Another!
And since I have every single project coming down on me at once it seems, it may be the last chapter for a week or two. But hey! Three chapters in four days ain't half bad! :D This chapter is roughly 3300+ words and was written in two days so somebody did another manifesting ritual or something!
I jump around a LOT in this one, going from Tech to Wrecker to Crosshair. There's a pretty... important event in this chapter, one I actually planned to save for later but this story really does write itself sometimes. But it's nothing y'all didn't already know :D
Also! Been VERY active on tumblr lately. There's an art piece of Shadow doing some Earth elemental stuff with hot rock soup, there's a snippet of my tintin story I CONSTANTLY reference but never actually post anything one, AND I'm doing something where you send me a Shadow voice line and I will read it! I have two videos up currently, one dealing with Crosshair insults and the other of lines after I kick Crosshair back into the water! Any Shadow line from any chapter is accepted, whether I be talking to Crosshair, Wrecker, Hunter, Trevor, ect! Send me some lines!
Also, I just realized doesn't keep my pov break markers so I apologize for that, I'm going back in and adding this thing:
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To the commenters from last chapter!
34Mangoberry43: Aye, it's always a bittersweet memory when thinking about old friends you can't contact any more. And super glad you enjoy the realistic emotional element! I always try to write sincerely, so I'm very glad that's paying off. I always worry about putting my personal feelings into my stories, but I do realize it makes the characters seem more human :D And it is indeed college! I get breaks in assignment load from time to time, and this week was one of those gaps ^^ But thanks again for the review! And thank you! Can't really pick apples here but I did get a pumpkin last week!
Abi-Chan Fanfiction Fan: 3 :D I was feeling like speed racer writing this chapter, no lie! But I'm so happy to hear this fic brings you some joy and relief from the shit that is real life, makes it worth it. But yes story wise Hunter and Wrecker are supportive beans, especially Wrecker. And our boy Cross do be feelin the glares, that's for sure! And oh for sure XD Thanks for the kind words on my quiz, means a lot! And looks like you may have gone through with that, for here is another chapter! :D And love from South Carolina!
Content Warnings:
Talk of ghosting, abandonment issues, and a WHOLE bunch of self-doubt/personalization.
"What did you say to Shadow?"
Tech couldn't help but feel aggravated at his brother. Shadow had been crying. Not only that, the aggression she'd displayed was so unusual Tech could hardly believe that was the same Shadow who'd stayed up last night to talk with him. Sure, after learning she'd lived with sailors he figured she had a rough streak in her, but to get that mean?
"Doesn't matter," Crosshair grumbled, not meeting Tech's gaze. "She'll get over it, she's tough."
After his near drowning, he'd been pretty quiet. Tech figured he was deep in his own thoughts, but what exactly he was thinking about was a mystery to Tech.
Tech hoped he at least was giving some thought to whatever he'd said to Shadow. "Crosshair, there were tears in her eyes," Tech stressed. "What could you possibly have said to her that hurt her so badly?"
Crosshair looked up in surprise. "Cryin'? Shadow does not cry. That was just water from the creek."
"No, her eyes were red which is indicative of crying," Tech retorted. "She also nearly punched a hole in my head. Given her previous non-violent demeanor towards us, a switch as drastic as that suggests a major fracture in her normal thinking pattern. So, what did you say?"
Crosshair glared at the ground and mumbled something under his breath.
"What?"
He mumbled again, somewhat louder, but still too quiet for Tech to make out.
Tech groaned and leaned closer. "What did you say to-?"
"I told her I didn't need her and never would! Alright?" Crosshair spat, glaring at Tech. "Then she overreacted."
No wonder she'd been so hurt! That look of pain behind a thin veil of rage remained fresh in his mind, but Tech couldn't imagine what could cause the usually laid back Shadow to become so volatile. But now that intense emotion in her eyes made sense.
"Overreacted?" Tech demanded. "She saved your life and you tell her that?"
"She was actin' like I owed her somethin'!" Crosshair shot back.
