A/N: Here is the fifth chapter, it will be in two parts. I hope the second part up soon, but as the life has become little bit crazy, I cannot promise that it will happen soon. But let's hope.

When he came to, his head was hurting like five blacksmiths had used it as an anvil. What had happened? Last thing he remembered, was when Arthur had asked for dozen knights to face the dragon. He had been the first who had stepped up, even if it had meant his death. It was for the love of Camelot; he had sworn to protect her people until his dying breath.

Then it started coming back little by little, they had road out to face the dragon. Arthur, Merlin, Leon and dozen knights. He had been so sure that he would die. He had gotten away from the fire, it had been hot, he was glad that he had worn a helmet, otherwise he would not have any hair on his scalp.

But then he and his horse - thankfully he had not taken Minerva on that mission, she had had a hurt her back leg - fell together, after the dragon swung his tail. The horse had crushed his right leg, he could feel it, it must have been broken, but the stallion had never rose again, he would mourn the loss of the horse.

Splitting pain went through his head again. Of course, he had hit his head, that's why it hurt so much, things would be much worse if he had not had his helmet on.

"Gaius!" Merlin called beside his bed, he had not opened his eyes, but he must have moved somehow. Leon felt relief, Merlin was alive, thanks to the Maiden, the dragon had not killed her. He knew that he could not have lived if Merlin had died. He could not have bear to live in the world where she was not.

"What is it?" If Leon was right, he was where he was in the chamber, Gaius was sitting at his desk.

"Sir Leon, is awake." Leon heard Gaius approaching, he did not have the strength to open his eyes, he knew the light would hurt him more.

"Leon," it was Gaius' most gentle voice, "my lad, open your eyes for me."

Leon took a light breath and opened them. And there was nothing, nothing at all. And panic swept in, he started to shake all-over his body.

"Leon what is wrong?" He was trying to concentrate on Gaius' quiet voice. But it was no use, Gaius put his hands on Leon's shoulder he did not know, if give him strength or to calm him.

"I cannot see, everything is dark." Shaking in his body did not stop.

"What?" That voice belonged to Merlin, in the name of the Mother, what was happening.

"Calm yourself Leon, deep breaths." Gaius was breathing with him. When shakes calmed down Gaius turned to his assistant. "Go inform prince Arthur and king Uther."

"What should I tell them?" Leon could hear panic also in Merlin's voice.

"Tell them, that Sir Leon is wake. Nothing else."

Leon heard her rushing away. "What is... happening... Gaius, why... cannot I... see." He was stammering, he never stammered.

"You hit your head when you fell, you got a great pump in the back of your head, I think that is the reason why you are blind." Gaius raised Leon's head and felt the pump.

"Am I... permanently... blind?" Greatest fear for a knight, was to be incapacitated, not able to do his duty.

"I hope not." Leon felt Gaius sit on the cot. "But this kind of thing are unpredictable. I must do some research, but there is hope, when the swelling goes down your sight will return. The time could be a week to two weeks."

Before Leon could say anything, the door opened. "Sir Leon, you are awake, it is good to see, that you are conscious. Gaius was worried." King Uther said, but Leon could hear in his voice that the king himself had been worried. Leon took a breath to answer, but the words did not come out.

"What has happened?" This time it was Arthur, Leon's silence must have been worrisome, Leon always answered to the king.

Leon let out a sigh, hearing his princes voice proved him that he had not failed in his task. But Leon could not answer to Arthur's question, the words were stuck in his throat.

Gaius explained for him.

"Blind?" That was Uther. None of them had come across that kind of situation.

"Yes, blind, but there is hope, I need to do more research, but as little as I have read, there is a chance when the swelling turns down the sight will return. That means no stress and rest." Leon could imagine that the raised brow.

"Yes, Gaius." Finally, his voice returned.

"Sir Leon I came here to give you a reward. You showed bravery and loyalties stepping out as the first knight to face the dragon. I release you from your service to me and give to under the service of Arthur. I know you both have wanted it from the time you returned." King Uther declared.

Another breath, only thing he had to do was to almost get killed and blind. "Thank you Sire."

"I do not release you from your duties in my council. You are an asset in it and your advice is valuable. As soon when you recovered, I expect you to take part in it." Uther turned to his son, "And advice to you, give Sir Leon position of your second in command. He has deserved it completely."

"Yes father, I was planning it."

"Good, I hope you recover soon, we cannot lose one of over best knight." Leon heard him leave.

"We got what we wanted." Arthur patted Leon on the shoulder.

"Yes, but first I need to get my sight back, what use you would have of second in command who is blind." Self-pity was crawling its way into Leon.

"You will not stay blind." Arrogant certainty was in Arthur's voice.

"That's enough." Gaius ordered. "Now Leon, I will give you two potions one for the pain and one for dreamless sleep. I will bind your eyes so you will not but strain on them trying to see. You will stay under my watchful eyes for two days, then I let you back to your rooms, in a week I will check your eyes again." Leon nodded in understanding.

"I will leave you to do it." Arthur turned to leave.

"Arthur, wait!" Leon reached his hand out.

"Yes."

"How many did we lose?" Thirteen knight had road out, but how many had survived, if he was in the state, he was in, how were the others.

"I said no stress?" Gaius reprimanded.

"I need to know, Gaius, please."

"Alright, when you have heard the answer, you will take the potions and I will bind your eyes."

Leon waited, there was silence. "Arthur?"

He heard how the prince turned again. "Three beside you, me and Merlin, survived. We lost nine. You were unconscious for two days. Others have broken bones and they are healing in their rooms."

"Nine? Who?" Leon felt how his body started to shake again.

