What?!

Joseph blinked and tried to comprehend how a) the potential customer who claimed to be a businesswoman transformed into a troll; b) why said troll was now grinning hugely at his wife in a slightly intimidating fashion; and finally, c) how the troll, who didn't seem to be much older than his son, could be delusional enough to believe that she was his grandmother. Logic, something that had always comforted him even in the face of adversity, was failing him at the time he needed it the most.

"Um, I don't mean to be rude, but you look like you're not even thirty," said Roxy in a very small voice. "How could you possibly be his grandmother?"

The Condesce looked at her like she was asking if cats and dogs were different animals before directing her gaze back to Joseph. "I'm incapable of dying naturally," she said with a shrug. "It goes with the best hemotype on Alternia. But yeah, your mom was my kid."

"...I really don't know what to say," said Mr. Egbert finally. "Mother never said anything about you."

"Whale, she was pretty damn defiant," said the Condesce, sitting down at one of the tables. She looked absolutely out of place, almost a little sad. "Janey was a good gull, but she kept fuckin' up with the stupidest cullshit. I tried to keep in contact, reely, but she didn't want no part in me after her brother ran off."

"I have an uncle?!"

"Uh, not anymore. He died a few years ago," said the Condesce, wiping at her eyes. "Dumbass got in a hunting accident."

Joseph swallowed and quickly glanced at Roxy, who looked just as freaked out as he felt. "Anyway," said the Condesce, yawning hugely, "I dunno why I even came over here. Probably just that good ol' fashion 'fuck everyfin' mentality kickin' up again. But yeah, you had a cousin, too, 'til she rammed into a semi with her momma and hubby. Was brain damaged until Jakey pulled the plug. Others were dead...you do have a second cousin, though."

"Uh," said Joseph, the words digesting in his head as his apparent grandmother stood up and cracked her knuckles. "What...what's her name?"

"Jade Harley," sighed the Condesce, striding out of the bakery. Before she left, she smiled a bit grimly at the Egberts, shaking her head. "Yo, Lalonde, don't drink around this one."

There was almost a distortion in reality, and she was gone, leaving Joseph and Roxy completely stunned.

-9:45 pm / Karkat & Terezi's house-

"Did that really happen?" asked Terezi, flopping down onto the queen-sized bed. "Like, was that some stupid group hallucination? Did we seriously just have another kid?"

"We had another kid," said Karkat, staring at the ceiling without blinking. He hadn't been able to stop smiling for hours, even when Ellen bit his thumb hard enough to draw blood. "We...actually have two kids."

"Yeah," said Terezi, inhaling deeply and looking at Karkat. "Karkles, no offense, but I think you're in your heat cycle."

"What?" asked Karkat, rearing up. "Wait, I thought that only happened like, once a sweep!"

"Yeah, well it's been a sweep," said Terezi, grinning. "What are you gonna do, get a pail?"

"Terezi, that is so fucking weird," said Karkat, trying to ignore her to the best of his ability. "Do you think I can just...I don't know…"

"Oh my god, Karkat, you are not flooding the toilet with your genetic material," groaned Terezi, covering her eyes and gagging. "That would be so gross."

"Yeah, but then we could at least get rid of it," said Karkat, collapsing on the bed like a ragdoll. "What's your brilliant suggestion?"

"I mean, we could totally engage in the most spontaneous and disgusting intercourse ever—"

"Terezi, that is ahorrible idea."

Terezi looked offended. "Karkat, I am your wife. You legally can't tell me that you don't want to have sex."

"Wouldn't that be like, spousal abuse?" asked Karkat, narrowing his eyebrows. "You're going to go to human law school, haven't you learned anything?"

"Maybe I have, but maybe I'm just bullshitting," shrugged Terezi, climbing on top of him. "C'mon, Vant-ass."

"Did you seriously just—"

She kissed him just long enough for him to shut up. "Okay," he said finally, a sly smile forming on his lips as he reached to pull off his shirt.

-11:20 am / Maple Valley Regional Hospital OB-GYN- Roxy: 4 months 4 days Rose: 6 months 10 days Katrina: 1 year 9 months 23 days Casey: 2 years 5 months 13 days

Terezi groaned as she sat down in one of the alarmingly sticky chairs in the obstetrician's waiting room. As protocol, she had to go in for a follow-up appointment, but she wasn't feeling the strict apathy that she had felt a few weeks before. Ellen had decided to prove herself as the most destructive grub she had ever met within the first month of her hatching. Katrina seemed to be debating whether or not she liked the new addition or was completely terrified of her, and Terezi couldn't help but worry. Before she had left for the appointment, Ellen had somehow managed to get on top of the refrigerator and release her "battle cry" before pouncing on a very irritated Obrina. "Terezi, grubs aren't supposed to be this territorial if they're this low on the hemospectrum," she complained, trying to remove the hissing yellowblood from her hair without getting bit. "Maybe a cerulean grub would do this, but she shouldn't be attacking people."

"It's how she shows affection," said Karkat, scooping her up and kissing the grub, now completely docile, on the head. "Look, she's a big sweetie!"

"Karkat, half of your hand is covered in My Little Pony bandaids," said Augeth, trying to juggle between a huge cup of coffee and several assignments for school. "I think the kid might be aggressive."

"Whatever," shrugged Karkat, kissing Terezi on the cheek before he headed out of the door. "See you guys tonight!"

Terezi had sighed then and kissed Katrina, who had become equally territorial since Ellen arrived (she had built a "fortress" in her bedroom and was armed with a wooden spoon at all times). "Bye, Princess."

Now that she had some time to herself, however, she was starting to wonder if any of this was a good idea. She didn't exactly know everything about grubs—after all, as far as she knew, lusii never took two at the same time, and the dynamics were never really explained to her as a child—but something instinctual was telling her that there would be some kind of fighting between her kids if she didn't intervene constantly.

Unfortunately, her thoughts were interrupted as the door to the office swung open and none other than Joanna and Kankri waltzed in, still making freakishly gushy faces at each other. "Oh my god," murmured Terezi, trying to disappear behind a very outdated magazine on financial management. She couldn't sense that they were even looking at anyone, however—Kankri was mainly rambling in his slightly bitchy, argumentative way, while Joanna filled out paperwork and occasionally pointed out a flaw in his theory. To her horror, she realized that she found their bickering almost endearing—until she realized that Joanna was pregnant. "What?"