"You did, a thank you! She risked injury herself to help you, not to mention possible hypothermia, when she had no obligation to save you!" Tech exclaimed. How could Crosshair not understand he should be grateful towards Shadow? The average person, even someone as abrasive as Crosshair, would be able to recognize that.
"She was actin' like a self important brat!"
"She was not the brat in this scenario," Hunter growled, coming through the trees.
"Me? I nearly drown and you think I'm the one at fault?" Crosshair growled.
"Considering your second swim was because you pissed her off, yeah, I do." Hunter sat down and leaned against a tree. Taking his helmet off and sitting it beside himself, he glared at Crosshair. "Had to leave her to recover for a bit. Wrecker's with her."
"Was that wise?" Tech asked. Wrecker was loud, brash, and his filter was nonexistent. Shadow, if she was hurt as badly as he hypothesized after Crosshair's words, needed calm and quiet. With her own mind a swirl of emotion, adding more agitation would only prolong her depressed state.
Hunter shrugged. "She answered him soon as he called for her. Let him hug her too."
"Hug?" What? No, that's highly illogical! "Shadow doesn't care for hugs. She must be hurt badly if she seeks physical comfort," Tech replied, somewhat in disbelief. "She did not try to push him away?"
Hunter shook his head. "She didn't hug back, but definitely didn't try to get out of it." He stared at the river for a minute. "She's got a sensory disorder, that's why she said she hated hugs. Touch can set it off."
A sensory disorder? What was the name? What was the cause? Was it a standard disorder for her species?
"Then why she lettin' Wrecker hug her?" Crosshair grumbled.
"Because she's hurt, di'kut!" Hunter retorted, voice raising. "She's been ghosted bef-" Hunter abruptly stopped and cursed. "Shit."
Tech looked to Hunter, hoping for more information. "Ghosted? You mean abandoned by people she cares about? That would certainly explain her intense reaction to Crosshair's words. They could have triggered an abandonment issue, or possibly even hit something deeper. People who get ghosted often carry with them a sense of personal fault, even if they did nothing wrong."
Hunter groaned, but replied, "Yeah. She's definitely got that."
Crosshair looked slightly sick, skin paler than usual. "She's... more resilient to be screwed over by one incident-"
"Three," Hunter interrupted.
Crosshair looked away. "Three?"
"And she's still hurting over the loss of her sailor friends. Who, Cross, are real. She has pictures on that device of hers and was looking through them when we found her."
"People often revert back to remembering happier times when emotionally wounded. She speaks fondly of them all the time," Tech mused. "For some it helps them ignore the pain."
"She's definitely in pain," Hunter sighed. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he groaned. "Really stepped in it this time, Cross."
"How did you know she'd been ghosted?" Tech inquired. He should have stayed up in the apartment to wait until Shadow woke up. Maybe she was more likely to share details if she was still groggy from sleep? After all, last night she mentioned she got quite honest when she was tired. But why would the topic have come up this morning?
Hunter hesitated then answered, "Trevor. He told me."
Tech frowned. "How do he and Shadow know each other again?"
"Not sure. But he certainly knows a lot about her."
Crosshair remarked in a low tone, "Don't like that weirdo."
"Feeling's mutual," Hunter snorted.
Tech definitely agreed. Something about Trevor just did not sit right with him. It was like he always knew things would happen before they did, or knew the outcome of an event. Tech had tried to analyze the man whenever they were around him, but he was just too chaotic. A great research opportunity, certainly, but a maddeningly infuriating one.
At least Shadow seemed sane.
"What did he say in regards to her being ghosted?" Tech asked.
"Only that it had happened three times before and it was a touchy subject." He paused, brow furrowed.
"What else?" Tech pressed. Maybe if he knew he could help Shadow, or at least know what subjects to avoid to not trigger another emotional outbreak. While it was intriguing to see Shadow act in a new way, her angry side concerned if not outright frightened him.
The threat she'd given him had been merely that. A threat, a warning. But he'd also not been the target of her rage. What should happen if she was angry and it was directed at him? How much damage could she inflict?
