*claws out of pit covered in mud* I live
At least until college slams me with another baseball bat. I hate it :)
Anyways, another chapter! I would say short and sweet but uh...
It aint sweet.
It's painful. Really painful. Excruciatingly painful.
Personally, I don't like the whole misunderstanding trope. Just fuckin talk to each other.
But here... well Crosshair has the emotional skills of a dried out sea cucumber and myself... well ~*trauma*~.
Though, if its any consolation, the rift was going to be a lot more painful but I'm trying to NOT depress myself anymore sooooo... it wont be AS bad. Still painful tho, I promise :)
Without further ado, time to dive into the next Act of OtRaTtW!
(Also sorry if it doesnt live up to expectations, Im burntout and college is not helping. I was gonna write out the Pink Elephants scene but... didn't happen)
TW: Emotional trauma, mixed signals, misunderstanding, references to drunk texting, broken hearts
Warmth wrapped around him.
Weight bearing down on his chest.
A pounding in his skull.
What the hell happened?
Fragments flashed through his disorientated mind.
Minecarts.
Cave-ins.
Blood.
Bandages.
Dark water.
Agonized words.
Emotional tears.
Desperate yearning.
Immeasurable pain.
Burning empathy.
A droid.
Another cave-in.
Cave gas.
Confusion.
Delirium.
Confession .
Crosshair's eyes snapped open.
There, tail curled around him with her head resting on his chest and her arm slung over him, lay Shadow. Sleeping peacefully, dead to the world.
Oblivious to the sheer terror and panic surging through him.
What had he done?
What had he done!?
His crush. His fierce care for this woman.
He let it slip like an utter idiot.
Words drawn forth by a mind alternating mist, spilling out from careless lips.
And how had she responded?
"Get up, it can't be that hard!"
She… she didn't feel the same way. She didn't care for him the same way he cared for her.
Why should she?
Hunter. Wrecker. Tech.
All smitten with her.
All… all better for her.
He wouldn't choose him either.
And now, thanks to his senseless profession, she'd turn away from him.
Scorn him.
Abandon him.
Or… or would she?
Before today, there would be no doubt in his mind.
But now?
"I'm not givin' up on you. Not now. Not ever ."
"Not goin' anywhere."
"You're not alone in your fight."
"You are not some machine to be thrown away once you serve your purpose."
"You're worth more than what you can give to other people."
"Because I see myself."
"Dammit, Cross, you're not a waste!"
"I'm willing to invest in you."
"I don't leave my friends behind."
In a way… Crosshair knew that she loved him. If not romantically, then certainly as a friend. She cared for him as a man, not a soldier. Wanted the best for him. Would stand by his side when things got tough. Would be there to help him up when he stumbled.
Sometimes, that love could be far stronger.
If only that made it hurt less…
Old insecurity and disdain at vulnerability surged in him, that vicious, scathing part of him hating how right it felt, her pressed against him.
Why couldn't he just push her away?! There was no place in war for weakness .
But another side of him, the side Shadow refused to give up on, knew the war wasn't here for the moment.
There were no droids, no explosions, no blasters, no death.
No expectations .
Just him and Shadow.
What... what was one little weakness? One little comfort amidst a living nightmare that never ended where his only purpose was to kill or be killed?
Crosshair slowly pulled her closer, mouth twitching into a small smile. Had… had her hair changed? It looked shorter and fluffier now, the purple faded away to reveal that natural brown. His attention was snatched away as a faint purr slipped past her lips and she snuggled closer to him, still dead to the world.
Crosshair understood why she hated that sound.
It was downright adorable .
He risked pulling her closer again, hoping she'd do it again and he could save the sound in his memory.
Another purr rumbled from her, warming his chest and bringing a smile to his face.
Unfortunately, the expression quickly faded as the weight of his confession bore down on him.
She… She probably wouldn't even remember it.
Both comforting... and agonizing.
He wanted to tell her again. Wanted her to know. Know how she'd snarked her way into his heart. Know how her refusal to give up on anything, even him, impressed and even inspired him.
He wanted to tell her how much he adored the glimpses of a softer, sincere Shadow. Especially when they reached out and gave comfort to that scared little cadet hiding inside…
Showing that, maybe… the galaxy wasn't as cruel as he'd come to believe.
Yet he didn't want to tell her. He couldn't tell her. Letting your guard down... it got you hurt.
Got the people around you hurt.
Killed .
Shadow falling to the ground flashed before his eyes again, that red bolt meant for him ripping through her.
He'd not been on his game then, and Shadow paid for it with a life. She had more, sure, but…
She shouldn't have lost one thanks to his negligence .
He didn't think he'd ever forgive himself for that.
