This chapter is based on Bag of Bones by ZZ Ward
Baby, when you are beside me
It's like we're walking on stars
Baby, when you are inside me
You know we light up the dark
I never needed nobody
I hear your train on the tracks
You snuck right in, caught you, caught it
No falling in love, and it's too late to fall back
The sound of heels clicking announce the entry of Fallon in the dining room.
Sam and Kirby stop their conversations to watch the brunette taking her seat at the table and pour herself some green juice. Her face is clear of emotions and they can help but stay put, waiting for her next move.
"What?" Fallon snaps after a sip of her glass and a spoon from her salad fruit. "I can see you two staring at me. If you continue I'm afraid it will dig holes in to my clothes" she gestures for the pink Dior dress she's wearing.
"Nothing" they both say simultaneously.
"No bacon this morning?" Kirby questions eyeing her. "Or coffee?"
She shakes her head while continuing eating her fruit. "Nope. I've decided to make new choices in my life, so I'm trying to be more healthy from now on"
"And no Liam talk?" Sam asks narrowing his eyes, finding her behavior odd. She glares at him and he huffs. "What? Everytime we talk, ninety percent of our conversation is about him or schemes to make him fall in love with you again. Forgive me if I'm just confused"
She shakes her head. "No, you're right. I admit I can get obssessive about certain things, Liam included. But I can assure you the L topic won't be in our conversations anymore"
Sam gasps. "Does this mean you finally worked things out with him? Can I help plan the nursery? I'm just really excited about a baby in the house" he claps.
"Wait a minute" Kirby intervenes, looking between Fallon and Sam "A baby? Fallon, you're pregnant?"
Fallon groans. "Okay, new rule: no one is allowed to ask me if I'm pregnant. One, is impolite. Two, even if I was, that would be my business and my decision if I wanted people to know"
"So no baby?" Sam pouts.
"No Sam, no baby" Fallon puts a grape at her mouth, trying to keep it full so she wouldn't say things she shouldn't say.
"I'm just confused. Why would there be a baby if you're not pregnant?" Kirby steps in again.
"There wouldn't. Sam just have a very fertile imagination. See what you just did here?" She glares at Sam, pointing her head to Kirby and he rolls his eyes.
"Fine" he concedes, drinking his juice "Then can we talk about why we aren't talking about Liam?"
Fallon takes a moment to breathe, putting her elbows on the table and supporting her head with her intertwined hands, her conversation with Crystal still replaying in her head. "I've decided to finally hear what everyone has been telling me all these months. I'm taking a step back and let time do it's thing"
There's silence in the room, the only noise coming from Sam's mouth.
"Who are you and what you did with Fallon?" Sam asks shocked, sticking a piece of banana bread inside his mouth.
"I've told you, I'm trying to be healthier. And this include my love life too. In front of you, there's a new version of me. I might even join Alexis in her spin class later today"
"Oh my God" Sam exclaims.
"You really are changed" Kirby muses "Well, I would love to stay here and talk about this new and mature version of you but I have some plans for this morning" she says getting up and taking an apple with her "Sam, invite her for tonight"
When Kirby is out of the room, Sam leans forward, watching Fallon closely. "You weren't serious earlier, right?"
"About the spin class? Yes, I was. It's been ages since I've exercised, but don't worry, I'm not dragging you with me this time"
"I don't mean that" he hisses "I take last night didn't go the way you planned"
"Oh no, it did. Everything was going great, fantastic even. Then I called the whole thing off and went home"
"You chickened out?"
"Fallon Carrington does not chickens out" she states "I just thought things through and came to the conclusion that maybe I wasn't doing things in the right way" she shrugs.
"Are you serious? Because I spent my entire afternoon yesterday telling you exactly this at La Perla"
"And I got the message. A little later than expected but I did" He curls his lips. "So you didn't go all the way"
Fallon takes a deep breath and forces a smile. "If you want to know if I'm still living in celibacy, then your answer is yes, Sam. I am. This is probably the worst part of my punishment" she mutters while holding her glass..
"You didn't even reach the second base? Because I can spot a hickey in your neck and I'm mentally praying that it was Liam who gave you that and not another man. Because if that is the case, I don't think I can handle any more drama in your life"
Her hand rushes to the sensitive skin, covering it. "I put so much make up on it this morning. I honestly thought I had it covered"
"Maybe for regular people, but I'm kind of an expert on this" he says smug, crossing his arms.
