The amount of stuff I could say about this chapter guys... I've had the initial concept in my head for over a year ever since my friend Suddenly-Clones made a post about dying clones wanting to hold someone's hand. And, as usual, the longer I stewed on this scene the more convoluted and AGONIZING it got :D
But I'll keep the description brief. This chapter is MESSY, physically and emotionally. It IS a nightmare scene at the beginning, but it's still a graphic description of a main character death. There will be a ~END NIGHTMARE~ break for you to search for so you can skip the nightmare scene itself. Please take care of yourself!
This chapter is INTENSE and a MAJOR plot point. A good soundtrack I feel would be "Hurricane" by 30 Seconds to Mars.
Annndddd that's all you're gonna get from me.
Warnings: Graphic descriptions of character death, emotional trauma, self-blame, self-hate. (Please proceed with caution)
It was odd, really.
Staring up towards the summit of the volcano, I frowned.
Here we stood, ready to enter the Vault.
But I couldn't remember waking up. Or even hiking here.
Yet I must have at some point, right? After all, I was here.
I turned to ask Wrecker if he knew anything about this bizarre teleportation, only to find no one beside me.
Not Wrecker.
Not Hunter.
Not Tech.
Not Crosshair.
I was alone.
My stomach churned. Ever since we left the Outpost, there was always a Batcher by my side or relatively close.
But not now. Instead, silence deafened me from all sides.
No boisterous laughter.
No warm chuckling.
No inquisitive questions.
No dry comments.
Nothing.
A sharp sound split the air like the first crack of thunder from an incoming storm.
But it wasn't lightning.
It wasn't a laugh, chuckle, question, or comment.
No.
Blaster fire.
"Shadow!"
My heart jerked in my chest.
Crosshair!
Where was he!?
Where were the others?!
My voice would not work.
The sniper's cry came again.
From my left.
No, right.
No, behind me!
Whirling around, I tried again to yell his name.
Silence met my ears aside from more blaster fire.
There!
Crosshair stood alone, his brothers nowhere in sight, as he stepped towards the tunnel entrance.
I tried to run to him, tried to reach his side, but the faster I ran the slower I seemed to go.
Then I saw it.
A droid, a commando.
Sun glinting off dark metal.
Off the black as night blaster.
A blaster aimed right at Crosshair.
I screamed his name, screamed for him to turn around.
To look.
To run.
In vain.
A flash.
A sharp crack.
A streak of red.
Racing in slow motion towards the sniper.
My sniper.
I watched the bolt slam into his back.
Watched him jerk against the force of the blast.
Watched him fall.
Hit the ground.
Lay still.
"No!"
I fought towards the downed man with all I had, fought against the force holding me back.
Break out! Break out! What's wrong with you?! Run!
Eons could have passed before I finally made it to his side, yet he still clung on.
Still fought for his life.
Life that was slowly ebbing away, staining the ground in dark crimson rivers.
So much blood.
"Crosshair," I croaked, hot blood coating my hands and saturating the air with a sickly sweet coppery scent. "Crosshair, can you hear me?"
C'mon, Twiggy. You can't be dead. You can't!
The helmet rolled my way. "H-Hunter?" came the breathless wheeze. "Can't see you..."
So much blood.
Violent tremors seizing my hands as I slipped his helmet off, leaving bloody handprints across the visor.
My breath caught.
So much blood...
From his mouth, his nose, his ears, his eyes...
"Hunter?" he choked again, reaching blindly for me. "W-Where are you?" His hand brushed my cheek, staining it red. "I can't see!"
"H-Hang on, I'll get help!"
"Don't leave me!" Crosshair cried, snatching my hand. He choked, crimson flowing freely from his mouth.
Too much blood.
"I have to get Hunter!" I tried.
Or Tech.
Or Wrecker.
Or someone!
"Don't leave! Please... Please..."
Tears streamed down my face.
He was dying.
Crosshair was dying.
Dying painfully.
Slowly.
I couldn't leave him.
I wouldn't leave him.
"I'll... I'll stay."
It was all I could do. Stay by my sniper's side until his last breath finally left his mangled body.
A wet rasp told me it wouldn't be long.
