Part 2! This is a direct continuation from the last chapter. As always, please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!
Lily awoke to the sight of white. White walls, white bed sheets, blaring white light, and a hum of white noise. There was some kind of indistinct sound hovering about but she couldn't make any sense of the quiet murmurs.
As her senses slowly came to, so did the pain. Her whole body ached and a burning sensation stretched along her skin in precise patterns underneath the bandages wrapped tightly around her body. She pressed her hands into the mattress and tried to move into a sitting position, but her muscles instantly screamed in agony and she let out an involuntary groan of pain.
The talking instantly stopped and a moment later, four wizards appeared as James whisked off their invisibility cloak.
"Lily!" he cried, jumping to his feet and off the floor, letting the cloak trail behind him like a blanket.
"Keep quiet," Sirius warned, glancing at Madame Gibson's office to make sure she didn't hear. "We're not supposed to be here."
Remus and Peter stumbled to their feet and they all approached her bed with caution.
"How are you feeling?" James asked in a hushed voice, his eyes wide with concern.
Lily gave a small smile in reassurance. "Terrible."
"I'm sure. You looked terrible too," James said. He reached out and grabbed her hand in his, relieved to feel the warmth in her fingers again rather than the cold skin of last night.
"That's not a very nice thing to say to your girlfriend," Sirius chastised, ambling around the bed and sitting at the base, leaning forward onto his elbows to look at the two of them.
"Shove off, Padfoot," James muttered. "I'm so sorry I left you there. I should have stuck around and helped with whatever happened. I shouldn't have–"
"It's okay, James," Lily interrupted quietly. "I shouldn't have pushed you away. But either way, there's nothing you could have done. We would have been too busy fighting ourselves to put up much of a fight."
"But what happened?" Peter asked, leaning around James to get a clear view of her.
Lily glanced at him and took a shuddering breath to prepare to answer, but was stunned when nothing came up.
She furrowed her brows. "I… I don't remember." It was as if every time she reached into the back of her mind to retrieve her memory, her hand grasped nothing but air–scraping nothing but a blank slate.
"What?" Remus asked, stunned.
"I don't know. I can't remember."
The boys exchanged a worried glance.
"Maybe Gibson just gave you some potion to take away the bad memories?" he suggested hopefully.
Lily shook her head. "I remember James and I fighting, then splitting up for the night. I remember being distracted as I came around a corner and being disarmed. I remember the pain from the… the curses, but that's it."
"You can't remember which curses? Or who did it?" James asked.
"I remember…," she tapered off, unsure if she wanted to even bring it up when her memory was this cloudy, this uncertain.
"Yes?" James pressed.
"Crucio," Lily said shortly and the four boys sucked in a breath, all the color draining from their expressions. "And something else. Something I had never heard before."
"It was probably that one that caused all the blood and gashes," Sirius said in a low voice.
"Is that what's under the bandages? It hurts like crazy, but I didn't know what it was," Lily answered, forcing her tone to be light and airy. Even as she said it, a bolt of pain shot down her leg, running from her knee to ankle. She grimaced and pursed her lips to withhold a moan.
"Lily… I'm so sorry," James said. "I–"
"Don't. Just don't James. Let's just leave that stupid fight in the past. I can't deal with something else right now."
"Well I'm sorry too," Remus added.
Lily groaned. "Not you too!"
"I'm sorry you had to go through all this, that's all," he explained.
"Yeah, well I'm sorry that this bloody war is happening at all. Now will someone help me sit up, please?" Lily demanded, unsuccessfully keeping the tint of annoyance out of her voice.
James instantly obliged and helped her into a sitting position with her back against the headboard. He then sat beside her, his legs dangling over the edge of the mattress and his eyes never left her face.
"So, what happened once I got here? How did I get here for starters?" Lily asked, looking around as if noticing where she was for the first time.
Building off of each other, the four wizards explained how they had seen her on the map, immobile, and how they had hurried down and found her amidst the horrific scene.
"Gibson started to work on healing you and Dumbledore had gotten McGonagall's patronus message so he came pretty quickly, but then they sent us away–"
"-they told us to go back to our dormitories to get some sleep and that we could come check on you in the morning–"
"-as if that was going to happen–"
"-so instead, we raced up to nip the invisibility cloak and hurried back here–"
"-just in time to hear the end of some conversation McGonagall and Dumbledore were having," Sirius finished, evidently pleased with how their jumbled, choppy story came together.
