Translator's notes: This is a translation and I'm not a native English speaker, so any weird English is on me! I did my best though, so I hope you'll enjoy this fic anyway.

The author would like you to know that she doesn't write in English but that she can read your comments and she loves them! So don't hesitate, just tell her what you think!

March 5

08:02 pm

Eve: My shrink – she thinks I shouldn't come.

08: 48 pm

V: Kill her.

V: I mean, she's right. But kill her anyway.

V: Wait…You're seeing a *shrink*?

Eve: Villanelle.

V: I would do it for you but it's a bit complicated, considering my current location.

V: And you won't always be able to rely on me for this kind of things.

V: Why are you seeing a shrink?

Eve: Oh, I don't know. Because I'm homeless, jobless and practically divorced? Because I got shot? Because one of my only friends was murdered? Or because I *killed a fucking guy with an axe*?

V: That's a lot of reasons.

11:55 pm

Eve: Or because I'm still writing to you?

March 6

09:06 pm

V: Do you know Crocodile Rock?

Eve: Everybody knows Crocodile Rock.

V: Cool song.

Eve: … Okay. And you're telling me this because…?

V: I was just listening to it.

Eve: *You* are into Elton John?

V: My brother's a big fan.

Eve: You have a *brother*?!

V: I have two.

Eve: Wow. Your file said you didn't have any family left.

V: Life is full of surprises. Turns out I have two brothers.

V: Well, one brother and a half, actually.

Eve: A half-brother, do you mean?

V: Yeah, he's a half-pint.

V: I left him some money. To go see Elton.

Eve: That's… surprisingly nice, Villanelle :)

V: I owed him that much.

V: I had just killed his mum.

Eve: On which side is he your half-brother, did you say?

V: I didn't.

Eve: On which side is he your half-brother, Villanelle?

V: My mother's side.

Eve: … Okay.

Eve: Do you want to talk about it?

V: No.

Eve: Then what do you want to do?

V: I'm listening to the greatest hits right now.

Eve: Crazy night ahead, huh?

V: You have no idea.

V: Wanna give it a try?

Eve: My earbud cord is all tangled up.

V: *Of course* your earbud cord is all tangled up!

Eve: What's that supposed to mean?

V: My little Martha Stewart!

V: I'll send you some headphones.

Eve: Quiet. I'm trying to listen to the music.

11:08 pm

V: Don't go breaking my heart [music notes icon]

March 8

09:36 pm

V: On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate our first date?

Eve: We never had a date.

V: Excuse me?

V: We had dinner, just you and me – a delicious shepherd's pie.

V: And then you took your clothes off.

V: If *that*'s not a date, I don't know what is.

Eve: I was *terrified*, frantic and wet. Are you calling that a date?

V: Frantic and wet, I'd even call that a *successful* date [tongue-in-cheek icon]

Eve: …

Eve: God, I can't even tell if you're serious.

V: The second one was definitely a nine. We had so much fun!

Eve: It wasn't funny, Villanelle!

V: HA!

V: That one you do remember!

Eve: You forced me to ingest some *arsenic*!

V: Don't be such a cry-baby, it wasn't arsenic.

Eve: But I thought it was! What was it anyway?

V: Just some Tylenol [double LOL icon]

V: Apparently, having fun is one of the ground rules for a successful date.

Eve: Apparently?

V: Google says so.

Eve: Did you really just google that?

V: I'm more than just a pretty face on top of a perfect body, Eve. I'm interested in a lot of things.

Eve: Your search history must be fascinating.

V: I'll send you a screen cap.

Eve: I'm no expert but I'm quite sure that another ground rule is no death threats.

Eve: You should study for next time.

V: Next time? How cocky of you!

Eve: It was just a manner of speaking.

V: Next time, Eve, I'll rock your world.

Eve: Is that so? You're always so humble!

V: Always!

Eve: Have you ever had a normal date?

V: Yes, I have! I had a boyfriend in Paris. We used to go out for ice-cream. A very simple, very normal relationship.

V: But then he died a gruesome death, so I don't know if it qualifies.

Eve: …There, I have a headache.

V: Do you want some Tylenol?

March 10

10:18 pm

Eve: I saw my shrink today.

V: Again?

Eve: Twice a week.

V: And is it working?

Eve: Not really.

V: What is she like?

Eve: Dark hair, thirty-something, wearing glasses.

V: Wow Eve, I wasn't asking you how she *looks*.

Eve: She's smart but mostly aggravating.

Eve: And yes, you did want to know how she looks.

V: She's just your type. Should I worry?

V: Is she pretty?

Eve: Quite. Jealous?

V: Absolutely not. Curious.

Eve: Good.