"I'm scared..." His hand gripped mine tightly. "Please... I don't want to die. I... I'm too young. I don't want to be just another number..."
Why? Why him? Why Crosshair?
It had all gone wrong.
So wrong.
So fast.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
I was too slow.
Too late.
I failed.
His grip weakened and I grabbed his hand with both of mine. "Crosshair, stay with me. Stay with me!" I sobbed, panic cracking my voice as tears rolled down my face like blood streamed down his. "Stay awake!"
"I'm scared..."
His grip grew weaker still.
"Crosshair, stay awake!"
"Please..."
"Crosshair!"
"I... I can't see. Can't..."
"Stay with me!"
His grip went slack. "See..."
Falling limp against the rocks, the light faded from those eyes and the last breath left his lungs.
Crosshair was gone.
And it was all my fault.
~END NIGHTMARE~
"NO!" The cry ripped from my throat as my eyes snapped open. Sitting upright, my forehead slammed into someone else's and stars flashed across my vision.
"Shadow! Shadow, it's us!"
Hunter?
Wrecker's groaning filtered through the roaring blood in my ears and little by little the ghastly nightmare faded away. In its place sat a very concerned Hunter, brown eyes wide.
"Shadow, stars above, what's wrong?" he demanded, reaching out towards me.
I jumped away and spun to face them, tail bristling and lashing in barely concealed horror. Teeth ever so slightly bared and claws unsheathed, I gasped, "I tried! I tried to save him, I tried!"
"Save who?" Tech asked, looking like he wanted to approach but didn't want to risk getting clawed. "Shadow, what happened?
"I didn't see them! I tried to reach him!"
"Who?" Hunter stressed. "Shadow, who are you talking about?"
I looked around wildly. We couldn't have left him! I would never leave him behind! "Where is he?!"
Suddenly, the others understood.
"Shadow, Crosshair is just on watch duty. It's ok. He's ok," Hunter soothed, attempting to reach me once more.
Adrenaline pulsing through my veins, I shook my head and backed away. "No... I... he's... the blood..."
"He's fine. There's no blood. No danger. He's just outside."
Just out...
He must have heard my outburst...
Not good.
Shit.
Shit shit shit!
"I gotta... I'm stepping out. Need... alone," I panted, moving to the ladder.
"Squeaky, wait-" Wrecker began, reaching out to me with one hand as the other remained on his forehead.
I frantically shook my head. "No, just. Air... I'm... I'll be back. Stay here."
I couldn't let these boys see me like this.
Alone.
I had to be alone.
"Ice," Hunter began, moving quicker towards me. "Your heart is-"
I continued backwards. "Fine. 'M fine. I'll... give me a few."
Shuffling to the ladder, I quickly slipped down and almost collapsed at the bottom when my knees buckled. Cold sweat still trickling down my back and nausea gripping my gut with unrelenting force, I stumbled out to the trail back towards the waterfall.
"Furball?"
Crosshair's voice from a fork in a nearby tree reached my ears, but he was definitely one Batcher I couldn't let see me like this.
And if I saw his face...
I would only relive that horrible nightmare again and again.
And so I ignored him even when he called out to me once more.
Get away.
Retreat.
Escape.
I had to escape that nightmare.
Further down the trail I wandered, moonlight through the mist illuminating everything in a dim silver glow with the faintest hint of blue.
Stumbling to a tree, I gripped a lower branch tightly as I nearly collapsed. My stomach violently twisted, and I clenched my jaw to stop the dinner from coming back up.
Why? Why him?
Why?
We'd come so far. I couldn't just lose him like this!
Prophetic. The dream had to be prophetic.
Of course it fucking was. This was a damn self-insert, and I was a damn overpowered Mary Sue.
Of course I'd be plagued by prophetic nightmares.
Wow, wasn't karma a bitch? This is what I got for plaguing my ocs.
But damn it all to the depths of hell, why did the first prophetic dream have to be so vivid? And why did it have to be Crosshair?
"Hold it, furball."
The raspy voice of the group sniper would usually provoke a quick witted response, but not this time. No... no not this time.
Why had he followed me? Why why why?
