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Chapter 5

Another day, Sirius thought grimly, as he struggled to sit up. Every part of his body hurt. He was exhausted from fighting through each day, the acting, and putting every part of him into performing the most basic of magic. Coupled with that, he struggled to eat without feeling desperately ill and there was the constant cold that never seemed to leave him.

He pulled himself upright, leaning against the wall as he tried to gain his balance. Just get through the day, he told himself, but he didn't know how much longer he could go on. He had passed out last night thinking it was the end, that he wouldn't wake the next day. He just needed to get through his final months at Hogwarts, then he could leave and reinvent himself. He forced himself out of the cupboard and down the corridor.

All thoughts of keeping a low profile and not drawing attention to himself, where quickly dismissed when he saw agroup of Slytherin seventh years surrounding his younger brother.

"Leave him alone," Sirius growled, as he approached them.

"What?!"

"I said leave him alone," Sirius repeated.

"Why? You nasty little blood traitor."

"Because he's a kid. Reg, don't join them. Voldemort is not who you think he is. Mother and father don't know who they're dealing with," Sirius pleaded.

"Why should I listen to you?" Regulus replied, giving his brother a dirty look.

"Because I know more than you."

"Ha! I doubt it. You're a Gryffindor, all brawn and no brains," Regulus sneered.

"Please Reg, you don't know what he's like. He'll just use and abuse you. He won't care about you," Sirius begged.

"Oh piss off back to your dirty little friends. Oh wait, you don't have any friends, they all hate you," Regulus bit back.

Sirius looked away for a moment. "Reg, I know a lot has passed between us and I cannot undo that. I don't think I've been a shitty brother, but I could have been. But, please, I'm begging you, don't join them. Voldemort is not who you think he is."

"What do you know? You associate with half-bloods and muggles. What would you know about the Dark Lord?" Regulus spat back.

"Please Reg."

"You are no brother of mine!"

"Piss off and leave him alone, you worthless piece of scum," the burly sixth year Slytherin growled, slamming Sirius against the wall.

Sirius bit back a whimper as pain flared through his damaged body. He slumped down against the wall as the sixth year released him, too tired to do anything else. He screwed up his eyes and tried to breathe through the pain. He couldn't pass out here, someone would find him and send him to the hospital wing. Then they would be told. He didn't even want to imagine what they would do to him then. He just needed to get himself to the old broom cupboard, once there he could pass out. Who would care if he missed another Charms lesson? Slowly, and with great effort, ignoring his swimming vision, he stood.

James watched in horror, but he found himself rooted to the spot, unable to act, as he watched Sirius struggle to stand.

"Sirius. Padfoot," he eventually managed to call out. He watched his friend stop, his stance tense.

"James, whatever you want to say, just say it okay. Just do it, okay," Sirius replied, in a tight voice, not bothering to turn to face his friend.

"What?"

"Just get it over with. I've had a crappy day and feel like shit. I know I don't deserve any preferential treatment, but I'm asking this once, if you would," Sirius said, in a quiet, tense voice.

"Sirius, I just want to talk,"James said holding his hands up. "That's all."

"Why?"

"Because you fucked up, you made a mistake but so did I, hell Sirius I really cocked up. Please mate can I just talk to you?" James pleaded, as he slowly approached the tense figure.

"Okay," Sirius replied hesitantly.

"Shall we go in here?" James said, indicating to the empty Charms classroom.

Sirius closed his eyes and backed up against the wall. "God, if you want to hex me, just do it okay. I won't defend myself. If you want to punch me, I completely respect that and I won't defend myself. Just, just please get it over with. I'm massively behind on my charms homework, shit my potions, transfiguration, ancient runes and fuck knows what else. Please just get it over with so I can make some vain attempt on at least one paper."