"Well, thank you. And calm down, my husband gave me this. I didn't screw things over again this time, thanks for the vote of confidence"
"I'm sorry but things are moving too fast for me to keep up with. Just like this new version of you. Where this is coming from? I thought you wanted him back, in fact, yesterday you had your mind set on getting Liam back. What changed?"
She stops chewing her salad fruit, putting in to words what she felt last night. "You were right... when you said about how unfair it would be to bring a child in this"
"That's it?"
"No" she sighs, looking down "Our night was perfect. He was being nice to me, it even felt like the last months never happened. And I got him right where I wanted. And he was just there, staring at me like I was everything he could ever dream and I was planning to get pregnant just so I could have him for myself. Then I realized how wrong it was what I was doing and how much he would hate me if he ever found out about this. So I walked away of his room when he wasn't looking and had a breakdown at the elevator after I realized how pathetic I was"
"Fallon..."
"No, spare me. I don't need your condescending tone. What I need is to let go of him for a little while. I've been neglecting my company ever since the shooting, focusing all my energy on him and I can't and won't do that anymore. So starting today, my thoughts belong to Fallon Unlimited only and my efforts will be to make myself happier and my company even more successful"
"Look at you. Making good decisions" Sam gives her a warm smile, squeezing her free hand across the table. "I'm happy for you. I really am"
"Me too. Or at least I'm trying to"
"Just don't sink yourself too low in to work again, you need to live a little"
"I've got it all under control"
"I get stressed everytime I hear you say those words" he shivers "So, since you have all this spare time you didn't have it before because you were too busy scheming, how about you go out with me and Kirby today? We are going to this new club and we can get drunk and you can help us find some decent men there" he offers.
"That actually sounds like a good idea. The last time we did something like this it was before I got married. I think I deserve a break too" Fallon muses.
"That's the spirit" he celebrates, standing up "I need to go now but I'll text you the address of the club where we are going tonight. Be ready by seven"
He walks away, and when she's alone, Fallon takes her time to prepare herself mentally for the day.
She wasn't nervous about going to work. This, was probably going to be the easiest part of her today. No, she wasn't worried about her successful company, the one she worked so hard to build from scratch and was doing pretty well. She was worried about trying to spend a whole day without thinking about the reason she has been sleeping alone in her bed.
What she told Sam and Kirby was true, she was going to try a different approach, one that doesn't include plots or dramas. But that was easier said than done. So even though she told Sam she wouldn't drown herself at work, that could be the only thing that might keep her mind busy and stop her from going places she shouldn't be going.
And work she does. She has meetings all morning and by the time lunch arrives, her adrenaline is reaching the sky and she finally feels like herself again.
After she finishes a call with a client, her assistant rushes to her desk.
"These are for you to sign" she lays two pink folders in to table.
"Thanks, Jane"
"Uhh... Mrs Carrington, there's a man here to see you" Jane blurts out, eyeing the door and her boss.
Fallon shakes her head, looking down while signing those papers. "I don't care if the pope is here to see me, Jane. I've told you I was going to be busy today and I'm about to head out to eat"
"That's the thing. He says he's your husband" Fallon finally looks up, alarmed.
Jane never met Liam, he never showed up at her office after that Eva disaster, so her assistant might as well being played here. Or, it could be him. Either way, she could only do one thing to find that out.
"Send him in" Fallon bosses and immediately goes check her make up and her hair.
And then, enters Liam, wearing one of his shirts she hated, a blazer, a Starbucks cup of coffee and his adorable smile.
"I had feeling you didn't want to talk to me last night but have your assistant block my way in is just rude" he jokes and she rolls her eyes.
"Jane is new here, and considering my former assistants I needed someone more careful this time"
He nods. "It's a good thing you finally hired someone"
"Yeah, it took me a month to do it but I finally did it. But this time I had a psychiatrist do a mental evaluation before I hired her"
He chuckles. "So no more sociopaths?"
"Not in this building, not anymore" she laughs happily, content with the absence of tension between them.
"I don't know if it's been too long since I've came here but this place looks different" he says looking around and Fallon shifts in her leather chair, uncomfortable.
"I did some remodeling. Figured this place could use some fresh air" she shrugs.
That was not the reason every furniture in her office was new. The motive had to do with Colin and the night she destroyed her marriage. But Liam didn't need to know that, so she sends him a smile.
"So, not that I don't like your visit, but what are you doing here?"
He sets the cup in front of her, and use his free hands to bury them inside his trousers pockets. "This is for you. And you didn't answer my calls last night"
"I texted you back when I got home"
"Yeah, that was not the kind of reply I was expecting" he drawls searching for her blue eyes, while all she wanted to do was hide under her desk, like a child. "What happened last night, Fallon?"
