WHOS READY FOR PAIN?
Cause y'all gettin a lot in this chapter :D
My AU Cross is definitely growing further and further from canon Cross, but after the finale Im perfectly fine with that.

Also, the big break between them that is Trust Shattered has yet to happen, but these scenes and this connection they're building is gonna be the deciding factor if they can reforge their bond after TS or if it remains broken.
But oh is it gonna be painful. At least there's a happy ending on the horizon past the hurricane.

Warnings! Mentions of canon, strong angst, feelings of abandonment, self hatred, resurfacing trauma, doubts of self worth.
I cracked my soul open a bit for this one so its a bit painful

How peculiar.

Shadow revealing herself as a Realm Walker had answered many of Tech's endless questions about her, yet now it seemed that even more plagued the engineer.

Why were her lightsabers special?

Why did her life count not tick down until they had a lull in fighting?

Why didn't her 'plot armor' save her this time?

And then there was the issue of the alternate timeline.

It needed a name. Preferably a nice acronym that held significance in its shortened form.

Timeline of Pain? TOP?

Timeline of Betrayal? TOB?

Timeline of Suffering? TOS?

No, none of those made sense as acronyms.

Bleak Alternate Dimension? It did spell out BAD.

Of course, the Bad Timeline, or BT, would work as well as any and it was short. But it was too bland.

"I call front," Shadow said, hopping into the first cart as Wrecker went after the railcart.

Tech started after her, only to be held back by Hunter as Crosshair stepped past him.

"Let him stay with her. He's pretty beat up over what happened," Hunter whispered.

Understandably so.

Shadow had given a life for him, after all.

Tech supposed he would feel some guilt as well if the Realm Walker gave up her health to help him keep his.

Taking the second cart with Hunter, Tech frowned at the rusty metal. "These cannot be remotely up to code."

Shadow poked the side of her and Crosshair's cart. "It is... questionable."

"Questionable does not begin to cover it," Tech retorted.

A grin tugged Shadow's lips. "Always the engineer, ain'tcha?"

A grin. Teasing tone. That was Playful Shadow.

Playful Shadow. Flirty Shadow. Affectionate Shadow. Angry Shadow. Cocky Shadow. Tired Shadow. Laidback Shadow. Protective Shadow.

So many Shadows, so many tones and expressions to categorize and file away.

But he couldn't complain in the least; mapping and memorizing the many sides of Shadow was an interesting side mission and it gave him something to do.

"It is my specialty," he replied to the Realm Walker, chest growing warm as her grin widened.

He regretted not spending as much alone time with her as perhaps Hunter, Wrecker, or even Crosshair, but that was alright.

He didn't need constant reassurance that she cared for him. He knew she did and every interaction with him proved it.

Besides, Crosshair was more high maintenance with his varietable mood swings and unpredictable flares of insecurity driven vindictiveness, Hunter was very possessive and highly territorial, and Wrecker had the personal space of an Anuba.

Shadow was doing the best she could.

"Alright! Here we go!" Wrecker laughed, coming up behind them and starting the carts forward.

"Oh! One thing." Shadow rummaged in her bag and pulled out a paper map. Handing it to Tech, she shrugged. "In case we get in deep schist."

"You mean shit?" Wrecker asked.

"No. Schist. Metamorphic rock!" Shadow laughed as she slipped her pack back on.

"She is correct, these walls are primarily composed of schist," Tech added, storing the map in his pack.

"Sounds funny," Wrecker snorted as they picked up speed.

"Hey scientists are hilarious when it comes to naming things. There's a critter in my reality called a Foosa, right? The scientific name is Cryptoprocta."

Tech jerked in surprise. "Excuse me?!"

"Not gonna ask how you know Latin, but I said what I said," Shadow snickered.

"You do realize that name means-"

"Hidden anus. Yeah, foosa be wack."

"It means what?!" Wrecker exclaimed.

Before they could confer any more on the rather unusual name, Crosshair quickly said, "Wrecker, lower your center of gravity and hold on."

Shadow jerked around. "Oh we're in deep schist."