Not to mention they would leave her behind in a few days time. How could he even entertain the idea?
No. No, she should join them! He'd heard Hunter mention it. Shadow could go with them! She'd be one of them!
You really think you deserve her affection? Her love? You think you deserve to be happy ? You're just a mut, a reject who's only useful for battle. What good would you be in a relationship?
Shadow's voice rose above the harsh thoughts.
"You're worth more than what you can give to other people. You deserve happiness too, Crosshair."
Shadow believed in him. She cared for him.
The him beneath the anger and venom and thorns…
The real him.
And can you die every day seeing her love your brothers while you're an afterthought?
She wouldn't treat him like that.
He knew she wouldn't.
Wouldn't it be so much easier to leave her behind?
The very thought horrified him and he found himself holding Shadow closer.
Leave her?
How… how could he do that? How could he just… cast aside everything they'd been through together and leave her like she didn't matter?
He… the very thought made him sick.
Even if there was truth to his conscious' harsh words.
Knowing she romantically loved all of his brothers but him? Even with the care and affection she gave him now… it really would kill him every day.
Wouldn't… wouldn't it be better to leave her now before things got past the point of no return?
Even if, deep down, he knew it was already too late…
Shadow grumbled under her breath, shifting in her sleep.
No… not sleep…
She was waking up!
Closing his eyes and turning his head to the side as he used every ounce of willpower to force his face neutral, Crosshair waited for Shadow's reaction.
Her entire body went rigid.
No …
Her head lifted slowly.
Shadow… please .
She carefully raised off his chest.
Don't do this…
Shifting to his side, she curled into a ball with her tail wrapped around her…
But her back was to him.
No !
Biting back sobs lest they give him away to the Alphian beside him, Crosshair clenched his teeth.
She… She moved away…
She…
"Finally!"
Wrecker?
Shadow sat up, ears pricked. Her elbow prodded his side. "Hey, Twiggy."
T...Twiggy? Not Crosshair?
She wasn't mad?
Sitting up, Crosshair kept his face angled away and tried to sound groggy. "What?"
"Think the others arrived."
The rubble shifted, accompanied by Tech's muffled yelling about collapsing the tunnel.
"Nope, they have ."
"Goody," he grumbled, grabbing his helmet and shoving it on. The last thing he needed was for the others to comment on the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.
"C'mon, Grump. Ain't gettin' out of this hole a good thing?" she teased, yet her voice was strained.
Did she remember or did she not?
He just scoffed in response.
But did not miss the way her tail drooped.
Yet by the time he'd even thought of a possible apology, the rubble had been cleared away and the others had rushed through.
"Shadow!" they exclaimed, rushing to her.
What about him? Didn't… didn't they care about their brother more than a mountain guide they'd recently met?
Resentment festered inside him, much to his dismay. As if he wouldn't check on Shadow first too.
It still hurt.
But should he be surprised? They left him behind when he was chipped after all…
"I'm fine, guys," Shadow said, swatting at the worried hands trying to pull her into a hug.
"Your arm!" Hunter yelped, grabbing it.
"It's fine!" she protested, smacking his hand. Flickering her tail at Crosshair, she said, "Would have been worse, but Twiggy saved me."
"Way to go, Cross!" Wrecker cheered, scooping Crosshair up in a tight hug.
"Put me down ," Crosshair hissed.
You. My own batchmate… you left me too?
"No chance," Wrecker laughed, blissfully unaware of his betrayal in the other timeline.
While Crosshair knew there wasn't any way to fully blame them for something that happened in another timeline, bitterness was inevitable.
How could they?
"Did… your hair change?" Hunter asked, running his fingers through the woman's shorter hair. "It looks… layered and back to brown?"
"Hell if I know, I ain't got a mirror. I could look like a zombie for all I know," Shadow snorted, rolling her eyes as Hunter continued to inspect her hair.
"You look like you're coming down from a high," Tech said, stepping close and staring at Shadow's eyes.
"Well… there was some cave gas and we ascended to the ninth realm."
"Did anything happen?" Hunter asked, a hand on her shoulder as worry filled his tone.
Shadow hesitated, ears flicking as she glanced at him.
Did something, Furball? Did anything happen?
Do you remember what I told you ?
Her gaze dropped. "No."
The single word knocked the breath from his lungs and sent the tears down his cheeks.
She didn't remember.
She... she would never know what he said.
Never know how he poured his heart out.
Never know just how much she meant to him...
Perhaps… it was for the best.
She'd shun him for sure, anyways.
After all, how had she reacted when he confessed his feelings?
She laughed.
Told him to get up.
She... she didn't care for him.
Not how he cared for her.
And that thought was enough to break the clone commando's heart.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
He didn't mean it.