"Fine. Just... Ate... somethin' bad," I croaked, another wave of nausea rolling over me and causing me to tremble.
The feeble excuse didn't fool the sniper. "We didn't get sick."
I couldn't respond. I just... how could I be witty after a nightmare like that? The man behind me brutally died, bleeding out yet clinging to life. All in vain. Those gasps... the blood... the fear...
Footsteps drew closer. "What's wrong?"
I moved off the tree and further down the trail. I couldn't let him see my face. There were already tears streaming down it, and the last thing I wanted was for this man to see that.
He'd make a jab at me for sure, I just knew it. Friend or not, that's just how he was. I couldn't take the teasing right now.
Emotional Shadow was dangerous. I knew myself well enough to know how volatile and aggressive I could get in a state of high emotion.
I only hurt people around me. I only lashed out, clawing people only wanted to help.
I couldn't risk that with Crosshair.
We'd come so far for me to fuck it up now.
Needed to get away.
"Hey, I'm talkin' to you."
Go away, Crosshair. Run.
"Don't walk away from me."
Run before I hurt you and destroy what we worked so hard to build!
"I know you can hear me."
Please, Crosshair. I don't want to hurt you!
He wasn't giving up. Of course he wasn't.
I had to run.
I had to-
His arm snatched mine. "Stop."
I halted, keeping my head angled away from the sniper as he walked in front of me. I could see he only had the lower portion of his armor, the moonlight reflecting off the little disks on his belt, but I couldn't raise my eyes. Wrapping my arms around myself, I focused on a particularly mossy rock, admiring the little brown stalks sprouting from the fluffy green carpet.
"What happened?"
I kept my eyes down.
Focus on the moss.
The leaves.
The grass.
The dirt.
Anything but his eyes.
"Shadow."
I flinched at his voice. "It's fine. Just... just fine. No need to-"
A hand reached under my chin, slipping up to softly cup my cheek.
Every nerve in my body went numb, those under his bare touch burning hotter than the surface of the sun yet colder than the most frigid glacier. Blood roared in my ears, drowning out the nightly forest ambience and diverting all senses to the feel of his hand against my skin. For a man so rough, his touch held such gentleness and care it nearly moved me to tears.
Or more tears, I supposed
"Sithspit, didn't mean to... just wanted to get your attention-" Crosshair started to move away, but I grabbed his hand and desperately held on, leaning into his touch.
I still couldn't look him in the eye but he was here. He wasn't dead. He wasn't just a smoke screen. He was real.
He was alive...
A thumb brushed against my skin before the sniper lifted my face. Dark brown eyes gazed steadily back into mine. "Tell me," Crosshair urged, voice far softer than usual and that characteristic rasp tempered into non-existence.
My tail twitched. "Twiggs... it's fine-"
He took a step closer. "I care."
My heart stopped.
Two words.
So simple... yet so profound.
He cared.
He cared.
Crosshair cared.
Spurred by desperation and a tsunami of emotion, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. Pressing my forehead into his shoulder, I squeezed tighter and inhaled a shaky breath. That odd combination of gun oil, lavender tobacco, and aftershave washed over me and almost swept away the lingering, coppery stench of hot blood.
Almost.
The sniper stiffened at my embrace, inhaling sharply. But he didn't push me away. Slowly, hesitantly, his hand shifted to my shoulder followed by his arm around my back. Light pressure drew me closer to the sniper and grounded me before it became too much and I spiralled away.
His hug may have been a single arm around my back but the simplicity didn't negate the significance of the gesture.
"Are you alright?" he murmured, fingers lightly brushing across my shoulder. "Not usually like this."
I wanted so badly to hug him tighter, to hold on and never let go, but I knew better. That would make him push me away, and I knew I would cry if he did that. I was too emotionally fragile to risk putting myself through that.
But when I began to step away, it was the sniper himself who tightened his grip as his other arm encircled my back. "What happened?" he asked again. Then, pulling me closer, he urged, "Sweetheart, tell me."
"Crosshair..." I took a shuddering breath and swallowed back a sob. "It was you."
"Me?"
"You died."
The silence stretching between us threatened to suffocate me. The wind whistled through the trees, frogs croaked and crickets chirped, and somewhere distant an owl hooted.
