The talk Koza had with Huvanni the night before had installed a new sense of hope within the Fire Bender. And, unfortunately, that sense of hope was causing her to act very, very foolish.
If Huvanni did in fact like girls, then was there really the tiniest chance that Koza had a chance... Her stomach churned at the mere thought. She had finally come to terms with her nefarious feelings regarding a person of the same sex, but even just imagining the two of them holding hands or sharing a kiss under the moonlight… Her own thoughts were beginning to be too much to handle.
Nevertheless, Koza knew, deep down, she wanted to tell Huvanni how she felt. She knew that she just couldn't keep all these emotions bottled up inside for too much longer; eventually, they'd all spill out at once. Koza was quite sure that the end result would not be a very good one, but nevertheless, she wanted to tell Huvanni anyway. The Air Bender had a right to know, and… even if their friendship did indeed suffer from the confession, Koza could at least feel the relief of getting everything out into the open. At least… she hoped so.
The following morning, Koza shot out of her bed as soon as she heard the quiet steps of Uvi enter her room. She had been awake since dawn, counting the minutes until the woman finally came in to wake her. Koza desperately needed advice, and, at the moment, Uvi was the only one she could go to for it.
"Oh, good morning, Koza. Seems you're up bright and early this time. Feeling better?" Uvi asked, placing the back of her hand against Koza's forehead.
"Yes, I'm feeling fine," Koza lied. "But Uvi, can I ask you something? Do you… remember what I told you yesterday? About that... um, that boy? I think... I think you were right. I want to tell him I like him." Koza spoke quietly, her entire face flushed- this time, not from fever. Uvi's slightly concerned face changed to one of pure delight, and she took her hand away from Koza's face.
"Oh, Koza, that's wonderful! I'm glad you've built up the courage. There's nothing more pure than young love." She sighed dreamily. Koza tried to avoid looking at her directly. Not in this case, she thought miserably.
"Um, do you have any… advice, I guess? I've never done anything like this before. I don't even know where to begin." Koza said shyly. Uvi smiled at her sympathetically, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"Unfortunately, I don't think I could tell you anything that'd be very useful. The last time I ever told a boy how I felt about him, I was thirty years younger and fifty pounds lighter," She chuckled at her joke. "But I suppose if I could leave you with anything, just be confident and be you. I know that's a bit obvious, but I mean it. You need to feel confident in yourself and your feelings, just express from the heart. Don't let them smell your fear, as I always say."
"When have you ever said that?"
"…Don't let your nerves control you, is what I'm trying to say." Uvi laughed. Talking with Uvi usually made Koza feel better about any situation; the woman was always so caring and jovial, it was hard not to feel at ease whenever she was near. Today, though, Koza somewhat wished that she had asked for comfort rather than practical advice. She would've given anything to just be enveloped in a hug right now, assured that everything would be alright like she was still a young child. Sometimes she still felt like she was.
"But I don't think you have anything to worry about, dear," Uvi smiled. "You're a beautiful and kind young lady. Any boy would be an utter fool to reject you."
"Thanks, Uvi. That really means a lot." Koza said, meaning it.
"Always happy to help. Now get a move on before you're late. Probably not a great idea to miss out on two days of school in a row." Uvi teased and exited the room, leaving the door open a crack. Koza took a moment to breathe before willing herself to get up and get ready, taking a few extra minutes to put particular effort in making herself extra nice today.
She descended down the stairs into the general area and found Huvanni and Ojin already sitting and digging into their breakfasts. As well, Koza spotted with irritation, Ojin had moved from his normal spot so he could sit directly next to Huvanni. He was currently chatting her ear off, and- to Koza's amusement and relief- Huvanni appeared rather bored. Her gaze caught notice of Koza's appearance, and she instantly lit up.
"Koza! You're up!" Huvanni exclaimed.
"Yeah, sorry I took so long. My hair was not cooperating," Koza lied, then looked toward Ojin. "You're in my seat."
"There's no assigned seating. I can sit wherever I want." Ojin replied roughly, clear resentment over their conversation from the night before leaking into his words. Koza rolled her eyes at Huvanni, who hid her mouth to cover a smile. Koza begrudgingly took Ojin's old seat and started on her breakfast, all the while Ojin continued his spiel to Huvanni about economics and trade routes, or whatever he was saying.
"And it's really quite fascinating, when you compare the numbers from even places such as Omashu or even the remnants of what used to be Yokoya, they really can't compare with-"
"Hey, Huvanni?" Koza said, not caring that she was interrupting Ojin for the second time. Huvanni looked over, delighted at another escape from the conversation.
"Yes?"
"I have something I want to talk to you about later. Do you want to walk home from school today?" Koza said, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. Ojin gave her a scowling glare, but Huvanni's face brightened.
