A/N: Here it is, I finished it much quicker than I anticipated. This is the first part for the episode Tears of Uther Pendragon, I had to split it because the chapter would have become too long. I hope the next one will be up soon.

Year passed since Leon had gone blind and Morgana had gone missing. Leon felt tired, every part of his body was crying for rest, but there was no rest for the wicked. Uther had driven them all to the ground ordering them to find Morgana.

After his recovery he had had any rest, all right he was wrong, a week he spent in Leodegrance had been a rest. But after that non, he had worked himself ragged. When he had returned from one patrol, he had been sent to another.

Days after days, he did not actually know when the last time was, that he saw Gwen, Merlin, Arthur, or Gaius. Even if he was now Arthurs second in command, if Uther gave order, he had to fulfil it.

Yes, Merlin and Arthur had been on the patrols with him, but they could not interact as friends. Merlin acted as she always did, but she held back the friendliness, because she did not trust the new knights. But she used magic. Leon sighed, many times he had wanted to shake the girl, so openly she had used her powers, how the others were so blind? Leon could not understand that. He did not know how long the girl could hide that way, she was so carless, soon someone else would see her casting a spell and Leon did not want to know what would happen. Leon was not tired only because he was on patrols all the time, he was also tired because his worry over Merlin. He was afraid, his heart hurt, he had never imagined that loving someone would hurt as much. His deepest wish was to whisk Merlin away somewhere safe. But he could not, he and Merlin were both loyal to Arthur, neither of them would not leave him.

He closed the door behind his back, Morgana was found, the madness of the last years was over. Many men lost, for what? To find on woman, yes, he cared about Morgana, she had been part of his life for many years, but it all could have been solved differently, more subtly, but who was he to make a succession like that.

Leon wanted to curse, the knights had been under his command, he had had responsibility for them, they had trusted him, and he had sent them to death.

He kicked off his boots, looked at his bed and decided that he did not need the comfort. He went to his desk, sat, and threw his legs on the table, leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

Rest was all he needed and then talk to someone. He had learned that after last year's incident. He had lost men and survive, this time without any injuries. But there were injuries to his heart and soul, he needed to heal himself. All his sleepless nights were catching up with him. He let his mind wander, suddenly back in his mind a thought formed. How it was, that Morgana turned up just now? They had sought all around Camelot, they allies had made their own search and found nothing. And there she was, out of the blue, something was very wrong. But he could not place what it was. He was too tired to even think correctly.

He let his mind wander again and all his worries were gone, because blue eyes and bright smile made their way forward. That girl was going to be death of him.

His daydreaming was interrupted when his chambers door opened. There were only two people who, after his recovery, would enter without a knock, Arthur, and Uther. He was quite sure it would not be Uther, the king right now had forgotten the knight, Lady Morgana was back. As the knight was certain that it was the prince, he did not rose form the position he was.

"Coming to check if I am still sane?" He did not open his eyes. But he knew the footsteps and he had been right. There was scraping on the floor and he heard Arthur sit.

"Should I?" There was humour in the question.

"I do not know. I do not know what day it is; I do not remember if I brushed Minerva and took care of her, I do not remember when the last time was, I slept or aet. So maybe I am going insane." Saying that, he heard another pair of steps, Merlin.

"We came to take care one of your problems."

"You came to sing me a lullaby?" Smirk formed on his lips.

Arthur chuckled. "No." Then Leon smelt food. He opened his eyes and took his feet from the desk. Merlin placed a tray on it, on the tray were food for both he and Arthur. Chicken, he did not remember when last, he ate chicken.

"We brought you dinner." Arthur looked proud of himself.

"We brought?" Merlin spluttered, "I brought Sir Leon dinner."

"Merlin!" Leon laughed at their exchange.

Merlin placed the plates in front of the knight and prince and then she stood back. Leon looked at her. "Have you eaten?" Leon had discovered at one point, that Merlin forgot to eat. When they were on the quest, there were only few times he saw her eat anything, so he had started carrying with him extra apples and pastries. When he felt like Merlin had not eaten enough, he handed her one, doing it so that the girl would not understand that the man was taking care of her.

"No, I finish serving you and Arthur and then go find my own dinner." Leon knew very well that Merlin was lying, even if she did not know that herself. She would not eat dinner, because she would forget it.

"Nonsense, there enough food to three of us." Saying that Leon glanced at Arthur, the prince was looking at him, finding what he sought in his friend's eyes, Arthur agreed. "Leon's right, sit." Arthur took food from his plate and placed it on the small plate, Leon placed some of his own on it and handed it to Merlin, who smiled gratefully.

When they finished, Arthur looked at Leon. "You, my friend, look like you had another encounter with a dragon."

"Thankfully, it does not feel like it." Leon sigh, "But I am tired, and the survivor's guilt is trying to raise its horrid head."

"Seems that we need to talk." It had become a tradition in a year, always after battle or an attack Arthur and Leon sat together and mourned. Even if it was only twenty minutes, but they both found comfort. "But not do day, you seem like you would fall asleep on your feet. I will leave, Merlin will clean it up. I do not need you after you are done here Merlin."

