March 16

11 :54 pm

Eve: Villanelle?

Eve: That thing you told me in Paris.

Eve: Is it still true?

V: I said a lot of things in Paris. You're gonna have to be more specific.

Eve: You know what I'm talking about…

V: Eve? How many drinks did you have?

Eve: Enough to ask you that question.

V: Not enough to ask me plainly.

Eve: You're never going to make things easy for me, are you?

V: You never wanted it to be easy.

Eve: Maybe not.

Eve: Sometimes I do.

V: OK. I can do easy.

V: You want to know if I still think about you when I masturbate.

V: It's a stupid question, Eve.

V: Of course I do.

Eve: What about you, don't you have anything to ask me…?

V: Oh yes, I do.

V: Do you think that white chocolate *is* chocolate?

Eve: In what universe isn't *that* a stupid question?

Eve: It's called chocolate, so it's chocolate.

V: But it's *white*, Eve.

Eve: Hence the name. Have you done it recently?

V: Two hours ago. Just before the white chocolate.

Eve: I thought you had given up on sugar?

V: I've got a secret stash. In a tampon box.

V: There's no way Konstantin will ever stick his nose into it.

Eve: That's smart.

V: I'm a smart girl.

Eve: Was it good?

V: Yes.

Eve: How good?

V: Not as good as Belgian chocolate. And really, is that even chocolate, huh? I mean, if you consider it's all about the cocoa…

Eve: I'm not talking about your fucking chocolate, Villanelle!

V: Ha! So you think it *is* chocolate!

Eve: I just told you so. Literally.

V: I don't think real chocolate lovers would agree with you though.

Eve: And I thought you'd jump at the chance to talk about sex with me.

V: Oh! Oh! Are we finally using real words?

Eve: Really? Are you going to be a dickhead *now*?

V: Eve… I'm not completely stupid, you know.

V: You text me at almost midnight to talk about my masturbatory fantasies. And I figure you haven't had sex in… How long has it been, by the way?

Eve: It has nothing to do with it.

V: Anyway, if you feel an itch, go ahead and scratch. But I won't help you tonight.

Eve: Wow.

Eve: OK.

Eve: Good night.

V: I'm not rejecting you, Eve.

Eve: Just drop it, OK?

V: I could write a novel in several volumes with all the things I want to do to you, you know that.

V: But not now and not like that.

V: I'm going to finish my maybe chocolate and go to bed now.

V: Have fun [wink icon]

March 17

11:36 am

Eve: White chocolate contains cocoa butter though.

V: Did you just google that?

Eve: Yes.

Eve: Thanks for the headphones.

V: A word of warning would have been nice.

V: I would have been sitting.

Eve: What now?

V: You just *thanked* me.

Eve: That's what polite people do.

V: Yes, *polite* people.

Eve: I'm a polite person.

V: You haven't thanked me for the cake.

V: Was it good, by the way?

Eve: How should I know? I threw it away.

V: There are starving children, Eve!

Eve: How could I be sure that you hadn't poisoned it?

V: You tried out the lipstick, though.

Eve: How can you possibly know that?

V: You just confirmed it.

Eve: I could have gotten seriously injured.

V: But the color was so beautiful.

V: You do know how to use wireless headphones, right?

Eve: Are you asking me if I can use headphones?

V: Can you?

Eve: … Not really.

March 18

07:05 pm

V: As a woman, would you define yourself rather as the Chanel or Dior type?

V: If you answer the H&M type, I'm deleting your number.

Eve: I wasn't going to answer that.

V: Really?

Eve: OK, I was totally going to answer that.

V: So, Dior or Chanel?

Eve: Definitely Dior.

V: Did you pick an answer randomly?

Eve: Not at all. "La Vie Est Belle" is a great name for a perfume.

V: It *was* a good idea… by Lancôme, Eve!

Eve: Does it make any difference?

V: You're killing me.

V: Literally, you're killing me.

Eve: I only wear La Villanelle anyway.

V: … Nice try.

V: But seriously, how can anyone mistake Dior for Lancôme?

Eve: This might come as a surprise to you, but working for MI5 is not as lucrative as the international scale assassination business.

V: Maybe you should have married an international scale assassin instead of a math teacher, then.

Eve: Not everybody gets married for the money.

V: Is there any other good reason?

V: By the way, I'd like to point out that I'm very rich.

Eve: Are you asking me to marry you?

V: In your dreams.

Eve: Fine by me, I don't need haute couture clothes anyway.

V: Your body is begging to differ.

V: When we go back to Paris, I'll cover you with pretty things.

Eve: Are you talking about yourself?

V: Oh!

V: Inappropriate jokes, now?

V: I'm so proud of you!

Eve: What's so great about Paris anyway?

V: They have Place Vendôme, champagne and Parisian women. What's not to love?

V: That being said, you were right – you'd be gorgeous in Dior.

V: I'll buy you some Dior.

Eve: OK.

11:46 pm

Eve: Gorgeous, huh?

V: Go to bed, Eve [kiss icon]

March 19

06:54 pm

Eve: It's a poem.

V: Life?

Eve: A villanelle. It's a poem.

V: Wow, Eve. I'm going to disappoint you, but… I already knew that.

V: Did you just find out?

Eve: No.

Eve: But you never told me why.

V: Because I wanted an Asian woman with amazing hair to say one day "That girl is a real piece of work."