"Sure, a walk sounds lovely."
"You shouldn't be keeping secrets, you know. It's one of the marks of a dishonorable soldier." Ojin said smugly, picking at what was left of his rice.
"Oh, like how you were keeping that whole apprenticeship? That kind of secret?" Koza shot back. Ojin hesitated for a moment, thinking of a retort.
"...That's different!"
"Yeah? How so?"
"Do I hear arguing again? You children should not be at each other's throats this early in the morning." Shio Kan suddenly stepped out from inside the kitchen, looking quite dapper in a high-class black uniform. His posture and body language were as rigid as ever, but Koza couldn't help but notice that his eyes were darting back and forth, almost like he was worried about something.
"Sorry, Father." Both Koza and Ojin instinctively replied. They both shot a final glare at one another.
"I understand things are… a tad tense at the moment," Shio continued, looking directly at Koza as he spoke. "But we've all been so isolated as a family. With you two graduating from the Academy soon and getting ready to go off into the world, I think it's about time we start mending things between us. You two especially could stand to be more friendly with each other."
"Where is this coming from? You're the one who always said affectionate families are the weakest kind." Koza said crossly. Shio held a straight face.
"A man can change his mind, can't he?" He asked accusingly. Koza bit her lip. "I'd like you two to brainstorm something all four of us can enjoy together, as a family. And include Huvanni, if you're both willing. Then we can discuss the ideas tonight at dinner. Does that sound reasonable?"
"Yes, Father." Ojin said obediently. Koza, however, remained unconvinced.
"You're going to let us talk during dinner? Spirits, did something happen to you last night?" Koza tutted.
"I figured such an informal rule could be bent, just this once. Koza, I would've thought you would be happy that I'm trying to be more inclusive considering your little… outburst?" Shio said idly. Six pairs of eyes turned to stare at her.
"I just… I'm just very grateful for your generosity. Thank you, Father." Koza sighed, ultimately deciding that she was done fighting this battle. Shio Kan looked pleased at her decision.
"Very good. Well, then, I suppose you three should get going. Having you both be late would be bad enough, but I certainly don't want Huvanni missing out on her studies. A merchant in training always needs their education, after all." Shio nodded towards her.
"...Yes." Huvanni said oddly, shoving the last bits of fruit on her plate into her mouth. Her and Ojin both grabbed their bags and headed towards the door. Koza, remembering she hadn't even started on her breakfast yet, wolfed down as much sausage and rice as fast as she could and followed the pair.
"So, what is it you want to talk to me about, hm?" Huvanni whispered teasingly as the three of them waited outside for the carriage to pull around. Koza, who up until that point almost forgot her original objective, felt her heart begin to race.
"You'll just have to wait and see, won't you?" Koza retorted back, praying that the heat on her face wasn't visible.
"But that's no fun! Can't you just tell me now? Please?" Huvanni begged.
"Nope. Gotta wait until later. Sorry, Vanni."
"Boo, you stink." Huvanni groaned, sticking her tongue out. Koza grinned.
"Ladies, if you're done gossiping, can we actually get going?" Ojin huffed. Neither of them had even realized the carriage had already pulled up until Ojin acknowledged it.
"Right, sorry." Huvanni said, shooting Koza a wide, mischievous grin and climbing into the carriage. Ojin practically shoved Koza out of the way so he could clamber inside before her, quick to take the seat right next to Huvanni.
"You're really just not even bothering to hide it, are you?" Koza scoffed as she took the seat across.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ojin demanded, his cheeks turning pink.
"Nothing, nothing…"
The ride to the academy was a bit more awkward than it had been in previous days, with Ojin attempting to engage Huvanni in more political conversation and her giving polite one-word answers. Koza, meanwhile, stared outside the window with her thoughts a million miles away.
She had already promised herself that she would tell Huvanni how she felt on their walk today, there was no going back on it now. But her mind continued to speed through every horrible outcome that could occur, every little possibility of everything going wrong. The more dramatic intrusive thoughts, such as Huvanni laughing at Koza or flat-out insulting her, were quickly shut down due to their sheer absurdity.
But one outcome lingered in Koza's brain: The possibility that Huvanni would gently smile at Koza's confession, say that she isn't interested, and that they should just remain friends. It was definitely one of the gentler outcomes that Koza imagined, but for some reason it was the one that hurt the most. Probably because it was the one that was most likely to truly happen.
Koza didn't remember leaving the carriage and heading into her classes. She didn't remember sitting and taking notes about whatever the teachers were saying, or even what one of her Sifu's was shouting about during that day's Fire Bending lessons. The entire day was a complete blur, a melted-together combination of colors and distant voices. The day was going by faster than Koza had anticipated or wanted, and before she even had a sliver of time to decide what she was going to say to Huvanni, the school day was over.