Staring past her, Tech's heart jumped. The tracks suddenly disappeared down into a yawning black cave.

"Aw, schist!" Wrecker yelled, ducking down and holding on for dear life.

This mission really was full of bad luck.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Hellfire and damnation!

First I get shot, losing a life, now I get tossed about like a damn ragdoll in this rust bucket!

I'd lost count of how many times I'd said "sorry" to Crosshair after getting knocked into him for the fifth time.

Could I get a break for ten minutes today?!

"I wish there were seatbelts on this thing!" Wrecker screamed from the back.

"You're worried about seatbelts?!" Hunter yelled.

That would be the less troublesome problem at the moment, I silently agreed, cursing again as we hit a hard curve and I slammed into Crosshair.

Steadying me, the sniper then yelled, "Break away ahead!"

Looking in front of us, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. No jumping over a chasm at least!

"It's gonna split us up!" I yelled back to the others. "Cross and I will find y'all!"

Because I get the weirdest feeling he and I are about to be isolated again.

Anticipation and trepidation followed that thought.

One of two things happened whenever he and I were alone; progression of our friendship or...

Character development.

Stuck in a story, I really was beginning to loathe that last one.

Sure enough we hit the track splitter and away we raced from the rest of the group.

"The track ends soon!" I yelled, gripping the front of the cart and staring ahead. "We gotta get out before we hit the-"

An arm wrapped tightly around my waist, pulling me back into the sniper.

"The hell are you doing?" I yelled, holding the armored limb tightly.

"Repayin' a favor," he replied, voice barely audible over the clatter of the wheels. Aiming his gun, he fired the grappling hook as we sped towards the wall.

The grappling hook bounced until it caught a ledge. Crosshair quickly attached the clip to his belt and tightened his grip around my waist.

Wrapping my own arms around him and holding tight, I braced myself as the cord jerked us out of the cart.

We were airborne for a few moments before crashing down hard into the cave floor. The minecart slammed into the wall and caused the entire tunnel to shudder.

Crosshair yanked me under his body and braced himself above me, trying to shield me from the falling debris.

Luckily none landed on us.

Unluckily, however, it fell on our only way out, sealing us in.

Well shit. At least we had the exit in the wall.

Or... I hoped we did.

Otherwise there would be a level ten freak out from my claustrophobic ass.

Crosshair's ragged breaths through his helmet speakers a few inches from my ear suggested I wasn't the only one in danger of a freak out.

"Cross?"

"Are you ok?"

"To my knowledge, yes," I said, shifting my weight and slipping out from under him. Hesitating, I bumped his shoulder with my head. "Thanks for shieldin' me."

"Repayin' the favor from earlier," he replied, hesitating himself before he rested his hand between my ears.

Pushing my head forward, I then backed away and crawled over to the minecart.

"What are you doing?"

"Lookin' for a way out." Investigating the crash site, I noticed a small gap in the wall just big enough for us to get through. "Here."

Crosshair grabbed my arm. "Let me go first."

"Why?"

"Make sure it's safe for you."

"Cross-" Too late, he was already wiggling through.

"It's safe. More open, it's another mine tunnel."

Ok, so it wasn't the volcanic tube with muscovite. Good.

I did not care for a freefall into an abyss right now.

Squeezing through, the claustrophobic grip on my chest lightened and I breathed easier.

Only to grimace as I registered the smell of blood.

Looking down at my arm, I squinted at the dark liquid dripping from a fairly deep gash. "Oh, bother. That's less than ideal," I muttered. "Seems that escape left me with a six inch gash."

"What?" Crosshair demanded, whipping around and tearing off his helmet.

I held it up, sending red rivers down my arm that dripped off my elbow. "Yeah, seems it got cut on a rock."

"Let me see," Crosshair ordered, gripping my wrist and pulling my arm towards himself.

I hesitated, but let him see the gash.

He grimaced. "Nasty," he grumbled, glaring at the wound as if to scare it into healing.

"Thanks," I mumbled. "Don't think you can intimidate the blood back in."

He rolled his eyes. "Got a medkit in my pack."

