WELL
Here we are
At last
A VERY important chapter (called Pink Elephants on Parade to the Confession Booth but that wouldn't fit)
With possibly catastrophic repercussions
We'll see :)
Good chapter to take a break on, because the next chapter starts another "Act", so to speak. And college has started. You know how that is.
Anyway, hope you enjoy! And no, I did NOT make the decision to increase Trevor's power levels. He upgraded his own damn self.
Thanks again for the comments! I love and treasure them all ^^
TW: Self hatred, trauma, feeling like a failure, "gifted child" syndrome descriptions, mild suggestive reference
All traces of anger vanished from his face at my statement, shock and even horror replacing it. He seemed to struggle for breath before choking out, "Shadow..."
I turned away. "I just... I just want to prove to myself I'm capable. That I actually make a difference. That I matter." I laughed sadly. "I know some people think telling a person how many great things they can do is a good idea but... in practice... what happens when you don't achieve greatness? When you don't live up to what they think is the best? What happens when your best is just making it out of bed that day? All these expectations, none of which you asked for... when you fail to even come close, how are you supposed to see yourself worthy of anything?"
Tears had pooled in my eyes again, and I fought to keep them in. Crosshair wasn't the best person for this. He probably didn't even care. He-
A hand rested on my shoulder. "Vent if you need. I'm... not good at conversation but I can listen."
Startled by his gentle tone, I nevertheless rested my hand over his and squeezed. It was the only way to make sure I didn't spiral again.
"I was such a gifted child, people said. Oh she's so smart, oh she's got a lot going for her, or she's gonna be so successful. But, one year I could no longer keep up with my peers. I peaked and things were no longer easy for me. My grades slipped. Suddenly I was lazy, not trying hard enough, not doing the best, even when I was doing my best. But it wasn't enough. It was never enough. I was no longer good enough. I was, essentially, broken. I didn't work the way I was supposed to, so I got punished for it. Punished for hurting. Look how that turned out. I'm depressed, I'm a nervous wreck, I'm in agony as trauma eats away at my very soul yet there are still people who look at me and their only thought is that I'm just being lazy. That I'm not trying. Well, damn it all to Hell, I am! I've been trying!"
My voice rose to a scream and I had to take a moment to breathe. Leaning against Crosshair's chest, comforted by the weight of his arm around my shoulder, I managed to pull myself back together.
But only slightly.
"I'm drowning and all some people can think to say is 'paddle harder'. I just... I don't have the strength anymore," I confessed. "I can't be perfect, I know this. I think about it every day. The fact I'll never be good enough to live up to expectations. I throw myself into reckless situations again and again because I'm desperate to prove to myself that maybe, just maybe... I'm not as big of a failure as I think I am."
Crosshair stiffened against my shoulder, inhaling sharply at my last words. His grip on my shoulder tightened as he choked down what I guessed to be a sob. He inhaled slowly, held it, and sighed. "You know... I don't get you."
"Huh?"
He took a step back and held my gaze. "You can put so much effort and faith into me, yet you can't give yourself an ounce of credit?"
"It's not that simple-"
"Why not? If you can believe in me, then you can believe in yourself." He shook his head slowly. "Can't you see that you do make a difference? Have made a difference." His hand found mine and squeezed. "With me."
"Crosshair..."
"For the first time, someone other than my brothers cares about me. Not as a soldier, or some faceless number, but as a man. As my own person. As an individual. You're the first person outside my team who has even tried to look deeper and get to know me. Not ECT-9934."
Vaguely I registered that his number didn't match canon, but I had far bigger issues to deal with right now.
Such as the tears shining in Crosshair's eyes.
"And you can make a difference... have made a difference. To me. You haven't given up even when I've been an ass..." He squeezed my hand tighter. "And that means more to me than I can ever say."
His last statement knocked the breath from my lungs. For him to... to admit that...
I knew Crosshair well enough now to know that was no easy feat. The risk he must have taken to show such vulnerability... I couldn't fathom it.
If I doubted he cared before... I certainly didn't doubt it now.
