and Erwin. It was meant to be strictly confidential. How did Sven get his hands on that information?
No, how he got this information didn't even matter. What mattered was that he had that information and this pointed to the glaringly obvious fact that Sven was more than just an old nobleman, but he was a powerful nobleman with access to the affairs that existed in the military. If the Hahns were as rich as he had been led to believe, then surely Sven paid people to acquire this information.
Erwin smoothed a hand back through his blond hair. He wanted to meet Bláithín also, but why? Why would the man who sent her away want her back? There was no way he actually wanted to patch things up with her, right?
An estranged uncle who wanted to repair his relationship with the niece he sent away to live in Shiganshina and said estranged uncle who somehow managed to get his hands on any information he wanted. What was Erwin to make of these two glaringly obvious red flags?
Sven must know that Erwin was an intelligent man, one would be a fool not to know that. But Erwin had to acknowledge this was a bold move to get Erwin's attention. And for what? Surely Sven wasn't going to sponsor the Corps out of the goodness of his own heart, that deeply contrasts the image of the evil uncle Bláithín had long since depicted. If anything, Sven Hahn looked more like a philanthropist than some estranged, abusive uncle…
It would appear that Sven Hahn was also an intelligent man. No less should be expected of a doctor and chemist after all.
What was Erwin Smith meant to do?
.
.
.
Erwin Smith was going to gamble, same as always.
Like two sides of a coin.
Like two sides of a game of chess. Sven just made his move, and now it was Erwin's turn.
Sven Hahn had information about the military and it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume he had more information locked behind the imposing, steel gates of the Hahn Estate.
Erwin nodded and decided on his next course of action.
Lord Sven Hahn, he thought to himself, what secrets does your family hold?
"Daz?!" Bláithín shouted out, amidst the dense snow and gale.
In the twilight howl and the groaning of the tree branches in tune with the blizzard walked four freezing soldiers, looking for the last flag. It had been a gruelling and agonizing seven hours since they set off at midday and darkness had already fallen upon them. In the bleak midwinter, no wildlife seemed to flourish and prosper and were all tucked away, still in hibernation. As tempting as a warm shower and a long sleep seemed to the blonde squad leader, she had to prevail… even if it meant dragging two soldiers behind her, with Bláithín tugging an unconscious Daz in his bed roller.
Daz had fallen worryingly ill, unable to face the elements and had finally fallen unconscious. It wouldn't be long before his body would head into shock, if it hadn't already. It was dead weight that Bláithín had been pulling as she tried to walk through their last destination. It was so cold that the melted snow had started seeping into their jackets. The last circle on the map was closer to the base, but it was so hard to see, that she no longer knew how to get back.
The other lantern.
There was an idea. If I light the second lantern, it'll make our location more obvious to others and hopefully, another team is nearby, she said to herself. She lit the lantern and ordered her team to plough on, insisting they'd get there eventually.
Yes, she was in charge. She had to be a source of hope and guidance and motivation to the two much younger girls. So, like the light of the lantern in her hands, she led the way, heading blind into the storm once more.
Bláithín had long since insisted that they should retreat immediately once Daz was slowing them down, but it was a young, tiny Christa who suggested they continue going. Ymir watched them silently bicker about it and Bláithín eventually relented for at the time, she thought it was possible to push on, even just a little bit more.
But now, she was ready to toss in the towel. They had to get back to base, even if it meant losing. The only question was how.
In that damned winter storm, the cold air spinning the land a new brilliant white fleece, Bláithín insisted on stopping and huddling together every now and then as a last resort to keep warm. She peered in at Daz who was not looking good at all. The three girls were fine enough to continue on for another hour, that was her approximate guess. They were running low on ration bars and by then, they'd be in trouble. So, holding the lantern up even higher, Bláithín ordered they trudged on. The blonde squad leader listened to Ymir and Christa bicker amongst themselves.
"Christa. Seriously, give it up. There is no point in us continuing." Ymir said to her. The two trudged behind her.
"No, it's not." She said back.
At one point, Christa offered to pull Daz for her. Did the girl have something to prove?
"Dumb bastard's got one foot in the grave as it is. Nobody to blame but himself if you ask me," Ymir said. "Some people just aren't cut out to be soldiers."
Bláithín listened to the two bicker as she tugged harder, but she could feel her own strength waning. As much as she admired Christa's tenacity and resolve to continue, it was important to acknowledge when you had been defeated. And in the Scout Regiment, getting defeated was something of a sixth sense to them at this stage.
