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Chapter 12

Sirius exhaled carefully as the familiar stabbing pain threatened to overwhelm him. His eyes felt heavy. He could barely focus on Professor Collins, let alone make sense of what he was saying. He'd been released from the hospital wing a couple of days ago, and was making an attempt to get back to his life, with whatever scraps they had left him with. They still hadn't identified what he had been poisoned with and he couldn't remember much of what had happened over the Christmas holidays. Just flashes of pain and trauma. They hadn't said, but he knew the poison was slowly killing him. The healers had told him muggle methods took longer to heal than magic. They always added a fake, reassuring smile. But he could see it in their eyes, he was a dead man walking. He could feel his life slipping away.

He blinked his eyes several times as he tried to regain focus, but without success. He hadn't made it through a day of lessons without having to return to the dorm to sleep. He had barely made it through each class without feeling utterly terrible, and the current Ancient Runes class appeared no different from the rest. The only difference being, in the other classes he had always had one of the Marauders by his side, but now he sat alone.

Lily Evans looked up for a moment, as she frantically scribbled down notes. She loved the challenge of Ancient Runes, but sometimes she wished it came to her a little easier than it did. She looked to her left to her classmate, Sirius Black. She didn't hate the boy, she just disliked him and his best friend, James Potter. They were both arrogant, self assured bullies, but she could not deny their intelligence. Black seemingly found the class stupidly easy. He rarely took notes. He seemed to rarely study, yet he always appeared to come top of the class despite his lack of effort.

She watched him for a moment. His head was propped up by his arm, black hair falling over his face, the other arm lay still across the desk. So, he wasn't taking notes again, she thought dismissively. She briefly wondered what had happened over the last month or so. It had started with Sev ranting how Black had almost got him killed; she later found out Black had been suspended. But through the term she had started to distance herself from Sev; his obsession with her fellow prefect Remus was sickening. That, coupled with Sev's increasing association with the dark arts and certain people, she couldn't stand it anymore. Then the new term had started and news spread about Sirius' death, only for him to reappear. She had watched James Potter go from devastated to angry, and then he almost disappeared. Sirius had disappeared for a week. Rumours spread about his disappearance: he was in rehab, he was in prison were amongst the most popular. When she had seen Potter, he seemed stressed, distant and sleep deprived. When Black had returned a couple of days ago he had looked terrible; exhausted, pale and gaunt. He seemed barely able to focus on anything. Potter was a constant presence; he hardly left Black's side. His whole demeanour had changed. Gone was the arrogant, bullying character, to be replaced with a mature and incredibly protective person. He seemed to shield Black when they were walking down crowded corridors, and be a constant reassuring presence. She had always questioned why someone as quiet and kind as Remus was friends with people like Potter and Black. The calm, gentle prefect had always replied that she didn't know the two boys, that once you got to know them they were kind and would do anything for their friends.

"Black," she hissed, as Professor Collins approached them.

"So, Mr. Black, I see you decided to take a snooze in my class," Professor Collins said in a quiet, dangerous voice, as he stood over the slumped figure.

"Huh?"

"Not taking notes again I see."

Lily watched as the other boy blinked several times in apparent confusion. Black looked utterly bewildered, and the classroom looked like the absolute last place he should be. With the small beads of sweat on his forehead and slightly laboured breathing, she wondered if he should be in school at all. He looked like he belonged in the hospital wing. "Professor, should I take Mr. Black to the hospital wing?"

Sirius closed his eyes briefly. His vision had greyed again and dark spots were appearing. He knew it was only a matter of time before he passed out. The hospital wing was one of the last places he wanted to be. It would be as though he was admitting defeat and they would have won. But it still didn't help matters that he couldn't see straight. He knew he should come out with some smart comment but it was taking everything he had just to remain conscious. "Sorry Professor," was all he could manage.

"You know if you tried a little harder, you could do quite well in this class," Professor Collins continued.

"I," Sirius started, as he ran a shaky hand through his hair.

Lily frowned. In all the time she had known Sirius Black she had never known him to be lost for words. The Sirius Black she knew would have charmed his way out of the situation or been given detention due to some smart alec comment. But Black barely seemed capable of speech. "Professor, do you want me to take Mr. Black to the hospital wing?" she repeated.