Eve: You really think you're funny, right?

V: I *know* I am.

Eve: Was it for Anna?

V: It's been almost ten years, Eve.

V: Do we really need to talk about her?

Eve: I'm not Anna, Villanelle.

V: No, you're way hotter.

Eve: I'm serious.

V: Me too. You're really hot.

Eve: You're a pain, Oksana.

V: I was just being *nice*!

10:06 pm

V: I thought it was cool.

V: As a name. Villanelle.

V: Really cool actually. So dashing.

V: That's it.

Eve: It suits you.

V: I know!

V: And I like poetry. Don't you?

Eve: Not really.

Eve: The thing is you never know what it really means.

V: That's the whole point, darling.

V: You never know what *I* really mean.

V: Or you would have stopped texting me a long time ago.

Eve: Is that what you think?

March 20

09:54 pm

Eve: What do you think would have happened in Paris?

Eve: If I hadn't done what I did to you.

V: You mean, if you hadn't tried to kill me?

V: The sex would have been amazing.

Eve: I mean, after that.

V: Probably more sex.

Eve: Apart from the sex!

V: Hm.

V: We would have gone out for dinner. Maybe at Ducasse's. Do you like fish?

V: Oh! We would have had a hot chocolate at Angelina's!

Eve: I have no idea who these people are.

V: Movies. We would have gone to the movies.

V: And then more sex obviously.

V: OH! Sex *at* the movies!

Eve: Sex at the movies would have been definitely out of the question.

V: Why? [crying a river icon]

Eve: Because I'm not fifteen!

Eve: Seriously, what would have happened?

V: I don't know. Normal stuff?

Eve: You'd get bored.

V: Not even close.

March 21

06:05 pm

Eve: What do you do all day?

V: It depends.

Eve: What did you do today?

V: I went shopping!

Eve: Yesterday?

V: Shopping!

Eve: …

Eve: What's the point of having more clothes than you can wear?

V: Blasphemy!

V: Defamation!

V: I wear all of them.

Eve: More than once?

V: Are they supposed to be worn more than once?

V: And I'll let you know that I had practically nothing left.

V: Do you have any idea how hard it is to have to choose the *one* perfect outfit before leaving?

V: I felt like that woman…

V: The one who had to make a choice between her children.

Eve: … Sophie?

V: Possibly. A tragedy.

Eve: But… Can you still afford it?

Eve: I mean, you no longer have a regular income, right?

V: Konstantin!

V: Give her phone back to Eve *now*!

Eve: Very funny.

V: Those parents, I swear.

Eve: I'm definitely *not* your mother.

V: No, you're way hotter.

Eve: You really have the worst sense of humour - the worst I've ever seen.

V: He's horrible, Eve. Horrible.

V: He's torturing me. First the food, now the shopping.

V: He keeps repeating that awful thing – be *responsible*, Villanelle.

V: We have lots of money.

Eve: But no more job.

V: I'll find another one. I'm good at a lot of things, despite what Carolyn says.

Eve: What does she have to do with anything?

V: I offered to work for MI6.

V: She said I was of no interest to them if I didn't kill.

Eve: You know what?

Eve: Fuck Carolyn.

V: Yeah. Fuck Carolyn.

08:09 pm

V: Do you think I am of no more interest if I don't kill?

Eve: I think a lot of people have a vested interest in *you* thinking so.

March 22

07:06 pm

V: Sometimes, I feel old.

Eve: You're telling *me* that?

V: Who else would I tell?

March 23

09:34 pm

Eve: What are we doing, Villanelle?

V: I don't know about you but I'm having a unique experience right now.

V: Five scoops, Eve. FIVE!

V: They kept pretending that they didn't have an ice-cream cone big enough, can you believe it? I had to raise my voice but the result is SPLENDID!

V: With a topping. Chocolate sprinkles.

V: [ice-cream cone icon + yummy icon]

Eve: Villanelle.

V: I think I just had an orgasm.

Eve: Villanelle.

V: What? There is such a thing as a stomach orgasm, Eve.

Eve: No, there isn't.

Eve: And can you forget about that ice-cream for one minute?

V: Yes, there is.

V: And I'd rather die than forget about that absolute perfection.

Eve: I'm trying to discuss something with you.

V: And I'm not having that discussion.

V: Especially not with passion fruit sorbet dripping all over my fingers.

V: Wanna help me clean them up?

Eve: We need to have that conversation sooner or later.

V: No, Eve, we don't. *You* need to have that conversation. With yourself.

V: I've already put pretty much all my cards on the table, don't you think?

V: You're the one who stabbed me just when I was about to offer you a one in a lifetime experience.

V: You're the one who left me hanging in Amsterdam.

V: You're the one who refused to leave with me. You again who chickened out on the bus.

Eve: And I'm the one who had a price put on my own head just to see you!

V: That was hot.

V: Stupid, but hot.

Eve: Why didn't you kiss me?

Eve: That night, in my kitchen.

Eve: I told you I'd give you anything you wanted. And you didn't try to get a thing.

V: You'd have said that it was just so I would agree to work for you. That you had let me do it for a good cause. That everything was *under control*.

Eve: I'd never have said that!

V: Yes, you would have.

Eve: Oh.

10:46 pm

Eve: You do know it would have been a lie, right?