A/N: Hey all! Aren't you glad I haven't disappeared yet? HAHAHA though seriously, really sorry about that. I also should let you guys know I have a really major exam coming up in early March so, updates might be a little sluggish but I promise once it's over I'll be writing all day everyday ;) I hope y'all can be patient with me in the mean time.
Anyway, onward to the next chapter! Hope you guys enjoy!
Hiashi was at a loss.
He wanted to abide by the books and take on the role of the 'hip', lovable father who went with the flow and lets their children run wild – heck, he even supported his daughter throughout her relationship with one of history's greatest monsters, Uchiha Sasuke – but this time, he could no longer stand back and watch.
It has been weeks since his eldest had snapped back to reality and separated from that man who rightfully belonged in an insane asylum; yet she was still wallowing and grieving over that disastrous phase in her life.
She would be holed up in her room most days and when he went over to check up on her more often than not, he'd find her bawling her eyes out. She'd sometimes stare off into the distance with a sad longing in her eyes. She hardly ever laughed anymore, even around her sassy little sister whose company she enjoyed more than anyone else's. She wasn't eating well or taking care of herself, it was painful to see her this way.
He could not allow this madness to continue.
He must interfere, no matter what the parenting books say. Of course, he had to be delicate. Sadly, history has proven that he was never the best at handling sensitive situations.
Therefore, he had no choice but to seek external help – and who better than a woman herself to help heal the scars of a broken hearted maiden?
"Oh, poor Hinata. She must be hurting so bad. For me, it always helped to just talk about my feelings with friends and family." – Sakura.
Hiashi called for a family meeting and sat everyone down at the dining table which he had temporarily transformed into the "feelings" table. After a very awkward attempt at getting his daughters to open up to him, the result was Hinata at one side, curled up into ball, drowning in her own puddle of tears, using up all of his ultrasoft tissues and Hanabi at the other side, screaming in demonic tongues.
Failure – and a sad waste of his favourite luxury tissues.
"Well, there's no quick and easy fix but flowers and chocolates would help." – Ino.
Not one to spare expense when it comes to his children, Hiashi had emptied out every confectionery and florist in the village to spoil his daughter. He brought home every single chocolate known to man and an impressive variety of flowers, which unfortunately, attracted an army of ants and a hoard of bees into the compound. Once again, his just reward was Hanabi's hurtful verbal lashing.
Failure – and now he was heartbroken, having been referred to as a senile old fool by his youngest.
"Personally, nothing cheers me up faster than a freshly oiled, well sharpened kunai and shuriken set!." – TenTen.
He decided against trying that out. He'd rather not bring anything remotely sharp within proximity of his lovely, unpredictably violent, youngest daughter.
"I understand your concerns, Hiashi-sama. But sometimes it's just best to give her some space and let her work her problems out on her own." – Kurenai.
Clearly this woman doesn't know what she's talking about. Giving Hinata the space and freedom to do as she please is what lead up to these series of ill-fated events in the first place!
His poor daughter… placed under the tutelage of this loose woman for so long, no wonder she has lost her way!
"Hinata's sad you say? Bring her over, I'll show her a good time! We'll take a whack at the slots and play some dice; she'll forget about that rat bastard in no time!" – Tsunade.
Perhaps… he should skip out on this suggestion as well.
"I am sorry Hiashi-sama, I have never gone through any similar experiences before. But if it helps, TonTon has always been a great source of emotional support to me throughout dark times. Maybe you could get her a pet?" – Shizune.
Ah, a little pet pig, how quaint!
He was certain that Hinata would respond well to an adorable little critter.
Hiashi brought home a chunky piglet in his arms, hopeful that Hinata would find solace in those beady little eyes of hers. He even bought a cute collar with the name Taro – a name he picked out in honour of his favourite starchy tuber – etched on to it.
He was about to introduce Hinata to Taro, but felt a crushing tightness in his chest as he stood in front of the shoji doors leading to his daughter's bedroom with Taro in tow. He looked down at the bubbly piglet wriggling in his grasp, and immediately he knew that he couldn't let go of this darling creature.
He decided to hold on to the piglet for now. After all, it wouldn't be fair to impose this responsibility on to Hinata in her current state.
But now, his back was against the wall. He was running out of options.
He had spoken to nearly every woman who was well acquainted with Hinata yet almost no progress was made. Well, there was one more person he could consult, but he was not very sure that the person in question was capable of empathy and relating to human emotions.
This person of course, was his younger daughter Hanabi whom he undoubtedly loved very much, but even he as her father couldn't deny that she was the face of pure evil.
However, despite her devilish tendencies, Hanabi is very close with her sister and cares deeply for her. Perhaps it couldn't hurt to seek her opinion. After all, he was desperate.
"Old man, are you seriously still stressing out over Nee-san's love life?" The Hyuuga prodigy sighed and shook her head, comfortably laying down on her side on the tatami flooring in the living room, resting her cheek on her fist, addressing her father with a bored expression on her face.