"Mrs. Vantas?"

Terezi collected her bag and practically ran to meet the nurse at the entrance to the exam room area. "Hello," the nurse continued with a smile. "How are you today?"

"I'm okay," the troll said with a sigh, pushing her glasses further up her nose. "Just ready to get the bloodwork over with."

The nurse laughed nervously before leading Terezi into a small room at the end of the hallway. "Just sit down in that chair, and someone will be with you shortly," she instructed, then left the room as quickly as they had arrived.

Terezi fumbled with the volume buttons on her phone before sighing loudly and shoving it back into her bag. She was still trying to deal with the horror of seeing John's stupid aunt in the waiting room with Karkat's very confused ecto-sibling as they fawned over pregnancy magazines. It's not fair, she thought, scratching at her wrists. Isn't she like fifty? Gross!

Within a few minutes, Terezi heard a knock on the door and sat up as someone came in. To her relief, it was actually Dr. Browne, and she managed to smile a bit before the woman came over to her.

"Good morning," said Dr. Browne with a smile, setting down a caddy full of bloodwork supplies. "How are you today?"

"I'm...okay," Terezi told her, nervously eyeing/sniffing the tubes. "You…will be the one doing the bloodwork, right?"

Dr. Browne laughed. "Of course. Since you're a…special case, I'm really the only one within this practice who'll do anything with you directly. Doctor-patient confidentiality, too."

"Oh, thank god." The troll let out a loud sigh of relief. "What kind of tests are you running, exactly…?"

Dr. Browne glanced at her clipboard. "Just the standard pre-surgery tests," she began, scanning the list. "Complete blood count, metabolic panel, liver enzymes, blood clotting ability...oh, and, due to the nature of the surgery, we'll have to do a pregnancy test, too. Not like it'll be positive or anything, because that's why we're doing the surgery in the first place…"

Terezi laughed uncomfortably as Dr. Browne put the clipboard away. "Okay," she told the troll, putting on some vinyl gloves, "this shouldn't hurt too much, but if you start feeling lightheaded please tell me, okay?"

Terezi nodded, watching as the doctor tied a rubber band around her forearm. Her arm was swabbed with alcohol and Dr. Browne felt around in the crook of her arm before inserting the needle. Ouch.

A few minutes went by before the doctor finally took out the needle and placed an ugly, "flesh"-colored bandage on Terezi's arm. "Okay, some of the test results should be ready in a few minutes, but others will take a week or so to come in. Just sit tight and I'll come back in a few minutes."

"Okay." Terezi watched the woman leave, then ripped the ugly bandage off as quickly as it had been applied. The prick hadn't scabbed over yet, and a small teal dot was present on the crook of her arm.

Stupid tests...stupid surgery...stupid "Asshole syndrome" or whatever it is… Terezi thought as she mindlessly tore the bandage into smaller pieces. Insurance covers a great deal of it, but we still have to pay out of pocket. This is so fucking stupid.

Several more minutes of internal ranting later, the door opened again and Dr. Browne entered. "Well, some of the results came back," she announced, looking at her clipboard and smiling. "Complete blood count is normal, clotting ability is great…however, it looks like we'll have to delay the surgery."

Terezi was confused. "Is...something wrong?"

Dr. Browne smiled and shook her head. "Nothing's wrong, Mrs. Vantas. In fact, everything's better than I thought it was."

"Then...why do we need to delay the surgery?"

The doctor laughed. "Mrs. Vantas, you're pregnant. Congratulations."

-12:40 pm / Evergreen Forest Mobile Home Community / Tavros's room-

"たわごとは、何をしているの？"

"Damara, can you please shut the fuck up for five minutes?" asked Tavros, continuing to swaddle his egg. She had been consistently trying to get a rise out of him for the last few days to no avail, but now, after nearly a week of what he could only assume were increasingly repulsive insults, he was becoming unnerved. "Like, what do you even want?"

Damara shrugged her shoulders and pulled her lighter from her bra. "成功する、塩味牛の少年。" she said in a rather sultry tone, pursing her lips and retrieving a joint. "ああなたが怒っているとき、あなたは愛らしい、小便赤ちゃん。"

Tavros groaned and picked up the egg before shuffling past the burgundy-blood, who stuck her tongue out at him before taking a drag from her joint. Nepeta was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking from an enormous mug that proudly advertised her as a "pawsome cat mom." She looked up when Tavros sat down next to her, curling one of his arms around the egg and using the other to take a banana off of the oddly placed centerpiece that Vriska had insisted on purchasing for them. "Hey, weirdo. Is the anime-incarnate still trying to pitch-flirt with you?"

"Nepeta, I'm pretty sure that she doesn't hate me like that," said Tavros with a groan, biting through the peel of the banana. He had no idea why humans thought that they tasted decent. "She just hates everyone, that's all."

"Yeah, but I think Eridan is pale for her," said Nepeta, waggling her eyebrows. "I think they're terrible enough for each other."

"Dude, Eridan should never be pale for anyone," grumbled Tavros, trying to think of an appropriate analogy. "Remember when he accused Feferi of 'pale-zoning' him?"

"Yeah, but Fefurry is guilty of doing that to everyone," said Nepeta. "Even when we were wigglers!"

"So? There are definitive borders between pale and flushed romance. Shouldn't you know this?"

Nepeta blushed olive and tried to pull her hat closer to her scalp. From what Tavros had observed, it had been growing increasingly tighter, and he had never actually seen her without the thing. "Shut up."

"Whatever," he said, not able to shake the thought of her hair. "Hey, do you ever take that thing off?"

"What?"

"Like...your hat?"

"No? Why would I?"

"Because...no one has seen you without it?"

"Tavros, that's stupid. Tons of people have seen me without the hat."

"I require photographic evidence."

"Um...no."

"Come on, Nepeta, I'm pretty sure you've never taken that hat off, ever."

