A/N See chapter 1. In this story, MU T'Pol and Tucker are called T'Pol and Charles. RU T'Pol and Trip are called Ko-Kai T'Pol and Trip.

The story so far: Charles had come up with an idea to bring Trip and Ko-Kai T'Pol (RU T'Pol) back to their own universe. He and Trip asked T'Pol to help them by contacting her mother. She agreed to help them. Charles and T'Pol finally began speaking to each other again, and hurtful misunderstandings came to light. Inspired by his childhood friend, Uncle John, Charles suggested they make a new start with their relationship.

Music: Antonio Vivaldi – Winter

Thanks to my wonderful beta Capn Frances.

Translation of Vulcan words

Pollu - a bush with purple berries that are edible found near oases in the desert

Yuk-eshu'a – nightmare

Vokau (from vokau – retain in memory) - a small triangular stone plate engraved with symbols and lines that tell the story of a beloved person. The plate's sides are curled, and, in the middle, there is a place to set a candle.

Aksh'lz - I am deeply sorry

Ko-fu - daughter

She wanted to scream, but her body was paralyzed. She was only fear, alone with this piercing pain, breaking his way into her white space. His icy fingers pressed against her skull, his force butchering her mind and thoughts until there was only raw pain and despair.

Her white space was no longer a safe shelter from the cruel outside world. It had become cruelty—her most precious memories violated, ripped apart.

She saw herself with her father. He was reading a poem by H'nas , the song of the pollu bush, the origin of her name, T'Pol. She saw her father's lips moving but couldn't hear his voice. All she could hear was a voice screaming from the darkness. "You're nothing more than an ugly bush, useless, not even good to fuel a fire." The voice was everywhere, always insulting, mocking, and hurting her.

The images changed—she saw Charles comforting her, his blue eyes close, vaguely smiling at her. The voice, cold and full of mockery, tore the image apart with his words, "You gave yourself to a human. He is without control, despicable. Wanting him is betraying your heritage."

In an instant, she saw an image of a Vulcan woman walking. It was chaotic, erratic with loud, alien music in the background; then it was gone. "He is only human," the voice continued. "That's his name. Charles. Human, male. You threw him away, like the garbage that you are,"

The vision of Charles returned. It was closed, grim lines around his mouth, bitterness radiating from his presence. "Nobody, nobody wants you," the harsh voice of Tolaris continued. The comforting vision of Charles morphed into one of him glaring at her with anger, hurt, and disgust. She fell into darkness and drowned in a sea full of pain and fear. She screamed...

T'Pol stared into nothingness, her heart pounding. She started the old breathing exercises her mother had taught her as a child. She needed to create order after this chaotic turmoil she just experienced.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Ko-Kai T'Pol.

"Yuk-eshu'a?" Ko-Kai T'Pol asked.

T'Pol's lips felt dry. Yes, she had a nightmare. Again. But even though the last days she and Ko-Kai T'Pol had become friends, she hated to admit her weakness.

She turned to Ko-Kai T'Pol. "It's nothing."

Ko-Kai T'Pol raised her eyebrow ever so slightly. "The effect of Tolaris's torture."

As usual, she didn't press for more details. That made T'Pol talk.

"It was the same nightmare. It was total chaos, so many overwhelming images of my worst memories. Tolaris made me relive my father's death and the horrible things the Andorian soldiers did to my mother. He took my best moments in life and demolished them." She took a deep breath. "When I was a child, my father used to read the poems of H'nas for me. He told me I was strong, like the Pollu bush during desert storms. Now I can't think of that special time without hearing Tolaris's taunting voices, telling me I am weak, divergent, an abomination."

"No one is an abomination," Ko-Kai T'Pol said, with hardly contained anger in her voice.

I hardly share my inner thoughts, except perhaps a close friend, like S'Vai, T'Pol thought. Ko-Kai T'Pol has become such a friend, it is like talking to myself.

"I don't understand why the nightmares continue. I have contained all my memories of the torture in meditation," T'Pol said.

"I see," Ko-Kai T'Pol responded. For a brief moment, there was a comfortable silence between them. Then Ko-Kai T'Pol said gently, "You must create order from chaos. The best way is not to allow your memories to be polluted by Tolaris' lies. Logic and truth are what you need. The poem of H'nas is about endurance. Tolaris is a linguist. He knows the true meaning of the poem; he twisted the meaning to hurt you."

