Wow. It happened. Those two knuckleheads asked each other to marry each other. And no one said no.
I wonder how the family's gonna take it?
When the courting cowhands announced the happy news of their betrothal to a dinner table wreathed in people both older and arguably wiser than themselves, the most surprising reaction was given by one Adam Cartwright.
"About time," he'd said with a nearly imperceptible smirk, before going back to his rice and steak.
Less surprising had been Hoss's face splitting grin, followed by his bone crushing congratulatory 'pats' on the back.
Before he too went back to eating.
Ben though, choked quietly on his mouthful of food until, eyes watering and voice hoarse, he'd finally managed a, "What?"
Adam had a good laugh at that. One which lasted far longer than anyone at the table thought it deserved to.
He made it up to everyone by explaining that the betrothed had in fact been courting far longer than even they had been aware and that this was a perfectly well timed proposal. All things considered.
Voice recovered, the patriarch of the Ponderosa wiped his mouth with a well pressed table napkin, straightened in his chair, and gave his youngest son a friendly, searching look. Then he opened his mouth.
"Where shall we have the wedding?"
"Wedding?!"
The single, shouted word echoed well enough that Hop Sing brought dessert out early. Just to see what all the fuss was about.
Having heard back from yet another of the less and less local churches he and Candy had been making inquiries into concerning the need for their immediate 'unionization', Joe sighed and slipped the flat out 'no' onto the pile of the same they'd accrued over the last handful of weeks and left in the den. Not so very far from the fireplace.
After that dismal news, which Candy had tried almost successfully to cheer him from with a quick kiss and a promise that 'everything'd work itself out in the end', Joe ended up spending a good portion of his day fretting, worrying, and generally wishing he had any idea what he was supposed to do about the fast approaching start to what was promised to be the happiest days —or decades—of his life.
Feeling that he'd had enough of being distracted and unsure, Joe, in that small, relatively peaceful time that came every evening right before dinner, found his pa and asked if they might speak a moment in private.
Ben, being the attentive father he was, and already being cleaned up for dinner, agreed without a thought and ushered them into the once again unoccupied guest bedroom.
The son faced the proprietor of the largest, most prestigious ranch in the whole of the Nevada territory and began his plea for help by voicing a little reassurance regarding his choice of life partner.
"I-I know this is the right choice for me, Pa, but I've never heard of a man marrying a man in a church, and we've been to a lot of weddings over the years," Joe said, having to pause to catch his breath by the end. "I know this is the right thing to do, Pa, but-"
"But nothing, Joseph," said Ben as he laid a gentle hand on his son's shoulder. "You said it yourself: it's the right thing to do. For you and for Candy."
"But without a priest, and that's how it's shaping out right now, is it really a wedding? Or-or would it somehow be... a sham?" Joe asked, a hint of desperation leaking into his voice.
"Joseph, not everyone has access to a priest. There are those who live too far from a church to make the journey or who marry when the mountain passes are closed due to frozen winters who make due in other ways. Some by reading scripture themselves, and others by simply making it official between the two of them." Ben gave Joe's shoulder a pat, but the action did nothing to lessen the lines of worry etched in the younger man's brow.
Muscling his way past some form of indecision, Joe looked his pa in the eye and posed the question that had been eating at him worst. "What would Ma want?" When his pa froze, hand halfway back to his own side, Joe knew he'd had something to worry about after all.
"I- Ma set store by the sanctity of marriage. She wore her ring with more pride than anyone I've ever seen, and I don't think she'd'a ever let any son of hers marry without the officiation of... someone holy. O-or at least ordained."
Joe watched his pa stare back at him, the man seeming at a loss in the face of such inarguable logic, and felt his spirits fall farther and farther as the seconds dripped by.
He'd known it. His ma wouldn't stand for a service without a priest. It just wouldn't be a marriage without one.
"Marie..." Ben started, wetting his lips before going on. "Your mother was quite religious, you're right about that." He paused to huff out a laugh. "It had honestly slipped my mind. And I didn't realize you remembered her well enough to recall such an intimate facet of her nature."
"I remember her reading me passages from the Bible, in English and French, when you, Adam, and Hoss were off on a cattle drive," Joe recounted. A far off look on his face.
"You were so young. I'm glad you have memories of your time together... and that you think of her fondly," the father of three said with a soft, sad smile. Then, after a quiet few seconds, he took in a bolstering breath and forged on.
"Well, it seems we do have ourselves a problem."
"You're telling me," Joe agreed with a miserable nod. Right before the two of them flinched at the sound of a third voice joining in.