"Isn't it obvious? She's totally going to get back with that punk. Why do you think she wanted that restraining order gone? Honestly, she's so easy to read." Hanabi rolled her eyes.
"That cannot happen. That man is bad news, he's going to ruin her!" Hiashi growled, seated cross legged facing his daughter, with his prized pet piglet in his lap serving to calm his nerves.
"What's the big deal even? I mean yeah, I hate the guy's guts but if she likes him so much then what the hell?" Hanabi shrugged. "But I guess she does deserve better. That motherfucker has got some serious issues."
"Indeed." Hiashi grunted, wincing at his daughter's colourful language, though he very much agreed.
"What can we do to steer her away from the devil's temptation?" He diligently stroked his piglet whilst in deep thought.
"Honestly, the best way for her to get over that clown is to get her clam shucked by another hunk." Hanabi sported a mischievous grin.
"I can never understand this strange way you youngsters speak." Hiashi frowned, confused.
"Keep up old man, I am talking about a rebound." The temperamental teenager groaned in frustration, shifting into a seated position as the conversation took an interesting turn.
"If you want her to forget her hot, psychotic ex-boyfriend, just get her a new one who's even hotter!" She wiggled her brows suggestively. "Preferably someone who has his head on straight too."
"Ah!" Hiashi brightened as an epiphany struck. "You are indeed a brilliant child, Hanabi."
"Tell me something I don't know." She scoffed, rising on to her feet and lazily strutting away, having said all there is she needed to say.
"By the way," Hiashi hesitated, his brows twitching in discomfort. "What exactly did you mean by… getting her clam shucked?"
"You don't want to know, old man." Hanabi snickered, knowing full well that her father would understand.
Hiashi felt a fragment of his soul leaving his body.
Raising daughters… is awfully painful.
"S-Son of a –!" Naruto cried, frantically tearing open his half-burnt jacket and patting away at the embers that scorched the tips of his blonde locks.
"That's it! That's twice this time! Are ya trying to turn me into a roast or something ya sick bastard?!" The jinchuriki hissed, dramatically pointing a finger to the unapologetic Uchiha who was now sat down on the grass, unbothered by the fuss.
"Don't be such a baby, it's just a little fire." Sasuke sighed, leaning down to lay on his back. "Besides, you'd taste like shit."
"You take that back you bastard! That's rude and offensive to babies!"
"Fine. I apologise to the babies." He buried his hand into the thick of his sweaty dark hair, his vacant eyes fixated on the clear blue sky.
"You've been so cranky lately ya know – and I think I know why." Naruto plopped on to the ground next to his sullen friend, sitting cross legged, resting his elbow on his knee and propping his chin on his fist as he shot the brooding man a knowing look.
"It's cause they took the extra spicy ramen off the menu at Ichiraku's right? Man, I know… it hit me hard too, I was stuck in bed for days! Don't worry though, it's a part of their secret menu now ya just got to ask the old man in private. They had to take it off cause some sap died from a stomach bleed or something."
"You're an idiot." Sasuke groaned, draping his arm over his eyes, masking the frustration chiselled onto his brows and turmoil that festered in the depths of his onyx orbs.
"It's Hinata, you oaf. She's been avoiding me."
"Well, can ya blame her? You basically tortured her."
"That merciless wench blamed me for all the bad things that happened to her with no evidence of my involvement." Sasuke spat, glaring into thin air as he relived the memory of being slapped in the face with that wretched restraining order.
"But ya did, didn't ya?" Naruto raised a brow.
"…Yes, but it still hurt that she would accuse me without solid proof."
"Ya know, you should just talk to her."
"About what?" He narrowed his eyes at the simple minded blonde.
"I don't know, maybe apologise for being a dick and admit that you miss her and that you want her back."
"You sound insane right now." Sasuke leapt onto his feet, crouching so that he was at eye level with the naïve golden boy.
"I can't believe you would have me grovel and beg at her feet. You know for a fact that power play is the key to winning any battle."
"What?! What battle are ya talking about?! She's your girlfriend not your arch nemesis!"
"Get up." The enraged ex-avenger stood up, peering down at the now terrified Naruto with sinister, glowing red eyes. "I am going to burn you into a crisp this time."
"O-Okay, okay, I take it back! You should definitely abuse your girlfriend! No, wait Sasuke – STOP!"
"Wow, I didn't know so many noblemen were so ugly." Hanabi grimaced as she scanned through the many portfolios of esteemed bachelors scattered across the globe.
"It's a good thing they're rich or they'd probably be forced to work in the circus."
"That's a little harsh. The way a person looks doesn't matter as much as you think it does. We should give all of them a fair chance." Hiashi, the ever benevolent patriarch.
"Really?" Hanabi raised a brow. She picked up a photo of a young lord sporting a nose that encompassed three quarters of his face. "You really want to risk your grandchildren inheriting this nose?"