"For someone bad at conversation," I said, a smile tugging my lips. "You're not half bad and are really getting better."
"Well..." The genuine smile rocked me to my core. "I have a reason to now."
My eyes widened before I threw my arms around him again. Winding my tail around his leg, I hugged him tightly with a loud purr.
Tentatively returning the gesture, I felt a sigh escape him as tension left his body and he relaxed into the embrace. Arm slipping lower around my back, he pulled me closer and rested his head against mine.
This... this was so perfect. So-
"Halt!"
I pulled away from Cross and looked the way we came.
A droid?! Aw hell nah. How did it even get in here?
"We are having a moment!" I snapped, slamming my foot onto the ground and sending a rocky spike at them.
Piercing through the dark metal, the spike took care of the droid with no problem. But... there went the exit.
"Welp..." I said, hands on my hips as I stared at the pile of rubble. "That's on me."
"Smooth," Crosshair remarked, crossing his arms and shifting his weight to one side.
"You hush," I grumbled, punching his chest plate as I walked past him. Reinitiating the hug would be awkward now. "Let's just get to the rendezvous point."
A point which, we soon discovered, was also blocked.
"Ain't that dandy?" I groaned, glaring at the rubble.
Crosshair, helmet cradled under his arm, stopped beside me. "Don't think you can intimidate the rocks away."
I shot the sniper a lopsided frown and knelt on the ground. Placing a hand on the rocky floor, I closed my eyes as hazel markings flickered to life.
"What are you doing?"
"Cavern Compass. Checkin' how thick this is." The scan bounced back with good news. "Not bad. Little bit of magic and I should be able to get this."
"Could Wrecker move it?"
"Yeah?"
"Then let's just wait. Rest a minute," Crosshair suggested, sitting against the wall.
I shrugged. "Ain't gonna complain," I replied, sitting next to him. Leaning back, I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly. "I don't recall walking under a ladder, but this day seems to think I did."
"You superstitious?"
"Hardly. But cases like this make you wonder."
Silence descended in the cave, broken only by faint heartbeats, soft breaths, and the trickle of water wearing away the rocks.
"You don't really think you're a failure, do you?"
My tail twitched at Crosshair's question. "Yes and no. I know it's incredibly unhealthy to put myself down time and time again. That's why I'm so agitated when you do it. It doesn't help anything."
"But you tear yourself down? How can you be kinder to me than to yourself?"
"Guess I never really learned how to be kind to myself," I admitted. "I'm still learnin'."
"Definitely isn't easy..."
"No," I agreed. "It's messy and rough and I backslide a lot, but just gotta keep on goin'."
Crosshair looked over at me. "How do you manage that?"
"Not well. But at some point we gotta get spiteful enough to get revenge on life itself." A faint smirk appeared on my face. "And I know you got plenty of that."
"Funny."
I elbowed him, grin widening.
He elbowed me back with a lopsided frown. It faded, replaced by a look of uncertainty, but he ventured, "You really see yourself in me?"
My tail twitched again. "Bits of me, yeah. You're abrasive to cover the pain, and lash out rather than be taken as weak. I get how that is. IRL, I'm muscular from karate sure, but I'm not the most intimidating as far as height goes. Act hostile upon the first meeting and people won't underestimate you."
"In your reality, you look like you did the first time we met you?"
"Yeah."
"Didn't exactly look weak."
I rolled my eyes. "Says the man who looked at me with the scorn of someone sizing up a pugnacious middle schooler."
"That was before I knew who you were."
I hesitated before looking over him. "And who am I?"
He held my gaze without flinching. "A kickass fighter who's stubborn as hell but knows when to extend a helpin' hand."
I couldn't help but smile. "Thanks. I mean that, Cross." I rested my head on his shoulder. "Thank you."
He leaned his head against mine. "You're welcome... darlin'."
My eyes closed as a purr rumbled in my throat, but then my nose wrinkled as a really weird scent hit my nose.
Vanilla? The actual hell?
I sat up, tail bristling. "You smell that?"
"What?"
"Vanilla."