James slowly took a step backwards, and held his hands up, as though he was dealing with a cornered, wounded animal. As that's what Sirius was right now. Utterly broken and terrified. Why hadn't he seen it before? Why? Because he had been so wrapped up in his own self importance, he hadn't seen what was going on around him. "Sirius," he said slowly and gently. "I don't want to hurt you, I just want to talk. I've been doing a lot of that recently. Mainly I've been talking at you, and not giving you a chance to respond."

"It doesn't matter," Sirius replied in a near whisper, looking down at the floor.

"Yes it does! You're my best mate and I never gave you the chance to explain. Please Sirius, I'm begging you."

Sirius stepped hesitantly into the charms classroom, looking wildly around for any threats or an escape route. "Just make it quick, whatever you're going to do."

"Take my wand," James said, passing it over. "See I'm unarmed. Tell me what happened."

"Why have you given me this?!" Sirius exclaimed, dropping the wand and backing up.

"Because I know you won't hurt me. Just as I know there was no intent to hurt Remus or Snape."

"I told Snape how to get past the tree, when I knew full well Remus had transformed. I was setting one of my best friends up to be a murderer, when he was at his most vulnerable!"

"Yes, you did, but you regretted it immediately."

"So I'm weak and get another of my friends to clean up my mess!"

"What happened, Sirius?"

"It's not an excuse."

"What is it? I know you hate your family."

"Please James, just leave it," Sirius replied in a panicked, almost hyperventilating voice.

"Sirius?"

"Just leave it. It doesn't matter, I don't matter."

"Sirius have they hurt you?"

"Just leave it, please," Sirius whispered, tears streaming down his face.

"What happened?"

"Nothing okay!"

"What happened?" James said, slowly and deliberately.

"Just leave it, okay!" Sirius snapped, standing up and pulling away. He knocked his wrist on the corner of table and yelped.

"Sirius, you're hurt."

"It doesn't matter," Sirius said, pulling back, his vision blurring, as it did quite often these days.

"Mate, Padfoot let me help you."

"You can't, you have to go, please go," Sirius said, backing up, utterly panicked.

"No, I'm not leaving you like this," James said firmly, noting for the first time how pale and gaunt his friend looked. "You're hurt and ill, you need help."

"I'll be fine. You can't be around next. Please James, I'm begging you, you have to go."

"No," James repeated. "No way. Sirius, you can barely stand. What happened?"

"I'm sorry okay, I really am. I never meant to tell Snape about the tree. I would never want Remus to get hurt or hurt anyone."

"Then tell me what happened," James said gently, taking several steps backwards. "We've only heard one side of the story, and we all know there are always two sides. How fucked up is it that I listened to my worst enemy before my best friend? That I didn't let my best friend put his story across. That I took my worst enemy's word over my best friend's. Sirius, something happened to cause you to snap. But where was I in all of this? Why didn't I take the time to listen to you? A couple of nights ago you weren't staggering back from the pub, were you? Something happened to you."

Sirius looked away. "I don't matter," he said quietly.

"Yes, you bloody do! Why did you tell Snape about the tree?"

"I didn't want to go home," Sirius said in a whisper, so quiet James almost missed it.

"Because you were scared of what they were going to do?" James pressed. "Mate, why didn't you say anything? You could've stayed at mine. Mum and dad would have welcomed you with open arms."

"No I couldn't. They ordered me home," Sirius said bitterly.

James nodded slowly. He knew his friend didn't have the easiest of home lives, but he had a nasty suspicion he had only scratched the surface. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

"I," Sirius started. He closed his eyes as he tried to form the sentences. Images and threats flashed before his eyes. "I can't," he choked.

"Yes you can. I know you can. Because I know you're tough and brave," James replied, holding his ground. "What happened?"

"I'm not brave," Sirius exclaimed.

James scoffed. "The sorting hat put you in Gryffindor, right? The first Black not to be sorted into Slytherin. Just tell me what happened."

Sirius swallowed several times. Whatever happened, James deserved the truth but at the same time he had to keep his distance. He leant against the wall as his vision blurred again. He figured he didn't have much time left, he just needed to keep going enough to protect his friends. "I, well I was feeling pretty rough after Quidditch practice."