"Tavros, it's a hat. Big deal," said Nepeta, who seemed to be slightly uncomfortable with the subject at hand. "I just like it a lot, okay?"

"Sure, fine," said Tavros, still wondering if she had some horrific scars or something. "So...how's Equius?"

Nepeta snorted, making a face. "We live together. In the same mobile hive. There's barely any space, and you still don't know how he's doing?"

"Well...you share a room?"

"Yeah, but he's always at work," groaned Nepeta, fumbling with the edge of her shirt. "Like, we don't even do any pale stuff together anymore, and when he is here, he's giving Damara drone season eyes."

"That's...concerning," said Tavros, remembering why Equius would find her even remotely attractive. "Hey, um, do you like...miss Aradia?"

The question fell flat, and Nepeta looked at him like he was stupid. "Well, yeah?" she said, frowning. "She was my friend."

"I know," said Tavros, tracing his fingernails over the surface of his egg. "Do you think she's like, in the afterlife or something?"

"There isn't an afterlife, and besides, Aradia didn't believe in that stuff," said Nepeta. "She's probably still floating around the ruins and tricking young adventurers to their deaths."

"Typical Megido."

Nepeta shrugged, and there was a brief silence before Damara burst through the hallway and slammed her hands against the kitchen sink. "あなたは愚かな馬！クソゴミ！"

Equius timidly followed, apologizing profusely. "I am completely sorry, Damara! I didn't mean to offend you like that!"

"私のおっぱいを吸う、たわごとの作品！" screamed Damara, coughing on smoke from her joint before shoving it onto Equius' profusely sweaty forearm. "あなたは二度と私の人生を侮辱した場合、私は自分の歯であなたの可哀な血統を終了します！"

She kicked him in the shin and stormed out of the trailer, leaving the observers blinking and confused. "What did you do?" asked Nepeta, mouth agape.

"She was showing me some human art that was completely unsavory for a man of refined tastes such as I, and I told her that I did not appreciate such vulgar images, so she slapped me in the face and started yelling. It was rather...unpleasant," said Equius, sighing as he sat down, causing the chair to squeak under his strength. "I regret not having a proper translator, however. That would make my communicative efforts more reliable."

"To be fair, she understands Alternian and English pretty well," said Tavros, frowning. "She's just choosing to communicate solely in Japanese."

"But why?" asked Nepeta, running her fingers through Equius's hair. "There isn't any correlation between the linguistics of Beforan Lost Weeaboos and Earth otaku culture; at least, none that I can decifur. And nobody from Beforus actually understood anything she said!"

"Actually, my dancestor's matesprit had a very clear understanding of her speech patterns," said Equius, relaxing as Nepeta's fingers scratched at his scalp. "I never really spoke to Rufioh about those particular matters, but he always would say something along the lines of 'vengeful and petty' whenever she was brought up into conversation."

"Rufioh was cool," sighed Tavros. "He used to fly me into the forest, and one time, he took me to the opening ceremony of a moonlit yaoi festival. I couldn't stay for the whole thing, but he brought me back souvenirs."

"That sounds...okay," said Nepeta, who had begun to braid Equius's hair. "My dancestor was really nice, but she started a redrom with a Makara."

"That's tough," said Tavros, frowning as he tried to push memories of Rufioh out of his head. His dancestor had always been incredibly cool around him, even after he was paralyzed and couldn't get around without his old wheelchair. Then, shortly after Equius had given him his robot legs...he stopped showing up to any of their planned ectobro dates, not even writing excuses through Trollian. He hadn't even tried to get in touch with Tavros when he said that he was leaving the planet for good. "...Hey, do you guys know any good traditional bronze-caste names?"

Equius raised an eyebrow, and Nepeta continued to braid his hair. "Well...no?" she said, biting her lower lip. "Aren't traditional naming schemas kind of associated with highbloods?"

"Like, technically, yeah, but highbloods are also flying mammalian lusus excrement bonkers," said Tavros, rolling his eyes. "Why do they get gross lineage stuff?"

"Because the more inbred they are, the more violent they tend to be," said Equius, sighing as Nepeta pulled at his hair. "The Makara bloodline, as duly documented throughout the history of their inception, has been very strict in their regards to processing the slurry. The Grand Highblood himself only has taken on the duty of filling the red and black pails once in his life, and he's nearly as old as Her Imperious Condescension."

"Gross," said Tavros, shivering at the thought of the massive troll whom wigglers would hear about from their lusii in lieu of threat. He'll crunch your bones with his fists and then his teeth. "So...what happened?"

"The blackrom produced a long lineage of brutal candidates for the next Highblood, but most of them were culled before they reached ten sweeps," said Equius, closing his eyes. "Most of them died during training."

"And the redrom?" asked Nepeta, always an optimist.

"Never documented," said Equius quietly. "No one even knows who the lucky matesprit was, or when, or what their caste was."

"Wow," said Tavros, trying to think of the crazy lineage that his unhatched kid would have. "So...back to the name thing. Any suggestions?"

"Not really," admitted Nepeta. "If we're going to stay on Earth, though, you should probably give them something short!"

"Short?"

"Like, not a 'regular' troll name," said Nepeta. "Like...Katrina and Cassia aren't necessarily related to any Alternian progenitors, and I don't know, it just seems to me that humans don't really associate clicking noises with naming their children."

"So...maybe something that still follows the six letter format?" asked Tavros, taking out his phone and searching up names. "Wow. Humans have...really stupid names."

"They're not that stupid, Tavros," argued Nepeta, waggling her eyebrows. "I really like 'Alex.' Maybe, if I ever have a grub…"

Equius coughed loudly. "Nepeta, that's a horrible idea."

"Yeah, but 'Adolph' sounds really bad," frowned Tavros. "People name their kids Dallas? After the city?"

"To be fair, I've had several co-workers tell me about their children being named after political figures throughout this country's history," said Equius curtly, closing his eyes. " For example, 'Madison' is common enough."

"I don't want to name my kid 'Psychotic Fish' or anything, though," said Tavros, scrolling through a long list. "Murphy, maybe?"

"That sounds like a shoe," said Nepeta.

"Um...okay. Walter?"