"Oh, I don't know that it's so much a problem as all that," said the eldest Cartwright boy as he barged, bold as brass, past the previously shut door and right into the room. Not even pretending he was ashamed at having 'overheard' the private conversation taking place within. "I've been asking around myself, making inquiries, for a little over a month now and I think I've found just the solution to this conundrum," said Adam. Arms crossed in a self-satisfied manner.
"You've been thinking a-about this, for a month now?" Joe asked. All incredulousness.
"A little over a month now, dear brother, yes," corrected the guy with the smug expression plastered across his face.
"Oh? And what is it that you've heard?" Asked the only person in the room not readying for a good natured, sibling argument.
"That there's a traveling priest who is more than willing to come to anyone who needs help performing a marriage ceremony as... unique as the one we're planning," Adam informed, with all due delicacy.
"What's this 'we' I'm hearing? Did I ask you for-"
"No. You didn't need to, Joe. I already knew my services would be required, so I took the liberty." The smug look only got smugger with the brag. "You're welcome."
"I'm welcome- Do you even know how to get in contact with this- this, uh," Joe made a 'help me out here' motion with one hand.
"Rivera?"
"Yeah, how would we possibly get in contact with this Rivera? With a wandering priest who could be halfway across the territory for all we-"
"There's a forwarding address."
"Come again?" Joe asked, confused.
"I've heard tell there is a mission that this Rivera frequents as a sort of stop off for rest and supplies and..." Adam paused, ostensibly for dramatic effect, "for a new schedule of requested 'appearances'."
"You really think it'll be that easy?" Joe asked, not bothering to censor the hope from his question.
"Simply make it out to 'Rivera Of The Cloth' and the church will ensure it reaches the right ears," Adam said. All confidence.
"Ears?" Joe asked, not liking the sound of a letter carrying such sensitive information reaching... ears.
"Oh yes, 'ears' indeed. They say that this roaming minister, Rivera, is blind. Or well enough so that correspondence must be translated to spoken word."
"You seem to know quite a bit about this Rivera," Ben pointed out, curiosity obvious.
"Well, I am known for being thorough."
"Oh, yes, quite," their pa agreed with a playful nod.
"Well, we- we have to send a letter immediately if this wedding's happening anywhere near-"
"I sent one."
"Huh?" Joe asked, thinking maybe he'd misheard the man in black.
"I sent a letter 'kindly requesting the marriage services of Rivera Of The Cloth'. Including instructions on how to find our charming hacienda," Adam explained.
"A-and has Rivera..."
Adam met Joe's eyes with a look devoid of pomp and circumstance. Just a plain old 'Adam' look, square into his baby brother's face.
"Rivera wrote back, and has agreed to be here just as soon as a couple of services 'not too far off' are seen to."
Choking on a sudden swell of emotion, Joe stepped forward and wrapped his brother up in a spur of the moment, surprise hug. Which he felt returned soon as Adam got his wits about him well enough to stop imitating a put-upon scarecrow.
"Thank you, Adam. You don't know how much this means to me; to Candy; to-"
"To Ma?" Joe felt himself start at the familiarity in his brother's voice. The kind which he'd rarely heard applied to their pa's third wife by their pa's first son.
His surprise wasn't lost on his arguably most perceptive relation, who retightened his arms around his little brother, keeping Joe from pulling himself out of the hug prematurely. "She may not have been my first, but she was my ma too, Joe. We were all- all of us, hit hard by her passing and... I still remember the look on her face when she spoke to us of the joys of marriage and the importance of 'doing it right'." Adam took advantage of Joe's reflective silence to pull far enough away to look his brother in the face.
"I know this is what she'd want, Joe: you and Candy happy. And 'properly' married."
The three men laughed at the last sentiment and Ben took the opportunity to swoop in and swallow up both of his sons in a long armed Cartwright sandwich hug. Then they broke apart and Joe 'discretely' rubbed at his eyes before looking his elders in the proud faces.
"Thanks for being there for us, Pa. And, uh, thanks for taking care of the 'no one's ever heard of two men getting married' problem, Adam."
"Well, like I said, Joe: it's not really a problem. But," Adam added, "you're welcome all the same."
Then it was to a room full of small smiles that filtered in the strains of bilingual warnings of 'dinner getting cold', 'Hoss eat everything', and other such signs of end times fast approaching.
So the three Cartwrights exited the guest room and shared the good news with the other Cartwrights already seated at the table.
A proud middle brother, a wound-tight as-a-clock Hop Sing, and a beaming groom to be, all fit to be tied. Out of happiness.
There was going to be a Ponderosa wedding that century after all.
Guess who's having way too much fun writing for these sensitive boys? Yep. It's me!
More good news: It looks like Joe's out of his sling and doing great!