So, although my muse is currently working more for this fic, I have planned the next chapter of Secret Keeper. Hopefully, I'll get the next chapter out this week…

As always a huge thank you to Ambush99 for her wonderful betaing skills!

Chapter 9

James thought about making his way back to the Gryffindor tower, but he couldn't bear the thought. He knew Remus would demand answers and they hadn't told Peter yet. But how did he explain it to their other friend? 'Hey Pete, you know Sirius? Yes, our former friend we ostracised because we thought he betrayed us. Yes, the same friend we never bothered to hear his side of the story. Well it turns out he was terrified of going home, he'd been hurt during the last Quidditch practice and he had just been told he was unlikely to be allowed to take Ancient Ruins NEWT level, so bang goes his chance of becoming an auror and escaping his family. Oh, did I mention his cousin and goons beat him unconscious. So when Snape was his usual oily, greasy, foul self, he snapped. It turns out he had good reason to be terrified of going home, because his parents tried to kill him and they are probably going to succeed'. He sighed and leant against the wall, taking sanctuary in the cool, quiet corridor. He wasn't ready to tell his friends Sirius was more than likely going to die. He couldn't believe it. He hated himself. He had had so many chances to save Sirius but he had failed his friend on every last one of them.

He pulled out the map and studied it for a moment. Filch was pacing around his office, as were the teachers. He looked over at the hospital wing. The label still read 'Sirius Black', but as his eyes travelled across the rest of the map he noticed with a choked sob Peeves and the other Hogwarts ghosts. He had been relying on the map to tell him if Sirius was still alive, but now, he realised, he couldn't even rely on it to do that. He pulled out his invisibility cloak and slipped it on. Taking another quick glance at the map, he hurried out of the castle.

He didn't know how long he'd been walking when he found himself standing in front of the Black Lake. He sank down, pulling his knees to his chest and let out a choked sob. How could he have let it go this far? He had been angry with Sirius, but looking back on it he had been more confused than angry. He had let his raw emotions control him and now his friend was going to die because of his dumb emotions. He could have helped Sirius so many times and yet he had failed him. After the Quidditch practice he should've dragged him to the hospital wing, then he would've been with him when McGonagall had told him he had to return for the holidays, but he didn't. After he had pulled Snape back from the tree he should've listened to his friend, but he didn't. During the holidays he should've mirrored or owled Sirius, but he hadn't. When he had seen him in the corridor that first night he should've realised something was terribly wrong, but he had dismissed it. When his friend failed to turn up in the tower, missed countless lessons and was never seen in the Great Hall he should've investigated, but he hadn't bothered. And at that time his friend was terrified, in an unimaginable amount of pain and slowly dying. He had lead such a sheltered life, protected from the world's evils, yet his friend was living them.

He shivered. He had no idea how long he had been sitting there, gently dozing. It was still dark, but being January it was often dark when they got up for breakfast. He wrung his hands together and blew on them, trying to bring warmth to them. He glanced at his watch. It had just gone seven, if he was quick he still had time to go via the hospital wing. Surely they would let him see Sirius now? His friend had been in there over sixteen hours, surely they would allow visitors. He pulled himself stiffly to his feet, knowing that despite being an unseasonably warm January, sleeping outside hadn't been the best of ideas.

"Can I see Sirius?" James asked as he walked into the hospital wing.

"Mr. Potter, what are you doing here?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

"I would like to visit Sirius," James asked politely.

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter, Sirius can't have any visitors right now."

"Can I see him after breakfast?"

"No, I'm sorry," Madam Pomfrey said kindly.

"Why?"

"Sirius is very sick at the moment, we don't want him disturbed."

What the hell did she think he was going to do? Throw a bloody party in the hospital wing?! "Please, I won't disturb him or anything, I just need to see him. I need to make sure he knows he's safe."

"I'm sorry Mr. Potter that is my final answer."

"Okay," James said, his shoulders slumping. "But you make sure it's not dark. He's really scared of the dark."

"I'll ensure it's not dark."

"Thank you," James replied, shifting from one foot to the other. "I'll see you at lunchtime."

"Mr. Potter-"

"What? You may have changed your mind by then," James said with a small attempt at a smile.

"Of course," Madam Pomfrey said, returning the smile. She watched as the young Gryffindor walked defeatedly away. She felt bad for him, but her principal concern was the desperately ill boy under her charge.

James somehow found his way to the Great Hall. He scanned the table for Remus and made eye contact. He felt relief wash over him as Moony nudged Pete and they collected up some food before joining him outside the hall.

"Did you see-"

"No," James said, cutting Remus off.

"James, what the hell is happening?! You missed Potions and Charms. I didn't see you at supper and you didn't return to the dorm last night," Pete exclaimed, glaring at his two friends.

"Did you?" James said over Pete's head.

"No," Remus said shaking his head. "Sorry mate, I was struggling to process it and you weren't there."

"It's okay, Moony."

"No, what the hell?!" Pete swore. "What the hell happened? Why the hell are you being so secretive? Sirius can't fuck up our lives anymore." He stopped as he watched Remus look away and James look slightly ill at the mention of their former friend. "What the hell has he done this time?!"

"Pete!" James growled slightly harshly.

"Prongs," Remus intervened calmly, laying a hand on his friend's shoulder. "He wasn't there, remember?"

"Wasn't where?" Pete said quietly, looking between his friends in utter bewilderment.

"Let's go back to the dorm," Remus suggested.

"What?" Pete said, still confused.

"Come on, Wormy," Remus said kindly, draping an arm around his shoulders, guiding him towards the tower. "James?" he called, watching his other friend standing there, staring into space.