"Just that it causes her to overthink signals from people," Hunter said. "Also that if something goes wrong with someone she gets in her mind that she's just a burden."
Crosshair mumbled, "She's definitely not that."
"Yeah, well you did a fine job convincing her of that," Hunter retorted. "Honestly, Cross, give her some credit."
Tech narrowed his eyes. "There's something else he told you."
Hunter hesitated then shook his head. "Just said don't poke that subject with a stick."
That wasn't it. Trevor hadn't stopped there. "Hunter, I need all the information if I'm to calculate how she will react in a given circumstance."
"She'll be fine. There's nothing to worry about," Hunter stressed before shooting a glare at Crosshair. "Speaking of Shadow, you'll be the one to bring her back."
Crosshair's head shot up, eyes wide in disbelief. "You're kiddin'. She'll claw me."
"Not my problem."
Tech hardly heard them as they continued to go back and forth. His mind was fixated on one thing and one thing only.
What had Trevor told Hunter? Was it just information, or was it another warning?
That was the key. Or at least a piece to the puzzle that was Shadow. Without that, he would never be able to decipher the puzzle.
He just hoped it wasn't a ticking bomb.
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Oh he hoped Shadow couldn't pick up the way his heart was beating erratically in his chest. She was right next to him, surely she could hear it? Her ears, cute as they were, no doubt picked up on his unease, betraying his nervousness to the woman. His darker skin hid his blush, but the sweat trickling down the back of his neck and dampening his palms could set her nose off.
Wrecker swallowed, trying to focus on Shadow's voice as she scrolled through the device in her hand. She'd shifted from the sailors and now showed him various funny images she called memes. She'd improved somewhat, sitting taller with a small smile on her face as she leaned against him, but she still looked sad.
He hated seeing her like this. He preferred the bubbly Shadow, the snarky Shadow… even the Shadow who threatened to Vibe Check them. He'd really fallen hard for this strong alien.
He wanted to bring it up. If she was his favorite, maybe knowing he liked her would cheer her up?
No. His grasp of social etiquette may have been appallingly poor, as Crosshair pointed out on more than one occasion, but Wrecker knew enough that it wouldn't be right to bring up his crush while she was in this state. Besides, she probably liked Hunter. Most women did. He was better looking, more enjoyable to be around, smoother with his words, not as overwhelming...
"You have a crush on the sarge, don't you?" Wrecker blurted out, immediately slapping his hand over his mouth in horror.
Shadow stiffened as her ears shot straight up and her tail went still.
Di'kut! You absolute di'kut!
Those bright blue eyes Wrecker had fallen in love with turned and gazed up at him. "Huh?"
Wrecker swallowed, sweat beading on his brow and his tongue weighing like a stone in his mouth. "I… I…" he fumbled with his words before hiding his face in his free hand and groaning. "Shit… Sorry, Shadow!" He started to remove the arm from around her shoulders. "I shouldn't have asked, that was…"
Shadow grabbed his arm. "Hang on, big fella. Ain't mad. Just caught me off guard." Her tail flopped over his ankle and curled around it in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.
He avoided her gaze. "I still shouldn't have asked. You're not feelin' well right now-"
She snorted softly, letting go of his arm. "I'm depressed, but I ain't made of glass."
Great, now you offended her.
"I know that look. Don't you dare beat yourself up for it, ain't gonna help." She remained silent for a moment. "Trust me, I know."
Wrecker swallowed. "So… do you have a crush on him?"
She looked away and laughed softly. "Can ya keep a secret?"
He couldn't keep a secret to save his life, but he'd try for Shadow. "Absolutely!"
"Ain't just him."
Wrecker's brows lifted. "Tech?" Her and the nerd had stayed up late talking the night before.
Red crept across her cheeks as she swallowed, ears nervously angled sideways as her tail rapidly twitched. "Keep goin'."
"Cross?"
"You, dingus," Shadow chuckled, nudging him with her elbow.
Eyes wide, his jaw dropped. "Me?! Seriously?"