She sighs. "Nothing. You know how I get with storms"
"I didn't mean that part" he exhales, taking a seat on the chair opposite to hers "I get you're afraid of storms. But I'm talking about why you ran away or didn't answer me back"
"Liam..."
"No, don't 'Liam' me" he protests and she knows he's not backing down "You came to my room, things were doing fine and then you jumped me and left when I had my back turned on you, like a fugitive" he sighs "And I know that you don't run from anything, so care to explain to me what happened?"
"That's not like I remember" she dodges, trying to gain more time but he's out of patience.
"Fallon, you showed up at my room with chocolate, wine, candy and that dress. Do you honestly think I didn't know you had a plan in mind?" he asks sarcastic and she actually feels her cheeks getting red.
Of course he knew. Sometimes she wishes she could be less transparent with him.
"Don't flatter yourself. I've told you I didn't have time to change yesterday" she pretends, snorting and he laughs.
"So you didn't plan to seduce me last night? At all?" He asks smug and for the first time in her life, she feels like punching him, just so she could watch his grin disappear.
"No, Liam. I didn't" she lies between her teeth "It's not my fault you can't resist me in a black dress"
"I couldn't resist you? Fallon, common, you were there last night and that's not how I remember things, Miss I-want-to-watch-Pretty- Woman-and-reminisce-about-every-sex-we- ever-had" he exclaims and Fallon curls her lips, having her own plan thrown at her face.
She closes her eyes. "Fine. So I planned a romantic night with my husband, is that a crime or anything? Because as you just said, I was there and I don't remember seeing you get upset about it" she snaps.
"I didn't complain about anything" he gets defensive, raising his hands signaling for peace.
"Good"
"What I'm trying to understand is what happened in the mean time to make you want to leave? Behind my back?" he inquiries clearly confused.
She's torn. She can't tell him the truth without risking the progress she made with him or lie to him, again, so he wouldn't hate her forever.
So Fallon goes with a version of the truth.
"You are right" she admits, staring at her intertwined hands at her lap "I had a plan in mind and I was determined to follow it. But then I realized that it was not how I wanted things to happen"
"Fallon..."
"I miss you, Liam" she blurts out, glancing at him "I got desperate because I miss you and even if I couldn't have all of you, at least I could have a few moments with you. But it didn't feel right"
"What didn't feel right?" he asks softer.
She bite her lip, deciding her next words without betraying her own feelings.
"I want you, Liam" Fallon states and she has never been more honest "I really do. You're my husband and I chose you to spend the rest of my life with. And I want that, you have no idea how much I want to grow old with you by my side even though I hate the idea of wrinkles in my face" he chuckles "But I realized, I can't be the only person dreaming about our future. You have to want that too, or else I'm fighting a lost battle here" she shrugs, pondering Crystal's words.
He looks down, contemplating his wife's speech. "So when you left –"
"Me leaving was my way of finally letting you go, Liam. Or at least, giving you some air" she interrupts him "I admit I can be a little overwhelming and I thought that maybe I wasn't giving you enough space for you to figure it out if you want to continue in this marriage"
"Wow" he exclaims and she arches a brow "Sorry, is just I wasn't expecting that"
She cracks up a smile at his surprised face.
"I've told you I was trying to get better. And it's not easy but I am. Just bear with me a little longer and I promise you won't regret it" she pleads, half serious and half joking, hoping he would get her.
"I'm not in a rush to go anywhere so take all the time you need" he winks and she feels her insides get warmer.
He stretches his right arm across her table, moving his fingers so she would give him her hand, which she obliges happily.
"Fallon, I really need you to know that I'm not trying to punish you. I can see the effort you've been doing and you have no idea how happy that makes me. But the space you mentioned, is not just for me, is for you too"
She frowns. "What if I don't want any space?"
He sighs, putting his other hand on top of hers, toying with her engagement ring. "Do you remember when you booked us a romantic get away? I was being honest at the truth tent, I have been feeling like a failure for a long time. I used to spent my whole day at the manor, doing nothing while waiting for a miracle to happen and get a gig or an inspiration for some story. It was embarrassing, considering how much you've done since we got married"
"You know I never cared about that" she intervenes.
"I know, but I care" he explains "I don't care that you make more money than me or that you have a multi billionaire empire going on here. I'm actually proud of that because my wife is the best on what she does and I can brag about it all day to my friends even if they don't want to hear it" she laughs with him and he squeezes her hand "I love that you are finally doing what you are meant to be doing. You were born for this. But I need to feel useful too. I need to have an occupation, something that matters to me, to the world. And I was lacking that passion, and that emptiness was driving me insane and away from you too. It was reflecting on our relationship, I was taking it out on you and that wasn't fair. Do you understand that now?"