"Squad Leader," Ymir called out. Bláithín turned around. "The way I see it, we've got two choices. Leave Daz to the elements and save our own skin, or the four of us die all huddled together like best buds."
Bláithín was conflicted, initially. They were dead men walking if they continued to tug Daz along, but how could Bláithín justify leaving someone behind. There was sense in Ymir's logic; better to have one person die than all four of them.
But how messed up was it that they had to consider that option?
"You left one out, Ymir," Christa stated, pragmatically. "Third option: you're completely wrong. We reach base in plenty of time to save his life and by morning, this will all be a bad memory. There's no reason for you to stick with me. We'll only slow you down. I am strong enough to carry Daz, you and Bláithín should head to base ahead." She said with a smile.
Bláithín felt a splinter-like pain pierce her chest. That was the fakest smile she had seen a girl wear, and she only knew that because it was a smile she had worn countless times herself. Christa Lenz was out for her own selfish goal and it was a goal that was recognised easily amongst those who have suffered a lot in their childhood or those who were never wanted; Christa was looking to die.
Bláithín's eyes burned threateningly at the thought of seeing a pacifist just like herself at such a young age. Someone who had resigned themselves to death but wanted to pass it off as heroism. Someone like Bláithín who believed if she died but made it look like a sacrifice or if she died doing something noble, people would remember her.
People would think she was worthy if she did that, right?
People would see her as perfect if she did that, right?
Because to do something good and to die a hero means you were wanted and loved.
It had taken her years to realize that maybe Bláithín wasn't a mistake, that she wasn't born to be hated or born to be discarded. And it had taken Bláithín years to realize that there were people in her life who wanted her and it had taken her even longer to want to live to be with them.
People like Erwin, Mike and Hange.
People like Eden.
People like Levi.
Christa was too young to be suicidal, so just what could she have experienced at such a young age? The pain in her chest grew and Bláithín once again understood that this is how her friends must have felt or how Levi felt when she went off on her own to try die or play the role of a tragic hero.
I'm sorry, Levi. I understand what I did was wrong. I won't do it again.
With Levi, she felt wanted and needed. But also being with Levi made her stop to appreciate the beauty that life had to offer. Whether it was playing with Eden and making her laugh, or if it was drinking tea, or if it was stopping to pick shitty flowers… all these little things added up. All the little things that made her smile were to be cherished and experienced.
The autumn wind that blew through the trees…
The thought of seeing the world beyond the wretched Walls…
Reading nice books…
Having a peaceful life in a world where Titans no longer existed…
Casting her wretched dynasty to hell and no longer being tied to the Hahn name…
These were all the things that made life a bit more bearable and these were the things that Bláithín had come to cherish.
Maybe Bláithín's purpose in life was just to experience these little things with the people that she loved. It had taken her many wake up calls from Levi for it to finally make sense to her.
To live in spite of it all that was thrown at you.
And Christa needed that wakeup call and it was Bláithín's turn to give it to her.
Christa grabbed Bláithín's hand and it made her relinquish her grip on the rope that was pulling Daz. And the girl began to pull with all her might. For her short stature, the girl was seemingly tough as nails. She trudged a few paces in the snow further but exhaustion must have caught up with her and she fell into a heap. Bláithín sighed at her pitiful state and walked over to her.
"Christa," Bláithín said, pulling Christa up. "There's no reason to keep doing this. Please, I'm telling you now-"
"You know what? I think saving this moron is the furthest thing from your mind." Ymir declared after walking close to her, dark eyes peering down at her.
Christa gasped and averted her gaze.
"You're not worried about Daz, you're just using him as an excuse to die… This is how you want your story to end, right? What a shame, here I thought you were the good girl. Of course, if you make it look like you were trying to save his life, no one will be the wiser," Ymir taunted. "Hey, they'll remember you as a hero who fearlessly sacrificed herself. Daz is a small price to pay, right? If you're a selfish bitch."
Bláithín's heart twisted at the last two words. A flash of navy caught her though and recognizing what it was, she turned to walk to Ymir. She placed a firm grip on her shoulder. "Ymir, we don't speak that way. It would be awful if Christa and Daz perished out here," she said, voice serious. She turned to Christa. She was going to be gentle at first but clearly, a rude awakening was what was needed. Though, she did hope to not be as cutthroat as Ymir. "Don't play the role of a pisspoor hero, Christa. You're so much better than that. We don't need suicidal soldiers in the military, they'll be dragging people down with them in more ways than one… I'm asking you, for now, to suck it up and to make it back to base alive."
