A/N: Here is the six chapter, I am sorry you had to wait, thanks to Covid, it is little bit crazy in my country. But finally finished it, I hope you love and enjoy it.
Next morning, he was little bit calmer, he knew he had to apologize to Merlin. He was going to keep his distance, but he did not want Merlin to be mad at him. He could not bear that. Breakfast bells rang, he waited. The time passed and the door opened, but he did not hear Merlin's steps but Gwen's.
"Sir Leon. I brought your breakfast." She placed the tray on his lap and looked at ground beside the bed, where Leon had somehow placed the tray, from the last eve. "Marleana sends her regards and says if you keep acting like you are, then she won't send you your favorites."
"So, Merlin told her." No secret was a secret in this place.
"No, she told me and Gaius, I told Marleana." Was that satisfaction, what he heard in Gwen's voice. "But Gaius, said that we did not need to feed you ourselves, you would bite all our heads of if we tried do, so here is how it will go. In front of you there is a plate with eggs, bacon, and tomatoes. The eggs are on your right-side, bacon on left and tomatoes in the middle. We cut them for you, on the right side of the tray is fork and left side half full cup. I won't help you, I here only if you should need anything."
"Thank you." Leon found the fork and with it the egg, he had to touch first to find the plate.
"I can imagine what is bothering you, I have worked beside knights half my life and Gaius suspects what is happening in your head. Survivor's guilt, that is what he calls it, you mourned for the loss of your fellow knights. Then you lost your sight and it made everything worse." Gwen said it all with calm, Leon felt how tears wanted to escape again. "Gwen." He did not know what he wanted.
"Have you talked to Arthur."
"Arthur?"
"Yes, Arthur. You have lost men before, who were under your command. But not so many as you did in the battle with the dragon, and I think with Arthur it is the same."
Leon had not thought about it, Gwen was right. "Thank you, Gwen."
"You are most welcome." She smiled. "But you have to apologize to Merlin."
Leon nodded and continued eating.
Hours passed, it was dark, he was bored. Gaius had said that he needed to stay in bed for a day more, after that he could start moving in his room. But he was bored, he was us to move around, be active, fight, train. Be a knight and now he was unable to be one, even if he had the title.
So, what was he to do?
He had an answer, strange how much he had started to think about his mother in the last days, but he membered from his childhood how, his mother had said: "If you are bored, poetry always helps."
He could not read, then it meant he had to try and create on for himself. "I am a knight."
It was first line that came to mind. And it showed him, that he was not good at this kind of thing, but he was going to try even if it would drive him out of his mind.
Before he could continue his tires, the door opened, and he recognized Arthur's steps.
"Good day to you, Leon." He said as he sat on the armchair by my chair. Leon could imagine him seating one leg over the armrest, they had always felt comfortable in each other's rooms.
"Good day, Arthur."
"Gwen told me you needed to talk to me." His voice was arrogant, self-important, Leon knew the prince's persona was being placed aside, soon there was just Arthur sitting beside him.
"You already heard what happened last eve?"
"Of course, I did, Merlin could not shut up about this morning, you were the main theme of her rant. But she calmed down a little, Gwen said she had used quite imaginative name for you last evening, when Merlin told what you did, to Gaius and her."
Leon could imagine what those names were, but Merlin could surprise him.
"Gaius calls, what I did survivor's guilt."
"Aa," he stirred in his chair, "that's why you wished to speak with me."
"You do not have to Arthur. I have lost men before, friends. I am a knight, it is part who we are, we never know, when we would die and how many comrades we would lose."
"If you think like that, then you are a fool." That was the Arthur he knew, not the prince, but his friend. "One thing Gaius taught me. Never leave anything inside of you. We lost men, both of us have. We have been battles, from a young age. But this time it was much worse, we lost nine men and we could not prevent it. Leon we could not do anything, we were not prepared to fight a dragon. We would never be. Losing them, hurts. As Gaius calls it survivor's guilt, we lived, they died. We must talk of them, we can mourn them, but never forget. And you are in much worst situation than any of us, you lost one of the most important senses. But believe me, Leon." Arthur reached his hand out to place it on Leon's in the midway he stopped and placed it next to his childhood friend's hand. "If your sight does not return, I will find a place for you, I cannot lose a knight, advisor, friend, brother. You are so much part of my life that I cannot part from you. Even if I send you to other garrisons or on quests, I know you will return, but if you decide to leave when your sight does not return, I will lose you." Leon did not remember when Arthur had last used word brother to him.
"Thank you, Arthur. It is strange to admit, but you are more brother to me, than my owns are."
Before Arthur could answer there was knock on the door, at his answer the door opened, and Merlin stepped in with two trays.