She nods.
"I need to be whole to be the husband you need me to be. And I stand by what I said, I want to give us a try. This is a work set for two, I can see your effort and I need to do my part too. This space you are patiently giving me is helping me with that. To return a better person for you. This is why I'm here too" he let go of her hand, sitting straight and she misses the warm feeling "I'm going to New York later today"
"You've been doing a lot of traveling lately" she muses curling her lips.
"Do you remember all those papers you saw yesterday?" She nods
"My trip is related to them. I think I finally got something that can help my career"
"In New York?" Fallon questions trying to bury her worry about him going away. So she gives him an smile, hoping for the best. "Liam, that's great" she celebrates.
"Yeah, I think so too" he stands up.
"So when you get back? We can plan something to celebrate the good news I'm sure you're going to get. Maybe a dinner at the hotel if you're tired from your flight. We don't have to do anything glamorous"
"Actually, I'm moving out of the hotel" he drawls out.
"Oh, why?"
Liam shrugs. "I got tired of living in a hotel, too impersonal for me. And it was going to be a temporary situation, like a week or two, but it's been too long. I miss having my space. And I contacted my former landlord and my old apartment is still available so I'm moving back as soon as I'm back to Atlanta"
And just like that, the excitement Fallon was feeling is gone. She knows what this means. He reaching out to his former landlord is like he's telling her he's still not ready to move back home. And if he's not ready for that, then he's not ready for 'them' yet. And that hurts, even though she was determined to let him take his time, it stings more than she would like to admit.
She plasters a smile on her face, trying to convince her and him, that his change of address was not bothering her at all. "That's great. It will be great for you to reconnect with that part of your past. And we did make some good memories there"
"I agree" he smirks "But my other reason to come here is to invite you for lunch. I'm going to spend a week or so in New York so I thought we could spend some time together before that" he suggests and her heart beats faster.
She wants to say yes. Every cell of her body wants to say yes, this was what she has been expecting of him after all these months.
She can read his move. This was him giving her the wheel, letting her take the direction of their marriage. If she wanted to speed things up, this was her chance.
And she's inclined to say yes. But she remembers that the next step of his life doesn't involve her, in any way.
Fallon knows, that even though he's not there yet, he's choosing to give them a chance.
She loves his selfishness but she needs him to be on the same level as her, so she's going to choose the hard path.
Fallon shakes her head, giving him a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry, we will have to reschedule that. I promised to have lunch with Alexis today. She has been begging me to start this mother- daughter traditions and I'm finally giving her a shot" she lies again, for the second time that day and she hopes he doesn't see her through her lies this time.
"That's okay. Hey, look at us, both trying new things". This time her smile is cut in half, barely lifting the corners of her mouth. "Maybe we can rain check? After I get back? I can cook"
"It's a date" she says soflty "Have a nice trip. And good luck in New York"
"Thanks. See you soon, Fal" he tells her with a half smirk and she wishes she could know what it meant.
He walks away and suddenly, she's not hungry anymore but also doesn't want to eat alone and reminds herself the company she wanted for lunch was just dismissed by her. So she tries her second best option.
"Hey, mom. Are you free right now?" She asks as soon Alexis picks up, relieved that her last lie was going to turn in to a truth.
It's late and she can't feel her feet, but for the first time in that day, Fallon is feeling good.
The music is loud, preventing her of paying attention to her own thoughts and the lights are making her forget about her life situation.
They have been dancing for hours when Kirby, Sam and Fallon finally leave the dance floor and prop down at the black leather couch.
The waiter brings them the reinforcement they need to keep the night going, putting several shots of vodka on their table.
They all get one, toasting and drinking all up in one sip without making a grimace.
"This was exactly what I needed for tonight" Fallon yells through the loud music, leaning back on her seat. Her face is relaxed, her hair is down and her dark make up is still in place.
"I've told you" Sam sings smug "Sometimes, you just have to let go a little"
"And you were right. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun"
"Probably on your bachelorette party but we were drugged so you don't remember anything about it" Kirby intervenes, picking her phone so she could take some selfies.
Fallon groans. "Can we please not talk about that night? I still have nightmares of me marrying someone named Scorpio"
"Hey, Ryan was very nice, okay?" Sam exclaims.