A violent shiver racked through her body, one that made her joints ache and sent a pang of nausea to her stomach. Bláithín pointed in the direction of the navy-coloured item she had just seen. "I wrapped my scarf around that tree when we got the first flag. This means we're close and the base isn't too far away."
Bláithín walked closer to the tree and found the initial ledge that could form as a temporary, makeshift shelter. She signalled for them to come towards her and with a joint effort, they had Daz pulled under. The blonde superior walked around, trying to get her bearings and see how far they were from the base.
Aha, there it is, she said, peering out over the edge of the mountain. It was a straight drop from that mountain to the base and if she squinted, she could make out the few dots of people who had made it back.
"The base is a straight drop from here. I say we dump him off the cliff." Ymir insisted.
Bláithín looked down the cliff at all the jagged, dangerously pointy rocks. Not only would he get impaled, but even if the rocks weren't there, he wouldn't survive a fifty metre drop. To her left, Bláithín heard the shuffling of feet struggling against the thick snow. Bláithín looked into the forestry and saw a faint amber light, almost inviting her to come see who it was.
The rescue mission team, perhaps? Goodness, were they that far behind everyone else?
"You three, sit tight. Under the shelter. I'll be gone no more than five minutes." Bláithín ordered.
If it was the rescue team, they'd have the supplies necessary to help get them down safely. She knew they still had a few hours left to complete the mission but if they were among the last to make it down unscathed, then people must have been worried.
Bláithín grunted as she marched through the snow, closer to the amber light. Every time she huffed, air would escape her now cracked lips. Oh, she wished she had her scarf now. Every breath hurt and exhaustion and the need for sleep was catching up with her. Her joints ached and she desperately wanted a cup of black tea now.
Tea with Levi sounds nice right about now, she found herself saying.
But as she got closer to the light, her hope and enthusiasm fell to nought instantly. It was only one person holding the lantern. They trudged closer to her until they were only three feet from the blonde. Bláithín gasped in realization.
In the dull, amber light, those haunting brown eyes watched her intently.
Ioana…?
Why was she here? How was she here?
She was wearing the Survey Corps winter jacket also and was exhaling heavily.
"Ah…" Ioana breathed and in the light, Bláithín could see the girl smiling. "Master… I've found her."
Ioana rarely showed emotion, she had gathered that much from the past year of training her. So for her to be smiling right now really filled Bláithín with doubt and fear. Bláithín backed herself into a tree, suddenly feeling threatened. She turned to look back at the hill she had just slid down. She wasn't too far from the girls if she tried to turn back.
"It is so hard to find you all by yourself, Bláithín." Ioana taunted.
Bláithín looked at her precariously, brows knitting together in slight agitation and worry. "Excuse me?"
"That stupid midget always follows you around like a lap dog," she snuffed and walked closer to her superior. "Getting you alone is so difficult."
Bláithín watched as her lips parted. Just why did she need her? Was the constant staring going to be explained?
"I only had one mission and that was to help you see your true… potential," Ioana said, cryptically. "I needed you alone for this to happen and when I tried taking your niece to get your attention… I never anticipated you getting that irksome Captain to help you."
Bláithín's nostrils flared. So she did try to take Eden. Rage had her paralysed to the ground but Bláithín fought through it and tried to send a punch her way, but Ioana had a vice grip wrapped around her wrist in a second flat. Her teeth gnashed together, her face contorting in anger.
"Ah, ah. Noblewomen need to play nice, don't they?" she teased, darkly. Ioana removed her hood and moved closer, now inches away from Bláithín. "That's all you are, a prissy noblewoman who was never meant to be born in the first place."
What could that possibly mean?
"Yeah…" Ioana continued, "you were nothing more than a mistake and to fill a void in your mother's aching heart. You don't belong in this world… You're nothing. Nothing compared to me or nothing compared to my saviour. Someone who's good and needed."
Bláithín shut her eyes, lips sealing themselves tightly shut. Oh, she wanted to retort so badly, but what could she say? What could she say to a girl who was spitting all her insecurities back to her face?