"I don't know, do you need to go to the hospital wing?"

"No professor, I'm okay," Sirius replied in a small, shaky voice.

"Then get out and I'll see you tonight for detention," Professor Collins growled.

Lily watched as Sirius packed the few things he had on the desk into his bag. She was sure Black was right handed, not that she had ever paid him much attention, more she had noted he wasn't left handed. But now he packed everything up with his left hand, whilst he held his right arm carefully against his chest. "Sirius," she said gently. "Are you sure you're okay?"

It took Sirius a moment before he could reply. "Yeah, I'm fine Evans," he replied, flashing a smile.

Lily nodded, not believing him for a moment. "Okay. I'll see you in Transfiguration."

Sirius nodded as he stood, holding the desk for a moment to steady himself. He flashed another grin at Lily, before he slowly made his way out of the classroom. Quietly closing the door behind him, he took a couple of steps before slumping exhaustedly against the wall. The Ancient Ruins class was at least half the castle and four flights of stairs from the Gryffindor tower. How he was going to make it there, he had no idea.

Regulus Black frowned as he made his way down the corridor, the figure slumped at the end looked like his brother, but it couldn't be. Sirius was strong and never showed weakness. "Sirius?" he called out hesitantly. When he got no response, he gently touched his brother's arm.

Sirius staggered back, fighting back the bile in his throat as pain shot down his arm. His vision darkened, he could feel his knees buckling, he knew he should fight it but he just didn't have the strength. He vaguely wondered who would find him and what they would do with him. He felt a set of smaller hands catch him under the shoulders and pull him up, dragging him to one side. He wondered who they belonged to and what they wanted from him. He heard a small, scared voice urgently calling his name. He knew the voice, but he couldn't place it. It grew fanatic and desperate. The hands touched his face. He tried to focus on the voice but it was a struggle. He knew it wasn't James or Remus, but it still sounded friendly, it sounded concerned. He felt the person wrap their arms around his neck, and felt their shaky breath. "Reg?" he finally managed.

"Sirius, Sirius. What's happening? Are you okay? Should I take you to the hospital wing?" Regulus said breathlessly, not pulling back from his brother.

"Reg?" Sirius tried again.

"Yeah Sirius, it's me," Regulus replied with tears streaming down his face. This should not be happening. His big brother was strong, brave and fearless, he shouldn't be dying. "Should I get Madam Pomfrey?"

"No," Sirius said slowly. "No, I'm okay."

"Sirius, you passed out. I thought you were going to die."

Sirius found the strength to nod. He swallowed carefully, as he considered his next words. "I'm just tired, that's all."

Regulus took a moment to observe his older brother's tense, shaking form. "How often does this happen?"

"What?"

"How often does this happen?" Regulus repeated.

"Five times," Sirius replied weakly, dropping his head into his hand.

"A week?"

"A day."

"What?! This happens to you five times a day? Shouldn't you be in St Mungo's?"

"I can't, you know I can't," Sirius said slowly, as he dropped his head and raked his shaking hands through his dishevelled hair.

"Who did this to you?" Regulus asked carefully.

"You know who did this."

"No, no I don't," Reg said in a small voice. "You didn't come home over Christmas."

Sirius rubbed his face. The memories from the Christmas holidays were fragmented at best. He swore he could have seen Reg but then again he didn't trust any of his memories anymore. He sighed carefully, trying to ignore the stabbing pain across his ribs. "Mother and father," he finally managed.

"No, no, they wouldn't do that!" Regulus exclaimed.

Sirius screwed his eyes up tightly as Reg's exclamation felt like a knife to his tender skull. He was glad his baby brother was blind to the abuse. It would of course make it harder for him to escape them, but he only needed to survive ten and a half months. Then he would be of age, then he would be free. But with the way the poison was acting on him, he knew he wouldn't make it to adulthood, he doubted he'd see the term out. He heard Reg calling his name again. "Yeah," he replied in a near whisper.

"Sirius, I really think you should go to the hospital wing. You're not well!"

"I've been there, there's nothing more they can do. I'm just tired Reggie, that's all. A good night's sleep and I'll be right as rain, you'll see," Sirius replied, flashing a smile for good measure.

"But you said this happens five times a day, clearly a 'good night's sleep' isn't working! I'll talk to mum and dad, they'll know what to do."

