Midoriya's P.O.V.

It's been five weeks since the Shiketsu party. The most guilt ridden five weeks in my entire life. Shoto's been gone to America, having the best experience of his entire life. He'll call me every once in a while, we'll video chat whenever he gets the chance. I've never seen such a bright smile on his face. He's learning so much, they give him all the opportunity in the world. The watchtower gets millions of calls a day, he works as much as he wants with whatever hero they assign the case to. It seems like he almost never gets a break and he's just absolutely loving it. Living for it. All his concerns were not even a thing, they gave him an earpiece that translates for him in real time, everyone wears one so there's no language barrier at all. The Justice League is also very used to have young heroes around, they treat him like a full-fledged pro, they even have him team up with kids even younger than him. From everything he's told me, it is incredibly cool.

He's had the best five weeks of his entire life and me, well I've had the worst. Living with the guilt is killing me. Thinking about what I did is even worse. I lost my virginity to Kacchan. On the balcony of some party. Shoto should have been there with me, it should have been him, not Kacchan. It'd be easy to blame it on the pheromones, to say they made me do it. Maybe they did, but… I know I wanted to. I know I could have said no, could have stopped at any time, but I didn't. I didn't because I wanted to have sex with Kacchan. I've been thinking a lot about why I did it too. I… I think I may be in love with Kacchan. I think I've loved him for a really long time, if not my entire life. Had I known maybe he felt something for me, anything for me, before Todoroki and I got together, maybe… I don't know. I can't seem to finish that thought. I don't know if I can choose him over Todoroki, but I also don't know that I can't. I love Shoto. I can see myself with him… for the rest of my life. He's everything I've ever wanted. The whole world. But Kacchan. When I'm with him, when he touches me… it's like he and I are the only ones in the entire universe. It was scary how easy I forgot about Todoroki when I was wrapped up in Kacchan's arms. But is Kacchan boyfriend material? Husband material? Could love me as hard and as much as Shoto does? Deep in my heart I don't really think so. Even still, it's like I want them both. That thought makes me sick to my stomach. I can't have them both. And once I tell Shoto about what happened, that will be the end of it.

I'm going to tell him tonight. I have to. Enough time has passed. I have to tell him. It's not fair for me to be keeping this from him for this long. And if he breaks up with me… well it's what I deserve. Sigh. I spent the train ride from home back to UA steeling myself for what's to come. I got back to the dorms midday, texted Todoroki, he said he would meet us for dinner, that he was talking to the principal and other UA teachers about his experience. Of course I understood but… the anxiety was killing me. I felt myself nervously pacing around as I put my stuff back into the closet and dressers of my dorm room. I'm losing my nerve. Before dinner Uraraka and Mina came by just to say hi and hang out. I knew they could tell something was wrong with me.

"Are you doing okay Izuku? I haven't seen you since the Shiketsu party, how have you been? How was your break?" Ochaco asked, laying on my bed with Mina.

"I umm… I've been okay." I squeaked.

"That's Midoriya code for life has never been worse, what's going on babe?" Mina asked, hugging my All Might pillow. I sat down in bed next to them and started to cry. This has really been a lot. It's been weighing on me pretty heavily. I need to talk to someone. I can't keep it bottled up. Ochaco wrapped her arms around me.

"You can tell us, Izuku, we're your best friends, we'd never judge you."

"I umm… the night of the party… I… I cheated on Todoroki." Both of the girls gasped, just completely shocked.

"With who?"

"Where?"

"After the pheromones?"

"What'd you do?"

"With who?!" I looked down, just crying so hard.

"With… with Kacchan. We… had sex." More gasps.

"Oh my god Izuku."

"That's really bad."

"So bad."

"I know, I know." I couldn't stop crying, Mina and Ochaco just hugged me tighter.

"Does Todoroki know?" I shook my head.

"That's why you're all stressed out!"

"I couldn't tell him, not before his big internship in America!"

"He would have been devastated."

"He might not have gone!"

"Or flunked out." Stop crying Izuku, seriously.

Mina shook her head. "You can't tell him."

"What?" I was shocked. "He needs to know."

"Does he? What will that do? Make him miserable, maybe get the guilt off your chest? But…You're not gonna do it again right?"

"No, of course not."

"Then he doesn't need to know, ever."

"Mina." Ochaco said.

"I'm serious. It's only gonna hurt him."

"Which is why he needs to know."