"Your lunch sirs." She handed one to Arthur and placed the other on to Leon's lap. "I won't stay, I think prince Arthur is competent enough to tell you where everything is placed." she curtseyed and headed to the door.
With only those words Leon understood how mad she was with him, he did not remember, when was the last time Merlin had been so proper, when they three were in privet.
"Merlin!" He called.
"Yes, Sir Leon." He was saddened that he could not see, but he imagined, that Merlin stood at the door, her arms crossed on her chest and looking at him. "About last evening. I apologize, I should not have acted like I did. I was and still aren't quite myself, but I am trying to get better and will not lose my temper again. Will you forgive me."
There was silence, Leon again imagined how Merlin looked him with astonishment on her face. It was unusual that a nobleman apologized to a servant. "I... I..." first she stammered, "I accept your apology." She gathered herself quickly. "Now eat, I won't take half full plate back to Marleana. Maybe Arthur should hold himself back, I can explain to the cook, why the prince's plate is not empty."
"Merlin!" Merlin ducked, when Arthur threw one of Leon's boots at her. Leon smirked; Merlin could not stop teasing Arthur on his weight gain.
"I will be back for the trays, Marleana will be glad that you are behaving again." Saying that she was gone.
"I should but her stocks for that." Arthur grumbled.
Leon only laughed, "You know as well as I that it won't help."
Guided by Arthur he ate, and the talked, mourned for the souls they lost and remembered the time they had together. When Arthur left Leon felt sadness return, he did not know, if he would accept what Arthur offered, if he stayed blind.
The days passed, when it was time to check Leon's eyes first time, Gaius ordered everyone out of the room. Uther, Arthur, Gwen and Merlin had wanted to be there, but Gaius had made it clear, that he did not want any disturbance.
"Seems like talking to Arthur, helped?" The physician asked when he was taking the bond off.
"How to you figure?"
"Merlin has not complained about you, I heard many interesting names shot at you, few days ago."
"I can imagine." Leon chuckled even if his nerves were at their ends.
Gaius took the bond off. "Open your eyes slowly."
Leon took a breath and did as he was told.
"Well?"
"Nothing, I cannot see anything." Leon wanted to throw something.
"Keep calm." Gaius placed his hand on Leon hand. "Listen to me, my lad I have researched. The lump on you head has gone smaller, but not enough. I have read, that as soon the lump disappears your sight will return, but if will not, there will be a chance that it come back when you least expect it."
"I do not know, if I can wait, that long." Leon had never felt so faithless before.
Gaius understood what the knight was saying, if he could wait that long in Camelot. "Leon, to you know, what prince Arthur is doing?"
"No, what?"
"He is trying to find, no to create a position for you, when you would stay blind."
"I do not even know, if I want to stay in Camelot if that occurs." Self-pity was again making its way into his heart.
"Leon, we are talking about prince Arthur. To you really think, when Arthur Pendragon has taken something in his mind, he would accept the word no."
"No, he would not." Leon chuckled again; Gaius was binding his eyes. But the knight did not know how to explain to him, that if the worst happened, he needed to have time to think. When the physician left, he still had not figured out how to explain it to anyone.
It was two days before the last check of his eyes when Leon had a thought. On the permission of Gaius, he could move around the room; he had his desk chair placed under the window and had let the window been opened. Summer breeze made its way into the room and played with his hair.
There was a light knock on the door and Merlin stepped in. "They said you asked to see me, when I had the time." Then she stopped noticing the word she had said. "I am sorry I did not mean..."
"It is alright, Merlin, it is just saying. I need your help." He could not ask Arthur; he would not understand, nor he could not ask from Gwen, it would hit too close to home.
"Yes, anything." He felt Merlin stopping next to him.
"I need you to write a letter for me."
"Of course." Her voice was sunny, bright, like a summer day. Leon stopped himself from smirking, he was becoming lyrical.
He heard the bringing another chair to his desk. "If nothing has been disturbed on the desk, then there should be fresh parchment on your left."
"Found it," he heard her take the quill, "I am ready."
"Dear mother." He heard how the quill stopped, Merlin must have looked at him, she had not expected letter like that, then the quill moved again. "I have to apologize, I promised come home more often when I left year ago, but I have broken it. I am sorry. There have many things happened since then and kept me away. I do not know how to tell you this, there is no easy way. So, I will come right out with it. The city was attacked by a dragon, I think you have already learned of it. I was one of the knights who went and faced it. But everything did not go as planned and I got a blow to my head and I am blind. Gaius says that the sight may return, but he does not know when. I will come home; I need the time to think. Wait me in a week, your loving son, Leon."
"You are leaving?"