"Vanil-" He stopped short, sniffing the air. "What is the likelihood of a gas leak?"
My ears flattened. "One hour without shit going haywire, that's all I ask!"
"Hold your breath." He quickly shoved on his helmet and remained silent before sighing in relief. "Scanners say it isn't toxic at least. May cause mild hallucinations, though," he said, pulling his helmet back off.
"Sounds fun," I commented, beginning to feel light headed.
"Would offer my helmet, but." He poked my ear.
"If it ain't toxi, then it gucci."
"It's what?"
I groaned, placing a hand to my head. "Spoiler alert, I'm kinda a lightweight when it comes to anesthetic."
"But this isn't anesthetic," Crosshair said, concern tinging his voice.
"Tell that to my synapses," I retorted, trying to shake away the cobwebs.
"Will you be ok?"
"Yeah. Just... sorry Charlie for any amount of weirdness you gotta deal with."
"Well...whatever happens, you're safe with me," he assured me, resting a hand on my shoulder.
"Don't doubt my safety. It's your sanity I'm worried about."
"I'm sure I can handle you."
Oh I hope you're ready for this, Twig man. I sincerely hope you're ready.
Because I had a bad feeling about this.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Why couldn't he keep his team together for five minutes?
Jogging through the tunnels, Hunter hoped his sniper and guide were alright. They said they were but...
With Crosshair's emotions running high, Hunter didn't like not being able to moderate if something went wrong. Not being there to cool flared tempers that threatened to set everything ablaze in a destructive inferno and risked destroying everything in its path.
Crosshair and Shadow were close enough now that he didn't think he'd need to moderate but...
He picked up the pace, urgency flooding his veins.
"Hunter, they will be fine-"
"Don't know that, Tech," Hunter interrupted, skidding to a halt at an intersection. "Which way?"
"According to this crude map-"
"Which way?"
Tech glared at him, but pointed. "Left."
Racing down the passageway, Hunter encountered another split. "Tech!"
"Hunter, getting agitated will not help us find them faster."
"The last time I wasn't by her side, Shadow got shot!" Hunter reminded him.
It was Shadow's choice to save Crosshair, he knew that, but...
If he'd stayed by her side, surely he could have done something.
"I have to protect her!"
"Protect her? Hunter, you know very well that Shadow does not need protection," Tech countered.
"What if there's something Crosshair didn't tell us?" Hunter worried, his heart pounding against his ribs. "What if he got hurt but didn't tell me? What if Shadow got hurt but they didn't tell me?"
Tech crossed his arms. "Seeing your frantic state, I would say they were smart to do that."
"Sarge, they'll be fine!" Wrecker laughed, nudging him. "They're two of the toughest people in the GAR!"
"Shadow is not in the GAR," Tech corrected. "She is an outsourced aid to this mission."
"Oh." Wrecker rubbed the back of his neck. "Keep forgettin' Shads ain't part of the team."
"She doesn't need official documentation to be a member of our squad," Hunter retorted.
He thought of her as a member, and couldn't imagine going back to just the four of them. Before they reached the Outpost again, he fully intended to offer her an unofficial place with them. Offer her a place to fight by their side on missions and share the Marauder as her home.
He just had to talk it over with his brothers first.
"I still say we officially get her on board," Wrecker said with a firm nod.
"I concur," Tech said without pause. "She is a powerful asset to any faction she fights alongside."
Well, that only left Crosshair. Hunter felt certain the sniper would agree but... if something happened while they were separated, it could ruin everything.
A hardy laugh brought his attention back to the present.
"And ya care for her too, Shorty!" Wrecker said, nudging Tech.
"I harbor strong feelings for Shadow, yes," Tech responded, glaring at Wrecker. "I am not ashamed to admit that, especially since I am not the only one with such feelings. We all have fallen for her. Including Crosshair."
"That's what I'm worried about," Hunter said, shaking his head.
"Wouldn't his approval be a good thing?" Tech asked.
"Crosshair doesn't know how to react to strong feelings. You know how he is when he panics. Anger and venomous words." All the past catastrophes on the mission, and their consequences, flashed before his eyes. "I don't want him to get rubbed the wrong way and take it out on Shadow."