"He doesn't need to be hurt like that. Would Tsuyu want to be hurt like that Ochaco?"

"I wouldn't do something like that." I looked at her, sniffling. She looked down, not making eye contact with me, twiddling her thumbs. "But well… if Midoriya could cheat… I suppose anyone is capable of it…. You're right, I don't think I'd want her to know." She said finally shaking her head.

"I can't keep it a secret, lie to him. That's not right either."

"Man, and this has been going on for five weeks, why didn't you tell us sooner?" Kacchan told me not to tell anyone… when I didn't tell Todoroki before he left… I felt like I couldn't tell anyone.

"I was scared, I'm still scared, but… he deserves to find out from me."

"Were you gonna tell him tonight?"

I nodded, "After dinner."

"Don't tell him." Mina affirmed.

"I have to tell him."

"I'm not sure that's such a great idea." Ochaco flip flopped, a worried look on his face.

"We wouldn't think less of you if you didn't Midoriya." But I would think less of me, telling him is the right thing to do. Isn't it?

"I don't know."

"Well whether you tell him or not… we'll still be here for you."

"Thank you guys, really." I said trying to wipe my tears and stop crying.

"Come on, we should head to dinner. Let's get you cleaned up." I nodded and went into the bathroom, washing my face, blowing my nose, trying to calm down. The girls rubbed my back and helped me to feel better. When I finally pulled it together the three of us walked downstairs to meet up with most of the rest of the class. Noticeably not there, Kacchan, Eijiro, and my boyfriend. I mean yeah, Denki wasn't there either, neither were Koda, Aoyama, Ojiro, Shoji or Tokoyami, but they almost never hang out with us. I don't know I just kinda thought Kacchan would be here. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was Shoto.

Todoroki 3

Principal Nezu wants to take me to dinner. Now All Might and Endeavor are involved. It's going to be a whole thing.

The text made me really sad. I was hoping we could have… one last good memory of each other before I ruined everything. Sigh.

No problem! I'll just see you later tonight! I miss you.

Todoroki 3

I miss you too Izuku. I love you.

The guilt struck. Even just seeing it there in text, I love you. He loves me. He loves me and I completely betrayed him. This is so awful. I feel so terrible. I'm just… a horrible person.

I love you too.

I replied and stuck my phone back in my pocket. I told the group Shoto wasn't coming and they nodded their responses before heading out to the ramen place we were having dinner. Everyone was so excited, talking about what they did over break, their internships, the heroes they worked with. When I wasn't crying or feeling guilty, I was training on the beach with All Might or eating ice cream on the couch with my mom, waiting by the phone for Todoroki to call. Then there was my heat. Can't exactly talk about that. It was… fueled with thoughts… memories of Kacchan. Thinking about him holding me down and taking me… over and over again. Yeah, I'm not exactly gonna tell my classmates about that.

So I sat there and listened. A fake smile on my face I'm sure. It wasn't that I wasn't excited for everyone. I was. I just had other things on my mind. Mina and Ochaco think I shouldn't tell him, that it would only hurt him more. But if I don't tell him it's dishonest. I've been lying and hiding things, on top of cheating. That doesn't feel good. It feels wrong. But would telling him only make me feel better, not him? I don't know. I don't know what to do. I wish I had never done it. That it had never gone down that way. But I can't change that. It did go down that way. Ugh I just don't know what to do. I'm wavering in my resolve.

After dinner I knocked on Todoroki's door. I wasn't sure if he was there yet, but I figured it was worth a shot. I need to see him. After a few seconds of waiting, he came to the door. His smile made me smile back, he was so happy to see me.

"Izuku." He lifted my chin up to kiss him. It gave me butterflies. I missed him so much. I deepened the kiss, getting on my toes and putting a hand to his cheek. Breaking the kiss, he took my wrist sweetly, melting into my hand before opening his eyes to look right into mine. The look he gave me showed so much love, so much admiration for me. I felt guilt in the bottom of my stomach and had to look away. "I was just about to text you, I wanted to make sure everything was perfect first."

"What do you mean?" He got a smile, taking both of my hands and pulling me gently inside. I giggled, then was awestruck. The room was filled with candles, soft music playing in the background, flower petals littered the ground, making a trail that lead to his bed. It was, so romantic, so thought out and planned. Perfect. I suddenly realized what he wanted to do. He finally thought we were ready.

