AN: Sorry for the late update. So unlike me not to post regularly but I needed a small break as I suffered from a little burnout. I will post more now though so don't worry.

I'm doing NationalNovelWriting Month with my good friend Soron Rocket so wish us luck! It's a long month of writing, basically. 50k words... but we'll get there.

Levi

Curse that tall, bearded lady bitch, Yelena, for giving me coffee...

You want the god honest truth though? I knew all along that the tea she had given me wasn't really tea. I'm no idiot—I heard her pulling that Marleyan POW aside, whispering into his ear.

I just needed a reason to be distracted. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about babies on the way back to the walls.

Seriously though, babies... Has Historia lost her mind?!

There we were, enjoying each other's warm embrace until she had to go and ruin it with her asinine words, "Let's have a baby..."

Fuck.

We're almost at the orphanage now as the carriage rides along the dirt road, and I grip my throbbing forehead.

The effects of the coffee are finally wearing off, and now I'm back to my normal, grouchy self again.

Historia is tight-lipped beside me, and at times her silence terrifies me. She can be a real ice-queen when she wants to be, but so long as it keeps her from talking about babies, I'm good.

I shiver just when I hear the word.

Babies...

Brr.

Why do people like them so much? They shit when they cry and they cry when they shit, and why do they feel the need to stare at you?

Children I'm okay with, but keep those tiny, gummy bastards away from me. If babies were any bigger, then would people still find them so adorable? When you look at them from certain angles, they almost resemble miniature titans.

Nothing cute about that at all.

The carriage stops outside the orphanage, and the sound of screaming children fills my eardrums. "Princess Historia!"

The queen jumps out the door, letting those tiny, snot-nosed gremlins seize her at once, and I stay inside the carriage.

I'm still reeling from my coffee high, and I've needed a piss for the last two hours. I'll let Historia exhaust them all first before they come at me.

"Did you see the ocean?!" Rosie cries.

I can almost hear the smile in Historia's voice. "That I did. And look what I brought back!"

Historia takes something out from inside her pocket, and I tsk. It's a goddamn seashell—looks like she managed to smuggle something away from right under my nose when I wasn't looking, the idiot. For all she knows, it could be poisonous.

She's almost as clueless as four eyes.

"If you place it by your ear, you can hear the ocean!"

The children gasp in pure delight, and now they all fight for a chance to hear the ocean from inside that coiled seashell.

Not that I have the heart to tell them it's just the air travelling through the whorl of the shell, but so long as it feeds their little childish fantasies, so be it.

After all, it could be some time before they get the chance to hear the sound of real ocean waves with all the shit that's happening right now. A real, real long time.

I sigh, climbing out of the carriage at last as I tip the driver. "Thanks, old man."

The old guy's eyes widen when he sees the gold sovereign coin I tossed his way—one minted the same year Historia took the throne— and now he pockets it away, a crooked smile stretching across his shrivelled face. "Thank you, brave hero of Shiganshina."

He does a heart salute next, doing it all wrong, of course, and I try not to show him how pissed I am at the obnoxious gesture.

He means well, I guess.

The driver grabs the reins of his horse, wiggling his brows, and what's his problem, seriously? (I don't swing that way). "And a little advice for the lady problems... When they give you the silent treatment... run... run for the hills!"

He whips the reins and the horse trots off, and I scowl at the back of his grey head. Not that I asked for his advice, but I'm not running toward any hills.

I can handle Historia all on my own, thank you. Lady or not, she's still a brat.

The children finally have a full shot view of me now since the carriage has pulled away, and they look as if they're seeing a living legend.

"Captain Levi!"

All at once, they surround me, and I just go with the flow now. Depending on what mood I'm in, I may even let them touch me, but not today. Right now they can admire me from afar.

"Woah, not so fast, brats. Three feet."

They stop just three feet away, and it seems I have them well trained. I sense Historia scowling at me from the corner of my eye, probably assessing whether I am true father material...

I'm not.

I hope she's not too disappointed.

The little brats stare at me slack-jawed, and I wonder when they'll grow tired of looking at me. Despite my grand title, I'm not that impressive; I'm just your average guy. Besides, they literally saw me just three days ago before Historia's state visit to the coast. Yet they still regard me like I'm some shining knight on a silver-white charger.

Speaking of said white charger, I need to go and take Silver for a ride. The poor mare has been stuck in stables for days. The stable hand did promise he would take her for a ride every day along with Historia's black stallion, Midnight.

Thomas beams, pointing at my sheathed sword. "Did you protect Princess Historia from any sea monsters, Captain Levi?"

I stare at the kid as if he's grown an extra head. Sea monsters? Unless there are swimming titans out there now, I don't want to know what kinds of books he's been reading.

I look at the kid pointedly now. "How many times do I have to tell you? It is Queen Historia. Not princess."

Historia's eyes burn into my skull, but more fool her for letting those brats address her wrong. A queen shits all over a princess, and she knows it.

The children blink at me like the idiots they are, and they really are hopeless. Historia shakes her head in disapproval, and I grit my teeth, heading for the stables.

"I'll be at the stables..."

I walk off without so much as giving her a second glance and maybe the old guy was right. Maybe a woman's ire is something to be feared.

When I arrive at my destination, I find the stable hand brushing Silver's coat with a curry comb.

The kid's fantastic with horses. Maybe even more so than Her Majesty. In fact, the animals at the farm seem to gravitate to him—even the chickens like him.

His light blue eyes expand the moment he sees me, and now he stammers, "S-Sir Captain Levi... you're... you're back..."

"That I am."

"And... Her Majesty? Is she back too?"

I regard him carefully when he mentions the queen. Those blue eyes seem to sparkle a little more. Yet I put it to one side and join him inside Silver's stall, and now I dwarf in comparison.