"Better," said Equius. "However, try to pick a name for a boy and a name for a girl. Just in case."

"Fine, whatever," grumbled Tavros. "Uh...Regina?"

"Isn't that the Evil Queen from Once Upon A Time?" asked Nepeta. "Who's actually evil? And bad?"

"True, but she has pretty cool powers!" protested Tavros. "And besides, it's my kid."

"Can you please stop fighting with each other?" groaned Equius. "I swear to Gog, you're almost as bad as...there isn't a reputable comparison, actually."

-Friday, March 1st, 11:04 am / Starbucks-

Karkat took off his hat and his apron and neatly folded the two before placing them in his bag—he wouldn't be caught dead wadding them up. Another uneventful day gone by at Starbucks, other than the regular "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE A(N) *insert 'secret menu' item here*"-type customers. At least by this point he had figured out how to deal with them—and either way, it resulted in a paycheck.

"Hey, Karkat?" asked his boss from across the small hallway in the back. "Can I speak with you?"

"Sure?" Karkat put his bag on his shoulder and readjusted his collar before going to meet with the woman in her office. "Can you…sit down?" asked Karkat's boss, gesturing to the chair in front of her desk. Karkat furrowed his brow in confusion, but followed her orders anyway.

"Is everything alright?" asked Karkat as he put his bag down and sat down in the black chair. S omething was up—his boss rarely ever talked to him, as she was almost never at the location while Karkat was working.

The woman sighed, her eyes reflecting genuine sadness. "Our location…hasn't been doing as well as corporate hoped," she admitted, avoiding eye contact with him, "and unfortunately, we're having to make some cuts in order to continue to perform to corporate's standards."

"...Oh."

"Karkat…" His boss sighed again and looked up at him. "…I'm going to have to let you go."

"What?" Karkat could barely get the words out. He was speechless. This couldn't be happening. Although it wasn't anything special, working at Starbucks made enough money to at least put food on the table and gas in the car, and there was the bonus of free coffee every week—what was he going to do now? What were they going to do now?

"I'm...truly sorry," said his boss, standing up at her desk and reaching for Karkat's hand. "It's been a pleasure knowing you, and I'd like to thank you so much for all the work you've done these past two years."

Karkat forced a smile. "It's...been a pleasure."

The woman faintly smiled once more before gesturing to his hat and apron. "If you...wouldn't mind," she whispered, waiting for Karkat to hand over his uniform. He reluctantly did so, and she put them on top of a filing cabinet before returning to their conversation. "Your last paycheck should be deposited next week. I'm sorry we have to let you go, but thanks for being so great."

-3:00 pm / Karkat & Terezi's house-

Karkat closed his eyes and tried to think of a slightly not-completely-horrible way to tell Terezi that he had just been let go from his job and that their income was about to shrink by a little less than half (she was, after all, the main breadwinner at this point). He groaned and took a deep breath before opening the front door and preparing himself for what could be a verbal battle.

Augeth was sitting on the couch, trying to placate a very unnerved Ellen. "Karkat, thank Gog you're back," she said, holding the hissing grub away from her body. "I only got back a few hours ago, and Obrina said that Katrina was freaking out, and now she won't leave her fort!"

"Oh," was all Karkat could manage as he took Ellen, who hissed at Augeth before cuddling against his chest. "Where's Terezi?"

"She's with Obrina, trying to convince Katrina to...not attack anyone," said Augeth in a very exasperated voice. "Look, I wish I could've told you sooner, but...we sort of are moving out next weekend."

"What? I thought the housing market was still shitty," said Karkat, realizing that without Augeth and Obrinaa to help pay for utilities, money would be even tighter than he had originally thought. "Do you guys need help?"

"No, we've already secured the apartment," said Augeth, picking up her bag and texting Obrina to come out. "I would've gone into Katrina's room, but she already bit my ankle."

"What?" asked Karkat, heading for the stairs. "Where are you going?"

"Deli," called Augeth as she exited the house. "I'll be in the car."

Karkat grumbled and Ellen squeaked excitedly, waving her arms at him. "Look, we'll play as soon as your big sister isn't trying to kill your mom," he said gently, carrying her up the stairs. Obrina nearly bumped into him, looking exhausted. "Have a good night!"

"I'll...try my best," she said, blinking. "Good luck."

He didn't ask her what she meant, just continued up the stairs until he got to Katrina's bedroom. "Terezi?" he called, trying to see past the fort. "Where—?"

"Shhh," whispered Terezi, her glasses slightly crooked upon her nose. "We're trying to come to an agreement."

Katrina was in the middle of the room, surrounded by scalemates and looking suspicious. "Daddy," she said, looking at the grub in his arms. "You have bug."

"I have Ellen," said Karkat, putting some stress on her name. Katrina narrowed her eyes, stuck out her tongue, and stood up. "Princess, what are you doing?"

"Core," she said simply, glancing at Terezi. "Mama. Jud."

Terezi sighed and stood up, turning to Karkat. "We're in court," she mumbled, not making eye contact. "I have no idea where she's getting this, so just play along, okay?"

"Terezi, this is really weird," said Karkat with a frown. Ellen squealed and attempted to raise herself, blinking up at him with an expression of feigned innocence. "Can't we just tell her to stop?"

"I already tried that," said Terezi with a distressed smile. "Obrina said that she's been acting extremely territorial today."

"I don't get it," said Karkat, looking at his daughter. "What do you think could be causing this?"

Terezi had a blank face before she lit up. "Maybe it's something to do with lusii interactions?"

"What?"

"Well, grubs had to fight to the death to get their lusii on occasion. Maybe we—"

Katrina yelped, headbutting into Karkat's leg with all of her might. "Bug!" she screamed, clawing at his pant leg and bearing her fangs. "Daddy, no!"

"Katrina, stop!" shouted Terezi, trying to pick her daughter up. The toddler screamed and kicked and escaped her mother's arms before dashing back into the fort, only to come back out with a wooden spoon. "Put that down right now!"

The toddler glared at her and screamed. "NO!"

"Katrina Teresa Vantas, if you yell at your mother one more time, you will be in big trouble," said Karkat, trying to not freak out. Ellen was squeaking and burying her face into his chest while his daughter gave him a rage-filled stare. "I mean it, young lady."