I stood there frozen, mouth agape. He came up behind me, wrapping his arms lightly around my shoulders after closing the door. "Is this okay?" He whispered into my ear. It was more than okay. It was everything I had ever wanted. Exactly how I thought my first time would be. But… I wasn't my first time. My first time was unplanned on a balcony in the cold night air. This… this was on a whole different level.

"This is more than okay." I said tears coming to my eyes.

"I love you Izuku." He said into my neck before giving me his scent. "I missed you so much." I love you too. I missed you too. I was at a loss for words as he gently took my hand and guided me to the bed pulling me on top of him. He smiled into a kiss, pulling me into his arms. His body connected with mine, kissing me deeply as his hands lightly caressed every inch of my skin. He was so gentle, so soothing, nothing at all like the aggressive nature of Kacchan. He continued to kiss me, working his hands under my shirt, running his hands over my abs, feeling my obliques, back, and pecks before finally taking my shirt off. I gasped on top of him.

"You're so beautiful."

"Todoroki-" He interrupted me, bringing his lips to mine and pulling me into an intoxicating kiss. I couldn't help it, I kissed him back. I love him. I love him so deeply, and he loves me. I know I had to tell him. But I just couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not now. Not like this. He continued to kiss and caress me, allowing my whole body to relax and be stimulated in his arms. After a few more minutes of deep kisses he flipped me smoothly onto my back and began to kiss my down neck. Pulling up for just a second, he took his shirt off too, before diving back in for more kisses, licks, and small sinful bites along my body. He was so gentle, so as not to hurt me, so controlled, but at the same time stimulating every inch of my skin. Every part of my body just felt tingly and incredible.

"Is this okay?" He asked kissing down to my navel, his fingers wrapping themselves around the hem of my sweats and boxers. He grazed over the mark Kacchan put on me with his lips and continued forward. Although it was deep, it had long since faded and healed, no longer tying me to him. Barely a battle scar now, but I still knew what it was. When I didn't answer, he kissed even lower between my pelvis and hips, lightly tugging on the pants. "Izuku?"

"Yes." I moaned breathlessly, feeling my erection filling with blood.

He nodded, pulling the pants down slowly and kissing every inch of exposed skin. He trailed kissed all the way down my thighs and calves, carefully taking off my pants, underwear, and socks. I was fully exposed now, he and I have never gone this far before. Carefully he came back up to me, pressing his lips against mine once more. I felt my legs instinctively wrap around his strong and sleek torso as he cautiously took my member in his left hand. His hand was warm, soft, it felt so good. I leaned back and allowed him to continue his musings on my body, moaning just a little. He growled into the scent gland on my neck, ranking his teeth across it ever so lightly. Bite me Todoroki, please, make me yours. That was all I could think about. I just wanted him. Needed him. I didn't know how else to explain it.

But he didn't. He didn't bite me or claim me, instead moving a bit lower to make a small hickey on my collar bone. He looked at it with love, almost admiring his work as he leaned down to place a chaste kiss on it before moving on. His lips then went to my nipples, he suckled and licked, it caused me to squirm and moan, leaking precum into his hand. Then he let out a breath, it was ice cold. Wow, oh wow.

"Mmhh, that feels good." I moaned into his hair as I arched my back, wrapping my arms around him, pulling him close.

"Does it?" He said with a small smile, coating his right hand with a thin layer of ice and swirling his fingers around my very aroused nipple.

"Todoroki!" I called out, nearly releasing from the pleasure. I was unraveling by the second. He went to the other side and did the same, releasing cold breath as he sucked on it. Sucking on one, making his icy fingers dance around the other, using his warm right hand to stroke me gently. I was overstimulated by the pleasure. "Shoto."

"Do you want to…" He trailed off, looking me in the eyes. I regained my composure for a second and nodded, my hands reaching for the top of his pants. He nodded, sitting back on his knees and letting down his fly. He didn't let me help him. His movements slow and patient, unlike Kacchan who nearly ripped his pants off when we came to this point. I didn't want to think about Kacchan right now. My heart wanted Todoroki.

Slowly he took off his pants and then his boxers, revealing himself to me for the first time. I couldn't help but look, study it. His pubic hair was dichromatic, just like the hair on his head. It was neatly combed and trimmed. The actual member was long, a bit longer than Kacchan's if I had to guess, but a little thinner too. They were just so different. So completely and totally different. I wanted to touch it, take it in my mouth the way Kacchan had done to me. I wanted to make Todoroki feel good.