I am needed though, by the people in my life, she said to herself. I'm not a mistake, I'm not-
"Dumb, little Aisling… what was she thinking?" Ioana spoke. "Her children are terribly stupid, aren't they? Elise trying to get involved with family affairs that didn't concern her, and you trying to shy away from your family's true destiny and secrets? You're dumb enough to believe you can truly just walk away? He has eyes and ears all over the Walls."
Bláithín gulped, her breath hitching in her throat.
"And that idiot Captain. He's such a fool… Loving someone who hails from a family of sinners. People like him don't love; they chase. They attach themselves and don't let go. He doesn't love you; he feels sorry for you, darling." Ioana spat.
Why was she doing this? What was her purpose in antagonizing her like this? Bláithín steadied her stance and launched her free fist into the girl's face, landing square in the nose. Her breathing became erratic, terrifying, triggering thoughts running rampant in her brain. Ioana stumbled back in the snow but was quick to regain her composure. She grabbed Bláithín by her shoulders and shoved her back in the tree.
"Now, shut the hell up, and tell me what you see, Danu," she growled and pressed her forehead against hers. Bláithín let out an ear-splitting screech and she fell to the ground in a heap, snow rising upon impact. She heard footsteps approach her again and in her delirious state, Bláithín could still feel the impact of Ioana's boot collide with her stomach. "I said, tell me what you see, huh?!"
Bláithín let out a choked moan of pain and was flooded with memories that flew past. Unlike last time this happened, Bláithín remembered feeling transported somewhere. To that desert-like location with the flowing river and the girl named Niamh… But now, Bláithín was vaguely aware of the surroundings; she was still in the snowy mountains and her stomach was getting pounded with Ioana's boot.
Even so, shreds of dialogue stuck out to her. She couldn't make sense of all the images that flew over here, it seemed more like a kaleidoscope of colours and sounds and nothing concrete stuck out.
.
.
.
.
.
"Why would you do something so stupid?! I can't help you out of this mess!" the blonde yelled.
"I'm sorry," the girl's friend replied, tears streaming down her face, "I didn't mean to release the pigs!"
.
.
.
.
.
Bláithín felt another blow to her stomach and her vision began to darken. Whether it was the dark of the night, or the pain she was in, she couldn't tell. Beside her laid a wet patch of blood that she had coughed up. Another blow to her stomach, and she shut her eyes. In her weak state, Bláithín felt a pair of arms wrap around her and lift her up.
"Hey, Bláithín, can you hear me?" Hange asked. Bláithín opened her eyes and stared blankly at the girl. Hange gasped in shock. It was the same as last time, her eyes had glowed golden now again. "Mike, carry her bag. I have her. Levi, are you good to take Ioana back?"
"Yeah," he muttered, "Ioana and I are going to have a chat." He stated, looking at her brunette intensely.
Mike, Hange and Bláithín cleared out and left Levi and Ioana alone. He gave them enough time to make their way down the mountain, wanting privacy in case his fists got involved. Once a few minutes had passed, he signalled Ioana to walk with him. When she resisted, he grabbed her wrist and pulled hard. She was no match for the short man's strength. They walked back up the hill and peered over the edge.
"I have every right to toss you over the edge," Levi stated, coolly. "It's a big drop, and you're a tiny woman. Shouldn't be too much hassle for me… But, first, you'll come with me down the mountain and answer my questions…"
"I don't have to say anything." Ioana replied.
"And I don't have to talk to filth like you, not when you have mouths full of shit that say too much at the wrong time," he replied without skipping a beat. Unfortunately, Levi had caught wind of the last bit of Ioana's digs to his partner. When Bláithín's group hadn't returned, he agreed to pair up with Hange and Mike and look for them. "It's been a while since I have purposely broken a bone or slit a throat, I can't promise it'll be a swift job."
Ioana remained rooted to the ground. She was also well within her right to disobey him, she wasn't part of the Corps anymore. Levi walked back to her and stared at her in the face, awaiting her answer. He was two inches taller than her, so he could look down at her. But those dull eyes always freaked him out, because he could never read them.
"What do you want from Bláithín?" he asked. "And where is it you come from, Meyer?" he pressed further, emphasising her fake surname.
Ioana cocked a brow at him and she took a step back. She was about to get cornered by Humanity's Strongest. But in this duel where two people of equal strength stared off in a battle of the wills, both people knew how to fight dirty. Ioana turned her back and walked towards the edge, dangling her leg off it to rile him up.