A good friend of her father, Vallar, had been an expert on H'nas. He knew every poem by heart, and when she was a little girl, Vallar had taught them to her.

"I could use the poems of H'nas in my meditation," she said. "The Tolaris of my universe has little knowledge about H'nas or languages. He is an engineer. And a brilliant one, according to Korek. They used to be good friends."

"Speaking of meditation," Ko-Kai T'Pol said, "I was about to start mine."

She returned to her side of the brig, where Trip was waiting on her. He was sitting on the ground, his legs folded. Ko-Kai T'Pol took her position across from him. She crossed her legs and started to meditate.

To T'Pol's surprise, Trip closed his eyes to join her in meditation. Not that he was doing a very good job. She could see he was uncomfortable, sliding back and forth on the floor. But after a moment of breathing slowly in the rhythm of a simple Vulcan breathing technique, she saw his body relax.

As far as she could see, Trip was a great mate for Ko-Kai T'Pol. He supported her, and now he, a human no less, was meditating with her.

From what Ko-Kai T'Pol had told her, they had come a long way to finally reach this point. Mistakes, prejudices, and fears she recognized all too well had blocked their way together.

She closed her eyes for her own meditation, pressing down the fear that the images of her nightmare would return.

Had it only been three days since she had awakened from the same recurring nightmare, finding herself in the brig with two strangers? The female was a short-haired version of her. She was lying side by side with the man who was holding her tightly. He looked like Charles before the accident.

It had hit her like a blow—an overwhelming emotion of loss.

She had suppressed it quickly. The loss was her own doing. She had hardly contained her rage against Charles when he left her for Sato, the woman who used every man she encountered.

There had been nothing left for her in this universe, and she wanted a way out. She had used Charles—betrayed his trust, invaded his brain, and manipulated him. She had justified her actions by her own logic before she realized she had none.

She started talking with Ko-Kai T'Pol, first about the Vulcans' place in this universe, then about more personal matters. Soon, Ko-Kai T'Pol had pointed out the flaws in her thinking.

"Trip is a loyal person. Perhaps you judge Charles too quickly. Only this Sato has alleged a relationship between herself and Charles. Don't assume anything without asking. Collect all the data before you make up your mind. And don't let your prejudice against humans cloud your judgment."

She had told Ko-Kai T'Pol that she had never fully understood Terrans. When she had first encountered them, the coldness of their ships, the sounds, the colors, the smell, the energy that rolled off them, the raw emotions in which they dwelled, it had been overwhelming. Vulcans had feelings, too, violent ones, and containing them was essential. Otherwise, those emotions would tear them apart. And here was a race that seemed to have no desire for order in chaos, that just acted on every emotion they felt.

But that wasn't the whole story. When she had followed Ko-Kai T'Pol's advice, she had started to lower her defenses and talk to Charles. The result had been most gratifying. As a Vulcan, she knew his outburst about wanting order in the chaos was pure logic. By collecting all the data Charles could offer her, asking the questions that needed to be asked, she had realized Sato had been lying to her. Her hardly contained rage toward Charles for his so-called betrayal was totally misplaced.

Last night, Charles had said that he wouldn't hold her actions against her anymore. He seemed sincere. She remembered the gentle way he had said goodnight to her.

T'Pol breathed in slowly. Her white space hadn't come. That was unusual for her, but the surrounding chaos had disrupted her equilibrium. It would take more attempts to meditate to restore it.

But last night, she had felt content. Would it last? She was so used to having one focus: survival. Her brain had formed a pattern to use and manipulate the people around her, to fence herself off against people getting too close. She was used to kicking someone down before she got hurt.

Not for the first time, she regretted she hadn't asked Charles to join her actions against the Terran Empire instead of abusing his mind. He had never been a faithful follower of the Terran Empire. He just wanted to work as a Chief Engineer and to be left alone, hating all the power games around him.

That's why Charles wanted to send Trip and Ko-Kai T'Pol home. She and Charles were on the same side now. But how long before the complications of living in the Terran Empire would arise, and her own selfish character would ruin their relationship again?