He couldn't have meant it.
People often said things they didn't mean when under the influence of a mild altering substance.
I knew that all too well. Knew all too well how someone could say they care, but later, once they were sober again, they'd take it all back.
And leave me to pick up the pieces of my heart.
I couldn't go through that again.
Wouldn't go through that again.
With any luck, Crosshair wouldn't remember. He'd forget what happened. Forget what he said.
Just like I wish I could.
Perhaps it was better that way. For it to remain forever unmentioned.
Besides…
Crosshair would never admit romantic feelings unless he wasn't in his right mind.
And so I had moved away even when I desperately wanted to stay snuggled next to the sniper. Stay close to him.
If he did remember...
I couldn't bear to be pushed away. Couldn't bear to see those thorny shields raise once more, hiding the sniper behind an impenetrable wall and blocking me out again.
To see such hard fought progress crumble away into ruin...
Better to raise my own shields and brace for the worst.
Hunter's eyes scanned mine, narrowing slightly.
He caught the lie.
Of course he did.
He always could tell. By scent or body language, it didn't matter.
He always knew.
His features softened and the hand at my shoulder squeezed. "Hey, fellas," he said, turning to the others. "Move ahead in the tunnels. Gotta talk to Shadow."
Tech's head tilted. "About what?"
"Trevor's antics."
Oh what has that fucker done now?
"Could you not tell her while we are all present? We need to fill Crosshair in on him as well."
Wrecker caught my eye, sympathy flashing across his face. Seems he caught the change too.
No surprise there. Wrecker could come across as an idiot, but he wasn't stupid or blind when it came to emotions. Wouldn't shock me if he was an empath.
"Sarge probably wants to kiss her!" he laughed, nudging Tech.
Oh how I wished I could have missed Crosshair's flinch.
He remembered. He had to.
But what did it matter?
He'd never confess in front of anyone.
Tech's nose scrunched. "Oh. I don't want to see that." Quickly vacating the tunnel, he said over his shoulder, "Will be ahead."
"C'mon, Cross!" Wrecker laughed, throwing an arm around Crosshair's shoulders and leading him out.
Hunter's arm slipped around my own shoulder and I followed him into the tunnel until we reached the cave in.
"Shadow?"
Ducking out from under his arm, I went over and leaned on a piece of rubble. Bracing both palms against the rough stone, claws sliding out, I took a shaky breath.
" Cyar'ika ?" Hunter asked, worry filling his tone. A gloved hand rested on my back. "Hey, talk to me. What happened?"
Pulling myself together, the harsh sound of claws against rock accompanying another shaky inhale, I swallowed hard. "Cross… confessed."
Hunter's hand stilled. "He what ?"
My ears flattened. "Confessed he had a crush on me."
"And… you aren't happy about it?"
"How can I be?" I straightened and faced him. "You know the phrase 'fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice, shame on me'?"
"Yeah."
"This has happened to me before. Not cave gas, but… my first ex." My tail twitched. "I'll spare you the messy details but…"
"Sshhh," Hunter whispered, stepping forward. Cupping my face, his thumb stroked my cheek. "You don't have to tell me."
I stared into his eyes, hand hovering over his. "I want to. I want someone to know."
Know the agony of getting your hopes up only to watch them crumble before your eyes.
And know that even though years may pass, the pain may not always fade.
His fingers interlocked with mine. "Then I will listen."
"He got drunk one night. Told me… he wanted to try a relationship again. I still cared for him… I was so excited to hear that." Pain rippled through the reopened scar. "You know what happened when he woke up? When he was sober the next morning?" I shook my head as emotion welled in my throat. "He took it all back."
Hunter inhaled sharply. "Shadow-"
"As much as I wish I could be happy, I can't." I straightened, lifting my chin. "I won't let myself be hurt again, Hunter."
"But you are." His words were little more than a gentle whisper. "You're hurtin' now."
I leaned into his touch and forced a weak laugh. "What gave it away?" I croaked.
A soft chuckle rumbled in his chest. "I've come to know your mannerisms like they were my own."
"So quickly too. Need a medal for that," I replied, but the mirth would not stay.
Hunter entangled his fingers in my hair with his free hand. "What if you were to talk to him? He will listen to you-"
"No, Hunter," I said, shaking my head. "I've made too much progress to risk us backsliding now. I'd rather just leave it unmentioned."
"You can't protect him forever."
Tears trickled from my eyes. "It's not him I'm protecting…"
Strong arms pulled me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Shadow."
I held on with everything I had. "So am I, Hunter…"
So am I…
I should note that me and said ex are chill now. He regrets what happened and has apologized numerous times, so dont go after him ^^;
I need someone to send skyrim memes to.