"Will I, or won't I?" she said. She stood on the edge now on one foot. "What do you think of her? Bláithín, I mean?" she asked. Levi didn't answer, but he cast his gaze down to the two log cabins in thought. She sighed, heavily. "My, you're dull, too." She said as she walked over to him.
In a flash, she grabbed Levi by his hands and pulled him towards her. He let out a panicked yelp and she kicked him down the hill towards the shelter where Ymir, Christa and Daz once huddled. He was quick to get into an all fours position and try to claw him out of the snow.
"I'll see you soon, Levi Ackerman!" she cheered. He rubbed the snow out of his face and he let out a curse when she jumped off the edge. In his panic, he clawed at the snow some more to get out, but more fell on top of him.
He was far too late, but by the time he got himself out and ran over to the edge, Ioana had miraculously cleared out. In the darkness, he couldn't make out any figure of someone running away or someone dangling precariously from the cliffs. He let out a curse upon realizing he had failed at what he was assigned to do. He was asked to bring Ioana back and question her, but somehow, the woman escaped.
But he couldn't shake one word from his mind at the end of all that as he walked down to the base.
Ackerman…
Levi had been told by Hange what to do when it came to taking care of someone who may have gone into shock. Bláithín sat by their shared bed in their bedroom that night, looking out the window. She had been examined by Hange by the time Levi returned and changed back into a spare set of clothes. Levi was told her injuries weren't severe - that the padding in the jacket probably took more of the kicks than she did - and that she'd recover in a few days but until then, to take it easy
Levi had a spare blanket in his hand and he walked over to her. He began to take off the belt of her pants and undid the top few buttons of her shirt and ordered her to take off her bra. When she tossed it to the other side of the bedroom, Levi sat down next to her and draped a blanket over the shoulders. He wrapped his arms around her to try keep the heat circulating (and, well, to be close to her.)
She peered up into his gunmetal eyes and her lower lip trembled. Saints, she looked so upset. Her eyes had been welling with tears for a while, and looking at him made the dam spill. She turned her face into the crook of his neck and she sobbed. She grasped at his sweatshirt as she choked on tears.
How could one woman do so much mental damage?
Who was this woman?
"Don't linger on her words, they aren't true." Levi said.
"Which part?" she asked against his chest.
"All of it." He replied, simply, as he rubbed her back up and down.
"I…" she began. She looked up at him again and sniffled. "Why… do people always… want me not around… Am I really that worthless?"
She sobbed and choked harder and more frequently on her words as she continued. Levi sighed heavily as he listened to her. The girl had become so strong in the past year and this was all it took for her to crumble in his grasp. He wasn't going to let her slip into poor habits, though. That was a promise, to both himself and to her.
"Why is my sense of worth always challenged?" she asked him, as if he had the answer. "Why am I the one who shouldn't live? Why am I the one who was never wanted?"
Levi looked down at her, bringing a hand up to scratch her head affectionately. "I don't know. I don't have that answer," he replied, honestly. Because he didn't, he wasn't going to lie and explain why people wanted her dead if he didn't know. "Anything she told you back there, it isn't true."
"You mean it?" she asked, her insecurities clouding the logical side of her brain entirely. "I just… want to not have to question my right to, well, life anymore…"
Levi hummed in response, trying to find the appropriate words to say. He was silent for a few moments before speaking again. "For your own sake, stop looking for some grandiose reason to live. You just live and see what the future holds. It might be a shit future, but we won't know unless we carry on."
When she shuffled around more in his grasp, he figured having her lie down underneath the covers would be more comfortable for her. He slipped under the covers with her and he turned on his side to look at her, while she stared at the ceiling with tears still leaving tracks down her cheeks.
"Live in spite of them all, Bláithín."
She looked over at him and she spoke some more.
"Live to prove those fuckers wrong."
She nodded and shut her eyes when she felt the tears stopping. Plus, closing her eyes allowed her to focus on his voice more.
"Be the damn insufferable brat that you can be at times and live to annoy everyone around you."
She smiled and inched closer to him.
"And remember, if you die, you're giving them exactly what they want…" he said in a whisper.
Published: 05/03/2021
Revamped: _/_/_
Well, that's the end for Ioana Meyer… or is it (hint: it absolutely is not.) Let me know what you think! You got to see a side of Ioana that I have wanted to show for a while. She's such a fascinating character in my eyes, and I really do hate bragging, so I am excited to write more for her when she returns.