She seemed to consider this before smiling sweetly. "Mama?" she asked, blinking. "FUCK!"

The word was a scream, and then she looked at Karkat with a cheeky smile. The Vantases stared at her in shock for a full thirty seconds before Karkat sighed. "Katrina, I didn't want to do this, but you can't watch TV for one week."

Katrina gasped, looking offended. "What?"

"And you won't get dessert, either," said Terezi, rubbing her temples.

"No!"

"Go sit in time out," said Karkat, and Katrina looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I mean it."

The toddler pouted and went to the corner that Terezi had proclaimed "the time out place that will probably never be used." The couple sighed and sat down in the doorway, Ellen hyperventilating and crawling onto Terezi's lap, shaking. "Shh, calm down," said Terezi, ruffling the tiny troll's hair. "You're okay...Karkat. We need to talk."

"Definitely," said Karkat, closing his eyes. "How was your day?"

"Interesting," sighed Terezi, trying hard not to yawn. "Was work as horrible as always?"

Shit. "About that."

"What? Did you get promoted?"

"Um," said Karkat, blinking. "Not quite."

Terezi narrowed her eyebrows. "So...what?"

"I sort of...lost my job," said Karkat, and the air became heavy. "Yeah."

"That...really sucks," said Terezi finally, sighing. "What are we going to do?"

"I already put in a few applications at different fast food places," said Karkat, feeling like a loser. "I'm going to have to stop going to class, but look, even though Augeth and Obrina are moving out, we can manage. There will just be a lot of Ramen noodles for the next couple of months, and we'll probably have to start shopping at the thrift store more."

"Yeah," said Terezi, swallowing. "I guess I could try to get more hours at the firm…"

"Look, I did some math, and with only four people, we can probably make it," said Karkat, expecting Terezi to at least look happy at the sentiment. "Like, it's going to be really rough, but we'll still have the house."

"True," said Terezi, looking uncomfortable. "Um...fuck."

"What's wrong?"

"I...had that doctor's appointment, remember?"

"Yeah?"

"Heh, well, they tested my blood for any hormonal bullshit, right?" asked Terezi, trying to smile. "And they had to do all these tests just to make sure everything was okay to do surgery and ...I'm pregnant."

Karkat blinked, trying to think of something positive to say. "Oh."

Terezi nodded, inhaling deeply. "I'm only a month along, and the shell hasn't even formed yet, so I could see it on the screen, because they wanted to make sure everything was okay, and...I don't know. I'll probably lose it anyway, so there...really isn't any…"

Karkat held her, and as she started to shake, Ellen tapping her on the head with one of her arms. "Ma?" she squeaked, looking concerned. "Ma?"

"What the fuck are we going to do?" whispered Karkat, his fingers curling in his wife's hair. "What if you...don't miscarry?"

"I don't want to," mumbled Terezi, not feeling anything. "It just...I don't know? We can't have more than two right now."

"Maybe Katrina wouldn't try to attack a mutant grub?" wondered Karkat. Ellen puffed her cheeks up at him, looking insulted. "Or...something, I don't know."

"Ma!" said Ellen with some insistence, her lower lip quivering. Karkat only then realized that she was actually trying to communicate vocally and was actually succeeding.

"Holy shit," he said, kissing her on the forehead. Terezi, do you hear this?"

"Yeah," said Terezi, not showing her face. "She's talking. Great."

"Well, yeah! Maybe she'll be some weird baby genius."

"Mhm."

"We could be parents of a genius."

"No."

"What?"

"We're not her parents," said Terezi in defeat, looking at him. "Karkat, she likes us, but we're not hers."

"What...are you trying to say?" asked Karkat in disbelief, holding Ellen against his chest as she growled happily, sucking on his pinky finger. "Terezi, she's ours."

"No, she just lives with us," said Terezi, standing up and sighing. "She doesn't look like us. She probably hates us."

"Terezi, that's completely irrational," said Karkat, following her into their bedroom. "She just called you 'Ma!' Come on, she loves you."

"Just leave me alone," murmured Terezi, curling up in their bed. "Good night."

"It's three in the afternoon—"

"Goodnight."

Karkat stared at his wife and left the room, still holding the now-whining grub.

-Sunday, March 3rd, 5:15 pm / John & Vriska's house- Roxy: 4 months 6 days Rose: 6 months 12 days Katrina: 1 year 9 months 25 days Casey: 2 years 5 months 15 days

"Joooooooohn, dinner's ready!" called Vriska in a sing-song voice, taking a tray of steaming macaroni out of the oven and placing it on a cooling rack. Casey was already in her high chair, eating blueberries and kicking her legs back and forth. "It's your favorite."

"Vriska, I really need to finish this report," shouted John from his study, trying to frantically fill in the last of the graphs that he had constructed especially for his research on theoretical ectobiological systems. "Five minutes!"

"John, we have to bond!"

"Vriska!"

"John!"

John groaned and saved the massive folder holding his current buildup of work, closing the laptop and walking down the hallway. "Okay, I'm coming," he said, standing in the kitchen doorway. "Look. I'm here."

"Great!" smiled Vriska, flashing her fangs at him and handing him a plate filled with macaroni and various vegetables. "Are you ready for tonight?"

John blinked, setting his plate down on the table. "Tonight?"

"Yeah, Egderp," said Vriska, putting a tiny portion in front of Casey before grabbing her own. "You know…tonight."

"Vriska, I have no idea what you're talking about," sighed John, chewing on a green bean. "Did we plan something?"

"Uh, no?" frowned Vriska, raising an eyebrow. "Your dad called earlier and said that the two of you were going to engage in some super-fatherly-testosterone bonding. You planned it a few months ago?"

"Shit," said John, remembering. "Oh my God! I totally forgot!"

"Yeah, no duh," said Vriska, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, Casey and I are going to hang out with Roxy while you two do...whatever, so eat fast."

"Okay," said John, trying to eat as quickly as possible. He wasn't really sure that he had actually planned anything with his dad, ever, but now that it was happening, he felt at least kind of obliged to follow through with it. "What are you going to do with Roxy?"