V: Eve… Do you *want* me to be jealous?

Eve: Absolutely not.

V: Good.

Eve: Good.

V: Do you talk about me in there?

Eve: I hardly talk about anything *but* you.

Eve: And it's *not* a good thing. Don't smile.

V: Too late.

March 12

06:14 pm

Eve: So… You killed your mother?

V: Wow Eve, civilized people say "good evening" first, at least.

Eve: Why?

V: Because it's more polite.

Eve: Villanelle.

V: Because she hadn't changed.

Eve: What do you mean?

V: She was still blaming me for everything.

Eve: Everything?

V: Yes, and it's not true, Eve. The thing is that Borka is completely unhinged. And I mean, I just met him, so, obviously…

Eve: Borka?

V: My brother, the little one.

Eve: Okay. So she hadn't changed.

V: No, and it was alright, do you see? If only she had wanted to admit it.

V: That she's like me, I mean. That *I*'m like her.

V: Why is it that nobody ever wants to admit it?

Eve: Is that why you shot me?

V: I don't know.

V: I don't cope well with rejection.

Eve: No kidding.

Eve: There are other ways to deal with your issues, you know.

V: As efficient as this one? None that I know of.

Eve: I could teach you. I could try.

V: I don't know. Look, I haven't killed Irina yet, and this morning she told me I was ugly with dark hair!

Eve: Has she seen herself?

V: YES! That's exactly what I said!

11:06 pm

V: I'm glad I haven't killed you.

Eve: Thanks, I guess?

V: You're welcome.

March 13

06:54 pm

V: What do you tell your shrink when you talk about me?

Eve: Well, I can't tell her *everything*, obviously.

Eve: I had to… Let's say… Edit some parts.

V: Such as?

Eve: I won't tell you.

V: Do tell.

Eve: No, you'll make fun of me.

V: I can't promise you I won't. Tell me anyway!

Eve: No.

V: Pleaaaase.

Eve: No.

V: I said please!

Eve: You *whined* please. It's still no. Are you going to throw a tantrum now?

V: But Eeeeve.

V: I'm bored.

V: I don't kill, I don't fuck, I barely eat carbs anymore, and that little bitch Irina won't let me anywhere near the TV remote.

Eve: Really?

V: Really! Konstantin decided that we had to eat healthy food. Some crap about his heart attacks, I don't know, I stopped listening after ten seconds.

Eve: And you're not doing *any* of these things anymore?

V: Eve… My little sweetheart. Why don't you ask me directly what you *really* want to know?

Eve: Will you answer honestly if I do?

V: If you answer my question.

Eve: Deal.

07:45 pm

Eve: So?

V: You haven't asked me anything yet.

Eve: God, you're so annoying.

V: [kiss icon]

Eve: Are you really not fucking anymore?

V: Not really, no.

Eve: Not really?

V: I came back home with a girl two weeks ago.

V: She left very, *very* satisfied. As for me… Not so much.

Eve: Why?

V: Do you want me to spell it out for you?

V: Oh, I can spell it out for you if you want!

Eve: Please don't.

V: She wasn't reminding me enough of you.

V: You completely ruined my sex life.

Eve: Sorry baby x

V: You're so *not* sorry.

Eve: Hot *and* clever. That's my kind of girl.

V: Oh my god.

V: You're learning way too fast.

V: So, your shrink?

Eve: I told her that you are narcissistic and childish.

V: I'm so *not* childish. [pouting icon]

Eve: Yes, you are.

V: No, I'm not.

Eve: Yes, you are.

V: No, I'm not.

Eve: Yes, you are.

V: No, I'm not.

Eve: This can go on forever.

V: I won!

Eve: Are you sure about that?

V: …

March 14

09:16 pm

Eve: What are you doing?

V: Grumble.

Eve: Someone's in a mood.

Eve: Did Irina pull your hair?

V: Konstantin.

Eve: Konstantin pulled your hair?

V: He thinks we are texting too much.

Eve: And it bothers him because…?

V: He's worried, yadda yadda the Twelve and yadda yadda Anna.

V: So I told him "You're not my mother. I *killed* my mother, remember?"

V: And he said "You know how you are when you think you love someone", and wtf, I don't think, I *know*. I'm a big girl, thank you very much.

V: Could he be more patronizing?

V: Well, not that I'm *big* obviously, but….

V: Eve? Are you still with me?

Eve: Yes.

Eve: I'm processing the news.

V: There's nothing new about Konstantin being a first-class killjoy.

Eve: No, Villanelle.

Eve: You literally just said that you loved me.

V: Oh… I did? Are you sure?

09:58 pm

V: And… What if I did?

Eve: This time I would believe you.