Lily blinked, piecing together all of their additions. "Well, what did they say?"
Sirius shrugged. "Nothing important. Arguing over what to do about this whole situation mostly."
"There's not much they can do if I don't remember who did it," Lily replied morosely.
"About that…," Remus began, settling his nervous gaze on James who nodded imperceptibly. "James and I saw something on the map before we came to find you. There were a few Slytherins standing around outside their Common Room so it's possible that they were the ones who attacked. We at least know that they were awake and outside at that point."
"Who was it?" Lily asked.
By now, Peter and Sirius were also intrigued and looking curiously at Remus, who in turn, looked down at his hands clenched together.
"Macnair, Avery, and…" he glanced again at James, biting his lip.
"And Snape and Regulus," James finished quickly and all in one breath, as if maybe saying it quickly would lessen the sorrow.
Lily sucked in a breath and Sirius sat up straighter, as if someone had yanked upwards on his spine.
"No… It couldn't be him. It can't…," Sirius began, shaking his head slightly, his brow furrowed. "He wouldn't do this!"
"Sirius, we're not saying that it definitely was. We're just say–" Remus said placatingly.
"Well, you're wrong!" Sirius shouted, jumping to his feet and clenching his fists. "Reg wouldn't do this! I know him! He's… he's…" Just like that, the suddenly ignited flame of indignation was snuffed out and he collapsed back onto Lily's bed, his head in his hands. Peter went and sat beside him, a comforting hand on his shoulder while Remus and James merely exchanged another set of worried looks.
"I'm sorry Sirius, but… that kind of makes sense," Lily whispered, tears welling in her eyes.
Sirius looked up abruptly, alarm dancing in his eyes.
"You know I don't want it to be true any more than you do," she said hurriedly, seeing his anger stewing just below the surface. "But the other spell… It was something I had never heard of before and Severus always enjoyed making up his own spells. I… I saw him practice this one spell once, at the end of fifth year–he said he was close to perfecting it at the time and it did something like this," she babbled on, motioning vaguely at her bandages. "He would practice it on parchment, but still, it reminds me of now. It tore the parchment to shreds, but he said that he was working on toning the damage down."
Lily looked up anxiously, trying to determine if her theory would be taken seriously or not. James was staring intently at her, his eyes squinted in concentration, and was nodding slightly. Remus' head was cocked to the side curiously, Peter was gazing at the other two wizards while absent-mindedly keeping one hand on Sirius' back. Sirius, on the other hand, looked livid.
"You saw him making up spells to tear things to shreds and you didn't think 'hmm, I wonder if this is a good person to be friends with?'" Sirius taunted furiously, an irrational anger roaring in his chest.
"I thought that it might be a good defensive spell, if he did tone it down like he said!" Lily shot back, angrily, some color rising to her still sickly pale face.
"He only said that to you! If anything, I'd bet he was trying to up the damage, not control it!"
"I'm not even friends with him anymore so I don't see what this has to do with–"
"If you were less blind maybe you could have stopped him from turning completely evil! You could have stopped him! You could have saved him!" Sirius continued angrily, throwing off Peter's hand and punctuating each accusation with a fist slamming into the bed.
"Sirius! Stop biting off Lily's head when you know it's not her that you're angry at," James interceded with some heat.
Lily rolled her eyes angrily. "Merlin's beard! I don't need you to fight my fights, James! I can handle it!"
"Well, he's obviously upset about his brother and he shouldn't be shouting at you for it! You did nothing wrong!" James said loudly, turning to face Lily.
"I'm perfectly aware, thank you very much!" Lily replied coolly, crossing her arms.
Sirius had his head in his hands once more, his shoulders trembling ever so slightly. James was glancing in bewilderment between him and Lily who was still visibly furious while Peter sat gaping at what had just erupted, seemingly from nowhere.
Silence stretched between them, hanging over the bed like a storm cloud on the verge of a downpour. It was only the sound of soft heels clacking against the stone that brought the Gryffindors to their senses.
"What are you four doing here?" Madame Gibson demanded, sidling up to them with her hands placed firmly on her wide hips. "Visiting hours do not start until eight."