Vriska shrugged, sighing as she essentially devoured her food in a few quick bites. "We might watch a movie, I don't know. She's just super lonely right now."

"I figured that much," sighed John, deciding on saving the rest of his dinner for later. "Should we just go right now?"

"Probably," said Vriska, glancing at her phone. "Shit."

"What?"

"Terezi's apparently been super depressed, and Karkat is kind of freaking out," she said glumly, standing up and lifting Casey from her high chair. "C'mon, Peanut, we're going to visit Gammy."

Casey looked incredulous. "Gammy?"

"Yes," said Vriska, smiling faintly and realizing that John looked confused. "What? She started calling her that in January."

"Wow, okay," said John, pulling a sweatshirt over his frame. "Um...do you want me to start the car or something?"

Vriska raised a single eyebrow and he rolled his eyes before grabbing his keys and walking out to his sedan. He was still a little concerned with the fact that he hadn't remembered scheduling anything with his dad...maybe the stress was finally getting to him? Whatever.

As soon as he put the key in the ignition, the radio began to blare trashy top forty radio. "What the hell?" he mumbled, reaching to turn it off as a voice broke onto the airlines.

"Hey, ladies and gentlefolk, your host Cronus here, cutting through the airlines like the best freakin' thing you've ever seen. Damn, son, you wouldn't believe how hot this body is, and to think I had to spend flush-crush day alone...ha-ha, just kidding! But really, if you wanna hear something, please gimme a call if you're single and ready to mingle, got it? Next up, we're gonna throw it back to the totally freakin' magnificent masterpiece, 'Poker Face,' by Human Lady Gaga."

Vriska opened the door and hear the last bit of dialogue as she buckled Casey into her carseat. "What the hell?" she asked, sitting next to her husband and turning down the volume. "Did the DJ seriously just—"

"Yeah," said John, pulling out of the driveway and beginning to drive towards his childhood home. "His name is 'Cronus,' apparently, so I guess he's some kind of weird hippie, or—"

"Holy shit!" exploded Vriska, laughing hysterically. John almost stopped the car entirely, but she waved her hand, still laughing. "No, I'm okay. Oh my God, this is rich!"

"What is it?" asked John, glancing at a very sleepy Casey. "What's so funny?"

"No, it's just...oh, my god, Cronus is my ex-kismesis' dancestor," laughed Vriska, wiping tears from her eyes. "I haven't thought of that joke forever…"

"Kismesis?" asked John, narrowing his eyebrows and driving slightly faster. "Okay, so...I'm your matesprit, and Terezi is...your moirail, right? So...what the hell is a kismesis?"

"Just blackrom," said Vriska, still giggling. "Like, you hate someone so much that...well...yeah."

John inhaled deeply. "Please don't tell me you had sex with some guy you hate…"

"No, dude, gross!" spat Vriska, looking absolutely disgusted. "We ended it when I was thirteen, anyway. It just felt weird."

"Yep," said John, unblinking as he drove down the street. Casey yawned in the backseat, wiping some drool from her mouth before tapping the window and laughing. "You having fun back there, Peanut?"

"Yes, Daddy!"

John sighed as they got closer to his dad's house. He had talked to him a few times since the bakery opened, but they hadn't sat down and had an in-depth discussion in ages. He didn't know why, but he felt almost uncomfortable talking to his father about anything that was seriously concerning him in the moment. However, any anxiety was dashed as soon as he pulled into the driveway of his childhood home. Vriska quickly unbuckled Casey from her car seat and began to walk towards the front door, but John hung back with some reluctance before ringing the doorbell. His dad swung open the door and gave them a rather frazzled smile before welcoming them inside.

Roxy was sitting on the couch, surrounded by failed attempts at knitting and a random assortment of fried appetizers. Casey wiggled out of Vriska's arms and ran over to her (grandmother? Middle aged mom friend? Established scientist who read her Harry Potter in a variety of funny voices?), climbing onto the footstool and accepting a small cookie in return for a forehead smooch. "Hi, John!" called his stepmother, who had finally begun to look somewhat back to normal, sans vodka. "Vriska, c'mon, sit down over here, I've been reading this hilarious memoir—"

"We'll just be leaving now," coughed Mr. Egbert, almost dragging John out of the house, and as they left, he looked at John with a completely unfamiliar expression. They silently walked to his car, John nervously taking passenger seat as Joseph revved the engine and pulled out of the driveway at an incredibly dangerous speed.

"Dad, why—"

His dad responded by turning on the radio and grimacing before turning it back off. "John, we need to talk," he said, sighing as they drove through the winding suburbia that made up Maple Valley. "However, before we divulge too deeply in my personal matters...how are you?"

"Um, okay, I guess," said John, trying to detect any possible cause for his father not acting completely...well, fatherly. "We signed Casey up for preschool next fall, and I am almost done with my contribution for the research project, which is pretty cool. We're actually getting published!"

"That's quite the accomplishment," said Joseph, sounding vaguely reminiscent of the man who had raised John. "I can't believe you're already…"

His words faded and he sighed, pulling into the designated parking space behind the bakery. "Sorry, I've been a little distracted lately."

"Yeah, I can imagine," said John, trying to take the edge off of his voice. Aaaaaaaah don't sound like a dick! "Have you hired any new staff yet?"

"Not quite," said Joseph, closing his eyes and taking his hat off of his head. "There's just been a lot of issues pertaining to some of our relatives."

"Oh, is Joanna being a bitch again?" asked John, making a face. "Dad, you don't—"

"John! Don't call her a bitch!" said Joseph, looking slightly offended (even though, in all honesty, she was the biggest bitch he had ever met). "She's your aunt…"

"Still," said John with a shrug. "Just because I share some of the same weird DNA with her doesn't mean that we have to associate."

Joseph sighed at the thought of weird DNA. "About that," he said, his gray eyes looking into John's blue ones. "I met your...great-grandmother."

It took a moment for John to process what he heard, and then he groaned. "Daaaaaaaad, did she bother you, too? I'm so sorry!"

"Wait, you knew?"

"Well, yeah! She tried to kidnap Katrina!"