Kirby huffs. "Do me a favor and leave the exes subject out of the conversation tonight? I thought we were here to have some fun"
"You know what? Kirby is right" Fallon points it out "Boy talk is not allowed tonight. And that includes Liam. At least he's away in New York so out of sight, out of mind"
Sam laughs out loud. "Like that ever worked with you" Fallon slaps him with the back of her hand, annoyed with his comment.
"Just one quick question before we stop talking about boys" Kirby stops her selfies to lean to Fallon, in conspiracy "Before you and Liam get back together, can we throw you another bachelorette party? Because we could really use a do over"
"No" Fallon snaps and the other two roll theirs eyes at her "I don't trust you two to be in charge of anything in my life anymore. To be honest, I didn't trust you back then too so this conversation is pointless"
Sam groans, going for the vodka and Kirby picks her phone again. Not a minute passes before she's frowning while staring at it.
"Huh, Fallon? Have you checked your phone lately?"
"I thought we were going to stay away from our phones tonight" Sam protests, glaring at the red head.
"Apparently that was just for me" Fallon sings ironic "Why?"
Kirby sighs, blocking the screen. "You should keep that thing away. Or at least, don't check TMZ" she warns and that makes Fallon search for her purse, looking for her phone in it.
"Why? Don't tell me they already got a photo of me here?"
"Worst" Kirby cringes at the same time Fallon gasps.
The brunette couldn't believe her own eyes. There, at the front page, was a picture of Liam and Ashley dining together, laughing like two old friends and he seems more at easy with the blonde than he ever looked with Fallon, especially in the past few months. Along with the photo, a headline about old flames and questions about her marriage facing a crisis, remembering her first marriage with Jeff Colby.
Fallon keeps staring at the screen, hoping for it to be a joke or an old picture, but then she sees the watch Liam is wearing on his wrist, one she bought for him right after his Paysinger Awards winning, and was using earlier and she can actually feel her heart stops.
"What? What are you two talking about?" Sam leans forward Fallon's shoulder to look at the screen too and gasps "Oh my God"
"Sam!" Kirby reprimands.
"This day is just full of surprises" he mumbles but Fallon still can hear it "Maybe this is an old pic. You know websites like TMZ do everything for a good gossip"
"It's not" Fallon shakes her head defeated "I gave Liam that watch. He was wearing it when he came to visit me in my office earlier. This was taken today"
"Fallon..." Kirby tries.
"What he's even doing with her? What does that even mean?" Fallon whines, using her finger to zoom the image.
"That girl is persistent, I give her that" Sam tilts his head, watching the brunette "I'm sure she heard he was in town and just wanted to catch up with the news"
"The only thing Ashley wants to catch is my husband" she rages "I know that. He knows that, so what the hell is he doing with her?"
Kirby and Sam keep quiet, looking at each other, watching her spiral.
"He told me this trip was about a career opportunity. Does this sound like work to you two?" She waves her phone in front of them, rambling until she gasps "Oh my God, he's having an affair with her"
"Okay, okay, give me that" Sam takes her phone away, blocking the screen "Let's not jump in to conclusions"
"I'm not jumping to anything" Fallon defends herself "Liam is the one –"
"Liam is just eating a meal, Fallon" Kirby interrupts her "As far as we can see, they're just eating"
"That's because you don't know him" the brunette accuses and Kirby takes a deep breath "They are seconds away to leave for his room at the Plaza"
Sam frowns. "Wait, how do you know he's staying at the Plaza?"
"That's not important" she says exasperated "You saw the picture, does that look like just dinner?"
"They do look cozy" Kirby contemplates but receives a glare from Sam. "Oh my God" Fallon starts to hyperventilating.
"They are just enjoying a meal in a nice restaurant. There's nothing to worry about" Sam calms her, rubbing her arm "Remember what you said this morning, about giving his space –"
"Space? I gave him so much space that he ended it up in New York with Trashley, again" she yells and both of her friends are grateful for the loud music "I'm done listening to everyone, telling me what to do"
"You're not going to New York, are you? Because if we repeat what happened at Sun Valley again we might actually go to jail" Kirby warns and Fallon rolls her eyes.
"No, Kirby, I'm not. I've said I wouldn't neglect my company and I don't plan to do that. But I'm done playing nice" she leans to pick the vodka, drinking two shots in a roll "This is now war"
Sam widens his eyes, scared. "Here we go again" he sighs.
Baby, don't you leave me
'Cause I can't keep hanging onto your shadow
Baby, don't leave me, I'm so blind
I can't see that I'm losing, losing the battle
What should I do when you leave me?
What should I do when you're gone?
If you ain't next to me, darling
Oh, I'm nothing but a
Nothing bag of bones