I stopped him. "Crosshair, save that for yourself. I'll heal fine."

"You're bleedin' bad."

I tried to tug my arm free of the sniper's oddly strong grip. "It's fine. Don't waste your supplies on me."

"Not a waste," he countered, fingers tightening. Yet his grip was... gentle.

I kept my eyes down. "If you're sure."

"Wouldn't do this if I wasn't."

Pulling me to the wall, we sat down and he pulled his pack off and sat his helmet down. Rummaging through it, brow furrowed in concentration, he pulled out some bacta patches. "Arm?"

Having developed a disdain for bacta and the hell it unleashed into my cuts, I reluctantly held out my arm and hissed when the goop made contact.

"Easy, darlin'."

Well excuse me if it stings- wait WHAT!? My head jerked up. "What did you just call me?"

His fingers twitched as he abruptly looked up. "What?"

"You just called me darlin'."

"No, I didn't. Must have had a rock hit your head."

I flattened my ears and gave him a lopsided frown. "I'm half blind, not half deaf. But..." I looked away, well aware of the heat rising to my cheeks. "Don't mind you callin' me that."

"You... don't?"

"No. It... sounds nice comin' from you."

Fingers twitched nervously against my arm. "Can I call you that again?"

I risked a glance up. The glow from his helmet flashlight on the ceiling caused his hair to look almost like liquid silver, but his eyes were as dark as ever. Even if I swore I saw something flash in their depths.

So this was why movies liked dramatic lighting whenever two characters were close like this. Our noses perhaps a foot apart, all I could think about at that moment was how damn stunning Crosshair looked. And how his eyes were not on mine... but on my lips.

Words catching in my throat, I just nodded.

His eyes came back to mine and softened, unmistakable affection shining deep within them. Then that sly grin appeared as he poked my nose.

Eyes wide in surprise, I stared cross-eyed at my nose before looking back at him. "Did you just...?"

"Thought you expected the unexpected, darlin'" he teased, starting back on my arm.

"That would make it expected," I countered as he wound the material around my arm.

He chuckled at that, focusing on his task. Finishing up, he smoothed the patch down. "Should hold," he declared, nodding almost to himself before packing the remaining bacta.

Twisting and flexing my arm, I remarked, "Not bad."

Another grunt from the sniper as he helped me back up.

His comm beeped and Crosshair glanced at me before answering, "What?"

"Cross! Where are you guys?" Wrecker yelled. "Heard a crash but couldn't reach you! Tech had to boost the comms. Are you ok?"

"Minecart crashed and the exit collapsed, but we're fine."

"Collapsed?" Hunter exclaimed.

"Said we're fine," Crosshair grumbled, rolling his eyes at me.

"According to this map, you two are in a separate tunnel but there is a connection point between ours and yours," Tech spoke up. "If you follow your current tunnel and take the left tunnel when it splits off, you will come to our tunnel."

"Understood. Will meet you there," Crosshair replied, turning off his comm. He looked at me as he scooped up his helmet. "Ready?"

"Yep, onward."

Traveling deeper, we soon learned Tech omitted a rather... important detail.

There was an underground river.

I heard it before I saw it, but sincerely hoped it was just my imagination. But when Crosshair's fear hit my nose, I knew it wasn't just in my head.

Maybe it was just a stream?

Hah, no such luck.

"Four Eyes didn't mention this," Crosshair hissed as we stood at the bank of the three meter wide river.

"Wonder if the map showed it," I replied, scanning the rushing black water. Looked cold as hell, but maybe it'd be safe to drink at least. Kneeling down, I took a deep breath and immediately flattened my ears.

Nope. Sulfur. Bad.

"Can find another way," Crosshair muttered, stepping away from the dark water.

"Cross, this is the only way," I said, standing and reaching for his hand. "I didn't let you drown at the first river. I sure as hell won't here."

His helmet swept back and forth between me and the dark water.

I squeezed his hand. "Trust me."

He jerked at my words, freezing in place. Chest heaving, he finally nodded and started forward.

Gripping his hand tightly in mine, I smiled reassuringly and jumped down into the water.