James frowned and exhaled quietly. Of course, it had been a tough practice, as they always were just before the end of term. Only Sirius had somehow been sent crashing through the stands, taking out half a tower. He hadn't thought much of it at the time, as Sirius jumped straight up and continued flying. But now thinking about, his friend had essentially been a human bludger, who had destroyed a stand. He should have taken Sirius straight up to the hospital wing, but he hadn't.

"I was walking back from practice, when Professor Collins called me over. He said he thought I wasn't meeting the standard he required for NEWTS and thus he wouldn't recommend I took the subject further than OWLs, but I needed it. Basically he was saying I couldn't become an auror. That was my escape plan, my way out. I vaguely remember leaving his office, and stupidly wasn't looking where I was going. Anyway, I walked into my cousin and her goons." Sirius stopped and swallowed several times. He nervously fingered his cloak, trying to draw it closer to his body. "They roughed me up a bit and, well Bella started going on about bloody Voldemort. How he was a wonderful, inspirational person who was going to rid the world of muggles and 'dark' creatures. I, of course, reacted. The next thing I know, it's several hours later. They must have knocked me unconscious or something."

"Shit, Sirius," James whispered.

Sirius backed up again; his back was now pressed up against the wall, needing it for support. "After I came round, I started walking back to the common room when McGonagall called me into her office and told me she had received a letter from my parents. I-I had to go back for the holidays. I had no choice, I was underage, my parents are still my guardians. But they..." He stopped and wrapped his arms around his thin, shaking frame. "I had to go." Tears brimmed in his eyes. "I left her office and ran into Snape."

James nodded. He could guess what transpired next. A tired, hurt, pissed off Sirius, who was now obviously terrified, ran into one of his key adversaries. He could envision it now. Snape being his typically oily, greasy, dark self, pushing and mocking. He knew he wasn't much better when it came to Snape, but with everything Sirius had just told him, they had headed straight into a perfect storm.

"He started mocking Gryffindor, Pete, your parents and you. He insulted Lily and the other Muggle-borns. Then he started pushing about Remus. He kept pushing, I know I should've walked away, but he kept pushing and I just wanted him to stop. I'm so sorry James, I didn't mean to," Sirius said quietly, trying to hold the wall for support. "I just wanted him to stop, and I guess I snapped. I didn't want to go home, because, well, it's not a nice place. I don't remember telling Snape, but he laughed and walked off. I knew I'd fucked up."

"You were scared. No you weren't just scared, you were terrified. Like you still are," Remus said, speaking up for the first time. He had slipped silently into the room moments ago.

"Re, Remus?" Sirius said hesitantly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do it."

"I believe you, I don't think you did. I think you were so scared out if your mind, and pushed on from all directions, you couldn't think. I don't think you realised you did it."

"It doesn't make it right!"

"No it doesn't but where were we in all of this? You two figured out I was a werewolf in a year, yet we've been friends for five years and I didn't realise how shit your home life was."

"But Remus."

"You made a mistake. You made a mistake when you were terrified and under a lot of pressure," Remus pressed, looking at his friend kindly. "Hell, adults crack under less pressure. I forgive you, Sirius."

"But Remus," Sirius half sobbed.

"I forgive you Padfoot. It wasn't your fault," Remus reassured.

"Sirius, if you go home, will you be safe?" James asked seriously.

Sirius swallowed several times before replying. "No," he finally replied in a small voice.

Remus and James exchanged looks. "Dumbledore?" James suggested.

"No, McGonagall," Remus replied.

"What?"

"Sirius, you've just told us you are not safe at home. I know they've hurt your wrist and God only knows what else they've done to you. As a prefect, I have a duty of care to report it," Remus said earnestly.

"Moony?" Sirius replied, in a small, broken voice.

"It'll be alright Padfoot, I promise. They'll never be able to hurt you again," Remus reassured.