The crowd of students eager to get home pushed and shoved Koza all the way to the courtyard, her legs now feeling as if they were the heaviest material on Earth. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it in her ears, and… were her palms sweating? That didn't happen to Fire Benders! Get it together, Koza, or you'll ruin this before you even start!
"Koza?" Huvanni's sudden appearance behind her surprised her so much that her balance was completely thrown off, and she found herself on the ground, laying on her back like a flipped-over turtle duck. A few people nearby laughed at her misfortune, but Huvanni simply extended a hand out to her.
"A bit jumpy?" She lightly teased as she helped Koza to her feet.
"Maybe just a little…!"
"Granted you didn't just break anything, are you ready to go?" Koza nodded. " I have to say. I'm glad you recommended walking back. Those carriage rides seriously cramp your legs. I don't understand how you rich people manage to ride in them every day." Huvanni sighed, doing a few quick lunges to drive the point.
"Didn't you use to ride on a giant monstrous bison every day?" Koza reiterated. She suddenly froze, the breath caught in her throat. Crap, why did she have to go and mention Noll? Thinking about the poor creature never failed to bring Huvanni to tears. Now Koza had made her upset right before she was planning on confessing to her, there was no way she'd-
"Touche. But bison are way less restrictive than carriages. At least we can get up and move around. Air is the element of freedom, I need to be free!" Huvanni raised both her arms high into the sky in a stretch. Realizing her words hadn't had a negative impact, Koza relaxed. She really needed to get her overthinking in check…
"Hey, are you okay? You look like you're gonna puke." Huvanni said suddenly, bringing her arms back down. Koza swallowed. So it was obvious…
"Um… I'll explain. Let's just get going." Koza said nervously, pushing through the crowd of awaiting students so they could get out as quickly as possible. Huvanni tagged along closely, looking at Koza with a new sense of concern. Koza attempted not to meet her gaze, trying to keep herself from actually puking.
They left the school grounds, maneuvering expertly to not get trampled by carriages and ostrich horses, and trod down the familiar stretch of land that led from the main city back to home. The two girls walked silently for the first minute or two as Koza struggled to find her voice.
"So? You wanted to talk?" Huvanni encouraged after a bit of awkward silence.
"Huh? Oh, right. So… how are… er, how are you enjoying the Fire Nation so far?" Koza asked tensely. Huvanni laughed loudly but quickly composed herself.
"Great, nothing beats going to school to learn about the Nation that killed my people, then come home to a boy who can't take a hint." She chortled. Seeing Koza's expression, she quickly continued. "I'm just kidding. It's actually really nice here. Hot, obviously, but the architecture and landscape is beautiful. And some of the people are actually pretty great." She smiled, nudging Koza with her elbow. Koza felt her face flush again. Damnit, this was starting to get annoying.
"Vanni, I think-"
"When did you start calling me that?" Koza turned her head and furrowed her eyebrows.
"What?"
"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just wondering. When did you start calling me 'Vanni?'" Huvanni asked curiously. Koza blinked; she actually did have a point. Koza had barely even recognized the nickname she had unconsciously given the Air Bender. It felt just as natural as saying her full name.
"I think it was a bit after your second breakdown, if I'm remembering correctly." Koza replied curtly. Huvanni laughed.
"Sounds about right."
"Well, have you been feeling better about that? About any of this?" Koza decided to change the subject matter.
"A bit. I'm not exactly over the whole thing, but… I think I'm starting to learn how to live with it." Huvanni decided.
"Well, that's good. I think. And nobody's gotten suspicious of you, have they?"
"Not that I know of. To think, my past heartache and misfortune ended up actually helping me today." She said dramatically.
"What do you mean?"
"As an Air Bender, we spend our entire childhood learning from the Nuns- or Monks, if you're from the North or South temple- all the current known techniques of Air Bending. That includes physical, mental, and spiritual training all day every day. When other Nations call us disciplined, they are not lying. Anyway, when an Air Bender is able to master all 36 forms and techniques of the art, then they are considered a master. And when they're given the title of master, that's when they get their tattoos."
"Tattoos?" Koza asked with astonishment, imagining a crude carving of an open-mouthed snake on Huvanni's arm.
"Not the kind that you're thinking of," Huvanni interjected. "See, Air Bending originates from the Sky Bison. We learned it from them, and still learn it from them. And, once someone is able to master Air Bending in its full form, they give themselves the markings of that of a Sky Bison to honor the achievement, as well as showing respect to the ones who taught us originally. Arrows."
At the mention of an arrow, Koza suddenly remembered seeing an image of an ancient Air Bending monk in a textbook many years ago. Now that the image had returned to her, she could remember that, indeed, the old man had a tattoo of a blue arrow on his shaven forehead. At the time, Koza had simply thought it was an odd personal choice.