I reached out for it, but he took my hand, placing it gently to my side before reaching over to his nightstand and grabbing some lubricant. He smiled nervously, fidgeting with the bottle a little bit. "I've thought a lot about it, and didn't want to make the decision for you… would you… prefer my… right hand or my left hand to prepare you?" Todoroki doesn't stutter, even with his obvious signs of nerves, he spoke clearly, but hesitantly. He's been thinking a lot about this. Planning every move carefully. Although I've dreamed of finally having sex with Shoto a million times over, I never thought of it down to the last detail quite like that. He really wanted this to be special. My only regret is that it isn't my first time. The guilt nagged at my stomach once more.

"I-Your… your… l-left." I stuttered meekly. The cold felt incredible against my nipples, but… I just wasn't sure. He nodded, squirting a generous amount into his warm hand. He rolled it in his fingers a little bit, warming it up, then leaned back down to kiss me, spreading me open a little as he did.

"Just relax, tell me if it hurts okay?" I nodded, allowing him to kiss me again. Very slowly and carefully he pushed one finger inside of me. It was slick and warm, gentle and went in so smoothly. So different from my first time. Nothing but pleasure and absolutely no pain. Not that the aggressive pain wasn't okay, it's just… this is so different. Slowly he moved it in and out of me, feeling for my spot, before adding a second one. Almost immediately he found what he was looking for. My slick began to leak like a faucet.

"Nugh." A throaty moan left my lips.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"No, not at all, it… feels really good. Please… please continue." He blushed and did as I requested, making me shiver at his touch. I laid back and bucked my hips in rhythm with his fingers. I wanted more. "Another."

"Are you sure?" He asked cautiously. I nodded eagerly. He smiled and squeezed a bit more lube on his hand before adding a third. It felt amazing, with his patience and care, I adjusted really quickly. I was ready for Todoroki.

"I'm ready."

"Izuku."

"I am." He nodded, removing his fingers slowly. He wiped his hand on a strategically placed towel, then grabbed a condom. A condom. Another thing so different from my actual first time. Condoms prevent knots, along with a whole bunch of other things. He smiled at me, before tearing it open and carefully rolling it onto himself and making sure it was just right. Cautiously he moved back above me, aligning himself with my core before kissing my lips.

"Are you sure about this Izuku?" Kacchan just took my virginity. Forcefully, like it was his. I willingly gave it to him but… Shoto put so much thought and care into making sure this was perfect. Tell him. Tell him now before you regret it!

"I'm sure." You coward.

Todoroki took a deep breath. "I love you Izuku."

"I love you too Shoto." With the utmost care he pushed in, taking his time, checking to see that I was okay. He seemed to fit perfectly, his member aligning with my spot like it belonged there. He let out a breath, breaking eye contact and resting his head on my shoulder, his hands gripping the sheet beside my head tightly. I felt so full, so amazing. I looked down at my boyfriend and his body was stiff, like he was trying to stay in control. Lose control, please Todoroki. Please. I want that. Be that for the pleasure or… to repent for how much wrong I've done to you.

"Izuku, you're crying." My eyes were watering, but when he moved to push the tears away, that's when the tears really started to flow.

"It's okay. I'm okay."

"Are you sure, I can stop. I don't want to hurt you."

"No! Please… don't stop." Oh how those words sound so different now, in such different context. "I'm just… I cry. You know that." I said forcing a smile. He smiled back, leaning in an capturing my lips in his, beginning to thrust smoothly. I gasped, then moaned.

"Good?"

"Very good." I said, wrapping my arms around him again. His pace quickened, but was still very calculated, building to a rhythm. Building to a slow and powerful climax. With Kacchan it was like a race, a sprint to the finish, pounding, like playing chicken until the first one came. With Todoroki, the experience was just that, a full body experience. He thrust into me, felt my body respond, built up the pleasure with me, made me feel all of it. He kissed me so passionately, kissed every inch of my body, pressed his scent into me as we fed off of each other's pleasure. We came at the same time, both completely speechless. That was… beautiful. Beautiful, incredible bliss. Showering me with love, he pulled out, then removed the condom, throwing it away before cleaning me up. My whole body was simply maxed out with love and affection. It was perfect, he was perfect. Cuddling me until we fell asleep in each other's arms. It was meant to be the perfect first time. Only it was the perfect second time and I was too much of a coward to tell him that. Now… I don't know if I can tell him. I think I just made things so much worse than they were before.