"Yeah. Seriously. Got a crush on ya, big guy," she replied with a soft smile.
This had to be the best day of his life. Shadow had a crush on him. She had a crush on him! A girl he really liked… yes! But… she'd heard Crosshair tease him but didn't comment. "Why not say anything sooner? You knew I liked ya thanks to Cross."
"Aside from the fact my brain is an ass and tells me no guy will ever care for me that way? Because the last time I confessed I had a crush on a guy I deadass had a panic attack." Her voice turned bitter as she glared into the woods. "Then, after he promised not to ghost me, he did."
"I'd never do that," he swore. It was the truth; he couldn't even imagine abandoning Shadow with no warning. He'd known her perhaps a day but he really enjoyed her bold personality and adored the fact she could match his high energy. If for some reason he was forced to say goodbye for good, he'd at least tell her why.
"I thought that last time too. And, let's face it, y'all are gonna leave. After the mission's over." She looked away, ears flat. "Best not to get too attached when it'll be ripped from me in the end."
Wrecker wrapped his arm back around Shadow's shoulders, tugging her to his side. "Just because the sailors left doesn't mean ya haveta stay behind when we leave! Come with us, you'll fit right in!" Just the thought of charging across the galaxy with Shadow, causing all sorts of explosive chaos...
Shadow laughed dryly. "It's more like my foot is gonna fit up Crosshair's ass if I'm stuck in a confined space with him for more than two seconds."
"He's nicer when you get to know him, I promise," Wrecker urged, but knew his words probably sounded empty to Shadow.
Surprisingly, Shadow flicked her ears in agreement. "I figured that. But the fact is, while I would like to be on good terms with Twiggs… he hates me. And I don't feel like dealin' with the ups and downs that stem from enemies to lovers progression."
Jealousy sparked through Wrecker at the thought of Shadow also liking Crosshair, but he knew it wouldn't be fair to force her to choose. Besides, Shadow didn't look too keen on getting closer with Crosshair anyways. Not that he blamed her. Nevertheless, he knew if he was to convince her to join, he had to try to mend the fracture between his batchmate and Shadow. "Squeak, he'll warm up to ya. Trust me, it's not hate that causes 'im to be grouchy. Think he's just threatened by ya."
"While being threatenin' is a high compliment, I can't keep snarkin' forever," she said with a shake of her head. "My supply of salt is big, but there's a limit. I get tired and my rational goes out the window. Then there's a stupid misunderstandin' and I get mean. Which could end in physical violence." She hugged her knees, curling her tail around herself as she cautiously leaned into his side. "And then what?"
"Squeak, we fight and argue all the time. We're brothers, family. It's what we do. Feelin's get hurt, sometimes it does get physical!" Wrecker hugged her closer. "But we have each other's backs at the end of the day."
"Know how that is," Shadow mumbled.
"Did you and the sailors always get along?"
"Hell no. The amount of times I got into fights with the sailors… it was a lot. Try bein' a young woman on a ship full of dudes with at least half bein' sexist."
Wrecker tried to imagine what would happen if a man insulted Shadow on the grounds that she was a woman, and immediately a dead body came to mind. "But ya worked out in the end right?"
"Had no choice. I was kinda stuck on the ship." Her tail flicked. "Still got three or four days with y'all, I guess. Stuff could change. Who knows, maybe it's a life changin' journey that will forever alter stuff. Seems to be how stories go."
"I'd love to hear 'bout your stuff sometime, Squeaky," Wrecker said, smiling.
Shadow laughed, a weird expression on her face. "Oh, I'm sure you'll hear about it soon…"
"Hey. Hunter wants you back."
Wrecker grimaced as Shadow went stiff at Crosshair's voice.
Oh no.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
This was so stupid. Absolutely stupid. Shadow was going to snap at him.
As she should…
It took a moment, but Wrecker appeared around the edge of the rocks, helmet in hand. "Hey, Cross," he said nervously, glancing down at Shadow.
"We need to get moving."