"You can't constantly watch over us every waking moment," Tech reminded him.
"I'm your sergeant. It's my job to watch over you every waking moment."
How could he be a good leader if he couldn't keep his team safe and together? How could he be a good brother if he didn't keep his younger siblings safe? As for Shadow, a significant other was new territory for him but that burning protectiveness now extended to her as well.
He... He had to watch over them.
He had to keep them safe.
All of them safe.
"There is a fine line between keeping us safe and hovering like a worried mother tooka," Tech pointed out.
He was right, as usual. An affinity for logical reasoning over emotional guidance made Tech an irreplaceable member of the team, but also a royal pain in situations like this.
"So we just wait for them to find us?" Hunter grumbled, exasperated.
"I did not say that. This tunnel leads to them."
Finally! "Good. Let's go."
"Not so fast."
Had he not recognized their voice, Hunter would have stunned the newcomer before they had a chance to blink. Then again... stunning this insufferable trickster was very tempting.
"Trevor," Hunter growled as the Halfblood emerged into the light in front of them. "What do you want now?"
The man had shifted into a form akin to Shadow's, bearing traits of the quadrupedal dragon from earlier, and his appearance seemed to have altered slightly. Not enough to render him unrecognizable, but nevertheless he still seemed... different.
"You dropped Shadow!" Wrecker snarled, starting forward until Hunter stopped him.
Trevor, to his credit, didn't flinch. "Necessary evil."
"You cannot simply brush off endangering her life with one of your ominous phrases," Tech growled, clearly two seconds away from fighting Trevor as well despite the Halfblood clearing him by almost a foot and a half now.
"And you cannot keep us from reaching her now," Hunter added.
"Actually, I think you'll find that I can." A snap of the fingers and a barrier of lightning formed in the tunnel behind Trevor, blocking their way and backlighting the Halfblood.
"That's it!" Hunter snarled, drawing his pistol to stun Trevor.
Only for it to fly out of his hand and over into Trevor's open palm.
When Tech and Wrecker drew their firearms as well, another snap of the fingers ya led them away and over to Trevor's feet.
Trevor chuckled, dropping Hunter's pistol. "As I said, I very well can stop you. One of my character tropes is Obfuscating Stupidity for a reason. It's all just a game until playtime is over. Then, well." His eyes flickered brighter green. "People are usually in for a surprise."
"But... you aren't Force sensitive!" Tech sputtered.
Trevor's dark tail moved slowly from side to side as he blinked slowly at them. "Correct."
"How did you use telekinesis!? I thought you were an Alphian-Rageryan Halfblood, not a Relk!"
The man shrugged, hands sliding into his pockets as his tail flicked and sharp talons on his toes tapped the floor. "Sorta."
"What do you mean 'sorta'?" Hunter growled, patience wearing thin. Two of his team were trapped and this insufferable piece of rank-weed was blocking his way? His hand twitched towards his knife as he spat, "Better start talkin' or we'll have issues."
Trevor shook his head. "Simply put, I am not exactly a Halfblood. I was at first, but my position has since been..." A sly and somewhat unnerving smile revealed his teeth. "Upgraded."
Hunter did not care for the dark tinge to his words. "Upgraded?"
"I'm something far greater now." The severity in his tone wavered, replaced by the standard playfulness Hunter had come to expect from the man. "But still me!" he said with a cheerful grin. "Just with an extra shot of power juice."
Unhinged.
Trevor had to be unhinged.
He'd always been chaotic and unpredictable before but...
This was another level of crazy.
A dangerous level of crazy.
"Why won't you let us through? Don't you care for Shadow?" Tech demanded.
"Of course I do. Which is why I can't let you through yet." His voice switched again, now underlaid by a subtle delayed echo that sent a chill down Hunter's spine. "There's a storm coming, and unless the foundation is strong, everything will be swept away."
"What are you on about?" Hunter demanded, unnerved by that echo.
It was almost like... another voice accompanied Trevor's.
