Hey everyone! Here's a little Hiccup-centric chapter which I thought would go quite nicely! :D Hope you enjoy! Also, I strongly recommend listening to Taylor Swift's 'mirrorball' while reading this, I wrote the chapter with that song in mind (and borrowed a lyric for the chapter title hehe)

Chapter 8 – Shining Just For You

When Hiccup awoke, the left side of the bed was cold. He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face, rubbing his eyes. He still hadn't gotten used to it. Each night for the past week, he'd gone to bed, turning away from where Astrid would normally have been, hoping to have gotten used to it by the morning. And yet again, he hadn't.

He checked the clock on his nightstand. 10:42. He'd slept another three hours since he'd last laid back down after feeding Toothless. He groaned and turned around, facing her pillow now. He hadn't made the bed since the accident. The last time he'd got up at his usual time felt like an eternity way now. His eyes zoning in on the dent in Astrid's pillow where her head would normally be, he sighed again and eventually closed his eyes, drifting back to sleep. What would it matter if he slept another hour?

There was a bang at the door, jolting him awake. Then another. His eyes were burning, and so he kept them close. His head felt stuffy and foggy. Another bang. A key turned in the lock. He groaned, propping himself up slightly.

Snotlout flung open the door to the bedroom.

"Right," he announced loudly, strode over to the window and ripped the blinds wide open. Hiccup grumbled and buried his head in his pillow.

"Time to get up, Hic, you've slept long enough. Come on."

Hiccup all but growled at him, his head ringing.

"Come on, you can't sleep all day. It's quarter to one. Get up."

He felt Snotlout tugging at his covers and held onto them even tighter. A rush of cold air flushed across his body as Snotlout pulled them off of him.

"Get up," Snotlout repeated and added, a bit more gently, "Come on, we'll get some breakfast. Anything you want. We can even have ice cream for breakfast. Get some calories in ya."

Hiccup slowly rose, glaring at his cousin, quietly regretting the key he'd given him for emergencies. "What are you doing here?" he asked, almost shocked at the sound of his voice, his words seeming unnecessarily harsh.

"Checking in on you," Snotlout said matter-of-factly and opened the window, seagulls crying outside. It was raining. Hiccup closed his eyes for a second, listening to the wind and rain outside. Then, he asked, almost timidly, "Do you mind if we go down to the beach to have breakfast?"

Snotlout smiled at him, his eyes reassuring. "Of course. Anything you want."

Hiccup croaked out a Thank you and then another one upon his cousin handing him his silicone liner and leg.

"Do you have fresh clothes? When's the last time you took a shower?" Snotlout asked him, softly, and Hiccup knew he wouldn't judge him.

"It's been a while," he admitted, and Snotlout nodded.

"Okay," he said softly. "I'll look for some clothes, put a wash on and you go take a shower, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Hiccup just nodded and trotted into the shower, his leg clicking on the hardwood floor of their bedroom.

Astrid had woken up and was otherwise okay. Really, he knew he should be happy. Relieved. But all he felt still was the glaring void of her absence and the knowledge that she didn't really know him. They'd built a life together and she didn't remember any of it. Would they have to start over? He wouldn't even know where to start. Even if he told her everything that had happened over the past five years they'd spent together, eventually, he'd run out of stories to tell. Even if she didn't remember him again, would she fall in love with him again?

Snotlout knocked on the bathroom door.

"You okay? I have some fresh clothes. I'll put them on the bed, okay?"

"Thanks," Hiccup croaked back, briefly lifting his head to take a short break from watching the shampoo drip off his head.

It had almost become like a habit; he knew that Snotlout would come to check on him on his days off. There was a deep gratefulness in Hiccup, knowing that the people in his life cared so much. But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't also deeply ashamed.

Their flat had become an absolute mess. Him and Snotlout would do their best to tidy and clean, but something in Hiccup didn't want to touch certain things. Astrid's pillow, her duvet. Her clothes on the chair and the bedroom floor. Her hairbrush and makeup left out in the bathroom. He'd almost latched himself onto them, as if they were an anchor and he was a man drowning.

Perhaps, they were reminders that she wasn't really gone, even if it felt like it. He wasn't going to the hospital every day, in an effort to give her space and it killed him not to see her every day. There was a tightness in his chest at the thought of something happening to her on the days he wasn't there.

Today was an off-day, in more ways than one. He didn't want to admit it, but he was showing all the signs of a mental health crisis in himself. He'd been trained on it enough times to recognise the signs.

And when he went to see her in hospital, he switched back on. Returned to his normal, old self, whatever that meant. Perhaps he could, one day, find solace in the fact that he had changed too the day she'd had the accident.

He turned off the shower and heaved his body out of the tub. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gone for a run. Sometime before the accident. It all seemed like a dream now. He wasn't quite sure which part of it – his life before the accident or now. Maybe he'd wake up tomorrow to find it had been a nightmare, after all. There was still a part of him that very selfishly hoped he would, every night that he'd gone to sleep without her now.

In all the time they'd lived together now, there had not been a single night they'd slept apart – with the exception of his night shifts, of course. But even then, she'd sometimes sleep at the fire brigade, just to hang out, she'd say.

Sometimes, he wondered if she did it just because of his accident. Maybe, in her mind, staying at the station meant keeping him safe. She'd become even more anxious around his workdays, now. Hiccup sometimes wondered if he'd ever do anything else. He would if she asked him to.

"What do you want to get?" Snotlout asked him as he stepped into the kitchen, showered and dressed, the clothes somehow feeling foreign on his skin, hair still dripping slightly.

"I really want some waffles," Hiccup said, full-well knowing it would make him feel worse. He knew he was eating emotionally. At the same time, he didn't care.

So, they got waffles. They found a bench overlooking the cliffside and looked down at the water crashing into the shore.

Hiccup took a bite of his waffle, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the salty wind on his face.

All he could do was convince himself it was going to be okay. And who knew, perhaps, if he believed it hard enough, it would.

For now, he'd watch the blue water and think of Astrid's eyes.