"Terribly sorry, we were just worried about Lily and couldn't wait until then," Remus said easily, slapping on a charming smile. "Do you mind if we just stay since we're already here? We won't get in your way."
She narrowed her eyes at him.
"We promise," he assured her.
She waved a hand. "Oh, all right. You know I can't say no to you, Remus, not after more than six years together."
His cheeks turned a bright red and he bowed his head, mortified, before stepping back away and dragging James off the bed and backwards alongside him. Lily uncrossed her arms and carefully rearranged her expression into a more approachable one of neutrality, answering all of the caretaker's questions and dutifully swallowing the less-than-scrumptious potions she was handed. By the time Lily had downed three potions–one for pain, one for swelling, one for blood loss–and Madame Gibson had disappeared back into her office to find anti-scarring poultice and dittany, the tension between the small group had still not eased.
"I'm sorry," Lily said quietly.
"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. I should–"
"I'm not apologizing to you, Sirius," she snapped. Sirius clamped his mouth shut resolutely and Lily turned to James to continue.
"I'm sorry, James. I need to stop being so defensive about you defending me. I'm just… I feel like…," she took a deep, unsteady breath in, willing herself to hold back the tears that had sprung up.
"What is it, Lils?" James asked softly, instantly approaching her once more and sitting beside her on the bed. He wiped a tear gently from her cheek and she laughed weakly.
Lily peeled off his hand and held it between both of hers, looking down at their intertwined fingers instead of his eyes brimming with compassion. "I've just felt so alone lately–so isolated. And after my sister's letter, all of my old independent instincts have kicked back in because I keep trusting people, letting my guard down with people, and then they just turn right around and… and let me down."
"What letter?" Peter blurted out in confusion, looking between the group as if the answer was written on one of their foreheads.
Lily's eyes widened in a brief moment of panic and she started to worry her bottom lip, avoiding any eye contact.
"What letter, Lils?" James asked again, drawing her gaze back towards his.
Lily met his gaze for a moment before closing her eyes and whispering, "She wrote to me saying that she is getting married, that I'm not invited, and that I am not welcome in her home after I graduate. I'm basically going to be homeless in a matter of months."
The four wizards blinked at her, all in shock.
It was Remus who spoke first. "No matter what that sorry excuse of a sister of yours says or makes you feel, you're not alone. You've got us. I know we're just a rag-tag group of miscreants, but at least it's something."
Lily gave a watery smile in return, but shook her head. "I love you all, you know that. But still–I'm the only muggle-born here and you all have families to go back to."
"I don't," Sirius said quietly.
"You have James and the Potter's. You two have been brothers for years now, let's face it," Lily chided with a small smile.
"You have me too, Lily," James said earnestly. "We're your family." Heat rose to his cheeks but he refused to look away. "I'm your family. You'll always have me."
She patted his cheek lovingly, but shook her head all the same. "James, I–"
"You don't have to do everything by yourself just because that's how it's always been. You've got us now," James insisted.
"That's how it was with Petunia. And then with Severus."
"Not to be too blunt here, but I think you just have terrible taste in friends," Sirius said conversationally.
Lily laughed and swiped at her eyes. "Then how do I know you're any better?"
"Because this time, you didn't choose us. We chose you. We wore you down and only after much convincing do we now call each other friends," Sirius answered.
"That's not fair!" Lily protested with a laugh. "I always liked you all well enough."
"You always liked Remus," Peter amended with a grin.
"Even if I found you slightly annoying or immature, I never disliked any of you. I just like you all more now," she said carefully.
"Cheers to that!" James said cheerfully.
"But in all seriousness, I really am sorry about your sister. You deserve so much better," Remus said.
"And I'm sorry about shouting at you earlier," Sirius added. "You definitely didn't deserve that either."
Lily smiled. "Don't worry about it, Sirius. I know you were just upset about your brother."
Sirius's face fell, his cocky smile slipping into a frown and a faraway look glazed over his eyes. But before anyone could comment, the doors of the Infirmary were thrown open and in strode Professor Dumbledore, followed closely behind Professor McGonagall.
"Ah! Miss Evans! Good to see you awake and smiling, my dear," he pronounced, unphased in the slightest to see her visitors already settled in around her before visiting hours strictly began.
