A/N: This one was sad to write as I almost didn't want to post, but it was cute. I love Baby Abigail. Abigail means "My father's joy" in Hebrew. Another ironic name choice (just like Tilly's) as it was the first one that popped into my head, based on a nursery rhyme I tried to write as a kid called Baby Abigail 😂

Historia

Levi didn't return until sundown after I introduced him to Baby Abigail for the first time, and seriously... what the hell is wrong with him? You would think I had handed him a live grenade, not a human baby!

And poor Abigail has been traumatised ever since. It's like she picks up on his negative energy, screaming bloody murder whenever he enters the room, and the feeling's mutual. The moment that baby girl releases a loud, ear-piercing shriek, humanity's so-called strongest will run for the hills on his silver-white horse, disappearing for an entire day.

He's such a baby, and at times it feels as if I have two babies to look after now. Abigail won't be at the orphanage for very long. Babies are always adopted first, especially as she's at that adorable age where she's just started crawling around the floor, and she's so precious.

And it just makes my uterus cry out for one of my own. She brings out the mother in me, and I can't get enough of her.

She has a smile for everyone; the nannies, the children, the farmhands, and most of all, me.

The only one she doesn't smile for is Levi, which is perfectly understandable. He's being such a rotten asshole lately, and one of these days, I will have to pin him down to the floor and set him straight.

The only other one who doesn't like her is Erwin. But he's a cat, and cats hate everyone. Lady is a little suspicious of her too, but the sweet pup will stand guard and watch the baby if I need to go and make a quick errand upstairs.

I'm not the sole caregiver at the orphanage. It would be unrealistic for a single eighteen-year-old girl to run an entire establishment all by herself, which was the reason why I hired the nannies. But truth be told, I just want Baby Abigail all to myself.

I hope the other children don't get jealous. I'm playing favourites and I should stop. But it will be good practice to see if I actually have what it takes.

I know I will make a fantastic mother, but it's hard not to doubt myself at times considering I didn't have the best example growing up. But I have a big heart with so much love to give.

The children play outside with Lady while I read at the kitchen table. Abigail rolls around on the floor, chewing on a wooden spoon, and it looks like someone's teething.

Right now she's making the most adorable baby sounds, and that's when I decide to toss the book aside and play with her instead.

Picking her up, I place her on my lap so I can bounce her on my knee. Luckily for me, she doesn't spit-up on me this time as I learned that the hard way.

Instead, she coos and babbles as I pull funny faces, and she makes me feel like the funniest person inside the walls.

Next, I take her dimpled little hands in mine, place them over my eyes, then shout, "Peekaboo!" She squeals like I'm the world's best comedian, and I just can't help myself anymore.

I laugh along with her now, and she makes me feel so good and light inside. All the heaviness and anxiety that has festered over the last few years dissolves instantly, and I can't believe how pure she is. And I know it with a certainty now: I want a baby of my own.

I know they don't stay this way forever, but still. I need to feel the bond between a mother and a child—show the world that my own neglectful mother didn't ruin me.

"Are you liking life so far at the orphanage, hey, Abigail?"

"Agoo..." she replies and I melt.

So cute. She has soft blond curls and big, beautiful blue eyes, and for a moment I imagine she would be how my own child would look.

All of a sudden, her gummy smile vanishes, and now she wiggles her bottom lip. Was it something I said? Or maybe she needs another diaper change.

I sniff her butt. Nope, all clean. Then what? Could it just be me? Oh no... maybe I'm not cut out for motherhood after all!

That's when I sense the ominous shadow outside in the hallway, narrowing my eyes in suspicion, and now I try and placate the poor baby.

"Ssh, it's okay, it's okay... He won't hurt you. Not while I'm around."

I scowl up at the doorway, knowing he's listening to every word I say, and I'm getting sick of his sneaking around. "You can quite hiding now, Levi. I know you're out there."

There comes a grating sigh, and now he enters the kitchen without even bothering to look at me. Baby Abigail and I may as well be invisible. He goes straight to the sideboard for tea and judging by how tense he looks, it's desperate he wants to leave as quickly as possible.

He's like a little squirrel crawling out of a tree for nuts. A rare sight indeed. Any sudden noise, and he'll skedaddle.

