It was getting closer by each minute, every passing second. And god if Nate didn't feel the anxiety and anticipation hitting hard spot.

He was running out of time like never before and the gang was getting restless. Roland kept checking in on the plan and whether Nate was still in and if he's all ready.

It felt like world was starting to spin faster by each second. And like no other times the patient man was pulled into the frenzy he usually didn't allow. It was distracting and sending his already weak lungs into worse state than he could afford.

Nate knew his time is running out this time. That illness wasn't kind and it kept trying to kill him. From the day he was born.. Or maybe from the day he met his fate at the hands of the force field almost killing them all.

Yeah…

I don't remember the moment I tried to forget

I lost myself, is it better not said?

Now I'm closer to the edge

Samara. It always came back to her and their time together. All the days they were still the kids that only had to worry whether they'll have the last scraps for dinner and blanket to cover their bodies or not. They had escaped and put the facility behind and tried to move on. While they could do anything they chose to slide the dark side. Mostly because the girl kept them up to their toes and always ready for a challenge. Or maybe because they were all left for each other and only ones in the world they could trust.

How he missed that. Especially this time. He missed the backup among his closest friends, family and allies. And for that he'd chosen the toughest path to get himself and go there all by himself. Without a single person as a backup.

One thing was to do it all on a normal day and time. Completely another was to do it for someone else and on the side pulling his own job with even higher stakes. But entirely different was to do it all by himself with a damaged health on the brink of succumbing. Now that was a game. One he's been trained for ever since birth.

Whatever his childhood hid he just knew he was brought to this world for single purpose only.

It was them who took it elsewhere and collectively decided their own destiny.

The neverending longing for change …

It was a thousand to one and a million to two

Time to go down in flames and I'm taking you

Closer to the edge

Nate's eyes skimmed the front of the building once more. The lady kept ordering people around in her fierce manner while managing to be kind. Nate could even pick up few sentences from her lips as she received a call. His hearing only picked up vague signal beeps so he couldn't know who was on the line so he did his training a moment and lip read. It came as easy as he remembered and used that eyesight to see her face.

There were lines of worry etching onto her youthful face that held remains of delicate yet strong and fairly distinct features. Her piercing blue eyes that could see through every lie in the world straight to the soul. There was the fierce energy of someone loyal and very loving. She seemed easygoing while guarded at the same time.

And now she was trying to put some sense into somebody called Peter to take the bureau and wipe his ass and see if Neal was okay. Otherwise she'll be going to take that as offense and that's exactly they promised not to wish for.

Also she expressed deep worry towards this Neal person and hoped he was indeed okay.

However from what Nate picked up this guy was going down some sad line and had been looking awful at the office. Peter mentioned its way worse than Kate and that made El even more worried.

And with another love exchange they hung up.

Nate almost wished he could hug El. She was a good person. And cared deeply for everyone and everything. His heart broke over the fact he'll be most likely ruining all her hard work and endanger her life.

Why? Because he always did that. It wasn't his fault therefore out of his powers to stop.

Unless he gave Roland and his gang to "quackers" but then he'll be risking his own freedom and eventually life. He couldn't do this to Noel. He didn't deserve this burden.

Even if they swore off to be for each other and take it upon themselves to take care of others fallen bodies if it came to it.

No, Nate couldn't do this to the only person aside Samara he ever felt love for. And while he rarely expressed such emotions deep down he knew he loved the man in some way that was stronger than the sister love for Samara. And that was enough for him. Love was love. Who cares of the form. It was a thing more powerful than any weapon and over exceeded even death.

He cast another glance across the street to catch a glimpse of the woman slipping behind a wall on the side and praying to god for whatever was in his power to keep Neal safe. Because she couldn't afford to loose him and neither Peter could.

Nate's heart broke again.

Not just it was most beautiful thing he's ever seen but also because he felt so bad for destroying everything. And no matter how well he prepared for everything he just knew something will go down and shit will hit the fan. It always did.

All he could do was to try and not take lives with it.

No I'm not saying I'm sorry

One day, maybe we'll meet again

No I'm not saying I'm sorry

One day, maybe we'll meet again

No, no, no, no

With that he walked back inside and pulled out the nebulizer for one more time. It was almost done anyway. The little beat up machine was as broke as he was and this was the last dosage of the liquid he barely got off the black market. He could see the end of things like that. Sometimes luck was kind and he managed to fix things. Mostly it hated him so he failed.

This time he wouldn't even try. He just knew.

So all that was left was the last time hopefully before he'll be off the hook for longer.

Thing was that meds were doing little. They barely touched the infection. In fact it wasn't even infection. Not really.

This disease affected his whole body but somehow his lungs were the only organ actually suffering from it. It was said to be genetic and unfortunate. For most people it meant death by young age and constant lung problems. Often other organ failure as well. And it wasn't curable.

In Nate's case he was genetically engineered super soldier. Yet he was born with asthma or something. And they did some adjustments to his DNA to lessen it before he could be written off.

He wasn't obviously.

But the illness developed over the years and everything hit the shit part of the fan and went down to hell in a hand basket the moment that fucking force field nearly fried him.

Since that day Nate was in deepest shit he's ever been. Not just his lungs. His heart was damaged too. But having to live with an arrhythmia and progressive lung problem got to be a small price compared.

Noel knew that too. He suffered just as much. He couldn't've died from the fall itself. Not when his bone structure and other physiological stuff was altered with. But the force field completely undid a lot of the soldier part of his game and broke his body into pieces. Luckily the altercation did save the man Nate cared for so deeply. Even if he lived sad life he was alive. And that was more Nate could wish for. He lived same and only thought holding him together was of his only true love.

It was one of those days he wished Noel was still off-grid. It'd help so much. But the man chose to be on the other side. The one Nate wasn't ready for. Yet.

The one that promised but never got to it. One that broke more promises than bank accounts.

Government and law that only cared if you've paid it for several decades in taxes.

Like Earth. Corrupt and bankrupt. Like home. Like nothing ever changed. Always the same old same.

Same shit new bed.

Yet he was there to break it again.

Can you imagine a time when the truth ran free?

The birth of a song, the death of a dream

Closer to the edge

This never ending story, paid for with pride and fate

We all fall short of glory

Lost in ourselves