But for now, they would work together, against the Empire, with a common goal: to send Trip and Ko-Kai T'Pol back to their universe. It made all the difference in the world. Trip and Ko-Kai T'Pol had changed everything.

It seemed like nothing had changed. Charles was later than usual. He wore the same frown he had for the past days. He looked tired and lost in thoughts. As he saw her, his face darkened, and his good eye narrowed. A strange, alien feeling of anger and bitterness washed over her. It was a most unsettling experience.

"Are you okay?" Trip said to Charles.

"I'm fine," Charles snapped. "I have received new orders this morning from the Empress. We're going to a nearby planet called Velusius IV."

Last night, she had recommended Velusius IV as the place to purchase dilithium. If she wanted to contact her mother, then better in a place with little Terran presence and surveillance. T'Pol had been on Velusius IV before. The temperatures were below freezing, and it was covered with snow—certainly not a planet for Vulcans. But their communication systems were planet-based, easily assessable, and easy to hide from Terran sensors. According to her calculations, if she deleted the data stream after contacting her mother, there was an 87 percent chance the transmission would remain undetected.

"The planet has a huge dilithium market," Charles said. "We're low on dilithium, so we need to supplement our reserves. We'll go by shuttle. On the way, I'll drop Trip off on Enterprise. He'll receive training there."

Trip and Ko-Kai T'Pol exchanged a look. "What kind of training am I going to have?" Trip asked Charles.

"The Empress feels you have little knowledge of the greatness and wonders of the Terran Empire." A touch of bitterness crept into his voice. "Guess you're lucky." He stared at Trip and then at the surveillance panel.

Trip, who seemed about to protest, got the hint and stayed silent.

T'Pol knew such training was meant to break a person and make them support the Empire. She wondered what effect it would have on Trip.

Charles turned to Ko-Kai T'Pol. "Vulcans are not allowed to travel, so you and T'Pol will stay here. I'll show you where you're working today. I've convinced the powers that be the tracking devices are sufficient, so the guards have been assigned other tasks."

T'Pol and the others followed Charles. Perhaps she could find a way to join him on his way to Velusius IV. He brought them to one of the storage rooms.

The room was cold and musty. Charles turned to her and whispered in her ear. "You're familiar with Velusius IV. You're coming with us, pretending to be one of the new ensigns."

"You'll stay behind," he said to Ko-Kai T'Pol. "Log in twice using this key card. People will think the both of you are working here." He spoke softly.

Charles straightened his back. "You're all clear now?" He glanced at the shelves storing crates along the side of the room. One crate had a Vulcan marking on the side.

"Let's go, Trip," Charles said. "We'll take the shuttle in shuttle bay 2."

As soon as Trip and Charles left, T'Pol searched the room for surveillance cameras. There was only one in place, so it was easy to avoid it. She walked toward the crate with Vulcan markings and took it to a dark corner of the room. It was the crate with her personal belongings.

She searched for one item, a small transmitter. It had the shape of Vulcan medallion, a da ek'zuru, but was much thinner. When she was forced to leave home many years ago, her mother had given her this, so she could contact her in an emergency.

There was not much in the crate—clothes, old PADD's with pictures, books, and a small box. In the box, she found her father's Vokau, the family meditation candle, and the da ek'zuru. She changed into warmer clothing and hid the medallion in one of her boots.

Without a word, Ko-Kai T'Pol handed her a jacket and cap.

The clothes smelled moldy when T'Pol put them on. She easily removed the tracker from her arm; Charles hadn't fastened it very well. She gave it to Ko-Kai T'Pol, who wearing her own device on her right arm. She took it and placed it on her other arm.

"Complete the mission," Ko-Kai T'Pol whispered close to her ear as she left the room.

T'Pol sneaked her way to the shuttle bay and joined the small group—Ensign Hess, Anna Hess' son, very young, but an excellent pilot like his father had been, Charles, and Trip. Charles gave her an ID card with the name Ensign Lewis, a dilithium-expert and her new name for this mission, before they boarded the shuttle.

Trip and Charles sat next to each other.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this," she heard Charles whisper to Trip as the engine started.

"I'm used to training, Charles. I'm going to be fine."