Abigail's wailing has calmed down now, so I place her on the floor so she can roll around and play. I distract her with a pan and a wooden spoon, and she seems to forget all about the mean old captain as she shoves that fascinating spoon between her gums.

The moment Levi finishes pouring his tea, he grabs his cup by the rim, turns on his heels, then makes a beeline for the door. But I step in front of him, placing my hands on my hips. The look he gives me next could burn the whole world to mere ash.

But I'm not a little brat he can intimidate anymore; I'm his wife and queen, and the sooner he learns that the better.

"Oh no you don't. You will drink your tea in the kitchen like a civilised person."

His teeth clench as a red flash runs through both of his steel-grey eyes. Yet I don't cave, offering him a scowl to rival his own.

With an exasperated breath, he deigns himself to sit at the kitchen table at last, slurping angrily at his tea, and for one who acts so presentable all the time, he really is a loud slurper; I noticed it back when we were hiding from the government. It was after Hange told us about Pastor Nick's death. The wind blew outside, and then the room fell eerily silent. And then Levi picked up his teacup and slurped...

It's odd the little things you remember. In those days I was terrified of him, making sure I sat all the way at the opposite end of the table so I could be that much farther away from his brooding presence. In the end, it was the worst decision because our eyes would constantly meet, and then I would freeze up being the nervous little fifteen-year-old that I was back then.

But look at me now, bossing him around and wanting his babies of all things.

How things change.

I sit across from him at the table, and now I'm the one keeping a constant eye on him while he shies away. He's really not the hotshot everyone makes him out to be; I can't believe I was intimidated by him once upon a time.

I know why he won't look me in the eyes. He wants to avoid all baby talk.

After all... he still hasn't given me his answer.

I clear my throat. "Levi?"

He places his cup down, shutting his eyes. "Not... not now, Historia..."

It's a good job baby Abigail is here after all. At least now I can control my anger, and not yell at him from across the table.

I shake my head, keeping my calm. "No. I think now is a perfect time. It's been five days since we got back from the coast. Five days and you still haven't given me your answer."

His eyes remain closed as he silently contemplates what I say. When he opens them again, he gazes at everything but me, and he's... sweating.

I raise a brow, folding my arms. "Well?"

After a few silent beats, he finally lifts his gaze, and his expression makes my world shatter to pieces.

I already know what his answer will be...

He's genuinely never looked so torn as his eyes shine wet, and it almost looks as if he's crying. My own eyes burn too.

"I'm... sorry, Historia... but... my answer is no. I don't want to have children."

I claw desperately onto hope as my dream slips further and further away. "B-but you're only saying that because of how everything is right now. I understand. There are too many uncertainties. Who knows whether we will be alive next year? Even tomorrow—"

"Stop. You'll just make things worse. Besides, that's not my sole reason..."

I blink tears away, my breaths coming fast as I try to see a way around this. Anything that will change his mind. "I... I think I get it now. After all, I'm still pretty young. You want me to live a little first. After all, you're much older than I am and at that stage where you're ready to settle—"

"That's enough, Historia... You'll only get yourself hurt."

My soul rips in half as his words start sinking in, and now I breathe carefully, trying to stop the tears. "Then what? Why don't you want to have a child with me...?"

My pathetic, girlish voice echoes through the room as it seems to rattle something deep inside of Levi. Now he looks me straight in the eyes, his expression so broken and defeated... I die a little inside.

I can't help myself anymore. The tears escape, and now I'm the one looking away from him.

It hurts so much. It's like the ground has been swept away from right under my feet. Levi, who I thought was my rock—my confidant—has just broken my heart and robbed me of my dreams.

And just think we made all those vows together when we got married on a whim down in the underground, and I'm starting to think that that was a big mistake.

Maybe we weren't destined for each other after all, despite our chemistry. We even have our own PATH yet that doesn't necessarily mean we are fated to be together.

Many people fall in love all the time but eventually part ways, and now my lungs ache at the thought of being separated from Levi.

No... it would hurt too much. He's my knight; I need him.

I can't navigate this cruel world alone.

"You want the god honest truth?" he says at last, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm not cut out to be a father. I've never even considered having children. Life's just too complicated for people like us. And the last thing I want to do is willingly bring someone else into this ugly world. It... wouldn't be fair..."