"Oh," said Joseph in a disturbed voice. "That's a...bit much, don't you think?"

"Yeah, but she's the alien equivalent of...I wouldn't say Hitler, because she's worse, apparently, but still. Ugh! I didn't want you to know!"

"It does explain some things, though," said Joseph, stepping out of the vehicle as his son did the same. "Why Mother never talked about her parents, for instance. She could have told me about her brother, though!"

"Woah, Nanna had a brother? Is he still alive?"

"No, but his granddaughter is," said Joseph, sighing once again. "I did a little bit of research, and I've narrowed down a few sources as to who she actually might be, but I can't be sure."

"It's cool, Dad," said John, following his dad into the bakery. "Wow, it still looks...actually clean in here!"

"Health codes demand it," said Joseph, placing his jacket on the coat rack next to his office. He looked a bit confused and turned to John with a hesitant gaze. "Do you think...do you think your mom would have liked it?"

John swallowed. "Um," he said, trying to remember his mom's face. He was having a hard time with even that lately. "Yeah! She really liked cake, and I mean...that's like what you're doing. Making cake."

Joseph closed his eyes and looked a little more distraught than his usual brand of sadness. "Is it bad that I miss her?"

"No?" John wasn't ready for this.

"I just...I don't know. I love Roxy, John, I do, but...I still think about your mother, even more so as of late, and it's just…"

"Dad, it's okay," said John, blinking. "Like, I think so? Why don't you talk to Rose or something? She's an actual therapist, and haha, I'm...not."

"John, I can't exactly talk to the daughter of my current wife about my feelings for my first wife," said Joseph in a somewhat condescending tone. This was unfamiliar territory, and John blinked in discomfort. "That would be breaking already delicate boundaries."

"Okay…" said John slowly, still trying to understand. "I'm still a little confused though, Dad. Like, why are you thinking about Mom? I totally get that you miss her and stuff, but you remarried and...I guess Roxy loves you?"

Joseph sighed and pressed his hands against the counter. "I know she loves me, John, and I definitely love her, but I can't stop thinking about Maggie."

John coughed and tried to think of some kind of reassuring sentiment that he could pass on to his father. However, words failed him and he was completely stumped as of how to comfort him, so he simply hugged his dad and waited for some kind of relief.

-9:25 pm / Joseph & Roxy's house-

The house was finally quiet, and Frigglish was curled into a ball and sitting on Roxy's lap as she read through another hard-boiled detective novella. Her morning sickness had curbed slightly within the last week, and her doctor had said that she might actually be able to go off bedrest at the five month mark, but she was still exhausted as all hell. Sighing, she took a sip from her water bottle and tried to think of some kind of interesting way to vary her routine from the usual watching telenovelas and binge-eating salad. Joseph had to manage the bakery, and she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about being alone again.

The bedroom door creaked open, and the aforementioned husband walked in. "Hey," she mumbled, waving at him as she tried to prop herself up. "How goes it?"

"It goes," said Joseph, stretching as he unbuttoned his shirt. Roxy internally smiled—as much as she loved him for his various intellectual quirks, the fact that he was forty-nine years old and still maintained a fit and trim figure was definitely a perk—and tried to pull the sheets closer to her body. She still wasn't entirely used to the climate change from upstate New York to Washington, which although expected, was still slightly irritating, and she never knew when to completely sink into her down comforter or try to make do with a thin bedsheet. "How were Vriska and Casey?"

"Casey was incredibly sweet as always," smiled Roxy as Joseph quickly wrapped a robe around his muscular torso and sat down on the bed next to her. "Though I have to admit, it feels like her love for me is strictly based on cookies and books."

"Well, she is two," laughed Joseph, stretching his arm around her shoulders. He kissed her on the cheek, and Roxy blushed unapologetically. "You look radiant tonight."

"I blame the hormones," said Roxy breathily, her fingernails lightly tracing against the back of his neck. She quietly stroked the sandpapery texture of his hairline, savoring in the sensory appeal before realizing that she had to stop. "Not tonight, though."

Joseph nodded, but she caught the slightest trace of disappointment in his features. "What?" she asked, feeling a sudden rush of annoyance. "Until I'm six months along, it isn't safe, Joseph."

"I know, I know," he sighed, his fingers grazing against her left cheekbone. "Roxy…"

"Yes?" she asked, swallowing as he leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes and readied herself, but it never came. Instead, when her eyelids fluttered open, her husband wasn't facing her, his long legs cascading over his side of the bed, a hand rubbing his forehead. "Joseph? Are you alright?"

He shrugged, still not looking at her. "I've just been thinking about things lately," he said flatly, and Roxy's heart sank. She didn't know why—it wasn't like he would leave her or anything—but the sheer volume of the wording had sent her back into panic mode. "I don't know."

"Could I...maybe help you?" Roxy asked gingerly, pulling her knees closer to her body. "I know I'm not a counselor by any means, but we are married…"

"Roxy, look," said Joseph, finally facing her. His eyes were slightly red, and with a bit of horror, she realized that he looked like he was actually suffering. "I don't know if it's appropriate for me to discuss things with you in your condition. I don't want to inadvertently hurt you or the baby, and...I just don't know anymore."

"Joe, please," said Roxy, placing her hands on his strong shoulders. She began to slowly rub tiny circles against his skin, bringing him closer. "Honey, you're so tense...is something wrong at the bakery? Did John say something when you were out? Please, just tell me."

Mr. Egbert inhaled and as his shoulders slacked slightly, Roxy felt the slightest throes of alarm. "I keep thinking about Maggie," he said quietly, and her already low heart began to drown. "I know, it's stupid and unfair of me, but I can't stop thinking about her. What if...everything worked out? What if she didn't die? What if Matthew made it?"

Roxy blinked back tears and tried to absorb what he was saying. "Who...who is Matthew?" she asked, voice trembling slightly as her grip on her husband loosened.

In a moment of horrified regret, Joseph Egbert realized that he had never discussed the full circumstances of his first wife's death with his current wife, who now looked slightly desperate for some kind of emotional retribution. "He was my son," he said, and Roxy's hand covered her mouth as she looked away. "Maggie had to deliver him at five months because of the way the cancer was spreading. I...I thought you knew."