"Ah…" Hiashi looked down at his lap, awkwardly straightening out the non-existent creases of his Yukata. "Perhaps… we should be more stringent." Hiashi, the ever hypocritical patriarch.
"This is bad," Hanabi scratched her head in a savage fury. "If we pick out the disfigured ones there's only like, three candidates left – and two of them are from so far away! We can't send her off to the other end of the world just to keep her away from that lunatic."
"Then, that just leaves…" Hiashi brought forward the portfolio of the person in question, his brows furrowed, expressing his uncertainty.
"Well, he is pretty fucking hot." She nodded in approval. "Plus, I am damn sure he's rolling in the dough. He checks all the boxes."
"But…" His face contorted in discomfort, obviously doubtful of their solitary choice. "We can't simply reach out to him with such a bizarre proposal. He is a very important man, after all."
"Geez, you're really crap at this old man!" Hanabi clicked her tongue and snatched a piece of empty paper, readying her pen in hand.
"We'll just have to make him come to us with the proposal." She chuckled darkly, her lips curving into a rather unsettling grin.
Hiashi could only watch quietly as his youngest scribbled vigorously with a growing uneasiness in his chest.
He wondered if he should stop her, but judging by the look on her face, he'd lose an arm if he dared to try.
He hoped to God she knew what she was doing.
"Kazekage-sama!"
"Hm?" Gaara raised a quizzical brow at his sweaty secretary who had suddenly burst into his office, gasping for breath and tightly clutching onto an envelope with a red seal – marking its urgency.
"An urgent letter from Konohagakure came for you, it was issued by the heiress of the Hyuuga clan!"
"The Hyuuga?" Gaara frowned, evidently troubled by the abrupt situation. He gestured for his secretary to hand over the letter, his brows twisted as his mind filled with anxious thoughts.
He quickly tore open the envelope and unfolded the letter inside, carefully scrutinising every minute detail.
Dear Kazekage-sama,
I am Hyuuga Hinata of Konohagakure. I am writing to blatantly express the fierce, inextinguishable feelings I have for you. I understand that this is out of the blue, but I can no longer keep my all consuming hunger at bay.
Oh, my dear king of the desert… it is ironic how you are my oasis of passion. I've spent countless sleepless nights thinking of you – thinking of all the things I'd do to you. I want to feel and taste every inch of your skin, I want you to hold me in your arms and take responsibility for this undying heat you have given me. Even as I write this letter, I feel a gush in between legs, yearning for your big, pulsating coc –
"Kazekage-sama!"
Gaara gasped, snapping out of the trance the pornographic letter had trapped him in.
"Is everything alright? What does the letter say? Does Konoha require our assistance?!"
"This –!" Gaara gulped audibly, slapping the paper onto his chest over his aggressively thumping heartbeat. He was blushing so fervently that it became difficult to discern his skin from his striking red hair.
"This contains some… classified information. Could you please –" He cleared his throat, trying to calm his nerves and modulate the tone of his voice to mask his obvious agitation.
"…Could you please give me some privacy?"
"Yes, of course." His secretary frowned, feeling rather anxious after witnessing the Kazekage's odd reaction.
"Excuse me." He reluctantly stepped out of the office and closed the door behind him, hoping that this wasn't another case of the Kazekage wanting to deal with dangerous situations on his own.
In a sense, things were pretty hard for the Kazekage at the moment.
The second he heard the door shut, he clumsily straightened out the letter on his desk, his jade eyes wide with disbelief as he scrutinized the rather intense details of what seems to be an erotic confession.
He ran his hand through his dark red hair that was now damp with nervous sweat, trying to regulate his deep and laboured breathing as he racked his brain for any recollection of this rather bold young woman.
He was fully aware that there was a Hyuuga heiress in existence, but knew close to nothing about her. It made him wonder how she became so enamoured of him considering he does not remember ever interacting with her – in fact, he was very sure that he had never even seen her before!
The young Kazekage groaned and slammed his forehead on to his desk, feeling confused and frustrated… among other things.
What should he do? He has never dealt with anything like this before!
Should he ignore it? It could very well be some sort of sick prank.
But if it was in fact the very… descriptive, genuine feelings of a woman pining for him then,
Should he… write back?
…
…
Damn it, he's the Kazekage! Women shouldn't address him so carelessly, it's improper decorum!
…Right?
Yes! He should reply and reprimand her for this very inappropriate behaviour!
But then again… he wouldn't want to damage his rapport with a woman who may very soon inherit one of Konoha's most powerful clans. Besides, he should give her credit and appreciation for having the courage to reach out to him like this. It would be cruel of him to disregard her, um… emotions… no?
So…
Maybe…
It wouldn't hurt to… send her a friendly reply?
Yes, yes I know, our favourite couple aren't at each other's throats in this chapter, but be patient guys it's coming, along with a lot more mayhem because I am a sadistic jackass who just loves making em' suffer HAHAHAHA SORRY
See you guys in the next chapter!