"This is not a typical Starfleet training," Charles said, still whispering. "They're going to drill you in the 'truth' of the Empire for hours. There's no room for another opinion. Just try to say the words, stay low and get your mind to focus on something else."

"I will," Trip said, "Thanks for the warning."

The rest of the journey was made in silence. After Trip was dropped off on Enterprise, they continued their journey to Velusius IV.

Two hours later, the pilot started to descend the shuttle. He had trouble keeping the shuttle stable in the turbulent atmosphere, but he landed safely.

T'Pol had her head covered by the cap and was wearing the warm jacket as they walked out of the shuttle. Ice-cold snow blew into her face. The roaring wind almost took her breath away. Her whole body seemed to be freezing.

Charles hadn't spoken to her during the journey. She was pleasantly surprised when he took her glove-covered hand. Together they stepped into the snowy world of Velusius IV.

"The city is a few minutes this way," he shouted to get above the sound of the wind as he gestured with his other hand.

When they entered the city, the wind was still there, but they could speak without shouting.

"The last time I was here, we did business with a firm called Dilithium For All. Good quality, low prices," she said.

He nodded. "I know the place. It's a few blocks from here."

As they finally reached the building, Charles stopped and looked at her. "We'll continue with the plan from yesterday, but I still don't trust you. I'm not doing this for you."

When she simply nodded in reaction, he said, "What, no snappy response? When are you going back to your old tricks again?"

"What about last night?"

He groaned. "Last night was great, but remember Archer? He chose you, a Vulcan, you're working under his command. And still, you betrayed him, like you did me."

"I had the function, but not the power," she said, "and only for a short time."

That had ended with her rebellion against the Empire. Charles always had been loyal to Archer. But that hadn't stopped Archer from putting him in the agony boot when he had thought Charles had betrayed him. In fact, she was the one who had betrayed Archer, not Charles.

"Like I said, I don't trust you. And it will take a long time before I will again."

"It's not a never again." She could understand his logic. She didn't trust herself, so how could she expect trust from him?

"T'Pol the optimist," he said with a tight smile, "That's a new one."

At the dilithium firm, they had to register at the desk. A tall Andorian male, who introduced himself as Talan, came to bring them to a room where they could see samples. There were several in small transparent containers for customers to examine before they made their choice. Talan looked familiar. As a child, she had worked in an Adorian dilithium mine, and in her life, she had met hundreds of Andorians, some good, some bad.

Looking at the samples, Charles asked the man many technical questions. Talan was in the middle of answering them when he suddenly turned to her and squinted his eyes. "I have seen you before. That smell of dry desert sand, it can only mean one thing: you're a Vulcan."

Talan took off the cap that had been covering her ears and looked at her intently. "You're T'Pol, I remember you from Commander Archer."

He turned angrily to Charles. "You know, Vulcans are not allowed here by the new rules of the Empire. I will frisk her to see if she has any weapons."

To her dismay, he started to move his hands over her body, between her legs, on her breasts. When he finished, he stared at her with a lecherous grin.

The whole ordeal had filled her with such disgust and anger that she couldn't contain it. She reached out and grabbed his neck. With one pinch, he was rendered unconscious.

"Quickly," she said, stepping over the Andorian. "Lock the door."

She stormed to the console in the corner of the room and looked for a communication device. When she saw it, she took off her boot, removed the medallion, and pushed its sides. It transformed into a small transmitter stick, which she connected to the communication device.

Her hands glided over the console. It was working—she could transmit a message. "Ko-Mekh," she said. "Aksh'lz. Ko-Mekh. Ni'droi'ik na-tor." Mother, I am deeply sorry.

She repeated the sentence five times. There was nothing but static. "No reply," she said to Charles.

Charles looked around nervously. "Hurry. Before the guy wakes up."

"Charles," she said, especially for him. "Aksh'lz."

"I heard, but no one is answering," he said.

The Andorian on the ground stirred; his eyes were blinking. Instantly Charles kicked his face with his boot.

"That will keep him down for a while," he said, his voice grim. "If there's no reply in the next five minutes, we stop."

She repeated her sentence twice, seeing the time ticking away.

Still one minute. "Ko-fu?" A Vulcan voice pierced the silence. It was her mother's voice asking if this was her daughter.

She took a deep breath. "Ah-ko-fu." Yes, mother, it's me.