Crosshair stepped back, arms falling away. "What?"
I wrapped my own arms around myself and turned away, clenching my teeth to withhold tears. I knew he would push me away once he learned the truth. But what choice did I have? "It... there was a fight. Droids. At the entrance to the lavatubes. A shot... you got hit."
Crosshair's mangled body, bleeding and broken, flashed before my eyes. I hugged myself tighter as I forcefully shook my head, trying to banish the horrifying sight. It stubbornly remained, burned into my retinas like a glimpse of the sun. Labored breathing, stricken with wet coughs and a disturbing rattle, filled my ears, blocking out everything else.
The fear and desperation on his face...
So much blood.
Too much blood.
"I... You went down. There... Hunter. I couldn't see him. Wrecker... Tech. They... g-gone. I don't..."
They should have been there.
They could have saved him.
They could have done what I failed to do...
"There was... blood... everywhere. Eyes, mouth, ears, nose... blood. Everywhere, just... red."
"A nightmare," Crosshair interrupted, lightly laying a hand on my shoulder. "It was only-"
"No, Twiggs. It... my dreams... they're sometimes prophetic."
Too much. I was revealing too much.
"It's... Tech... my origins..."
But I couldn't stop.
"This isn't my... I don't belong here..."
The floodgates had opened, and the trauma was an unrelenting force.
"I'm not who you... I'm not just Alphian. There's... this timeline... I know things that... the future."
Spilling out whether I wanted it to or not.
"Shadow," Crosshair interrupted, squeezing hard. "Focus."
"Cross," I croaked as my throat burned, tears threatening to spill from my eyes once more. "I can't-"
Both hands found my face and forced me to look at him. "Me. Focus on me. I'm right here. Focus."
Gripping his wrists, I blinked away tears and tried to follow the order. Tried to hold that dark gaze.
When I first met him, I looked into those eyes and saw vindictive malice and burning hatred.
In time, crippling insecurity and defensive hostility replaced it.
Followed by suffocating uncertainty and a desperate yearning for understanding.
Now?
Deep concern and intense worry, underlaid by near-panic.
Panic that gradually faded as I continued to hold his gaze.
"Good. Good, focus on me, listen to my voice," he sighed, pulling me back to his chest. "Breathe."
I just nodded and held on to the sniper again, the feel of his heartbeat steady against my chest. Burying my face into his blacks, I grit my teeth as his broken body flashed across my mind's eye once more. He winced and I realized my claws had slipped out as I clung to him. But when I tried to pull away, stammering frantic apologies, Crosshair only held me tighter.
"It's fine. Not lettin' go until you calm down."
"C-Calm? How can... after that dream..." I took a shuddering breath. "What... what if..."
I couldn't bear to utter the words. If Crosshair died...
Died because of me...
Because I'd led them out here...
"Not happenin'," Crosshair growled.
"Prophetic dreams don't care... care about-"
Crosshair tugged me off and grabbed my shoulders with both hands. "Shadow, it was just a dream. You're makin' a big deal out of nothin'."
I stared up at him, his words worse than a blaster bolt through the chest and reopening scores of old wounds.
"Just get over it."
"Stop acting silly."
"You're just faking it."
"You're just acting out."
"You just want attention."
"It's all in your head."
"You don't believe me."
Of course you don't.
No one ever did.
His eyes widened. "That's not-"
I shoved his arms off, turning away. "Just go back to your shift. Forget I said anything..."
Forget I opened up...
I should have just stayed quiet.
I always should have just stayed quiet.
Better than always having your pain, your agony, thrown right back in your face.
"Shadow-"
"Go!" I snapped, lashing my tail as I faced him again. "I knew I shouldn't have told you!"
Crosshair didn't move from his place in front of me, struggling to speak.
I turned away once more, ready to head into the woods.
I had to be alone.
Had to clear my head.
Shake the terror of the nightmare.
Rid my eyes of the sniper bleeding out in my arms.
Banish his dying breaths from my ears...
A hand locked around my wrist.
Commando droid!
So, the bastard thought he could kill Crosshair and then take me down as I grieved?
Not a chance!