The big oaf is six foot three after all — a whole twelve inches bigger than me. But I put my frustrations aside as I pat my fair horse.

Silver licks my hand, and now the stresses of the last few days disappear.

"How's she been?" I ask the tall stable hand.

A warm smile spreads across his rosy cheeks, and now he seems to forget all about me as he pets Silver's coat. "Excellent. I've never met a horse with a finer temperament. She's a real gem. You got yourself a beauty here, Captain..."

I try to pretend I don't hear the double meaning in his words as I know he's talking about more than one beauty. I've seen the way he looks at Historia when he thinks no one's looking. And I would punch him in his stupid, rosy face if he weren't so annoyingly nice.

I've never met a nicer guy. He's always the first to offer to do any menial task at the farm and never complains. Albeit a little on the slow side, he's a hard worker, preferring to keep to the shadows while men like me get all the limelight.

It's almost not fair.

He's not only ridiculously tall but strong too. The titans would have had nothing on him if he had decided to join the ranks of the Survey Corps. Yet the only weapon I've seen him yield is a pitchfork as he hauls large barrels of hay as if they're nothing but pillows.

Despite his impressive stamina, he's still shit scared of me. The moment I stepped into the stable, he shrank.

Ironic how a giant can be afraid of an elf...

At that thought, the stable doors slide open, and now the big oaf and I turn just in time to see Her Majesty stepping into the threshold, her hands on her hips.

I can almost feel the heat radiating off the big oaf's body when he sets sights on the queen, and now he turns as red as a tomato.

Poor guy... he's shy. I bet he doesn't even know how to talk to women.

Historia glances at the farmhand, and her angry face softens. "Could you please give us a few moments? I wish to speak with the captain alone."

He bows his head, shuffling out the stall as he ambles toward the door with his tail between his legs. Historia steps aside so he can pass, and the fleeting look he gives her next could break your heart.

It's infatuation. Pure and simple. I should be angry since it's my girl he's pining for, but truth be told, I find it hard to be mad at the guy. As I said, he's too nice, and I've always revered kindness in a person.

One of the criteria for why I handpicked Petra to join my squad all those years ago. As well as her highly suspicious nature.

The stable hand was one of the boys who used to throw rocks at the queen, coincidentally enough, when she still lived at her father's old farmstead. But he's obviously turning all that around. Not long after she settled in at the orphanage, he turned up out of the blue one day to do free manual labour, and he's been here ever since.

With the farmhand finally out of the picture, Historia turns her attention back onto me, and I roll my eyes.

Great, I'm about to get a 'scolding'. Maybe I should have listened to the old cabbie and ran for the hills as he advised.

Instead, I pet Silver's muzzle, concentrating on her soft coat—farm boy did a good job in the end. Midnight rumbles in his own stall somewhere as he's obviously ecstatic to see his rider, but the queen only has eyes for me.

"Care to tell me why you decided to sulk and storm off just now? Look... I know you're mad at me, but that is no reason to take out your frustrations on the children. They did nothing wrong."

I grind my teeth as I keep patting Silver. "I did not take out my frustrations on the kids. I just wanted to see my horse."

"Well, you've seen her. Now come back inside the house. There's someone I would like you to meet."

I produce a gravelly sigh, closing my eyes. "Fine... Just give me a few more moments."

I still feel her eyes boring into my back as I continue stroking Silver. She leaves at last, shutting the door behind her slowly, and I guess the old cabbie was right. Women are deadly when they're silent, deliberating.

But I guess that makes two of us. I'm not exactly pleasant either when I'm reflective—mostly because I'm thinking up twenty ways I can stab a man before he so much as comes near me.

After a few more moments with my precious mare, I leave the stable and enter the farmhouse. And the second I step into the kitchen, I'm greeted with a horrific sight.

In Historia's arms is a miniature titan.

My heart pounds as the creature stares at me with big, bulbous eyes, and I back away slowly, hoping that it doesn't sense fear.

Yet despite my newfound terror, the queen is completely oblivious as she holds the chubby little thing in her arms, and she's actually smiling at it.

Historia fixes her blue eyes on me, saying in a sweet, buttery voice, "Captain, say hello to Abigail. Our newest member of the orphanage. Isn't she adorable?!"

I stare at the queen aghast. Kittens are adorable. Not this gummy, stinky creature that still stares at me like I've grown an extra ten limbs.

The queen approaches me, shoving the tiny ass titan into my arms, and now those bulbous eyes are inches from mine. My heart picks up again as I know it definitely senses fear now, and why is it making that strange face?

One moment it's staring at me, and then the next it starts wiggling its mouth, emitting a high-pitched squeal, and now I toss the thing that Historia calls 'adorable' back into her arms, dashing out the room.

Shit. It's calling for backup just like the Female Titan used to do. Every man for himself.

Historia looks stunned as I storm out the kitchen and then down the front steps of the farmhouse, making a beeline for the stables.

"Wait... Levi!"

Yet I go on, having only one thing in my sights now—the hills. The old cabbie was right.

I should have run for the hills all along.

That's the first time I have ever held a baby, and it will surely be my last. And Historia actually wants me to put one of those things inside of her. Over my dead body.

I am not father material. And the sooner she learns that the better.

Just like my late Uncle Kenny used to say: "I'm not cut out to be some kid's dad."

A/N: I know, there are swimming titans now...

Levi and babies are so funny together. I know the feeling though - babies stare at me too 😂

And Farmer Kun! He's finally made his appearance. I never wanted to say up above so you would get that 'O' moment while reading. There's a reason why he was never in HMKnight; I just didn't think his time in the story had come yet. Now it has, and for good reason.

Stay tuned and keep smiling! I will be back for more.

CartoonPrincessSigningOff.