BURR.

Frigid ass mountain water.

Six feet and four inches of armored commando crashed into me as Crosshair stumbled. Latching onto me, grip tight enough to maybe even leave a bruise, his helmet pressed into my neck as faint curses erupted from the sniper's lips.

"Hang in there, Twiggy. Almost there," I whispered, tugging him along into the midpoint of the river.

Now at our knees, Crosshair's heart beat harder against my ear fur and his curses grew louder as an arm looped under mine and hung tight around my middle. "We there yet?"

Does he have his eyes closed?

Never thought I'd be a guide dog for a sniper. Guide cat? Alien? Whatever.

"Halfway."

More curses.

Reaching the other edge, I tapped the hand around my waist. "Twiggy, need to let go so we can get out of the vein."

Letting go and immediately scrambling out onto dry rock, Crosshair knelt panting on his hands and knees. Climbing out after him, I knelt and placed a hand on his back.

"Did good, Twiggs."

Muttering greeted my ears and I gave him a pat before standing. "Tunnel leads up. Ready to get going, or you need a minute?"

"I'm fine," he growled, tone harsher than usual.

I stayed quiet, ears twitching.

"That... came out harsh," he mumbled, remorse tempering his tone. "Didn't mean to sound angry..."

My bristling fur lay flat again. "Gettin' better, Twiggy. Baby steps, just keep movin' forward."

Helping him up, I turned to start up the path.

Only for him to pull me back by my wrist.

"Shadow."

I looked into his visor. "Yeah, Cross?"

He paused, fingers twitching uncertainly, before he asked, "One of us followed that order, didn't we?"

Eyes widening and tail bristling once more, I swallowed hard.

I knew he would ask but...

I wasn't ready. I didn't exactly think I'd ever be ready to tell him what happened in the canon timeline but...

Why here? Why now?

His hand rested on my shoulder. "Not turnin' on you, furball. I promise," he swore, voice astonishingly gentle. "I just want to know."

"No, Crosshair. You don't. It will never happen. Why talk about it?"

"It was me, wasn't it?"

I just looked away, emotion rising in my throat.

"What happened?" he pressed, voice barely above a whisper.

"Cross... don't."

"Tell me." He slipped off his helmet and cupped my cheek, bringing my eyes back to his. "Please."

Staring up at him, I wrestled with myself.

If I told him... told him the truth...

It could set him back.

One often met their destiny on the way to avoid it, or something like that.

If he knew what would happen to him, even if this Crosshair was unchipped... how badly would it affect him?

How badly would it hurt him?

Sometimes it was better to tell a harmless lie than deliver a painful truth.

But I couldn't lie.

I would never lie to him.

He deserved to know.

"You were the only one affected."

A dry snort. "Naturally."

I lightly smacked his arm before hesitantly continuing, "It initially wasn't strong enough to make you fully turn and gun down your brothers when they didn't follow the order, but after Hunter refused to kill the padawan you challenged him again and again. It came to a head after a mission to Onderon. Getting back to Kamino, you all were charged with treason. While in a cell, they came and... and took you." I clenched my fist. "They... they super charged the chip. You couldn't do anything to stop it."

"But my brothers got it out of my head before we escaped Kamino?"

I looked away.

Slight desperation entered his voice. "They... they didn't leave without me, right?"

I bit back tears.

His hand fell from my cheek. "They abandoned me."

I choked, tears burning the back of my throat, "They... they didn't know about the chip then. They..."

"Left me."

The way his voice broke...

Tears spilled as I looked back up at him. "I'm so sorry..."

"No, it's..." He turned away. "I always knew I'd be the first to go."

"Crosshair-"

"I'd leave me behind too."

Heart close to breaking, I gripped his arm hard. "You are not expendable."

"But I am!" he shouted, facing me. "That's the point!" His voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm a clone. We're meant to be expendable."

The agony.

The defeat.

The acceptance.

I stepped closer, grabbing his hand. "Not to me. You are not some machine to be thrown away once you serve your purpose," I stressed, tears filling my eyes again.