When he says "People like us" he means Eldians. Or more specifically Island Devils. There are people out there that think we shouldn't breed. They would rather see us exterminated before we even have a chance of producing more demons.

It's sad to think that there are some twisted folk out there who would jump at the chance of seeing that innocent little baby babbling on the floor beside me dead and cold. Just because of her race.

Barely a year old, and the world has already been so unfair to her. Both of her parents are dead. Her mother died during childbirth and her father of suicide just a few weeks after.

Who knows whether there will even be a future for her? For us?

What if she doesn't live to see her first birthday? Live to lose her first tooth, experience her first kiss, or fall in love and get married?

The world really is a dark, cruel place. At least for people like us...

And that's why I have to inherit Zeke Jaeger's Beast Titan when the time finally comes. So I can maintain the power of the Rumbling for another fifty years so our island can develop its artillery.

I squeeze my eyes, letting the tears drip down my cheeks. "But... I have no other choice. I'm of 'royal blood'. I have to bear children for the next thirteen years whether I like it or not!"

My voice bounces off the walls as I lose my temper at last, and now Abigail starts crying again. I pick her up, bouncing her on my knee to pacify her tears, but no matter what I do or say, she won't stop.

Babies aren't idiots after all. They pick up on bad energy, and mine is in complete shambles right now.

It doesn't look as if I will even get to choose the father of my child now, but I understand Levi's reasons. He doesn't want to bring a child into this bloodstained world, and who am I to argue against that? After all, Levi and I were never given a choice either; if we had known what kinds of lives we would have lived beforehand... would we have wanted to be born in the first place?

I know I wouldn't have chosen the life of an illegitimate child. One who was only born in the hopes that her mother could make a better life for herself. And I know Levi wouldn't have chosen to be raised in filth. Although he loved his mother, he hadn't lived the happiest of childhoods.

But I don't agree with what he said: that he's not cut out to be a father. He's wrong; he would make a fantastic father. He has a good heart after all. He cares too much about people. Hence why he fights to protect us all.

Finally, I look up, shrugging my shoulders. "Well... now what? What's going to happen between us?"

He regards me carefully from the corner of his eye, and the guilt is all too clear in his usually cold grey iris. "Nothing. No matter what happens... in the end, Historia... I will still always be your knight. I will stay by your side. I swore an oath to it."

I suck in a shaky breath. "Even... even when war calls? After all, the Survey Corps will need you again someday soon. I can figure that much out."

Levi bows his head, and now I can't see his face anymore as his hair falls over his eyes. He doesn't reply. His duty should be to me first and foremost as my sworn knight, but at the same time, he is and will always be a soldier— a Scout. It would be selfish of me to keep him off the battlefield.

Yet the thought of losing him there is too much to bear yet again. I've already lost two people: Frieda and Ymir. I can't stomach losing anyone else.

My list of lost loved ones will never be as big as his, but still... I'm not as strong as Levi. Another death in my life and I will keel.

Levi rises to his feet, and I watch him strangely as he comes to stand beside me. His grey eyes settle on Abigail as the baby tenses in my arms, and I don't blame her. He's wearing his scary frown as usual.

But then out of nowhere, he takes her from my arms and holds her up at arm's length, and now the two of them hold a staring match.

Baby Abigail seems fascinated by the captain now as a deep frown creases her eyebrows. Levi looks just as engrossed. Then after what feels like an eternity, Abigail finally smiles at him, and she makes an adorable "goo" sound, blowing spit bubbles from her lips.

Levi glances my way, and the faintest of smiles curves his own face. "I guess she is kind of cute. Don't tell anyone what I said. Especially Four Eyes... I have a reputation to uphold after all."

I half laugh, half cry as I focus on the present, pushing all negative thoughts aside. There's no point dwelling on things that have yet to happen.

All that matters is that Levi is here with me now.

AN: Oh, Historia... you deserve all the happiness and so much more. It's really not fair. Even if you don't get your baby in canon, I will make sure you get one at least in this fic 😥

Chapter 134 broke my heart. I want both Historia and baby to survive. She still only had a few months to go 😥

I have my plans for Levi in this fic, but do stay tuned to see what I have in store for both Levi and Historia. Will Levi agree to be the father in the end? So many questions, but people change their minds all the time...

Keep smiling and keep doing whatever it is that makes you happy.

CartoonPrincessSigningOff.