"Yeah," James managed, recovering.

The three of them made their way quietly and undisturbed to the Gryffindor tower. "So, what the hell happened? Why did you both miss all of yesterday afternoon's lessons. It was like Professor Flitwick knew you were going to miss them! Where the hell were you last night Prongs?!"

Remus watched his friend carefully. James appeared not to have heard the question. He sat rigidly, staring out into the distance. "Sirius," he started, but words failed him.

"What did he do?" Pete questioned.

"We failed him," James replied in a hollow, lost voice.

"What? I don't understand? What are you talking about?" Pete pushed. "Sirius betrayed us. He sold your secret to Snape of all people!"

Remus sighed. "He did but it wasn't his fault. He was hurt, scared and pushed, and then he snapped."

"Okay, you both are going to have to give me more than that!" Pete demanded. "I thought we were done with him?! Then you both miss an afternoon's worth of lessons. You return like a zombie and Prongs disappears altogether."

"Wormy, we're trying, okay. It's just…" Remus trailed off and sighed. "It's just really hard, okay? I'm struggling to make sense of it."

"Sirius is dying," James finally said in a distant voice.

"What?!"

"His parents tried to kill him, is that what you want to hear?! They locked him in his trunk! They beat him! They used the Cruciatus curse on him. Is that what you want to know?! He was so bloody scared yesterday he blew up a classroom! And because we abandoned him, he's going to die!" James snapped, the previously unshed tears streaming down his face.

The silence in the room was deafening. James sat there shaking. Remus looking paler than he did after a full moon. Pete was sitting there, open mouthed.

"I, I. How do you know?" Remus finally managed.

"Know he was tortured or that he is dying?" James growled.

"Both?" Pete asked meekly.

"He, he told me before he lost consciousness," James replied in a hollow, distant voice. "And Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall won't let me see him. They think he's going to die. They don't want us to witness it."

A thick, heavy silence descended on the room once again. "They could be wrong," Pete said, being the first to recover. "I mean they're not always right. Padfoot is still alive now, isn't he? I don't think we should give up on him so easily."

"Pete, you weren't there. You didn't see him. You weren't trapped with him, listening to him struggling to breathe," James whispered.

"No," Pete replied taking a breath. "No I wasn't, but we shouldn't give up on him. He's the one who takes the dog fight to Moony when he transforms. He's the beater on the Quidditch team. He's tough. He's tougher than people give him credit for. I'm just saying, don't give up on him."

"I'm sorry," James sniffed, wiping his eyes. "It was just, god it was so hard. I was so scared and I can't even begin to imagine how scared he must have been."

"We all lost touch," Remus said quietly. "I don't know how it happened but we all became lost."

"I know," Pete replied, looking at the food with disinterest. "I don't really feel like going to classes today."

"We have to, well I have to," Remus said, looking away.

"Moony, are you going to be okay tonight?" James asked.

"I'll be okay. It's going to be tough with what happened to Sirius and everything, but I'll be okay."

James nodded. "I guess, I guess we better head to Divination. I'll swing by the hospital wing at lunch break, maybe Madam Pomfrey will have changed her mind."

A couple of hours later James found himself standing outside a familiar door. He took a breath before entering. He knew what the response would be, but he had to try. "Madam Pomfrey, can I see-"

"I'm sorry James, but he's still not well enough," Madam Pomfrey said kindly.

"Okay, but he hasn't got any worse?" James questioned.

"No, he hasn't. James did Sirius say anything-"

"Yes he did, but that's his secret to tell. His trust has already been betrayed. I've betrayed him. I'm not going to do that again," James replied, shaking his head.

"I know that, but this is important. I'm not asking you to tell me what you two talked about, just if Sirius mentioned anything he was forced to ingest."

"Ingest?"

"Did Sirius mention anything he was forced to eat or drink?"

"What?! No, no he didn't!" James exclaimed. "They've poisoned him haven't they?! Why did they have to go and do that?!"

"I don't know," Madam Pomfrey said sadly, shaking her head.

"What's the poison doing to him?"

Madam Pomfrey watched the young Gryffindor for a moment. He was a child, but he wasn't much younger than her patient. "James, why don't you come with me." Once sat in her office, she summoned a hot chocolate, handing it to James. "I can't tell you much as it's confidential, like you don't want to tell me about your private conversation with Sirius. We believe Sirius has been poisoned. We don't know what it was, but it's making using magic to heal him near impossible. So, we are having to use Muggle methods."

James frowned. "Muggle methods? When they cut into people?!" he exclaimed.

"Many of your Muggle-born classmates have had these procedures and they are absolutely fine. Sirius was hurt, he had a badly broken wrist, we had no option."

"Did it hurt him?"

"No, he wasn't even aware it happened. A team of healers are still looking after him, that's why you can't see him."

"But, but," James started, swallowing several times as he struggled to digest the latest information. "But he'll be okay, right? He'll be able to use his arm?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine," Madam Pomfrey replied calmly.

"But you're not certain?!"

"He has the best healers-"

"But he can't be at St. Mungo's because of his parents?!"

"James, I can't tell you any more," Madam Pomfrey said firmly, ending the discussion.

James nodded. "When do you think I'll be able to see Sirius?"

"I'm not sure. James, believe me, I'm not keeping you from him. As soon as the healers think he's well enough for visitors I'll let you know."

James nodded again. "Thank you," he said meekly.

Towards dusk, he and Pete walked with Remus to the hospital wing. He desperately wanted to ask about Sirius, but it wasn't the time, nor the place.