I could only imagine how many times he'd been told those harsh words. How many times he'd been treated as less than human. How many times his worth had been tied to what he could do for someone else. How many times he'd said those exact words to himself...

"I was only made to serve-"

"You're worth more than what you can give to other people," I interrupted. "You... deserve happiness too, Crosshair."

"Shadow-"

"No matter what it takes. I'm going to do my damndest to ensure you get a happy ending."

He stared down at me, tears in his own eyes. "Why do you care so much? All I do is hurt people. Hurt you."

"Cross-"

He turned away. "And now, because of me, you are down a life."

No! "This is not your fault!"

He stayed silent.

"Twiggs..."

No response except the tightening of a fist.

I squeezed his hand. "Crosshair. Cross, look at me."

He glared at me from the corner of his eye, but the anger wasn't directed at me.

No... it was at himself.

I took a gentler tone. "You cannot blame yourself for my injuries. I took the risk when I pushed you out of the way. I knew what I was doing. As for this." I lifted my free arm. "It was an accident, pure and simple."

"I should have been on the bottom," he growled. "You saved me from a commando and I can't even save you from a karkin' rock-"

"Beatin' yourself up literally does nothing," I said, shaking my head. "It doesn't help. Trust me... I know. I know when things go wrong you want to place the blame on yourself. Because that's what people have always done in the past. Blamed us to cover their own skin. But there are just some things you cannot control, and to blame yourself when they go wrong... it's not healthy."

He shook his head, suddenly deflating.. "Shadow... listen," the sniper said, almost begging. "You have to listen to me."

"All ears, Cross," I promised. "I'm listening."

"I... It's... Every time I'm around you, you get hurt. I... I can't keep you safe and it drives me crazy. You never get hurt when the others watch over you-"

"It's not your fault-"

"But it is!" he yelled, ripping his hand from mine. "How many times have you gotten hurt because of me? How many times have my careless words hit you in the heart?" His voice dropped. "How many times have I failed to protect you?"

"Failed? Crosshair, you aren't a failure!" I exclaimed, pain cutting through me like a blade. "There are things you just can't control. If you hold yourself responsible for them, you've lost before you've even begun."

He looked over me, breathing hard. "Why do you do that?" he demanded, but only pain filled his words. No accusation, no malice... just raw pain. "Why do you try so hard to... relate to me?"

I avoided his eyes. "Because I see myself," I admitted. "My younger self especially. Always trying to be mean and tough when deep down you're in agony and just want someone, anyone, to understand. To care enough to get to know the real you. But being too scared to risk getting hurt by opening up, because whenever you did previously you were attacked and called weak. I know that when things go wrong, it's easier to blame yourself before someone else can, just to lessen the blow. The rejection. The confirmation that unless you get every single damn thing right... you're not worthy of love. We pretend we don't care, but when we fail to get visible approval from the people we care most about... it eats us alive and digs right into our hearts."

"You shouldn't try to relate to me," he muttered, but the tremor in his voice betrayed how deeply my words hit him. "I'm... I'm not a person to waste your time on."

"There you go again. Dammit, Cross, you're not a waste!" I yelled, meeting his gaze again. "Whether or not you think you deserve compassion, I think you do. Therefore I'm willing to invest in you."

His eyes burned into mine. "Even with no payout?"

"I'm not doin this for a reward," I said with a shake of my head. "I'm doing it because I know the pain of feeling inadequate or alone, and I'll be damned if I let anyone go through it too. And you're my friend, remember? I don't leave my friends behind."

"Try to save a drowning man and you'll be pulled down too."

My voice barely reached a whisper. "Better to try and fail than live with the guilt of knowing I never tried at all."

His eyes widened before he backed away. "There are some people you just can't save."

"No one is beyond savin'..." I extended my hand. "If they're willin' to accept a help."

He stared at it before slowly shaking his head. "What are you trying to prove to us?" he demanded. "Why stick your neck out again and again and again?" His voice softened. "You... you don't have to prove yourself to us, Shadow."

"There's only one person I ever try to prove myself to." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes before meeting his dark gaze. "And I see them every time I look in a mirror."