"If you'll excuse me," Sirius muttered. Without making eye contact with anyone, he ducked away and hurried from the hall, his usually carefree swagger missing from his steps. The two Professors glanced his way as he hurried by them, but continued towards Lily sitting at the far end of the room. Peter stood and went to stand beside Remus and James once more, clearing the closest side of her bed for the two Professors.
"How are you feeling?" McGonagall asked anxiously.
"I'm alright, Professor. Madame Gibson has me on enough potions to dull most of the side effects it seems," Lily answered with a mixture of a grimace and a smile.
McGonagall nodded but appeared wholly unconvinced. "You gave us quite a scare last night."
Lily ducked her head. "So I heard."
Dumbledore frowned. "You don't remember it yourself?"
She shook her head slightly. "No. I remember being lost in my own thoughts and being disarmed while I was distracted and I remember being blown backwards and the pain. But, the next thing I can remember was waking up here."
"Hm. Perhaps that is for the best. We do tend to dwell on the past in which case, we often forget to live in the present."
Lily gave him a quizzical look but said nothing, instead smiling politely.
"In any case, it does make our job slightly more difficult in that we don't know who is responsible for the attack," he continued.
"Actually, Professor," James cut in, "we have a theory about that."
Dumbledore inclined his head, allowing him to continue.
"When we were out looking for Lily last night, Remus and I saw another group of students out. Of course, we don't have proof that they were at that particular area of the castle, but we at least know that they were awake and out of their dormitory at around the same time as the attack," James said, slightly bending the truth to keep their sacred map a secret.
"And whom exactly did you see, Mr. Potter?"
"Four students, sir. Macnair, Avery, Snape, and Regulus."
"And you, Mr. Lupin? You can confirm this?" McGonagall added.
"Unfortunately I can, Professor," Remus said, bowing his head.
Dumbledore nodded slowly. "Well, as you said, it is not enough to call it proof, but it is certainly a lead to work with. One that, I can assure you, we will take very seriously."
"There's more, Professor," Lily said quietly. She looked up at the two Professors to her side and in a surprisingly calm voice, she spoke of her memories with Snape and his experimenting. As she spoke, a small part of her heart seemed to be tearing at the seams. Here she was, further incriminating her once best-mate, her introduction to the magical world that she now lives in and loves. And on top of that, incriminating one of her close friend's brothers, even though she was far from certain about her own unreliable memory. Yet, she had to remind herself, it was out of her hands now. She did what was right, and if it was indeed Severus and Regulus, then they deserved whatever punishment was coming to them.
After she spoke, McGonagall and Dumbledore shared a glance, but said no more on the subject of their own suspects. Instead, Dumbledore bowed his head once more.
"Thank you for telling us, Miss Evans. I'm sure that was difficult to share. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you boys really should be on your way. Breakfast is about to end and I know you would loathe to be late to your first classes," he said with a twinkle in his eye.
The three wizards shared a look, far too concerned to joke with the Headmaster, before turning back towards Lily.
"We'll be back, Lils," James said softly. He bent down and kissed her forehead. "Whenever we have a break."
"I know you will. And will you tell my other friends that I won't be in class today?" Lily asked as James turned to go.
"Of course."
"And of course, you are excused from all school and assignments for the rest of the week, Miss Evans," McGonagall said. "You need rest and time to heal."
"That is certainly right, Professor," Madame Gibson said, reapproaching with a small bottle and bundle of bandages in hand. "If you don't mind, I do need to clean and rebandage these nasty wounds of hers."
"Yes of course," Dumbledore replied with a slight bow. "Miss Evans, we will be checking in on you later and wish you a quick recovery."
"And we can assure you that we will find out what happened and those responsible will be held accountable," McGonagall said earnestly.
"Thank you, Professor," Lily said with a smile. Though the moment they turned away, her smile slid from her face and a wave of exhaustion overcame her. Her body was aching, her mind still felt cloudy from the aftereffects of whatever memory charm was put on her, and her emotions were feeling particularly delicate to say the least. She could barely stay awake as Madame Gibson unwound her bandages and even with the sharp, stinging pain that came from the dittany, she was still able to fall right back to sleep as soon as the bandages were replaced.