Leon did not recognize what he heard in Merlin's voice. Was it fear? "No not right now. Place the parchment into the desk drawer and send it when my sight has not returned in few days." He snorted, "either way, if I am blind or not, my mother will kill me because I did not tell her."
"She seems an exceptional woman." Merlin said quietly.
"She is formidable lady. Father got the land when Uther conquered Camelot. But he was always more knight than land nobleman. So, looking after the Leodegrance estate fell on my mother's shoulders. And she was made for it. The land thrived under her rule, the people, who she looks after, love her. She could be gentle and the same time hard handed. When any of us - me, my brothers, even Gwen and Elyan - got into trouble, she punished us. Never physically, but she made us to chores, to teach us hard work. My father called her warrior princess, thankfully never in front of Uther. She was the one who taught me the sword play." Gentle smile formed on his mouth, he heard surprised sigh coming from Merlin. "My brother took fortunately a good wife who understood what part my mother played in the household; they divided the chores. Leodegrance has grown to one of the greatest estates in Camelot."
"You speak only about your eldest brother, but I thought you had two?"
Smiled disappeared. "Yes, eldest is Bayard who his nine years older than me, he is now the Lord Leodegrance. And Erec who is four years older than me. When my father died, he went to find his own life, Bayard got the estate, and I was training to become a knight. He felt that he did not have anything, so he went to discover the world. He wrote to us, talked about his adventures, but two years ago the letters stopped. We do not know if he is dead or alive, but I fear the worst."
"I am sorry."
"Thank you. Sometimes I wish I could go and find him, maybe someday, it will happen."
There was silence. "I know how you feel, I learned few weeks ago that my father died."
"I am sorry, I did not know."
"Noone knows, only Gaius does." Her voice was full of sadness. He wanted to comfort her, but suddenly she said: "I must go now. Arthur will come out from the council meeting soon." He heard chair scraping the floor when Merlin rose, in instinct, he shot out his hand and caught hers. "Merlin I am glad, that you trust me enough to tell me this. Your arrival to Camelot, has changed so much. In Arthur, in me, and I am honoured to call you my friend, even if in this gods forsaken world where nobles rule, I cannot say it open. But I am grateful, that you are part of my life and that means a lot." He felt how Merlin's hand trembled in his, why he did not know.
"Thank you, Sir Leon. But I need to go." Her voice was full of autumns rain. Oh, yes, he had turned lyrical. Before he could stop her, she ran out, her reaction, gave Leon some hope.
He placed his arm back onto the chair and turned his face to the window again. He felt suns warmness on his skin. Suddenly a thought came to his mind and did not stop bothering him. Few months ago, Merlin had not known who her father was. How did she learn about his death? Then it hit him like a dragon's tail. There could not be any other answer, Balinor the Dragonlord had been her father. From back of his mind a memory surfaced, he had once met Balinor, before the Great Purge, a year before it, the Dragonlord had visited his father. The realization hit him hard, Merlin looked so much like the man.
Next morning Gaius came to check his leg. Leon did not know how approach the question. When Gaius hovered over his leg, the got his courage together. "Gaius, Merlin told me that her father died."
"Did she now." Leon could imagine Gaius eyebrow raised in wonder.
"Yes, I think she needed to tell someone beside you. As she does not know what I know, she thought I would not start wondering. Few months ago, she did not know who her father was, now she says he died. I started to put two and two together. Please tell me if I am wrong, but was Balinor her father?"
He felt the hesitation in Gaius, moments passed, before Gaius answered, "Yes, he was."
"As I figured, I once met Balinor, before the Purge, now if I remember correctly, she reminds me of him. The second part, that came to me was that my nanny told me the old lore, before it was forbidden and as I remember it, when Dragonlord dies, their powers will go to their child. Tell me if I am wrong again, but I figure, that now when Balinor is dead his powers went to Merlin and she is now the Dragonlord. And that thought leaded me to think, that the great dragon is not dead, but Merlin sent him away. Because as I know there was no body found and that big of a carcass cannot disappear into thin are."
Gaius hesitated again, but finally said, "You are right."
Leon sigh in relief. "Thank the gods I am right; I was already afraid that I am gone mad." He smiled a little. "Her secrets are safe with me."
"I believe you." Gaius went back to examine his leg, how Leon wished that he could see his old friends face, to read from it, what the physician really thought.
"Gaius, could you check my eyes today." The request just jumped into his mouth.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." Leon heard Gaius hum when he started taking of his bind. He held his eyes closed but felt every movement Gaius made.
"Open your eyes slowly." Leon did as he was told and laughed out loud when he saw the damn curl falling on his eye, it was little blurry, but it was there.
"From your reaction I presume you can see?"
"Yes, its little blurry, but I have never been so happy to see the curly again." Gaius laughed along with him, and the world turned onto its rights track for Leon again.