"No! Please Reg don't," Sirius choked out.

Regulus felt his words catch in his throat. He saw something he thought he'd never see in his brother's eyes, sheer terror. Sirius was always the brave, strong one. His brother was the one who chased away the monsters, he never expected him to be scared. "Okay," Regulus said slowly, as though not quite trusting his decision. "Where do you want to go?"

'Where do you want to go?' Anywhere, Sirius thought. Anywhere to escape the constant pain and exhaustion. Somewhere nightmares didn't plague his sleep. "The tower," he finally settled on.

"Gryffindor?" Regulus asked. He watched his big brother nod. "Okay, let's get you there."

"Reg, you can't be seen with me."

"Why?"

"Bella," Sirius said simply.

"But-"

"I'm worried she'll think you've taken on my ways. You can't be seen to be helping a blood traitor."

"But you're my brother and you're hurt!" Regulus exclaimed.

"Reggie, it isn't that simple," Sirius started.

"No, it is. You're my brother, I don't care what anyone else says, you're my brother."

"It's not what they'll say, it's what they'll do."

"We all have qualities of each house in us, that's what you told me. You may be the Gryffindor, but that doesn't mean I don't have Gryffindor qualities. I'm not leaving you here for Bella. I'm taking you back to the Gryffindor tower. I should be taking you to the hospital wing, you know that's where you should be but you're too bloody stubborn," Regulus said fiercely.

"Reg-"

"Shut up Sirius," Regulus replied sharply as he swung Sirius' book bag over his shoulder. He grabbed Sirius' arm and swung it around his shoulders.

"Reg, you can't. What if Bella and her cronies see you with me?"

"Well, we better get moving then," Regulus replied, as he made slow progress down the corridor. "You better give me directions to Gryffindor, or I'll be taking you to the hospital wing."

It had been slow progress, taking more than five times what it would normally take to get to the Fat Lady's portrait, Regulus having to half carry his brother up the multiple staircases. How had this happened? Sirius was the strong, brave one out of the two brothers. How had he been blinded to what was really going on? He wondered if Sirius was lying. His parents had said Sirius was dangerous, that he was a blood traitor who couldn't be trusted. His cousins had said Sirius was evil, and a stain on the family. The Slytherins had tried to reinforce this and as time went by he had begun to believe them. He had begun to forget his brave brother who used to slay dragons for him and protect him from the monsters. The brother who used make him laugh when he sad. The brother who helped him with his studies. Who should he believe? His family, his friends and his house or his big brother? Their parents told him muggles were scum, his friends agreed, but Sirius didn't. Sirius had asked him to explain the difference between between muggles and wizards, all he could think of was magic. He remembered Sirius laughing and showing muggle inventions such as flying machines and cooking without fire, telling him it was just a different kind of magic. He'd told his parents; he didn't see Sirius for a couple of days after that conversation.

"Sirius?" he said quietly. "We're here."

Sirius merely nodded, not trusting himself to do much more at that point. He swallowed, and took a careful breath before he attempted to say anything. "Thanks," he said weakly.

"That's okay."

"You should go."

"Are you going to be okay from here?"

"I'll be fine. Just don't let Bella see us together."

"She scares me, Sirius," Regulus confessed.

"I know, she scares me too. Are you going to be okay?"

Regulus nodded, wondering why his half-alive brother was asking if he was going to be okay. "I'm worried about you, I don't think you should be alone."

"I won't be, James and Remus will be here soon."

Regulus bit his lip for a moment. He was fourteen, he wasn't a baby anymore, but why did he feel so scared? Sirius had always told him he had to think for himself, that he shouldn't be influenced by their parents or him, that he was old enough to make his own decisions. "Sirius?" he called out hesitantly, as he watched his older brother stumble weakly towards the portrait.

"Yeah?"

"Umm, it's nothing."

"Okay," Sirius replied in a questioning voice. "Get yourself out of here, Reg."

Regulus nodded, as he reluctantly turned and walked away from his brother. He felt a swirl of emotions as he walked away, not really knowing what to think. Who was right about muggles and the dark lord, his family or his brother? He felt a tear slip down his face. Through the conflict and the confusion, one overriding emotion broke through, one that had never died, just lain dormant; he loved his brother.