Leon closed his eyes again when Merlin started cleaning up. "Wouldn't the bed be a better place to sleep?"

"I have spent too many nights on a cold ground, my body thinks this is more comfortable." Merlin huffed at his answer, he heard her moving around in his rooms.

"Are you cleaning?" He did not have the strength to open his eyes.

"Just checking something's, it is the only way I can thank you for taking care of me." He heard her picking something up.

"Arthur would have offered his left over and played a game of how he was so full, that you had to eat it. I figured; it would be less time consuming to offer you to eat with us before he started his game." There was quiet huff again, like Merlin thought Leon did not understand what she was talking about.

"You really should go to bed." Leon cracked his eyes open and looked at Merlin who was standing in front of his desk, her hands on her hips.

"I am quite comfortable here."

"No, you are not. I will not leave here before you are going to bed. I won't have you come to Gaius tomorrow morning, with sore neck, shoulders and back."

"Fine, have it your way." He grunted and rose heading for the bed, he wondered if she would have cast a sleeping spell on him magicked him to bed, if he would not have complied, saying in the morning, that he had gone himself, but did not remember.

"I leave you know, have a good night." Merlin smiled.

"Good night." He looked Merlin leaving, and in his heart was a wish, that she would not go, but stayed. Leon knew he could never ask that of her. As soon he placed his head onto the pillow he slept, to his great relief he did not dream.

For next two weeks he had rest or what one who was second in command of the Camelot prince called a rest. He had again taken over making the patrol schedule and taking the reports. Training the young knight who had passed their test to rise from squires to the next level. Arthur had promised him that he did need to leave to any quests for another two weeks. It was peace, thanks to Lady Morgana returned. Leon could not imagine how long it would last, but he was going to take the last from it.

He was feeling better, the survivor's guilt was going down. He had had a conversation to Arthur, his heart was little lighter, but the deaths of his comrades would always be on his soul.

He stretched himself, when he walked down from the castle steps, he finally had convinced himself, that he needed a pause from looking over all the charts and list and a visit to Minerva was required. His walked over the courtyard was abruptly stopped when Merlin almost collided whit him. Her smile made his day, it was like bubbling spring after summer rain. Damn he had to finish the poem, otherwise he would stay lyrical, he saw the one who made his heart hurt.

"Good afternoon, Merlin."

"Good afternoon, Sir Leon. You look well." That smile, Leon felt how his knees weakened. In the name of a Maiden, he was a grown man, he should have more self-control than that. But his knees were weak, the woman was turning him into a mess.

"Yes, I feel better, some rest and talk helped. How are you doing?" Before Merlin could answer, there was sound behind the castles gate and moment later a horse road into the courtyard, on him road a young squire, whose name Leon could not remember.

"Sir Leon!" The boy yelled when he jumped from his horse. Leon groaned, he wanted to curse the boy, for ruining the moment, he had just wanted to coax Merlin to accompany him to the stables.

"Yes?" Then he remembered the boy was Sir Griflet, one of Uther's old guard, squire. They had left three days ago on a patrol to the border of Essetir, but he could not remember the boy's name.

The boy came next to him he was a head shorter than the older knight; he made a gesture to Leon to come lower and whisper something in his hear.

"What? Damn it to after life." Leon head shot up. "Merlin!" Girl had moved on when they had been interrupted and turned around. "Yes?"

"Where is Arthur?"

"In his chambers looking over the reports you send him." Came quizzical answer.

"You two with me." Leon ordered and headed back to the castle. Do not run, do not run, was the only thought he had in his mind. Sir Bors had trilled it into him, never run, the servants would learn every damn movement of the knight and they would understand if something were wrong, so do not run, if you do not want to cause panic.

They reached to the door of prince's chambers and knocked, after he heard affirmative answer, he stepped in Merlin and the boy followed. Arthur was sitting at his desk and reading some documents.

"What is it Sir Leon?" Arthur lifted his head.

"It's Essetir, Sire."

"What of off it?"

"They are preparing for a war."

"What? How to you know it?" Arthur rose abruptly from his chair.

"Boy, tell the prince what you just told me." Why in the name of everything holly, he could not remember the boy's name.

The boy was mute. "Erec." Arthur ordered.

Erec, that was the name, his brother's name, how could he forget that name?

"I was sent by Sir Griflet, we reached to the garrison near Essetir border, and they gave us their report, they had discovered suspicious movement in the Essetir and sent a scout, who came back with an information, that mercenaries were coming into Essetir form all over Albion." Leon saw rage on Arthur's face, but got control over it. "Merlin, go to king Uther, and tell him, that I have urgent news and the council must be called."

"Yes, prince Arthur." Leon looked her leave, he wondered if Merlin run or walked to find Uther. Which would seem more suspicions for the servants? He would himself be alarmed if Merlin walked.

"Sir Leon, I am afraid that I have to back off from my promise."

"You want me to go check out the rumours." So, much for his rest.

"First we must go to my father."

To be continued