A familiar voice.
"You cannot interrupt what is happening. You cannot stop it. Everything depends on the foundation. It will make or break your team."
Hunter stepped forward, swallowing down the unease that rose in his throat as getting closer to Trevor triggered his electromagnetic sensitivity. "Let us pass," he warned, putting on his best officer tone.
Green eyes flickered brighter again, accompanied by a new set of faint green markings unlike the usual elemental ones as well as a green glow from within his very chest, but the markings and glow faded before Hunter could get a good look. "No can do."
"If you don't move-"
"You'll what? Shoot me? Stab me? Break my neck?" Trevor chuckled, shaking his head. "Oh, Sergeant. I'm afraid none of those would work. I'm as invincible as Shadow."
"Shadow still lost a life."
Green flickered around him again. "I don't follow the life system."
Everything about this just felt so... wrong. Trevor was goofy, playful, and not to really be taken seriously. At least... that's what Hunter thought. Now, he wasn't so sure, because Trevor currently held an aura of power that Hunter rarely saw, but had seen recently.
From Maxolyn.
"But you're part Alphian-"
"I choose to appear as a Halfblood," Trevor interrupted. "My true form isn't due for an appearance quite yet, but you'll see soon."
"True form?" Tech demanded. "We have seen both of your dragon forms."
"My true form is neither a Red Screamer nor a Swift Stormcaller. Nor is it what you see before you right now," Trevor said simply, shrugging.
"If this ain't your true form," Wrecker growled. "Then what are you?"
The smell of the sea drifted over Hunter as Trevor smirked. "You'll see very, very soon." With that he vanished, leaving behind the smell of the sea once more.
"What was that about?" Wrecker scoffed. "Just when I thought he couldn't get any weirder."
"I don't know, but we need to get to Shadow and Crosshair."
"Calm your thrusters, I'll open the barrier in a few," came Trevor's disembodied voice.
"Come out and fight like a man!" Wrecker spat.
"Your fight is commendable, but I find your gendered insult offensive."
Hunter growled curses under his breath as he took to pacing.
Too much. There was just too much going on right now. He thought the jungle segment was bad, but this...?
Hunter just hoped his sniper and guide were ok.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
I giggled and flopped back over the sniper's legs. The gas had certainly taken its toll, but, for whatever reason, Crosshair seemed fine.
Which was downright unfair.
No matter, I could easily be weird enough for both of us.
Looking up at the sniper, who stared down at me with concern, I poked his tattoo. "Sharpie."
Flinching when I poked him, Crosshair frowned. "What?"
"Looks like sharpieeeeee."
"Furball-"
I sat up and grabbed his cheeks. "Handsome silver sniper." I turned his head back and forth. "Handsome Sil Sni."
"Maker, you're a disaster," he groaned, voice partially distorted as he gave a resigned sigh. Yet a slight smile ghosted his lips.
"Fuck you, I'm a treasure! A delight!" I cackled, poking his nose.
"Are you always this cuddly when intoxicated?" he asked, pulling my hands away.
"Taxis take away my regregs. Regs. You hate Regs. No regs. Regerts. Yogurt. Out here looking like a gogurt."
"Need to lie down."
"Snuggles?" I asked, leaning against him.
"No," he said as he pushed me away. "You're intoxicated."
"But... snuggles..."
"Lie down."
My tail dropped. "Snuggs..."
He wavered, then shook his head again. "Not with you in this state."
"Hand?" I asked, reaching out.
A burdened sigh. "Lay down and you can hold my hand."
"Yay!"
Gifted with the sniper's hand, I hugged it close and purred loudly, the sound echoing through the tunnel. Curling around it, I tucked myself under his arm and against his side.
At first tense, he slowly relaxed as I played with his fingers. "What are you doin'?"
"Tracin'."
"Tracin'?"
"Bet'chu'd be real good at a variety of activities wit' deez trigger fingies."
He immediately tensed again, yanking his hand away. "Stars above, what's wrong with you?"
"There's... something wrong with me?" I asked, looking up at him with wide eyes full of confusion.