"Keep your damn pants on, Crosshair," Shadow growled. Rustling met the sniper's ears before she also appeared.
She looked horrible, hair and fur still wet and her clothes clinging to her. Anger flashed in her eyes as well, but Crosshair could tell there was still pain beneath. He knew what it looked like when someone hid their pain beneath a coarse facade.
He'd seen it in the mirror enough.
"Wrecker," Shadow said, voice far kinder as she addressed Crosshair's batchmate.
Something sparked in Crosshair's chest at this, something burning hot, but he didn't dare let it kindle into a stronger flame. He didn't need to deal with that right now.
"You and that one go on back. I'm gonna change into some dry clothes behind here and I'll meet you in a few."
"Ok, Squeak," Wrecker said, patting her shoulder before slipping his helmet back on and heading back.
Crosshair began to follow Wrecker, but halfway back stopped. He had to say something to her.
Why though? What about her made him want to take back his harsh words? He wouldn't care with the average person. Granted, she was anything but average, yet that didn't explain the guilt eating away at him. Why did he care with Shadow?
You know why.
No. No he couldn't.
She wouldn't.
It was a waste of time and energy. It was easier to keep her away.
But… not like this.
Finally she passed by the tree he'd been leaning on, changing into a red sleeveless shirt and dark olive cargo pants. She'd also stuffed her wet hair back under her hat.
The moment she saw him, she scowled. "Great, what do you want?" she growled as she continued past him towards the river.
"Shadow… wait," he said, loathing the way his heart had crawled its way up into his throat.
Shadow turned back to face him and lashed her tail. "I have nothing to say to you, Crosshair."
Not Twiggs. Not Twiggy. Not Cross. Crosshair… What was it about her harsh gaze that made him want to retreat into a damn hole? "You didn't have to pull me out."
Her eyes widened in anger. "This again?" She took a step forward. "Crosshair, I swear I will use your face as a scratchin' post."
Crosshair, forcing himself not to flinch at the angry woman before him, didn't doubt for a second she'd make good on that promise. She'd pushed him back in the creek after all. "No, I didn't…" Haar'chak what was she doing to him!? "Why did you pull me out?"
The snarl slowly faded from Shadow's face, hiding those unnervingly sharp teeth. She seemed confused by the question, or perhaps she was confused as he was about why she saved him. She thought it over for a long stretch of time, the only sound the wind in the trees and the distant roar of the river, before she curtly replied, "Wrecker would have been upset and you would have polluted the creek."
That… hurt. Crosshair was immensely grateful for his helmet hiding his true expression.
Her ears twitched as she adjusted the straps on her pack. "And guess I would have been kinda bothered to see you die."
You shouldn't be. He'd been an ass, he knew that, but it was better to keep her distant. Otherwise… no that subtle warmth he felt when he was near her was just agitation at her smartalleck behavior. It couldn't be anything more. He couldn't let that grow.
That would only lead to pain.
But she didn't deserve the pain he'd caused her.
Crosshair hesitantly stuck out his hand. "Thanks. For pullin' me out."
Shadow eyed his hand with suspicion. "This is Hunter's doin', huh? You think I'm stupid?"
She… she doesn't believe me. She really was like him... "No, I-"
"You never thank anyone for anything. Least of all me."
"Shad-"
"I'm not finished," she hissed. "I know Hunter ordered you to try and make nice to keep the tension down. I'm not an idiot. I learned the hard way how to tell when someone's not sincere. So save it," she hissed, turning away and heading back towards the trail by the river.
Hunter had been right… he'd really stepped in it this time. Of course he did. All he did was fuck things up. Hurt people. Push them away.
Shadow was no exception...
"I mean it," he said softly, the words slipping out.
She stopped but didn't turn around. "No, we both know you don't." She took a deep breath. "Even if I wish you did."
His eyes widened, guilt ripping through him like a blaster bolt. He opened his mouth to call her back, but no words came to him. Crosshair could only watch as she walked away, leaving him standing alone with his hand still extended and the words on his lips.
I'm sorry...