Arthur told him.

Before Leon could do or think anything Gaius poured two potions down his throat. "You need your sleep." That was not suggestion but an order. Sleeping potion worked quickly, Leon could not think anything, before he was asleep.

Two days later Leon was helped to his chambers by two guards accompanied by Arthur and Merlin. Gaius had kept him sleeping most of the last two days, so he could not think. Now Merlin and Arthur kept bickering, so he would not think, at least that Leon thought, they were doing, but at the same time they were Arthur and Merlin.

"Merlin, next time you could wake me on time, poor Leon had to wait half a day because of it. I could send you to mock out the stables for that." Leon did not hear any bite in Arthur's words.

"You prat, I already mocked out stables yesterday, because of that I slept in. If you did not give me so much to do, I would have been on time."

"On time, I eat later than I usually do, and it was cold."

"Maybe you should eat less."

"Are you calling me fat, again."

"You said it, not me."

"Idiot."

"Prat."

"Cabbage-head."

"Clotepole."

"Hey!" Leon had enough, their bickering had made his head hurt. Merlin and Arhtur looked at him. "I am a grown man, a knight of Camelot. Yes, blind one, and with a broken leg, but I did not need a royal escort to my rooms. Kaian and Michles could have helped me here, without you. So, I do not understand how this bickering can help."

Merlin and Arthur could not stop staring, Leon could feel their eyes on him. It was the truth what he said, but maybe neither of them had ever heard Leon snap. Arthur had grown up with him, had played with him, had been guided by him and never ever had the prince heard Leon snap at someone. When the knight wanted to make his point clear, he said the things with calm, even when he had called Arthur out on his behaviour. Leon had always kept his anger in bonds.

Leon sighted he felt like he was a longsuffering fool. He felt their eye on him and he could imagine, how they were exchanging looks and trying to figure out what was wrong with him. They would never understand.

He sat on his bed took of his one boot and laid over the covers, he was not going to make someone turn them.

"Would you just leave please." He knew that he did not sound kind, but he really did not need their company.

"Alright." Arthur sighed, it sounded like he was also longsuffering like Leon. "It's decided that when Merlin does not serve me or help Gaius, and Gwen does not serve Morgana, they will come and help you."

"I do not want to take your comfort; I do not want to burden Gwen and Merlin." Leon actually wanted that everyone would leave him alone.

"King Uther approved that decision. So, you must accept the Gwen's and Merlin's help." Arthur used his prince's voice.

"Alright." Leon could agree with anything if the just went away. There were steps, but they did not leave, it was Merlin, but her voice was small and quiet. "On the bedside table there is a pain potion. Gaius said that he won't give you the sleep potion, because you might become addicted." He must have scared her.

"Aright." It was the only thing he could say, otherwise he would have snapped again.

When the door closed, he sighed, and the tears started pouring out of his eyes. He wanted to brush them away, but when his hand was halfway up his face, he remembered his eyes were bind. Gaius, in the last two days, had started hitting his hand away every time he had wanted to touch it.

So, the tears came freely, his mother had always said, that everyone cried, no man needed an excuse to cry, if you felt like it, then let them flow.

He cried for the men he lost; they had been under his command. When they had rode out, it was decided that in battle with dragon he would be Arthur second in command. Nine men lost, nine knights of Camelot, three of who died he had been squire together. With two of them he had been in garrison at the northern border, one had left after a year he had been there, the other had come six months before Leon had been made to garrison commander. With the four he had not been close, but they had gone to patrols together and trained.

He had lost them, failed them, that damn dragon, had taken nine lives without thinking, yes knights were ready for giving their life for Camelot. But that did not mean that losing the lives did not hurt. He had failed, he had failed the knights, their families, Camelot. Why had they died not him, why did he need to survive, even more when his life would be like this.

He cried for his eyes. Yes, Gaius said that the sight may return, but if it did not. He could not be knight anymore. Gods be damned, he could never see Merlin's eyes, deep as the ocean, again. And that smile would never light up his day. He would never see them again, he could only imagine them, never to see, only remember.

If he never regained his sight, he needed to return to his family home, to his mother and older brother. Go away, hide away. He could ask Merlin do come with him, if he was going to stay blind, there was no use of him. Third son of deceased knight of Camelot, he did not mean anything. He could offer Merlin his hand, offer his world, his life. But what life would it be, marrying a blind man. To be burdened with a man could not do anything without help. No, he would not, could not ask her of that.

Dinner bells ringed. Leon did not know how much time went by, he had no light, nothing. Door opened and he heard steps, his other senses had heightened after losing his sight. He knew those steps, Merlin.

"I brought you dinner, Marleana prepared your favourites." Merlin placed the tray on his lap. He did not say anything, he knew he would snap.

"So, you are not talking, have you swallowed you tongue?" She cut a piece of the meat and offered it to him.

Leon did not take offered food. "Merlin, I do not need your help."

"Leon?" There was hesitation in her voice.

"I do not need your help." He had to take deep breath so he would not start yelling.

"Sir Leon." The girl was ready to put up a fight with him.

"To not want or need your help, go away, leave me alone. Can't you understand I do not want you here." Leon was yelling, Merlin knew that Leon never yelled, never.

"Sir Leon."

"Get out!" Leon barely could stop himself from throwing the tray.

"Fine." Merlin huffed in anger. She stomped out, leaving Leon into his self-pity.

It took Leon few moments to understand what he had just done. He had thrown out Merlin, the woman for whom his heart ached for. He needed her help; gods be damned he needed her. Maybe it was better that way, maybe he had saved her and himself from more pain. His life was such a mess.

To be continued