Dark eyes gazed down at me before the sniper gave a long suffering sigh. "Nothin' wrong with you at all." His eyes shifted away. "And that's the problem."
"Aw, you know you love me," I giggled, poking his chin.
He said nothing.
Cocking my head to the side, I lightly scratched his chin. "Stubbly boi."
Beautiful dark eyes returned to mine. "That a problem?" Even through the haze of the cave gas, I could detect hesitation.
Why? Why would he be worried about my opinion on his physical appearance?
"Naw, tis lovely."
A soft snort of amusement, soon followed by a groan as he rested a hand on his head. "Kark... it's starting to affect me..."
"Join the jaunty jamboree on cloud nine, Twiggy!" I laughed, flopping back over his legs.
"One of us has to stay lucid."
"Why? Tech gon get us whether we lucidious or nah." I flicked my tail under his chin. "Live a little, Twig Man!"
He gently pushed my tail away. "C'mon, Furball. Get a grip."
I reached up and held on to his wrists. "Like this?"
A soft chuckle and a shake of the head. "You know what I meant."
"Heh, your voice is slurrin'," I remarked, poking his cheek.
"Don't remind me," he muttered, shaking his head again to ward off the fog.
"Whatcha worried about, Twig man?"
"You're not the only one who gets honest when incapacitated," he said, nervousness buried in his tone as he rubbed the back of his neck.
"But yer always honest, Twigg! Which is goody! Love genuinity."
"This... may not be the good type."
"Twiggardo, don'tcha think you've said everythin' mean you already could say in this little excursion?"
"It's not... It's not mean." An uncertain chuckle. "It's... the opposite."
"Well, spill it! I'm curious now!" I chirped, sitting up and curling my tail at the tip.
"It's... It's not important."
"Aw... pwease?" I asked, eyes pleading as I smiled innocently.
He held my gaze.
Took a deep breath.
Swallowed hard.
Exhaled slowly.
"Shadow... I think I have a crush on you."
Receiving.
Analyzing.
Computing.
Playing back.
Running through sarcasm checkers.
All clear.
I blinked at him before a lazy grin crept over my face and I pointed fingers guns at him. "Cool beans."
Somewhat in the dim recesses of my drug induced delirium I knew that was a monumental occasion to say the least that Crosshair confessed to a crush but I was currently in the damn thermosphere so my rational reasoning was a bit dysfunctional.
"Shadow, I'm serious." Crosshair shifted closer, reaching for my hand but not quite grabbing it. "You... you amaze me with your fire and spirit. Your wit... Your skill and bravery in battle... The way you refuse to give up on anything or anyone. Like me. Especially me." He shook his head. "I just... I can't get you off my mind. I haven't been able to stop thinkin' about you from the moment I met you."
"Rad..." I slurred, snorting as I flopped over his legs again.
"Shadow, you... I've fallen hard for you," he stressed, looking down at me with slight desperation.
"Then get up," I laughed, pushing him. "Can't be that hard!"
Pain crossed his face, but confusion soon replaced it as his eyes shifted up. "What in the Force?"
I rolled my head to the side, immediately recognizing the hallucination which we somehow shared."Oh! That's an elephant. Earth critter, very big. Very danger," I rambled, gesturing vaguely with my hand.
"A what?" Crosshair hissed, scooting away from the pachyderm apparition and dragging me with him. Holding me close and shielding me from the mitosis-ing elephants, he demanded, "And why is it pink?"
"We're higher than the thermosphere and you're questionin' the nuances of a hallucinatory elephant?" I asked, trying to catch one as it floated over.
Crosshair swatted at the elephant and held me tighter with his free arm. "Tell it to go away."
"I talk to Kelly critters, not Earthen ones," I replied as the elephant retreated back to its herd.
"How are you not more concerned?" Crosshair demanded.
"Because, my dear Twiggs," I said, an arm around his shoulders as the trumpets sounded. "We're about to witness a parade."
Was originally gonna write the whole Pink Elephants scene out, but this chapter is long enough as is. Sorry it ends so abruptly but
I'm tired lol