"I… failed the exam. Twice, actually," Huvanni continued, her demeanor now growing embarrassed.. "I got 35 out of 36. For some reason I just couldn't figure out that last move, it was killing me. All the other girls my age got their tattoos, but I was the only one who didn't. I was supposed to take the exam again on the night of the new moon, you know, to prove that I had finally mastered that last technique and wasn't skimping on the other 35. But… that didn't happen, obviously." Koza felt her heart twinge with sympathy. "But hey, look how things ended up turning out! If I did end up getting those tattoos, it would've been a big challenge hiding them from everyone else, right?"
"Maybe. I'm sure you could've just wrapped a belt around your forehead or something." Koza replied.
"Maybe. But in the long run, I guess it's lucky for both of us that I ended up failing, right?" Huvanni mumbled, the smile plastered on her face now more strained than it was before.
"Hey, don't think for a second that you're anything less than a great Bender just because you struggled. I mean, you mastered 35 techniques and you're only 16! That's insanely impressive, Vanni!" Koza encouraged. Huvanni shrugged her shoulders.
"I guess…" She said, unconvinced. Koza stared at the girl, wanting to say a million things at that moment.
"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."
"...And how is that?" Huvanni asked quietly.
"I see… a girl who is full of laughter and generosity. I see a girl who has gone through so much, and yet somehow manages to still smile every day. I see a girl who is full of talent, kindness, and wisdom, and I almost can't believe I managed to get through an entire day without having her around." Koza could barely stop the flow of words. She took a breath, trying to get herself to stop, but Huvanni looked back at her.
"Go on."
"You've helped me through so much, even though I'm the one who was supposed to help you. Because you're selfless, you're so, so strong, and you just make my world brighter whenever you're in it. You've made me feel a way that no other person has ever made me feel. You make me want to live through every day, Vanni, and I love… you…" Koza suddenly stopped, the last part of her sentence clumsily tumbling out as she failed to stop herself. Huvanni looked a bit surprised at these words, but she didn't appear to be upset by it.
"You… love me?" Huvanni repeated. Koza took a deep inhale, willing herself to go on. No turning back now.
"I… do. And I know, I know it's wrong. We're supposed to be enemies, we're from completely different worlds that never should've collided, but-" she was cut off as Huvanni suddenly stepped forwards and pressed her lips into Koza's. It was nothing more than a gentle peck, but it was soft and sweet and spoke a thousand words within seconds. Koza could feel Huvanni's presence against her own, like their very spirits intertwined in that one blissful moment.
When Huvanni stepped back again, Koza's head was positively spinning. She tried to form a coherent sentence, but she only managed to speak gibberish, causing Huvanni to giggle.
"You talk too much." She teased the Fire Bender.
"You… How? Why?" Koza garbled. Huvanni snorted.
"How? I put my lips against yours, that's usually how kissing works. And why? Because I wanted to."
"You… you wanted to?" Koza almost couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"Yeah, I did. Because I like you too, pea brain." Huvanni grinned, her cheeks turning a light pink. Koza wasn't sure if she was hallucinating or not.
"You… did? Or, you do? For how long?" Koza was practically foaming at the mouth at how overloaded her brain felt.
"I think around the same time you started, a few days ago," Huvanni said, suddenly smiling wickedly. "I gotta say, if there's even a single thing that you and Ojin have in common, it's that you two are incredibly obvious when you like someone."
"So, wait, you knew? You liked me, and you knew I liked you… so why didn't you say anything?"
"Because it's funny seeing a big bad Fire Bender turn into a tomato every time I enter a room," Huvanni teased, brushing her gentle hand against Koza's cheek and moving a strand of hair out of the way. "But also because I know how things are in the Fire Nation. Love was more accepted in the Air Temples than it is here. No one cared about who you loved, as long as you loved with all of your heart. I didn't want to do anything until I knew you were okay with it. So I waited for you." Without even thinking about it, Koza's hands took hold of Huvanni's waist and pulled her in close so that they were barely an inch apart. They looked into each other's eyes, exchanging a plethora of unspoken words.
"You really… really want to be with me?" She practically whispered.
"I do. You're just as wonderful as you think I am. Noble, considerate, brave, honorable, strong. Not to mention, sexy." Huvanni winked. Koza couldn't help but laugh, then shook her head.
"This will make things twice as hard for us."
"I know."
"We're both dead if anyone finds out."
"I know."
"Do you even care at all?" Koza asked slyly. Huvanni pressed her forehead against Koza's, closing her eyes. Koza did the same, feeling the girl's breath against her own.
"If it means I get to love you? Then no, I don't."