Whirling, claws out, I struck towards the damn droid's face with a snarl. Instead of metal, my claws cleaved through flesh.
Fresh blood hit my nose and I stared in horror as the droid's face vanished into smoke, leaving behind Crosshair with three fresh gashes across his cheek.
As blood trickled down his shocked face, tears trickled down my own.
I... I hurt him.
I attacked Crosshair...
There was no going back.
Any bond between us had just been slashed.
And I couldn't bear to see the aftermath.
"I... I'm sorry!" I cried, backing away before fleeing into the woods.
If only I could outrun what I'd just done.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
He karked up.
Again.
He karked up again!
That wasn't what he meant!
It came out wrong!
He believed her!
He hadn't meant to hurt her!
Come back!
Don't leave!
I'm sorry!
Before he even reached the trees, he stopped.
No. She wouldn't believe him...
And why should she?
All he ever did was hurt her...
"Hunter..." he rasped, turning back to the trail shelter. "He'll know what to do."
Hunter always knew what to do!
Hunter could fix anything.
He always fixed Crosshair's mistakes.
Rushing to the shelter, Crosshair saw Hunter already standing at the bottom of the ladder along with Tech and Wrecker.
"Cross!" Wrecker yelled as he approached.
"What happened?" Hunter demanded. "I heard Shadow yell. She wouldn't let me talk to her. Did you see her? Where is she?" The sergeant did a double take. "What happened to your face?!"
"She had a nightmare. Ran off when I tried to calm her down." Crosshair paused and admitted, guilt surging through him, "Tried to tell her it was just a dream. She got angry and turned away, but when I tried to grab her..." His shaky hand touched the stinging wounds. "She..."
Shadow wouldn't hurt him.
Not voluntarily.
Not this badly.
The agony in her eyes and voice afterwards...
"She didn't mean it. It had to be the nightmare."
Shock and anger filled Hunter's eyes. "You brushed her off?!"
"Cross!" Wrecker exclaimed.
"I... that wasn't... it came out wrong!" Crosshair stammered. "I just wanted to comfort her... but it came out wrong." He deflated, defeat crashing down on him. "It always comes out wrong..."
Hunter just growled under his breath and shook his head before he turned to Tech. "C'mon. We've got to find her."
"I'll come too Sarge!" Wrecker insisted, starting forward.
"No," Hunter ordered, quickly pulling on the lower portion of his armor. "Stay here and guard the shelter." With Tech at his side, he rushed down the trail yelling the woman's name.
Wrecker hurried up the ladder. "I'm makin' a soft, comfy spot to help her when she gets back. She wouldn't run off unless it was really bad!"
Crosshair almost added that she has been in tears but... it felt wrong to do. Made him feel wrong.
Dirty.
Like he betrayed her.
What was wrong with him?
But he couldn't just... he couldn't let her blame herself for this.
He knew she would tear herself apart for hurting him, even if it was an accident.
Of course she would.
She was just like him.
He couldn't let her put herself through that.
He wouldn't let her put herself through that.
"I'm goin' to find her," Crosshair stated, heading after the others.
Wrecker looked at him in surprise from the top of the ladder. "But Hunter said-"
"He can take his orders and shove 'em." Crosshair ran down the trail.
You're a sniper. You're made to hurt. To destroy. To kill. There is nothing else you are good for.
Crosshair forced away the scathing words as his inner voice savagely taunted him.
Shadow didn't think that was all he was good for.
She saw more in him.
Treated him like a human.
Not a weapon.
Not an asset.
A human being with his own thoughts and desires.
He owed it to her to fix this.
"I see you as a friend."
A friend.
Shadow was his friend.
Yet, as he slipped deeper into the trees, he couldn't shake the feeling that deep down... basic concern wasn't the reason he ran after her.
Maybe once, but not now.
No.
This wasn't just tolerance.
This wasn't just respect.
This wasn't just friendship.
He'd long since passed that point.
This was another emotion.
Far deeper.
Far more powerful.
Far more dangerous.
He'd fallen for Shadow.
And he'd fallen hard.
And so the truth floweth forth
Sorry for the cliffhanger ^^;
Ch 39 and 40 will have Cross and Shadow fluff to make up for... this.