"How was I supposed to know something like that?" whispered Roxy, curling in on herself, staring at the mirror across the room. It wasn't exactly catching her reflection; instead, it reflected the back window, and she couldn't stop staring at Joseph's shadow as he tried to move closer to her. "I...oh my god."

"Roxy, it's...over now. It's been years. He isn't—"

"You lost two people," said Roxy tearfully, attempting to look at him without making a complete idiot of herself. "How could you not tell me?"

"I don't know," said Mr. Egbert, his voice raised. "How could you not tell me about being assaulted and getting an abor—"

He stopped, realizing that he had crossed the line. Roxy glared at him icily before shakily getting out of bed and walking into the bathroom directly connected to their bedroom before slamming the door with a resounding thud.

It took a full minute for Joseph to register the fact that he had not only told his very emotionally vulnerable wife that he missed his first wife, but that he had told her about his dead son and accused her of withholding the truth all within five minutes. Immediately as he recognized the gravity of his actions, he stood up and knocked on the bathroom door. "Roxy, please open the door."

He heard the toilet flush and a muffled "fuck you," but nothing to really raise concern. "Please, Roxy," he said, sighing and wiping at his eyes. "Look, I messed up, and I'm so sorry for bringing any of that stuff up. I know it hurts you, and—"

"Then why did you say it?" said a small voice on the other side of the door. "Joseph, I didn't want any of that. I...I feel so stupid."

"You're not stupid," said Joseph sitting down and leaning against the wall. He could hear her breathing, angrily pumping soap and trying to wash her hands for a prolonged period of time out of pure frustration. "I'm just so worried about you, Roxy. I know you don't want to be stuck here all day and you have nothing to do and I know that's partially my fault and I am so sorry."

There was a sniff and the faucet stopped running. He waited, wondering if he had sorely destroyed whatever sense of harmony that had brought them together, when Roxy spoke again. "This isn't your fault," she said, opening the door just enough so they could make eye contact. "This...Joseph, do you know how fucking badly I've wanted a baby?"

"I just thought that...I'm not actually sure what I thought," he said, reaching for her hand. "I never really assumed anything about you."

"I would've done this earlier, but I was a mess," she said softly, parting the door even more. Tiny rivets of mascara smeared at the corners of her eyes, and she sighed as she pushed her hair off of her forehead. "I didn't know what I was doing the first time, and Rose was always so...she just never really reciprocated anything."

Joseph nodded, thinking about the thirteen-year-old version of his son. "John was like that, too, Roxy," he said, gently squeezing her hand. "I remember he used to actually barricade his bedroom on his birthday because he didn't want any cake."

"Rose was difficult for...other reasons," said Roxy, the corners of her lips curving upwards. "When she was ten, she read through the entirety of our library, and she decided to reenact crime scenes for about a month."

"Reenact how?"

She sighed at the memory and smiled. "She found out how to make fake blood and she always found all sorts of weird stuff in the basement from my parents, and she had these mannequins that she would absolutely butcher," laughed Roxy, remembering being horrified as she entered her daughter's bedroom. "She thought it would be funny to dress a child-sized model in her clothing and then falsify stab wounds before hiding in a treehouse for a few hours. I remember when I actually found the real Rose, curled up under a blanket and reading some horrible book about summoning demonic entities...but before that, I called the police because I was still a bit tipsy from the night before, and finding that body sort of ruined me for a week."

"I...can only imagine," said Joseph after a long while, trying to connect the terrifying younger Rose with the young woman who was married and had graduated from college early. "But...didn't you have anyone besides your daughter?"

"Not really," admitted Roxy woefully, playing with the gold band on her finger. "I always tried to date someone from SkaiaNet, but nothing ever worked out. I just didn't know how to...actually interact with them outside of the work environment, I guess. It was just...stupid."

Joseph was quiet, just trying to understand what she was saying in full, but it felt like something was missing from the majority of her story. Finally, after several drawn out moments, he helped Roxy back into bed, where they curled against each other and ignored whatever tension had built up between them.

-Thursday, March 7th, 2:56 am / Toxxic Nightclub-

"Porrim, it's far too late for us to be aimlessly wandering around this culturally inept cesspool!" groaned Aranea as her matesprit downed another Exxxtreme Cherry Margarita Bonita. "You've already had seven!"

"Aranea, you say that like it's a bad thing," grinned Porrim, her fangs glistening in the strobe lights. "And besides, I thought eight was your favorite number…"

"I'm not saying that it isn't, but Porrim, it has to be at least three in the morning, and I'm incredibly exhausted," said Aranea, stirring her Not-So Extreme Non-Alcoholic Shirley Temple with a bright pink straw. "Why are we even here? This hardly constitutes of a romantic venture."

"Because, darling, I am very interested in seeing if the disk jockey is the person I believe him to be," smiled Porrim, leaning in for a kiss. "Come on, now, love."

Aranea rolled her eyes as Porrim's hands slowly traveled down her waist, her mouth caressing the side of her neck. "Do not bite me," she hissed, and Porrim laughed, brushing her teeth across her throat. "I have work."

"Well, a turtleneck always covered Kankri pretty well…"

"You drank from Kankri? Kankri Vantas?"

Porrim burst out laughing and sunk her fangs into Aranea's shoulder. She gasped and felt her knees go slightly weak as the rainbowdrinker savored in her cerulean blood. "Oh…"

"Shh," murmured Porrim, retrieving a bandage from her purse. "Look, I come prepared."

"How enviable," said Aranea as her girlfriend took another gulp from her Exxxtreme Cherry Margarita Bonita and applied the band-aid with care. "What does it even taste like?"

Porrim blinked, her eyes glowing slightly. "I...it's the best one, of course, but...I don't think there's exactly a flavor, per se. I would—"

Just as she was about to profess some deep rainbowdrinker secret, the dance floor was overtaken by a crowd of screaming women as another DJ took the stage. "Hey, ladies," he said, tipping his hat slightly, and Aranea's jaw dropped.

"Is that—"

"Yep," said Porrim, rolling her eyes and taking a long drink. "We found Ampora."