Breathing in the air after spending a year of air being stuffed into your face from vents above your head was something Noel always felt most happy about fresh off board.

He never liked artificial air after his own attempts at not to die while zapped to the angels. And he'd spent his time in hospitals strapped to all kinds of breathing equipment to know and appreciate actual atmosphere.

While he still knew Earth had the best one to date this one wasn't bad either. If anything it was kinda easy to inhale most times.

However he felt the years and endless injuries and his own self-destructive tendencies had lessened that easy flow from decade ago. Maybe he won't age like regular humans or at least what Earth population was. Not that he was mutant or anything.

However something had happened all those years ago that made him not to loose years anymore.

I love the darkness and the shadows

where I can be alone with my thoughts.

His feet shuffled awkwardly across the hall and towards the reception area of the shuttle station. It will bring him to the main offices where his next step is going to be assigning a vacation time before the next round. If he compared to the Earth years this one felt ten times as long, it maybe it was because of space being space it never had exact timeline.

And if he went even deeper space indeed felt timeless.

After all it was the inhabitants of the vast area that made time real and meaningful.

Time, that's an abyss a thousand nights deep.
Centuries come and go.

Noel just wanted to get rid of that uniform of Starfleet and change into something soft and comfortable and stretch out all of his limbs one at the time and all together before smashing a hypo in his neck and three more in his back and then put on his IV bags running overnight and sleep.

Yeah, nice dreaming, bud… he told himself grumpily. He had way less time for any of that this time. The man decided to make it happen anyway. While he'll leave out getting stoned part and cut his stretch session in half with only two bags simultaneously pumping him full of good stuff there will be enough time to scramble some decent uniform for the event.

He did need to get somewhere to sit down though, and very soon. It was almost like routine that his legs made up his mind without his brain being involved at all. He just felt that whatever was left on the sensitive side was getting numb already and within next five minutes his feet will not be able to lift up from the floor at all.

Common side effect from being seated in that damn buckle seat he always hated on shuttles. They never was supposed to seat a guy with disability especially spinal kind.

Now his body was making it a point for its soul within to understand the bad treatment it had to endure and receive appropriate punishment. Like he ever took it too much to heart.

Usually his body made itself clear after enough amount of buzz to become best friends with its host again.

But this was one of the days it will have to wait at least until another daytime passed to get that dose of buzz.

For now he just had to endure his shuffling feet and hope that the luggage will arrive soon enough so he'd avoid smashing ground.

The hall was already full of people from other shuttles and year-lease ships and the line for luggage looked more like direct round of equator rather than actual line for their shit.

And before that he still had to get to sign into his log and give back the passes and badges.

Paperwork was still paperwork just as bureaucracy even if it mostly went digitally.

His watch made a beep that sounded too weak even to his own ears as if the dummy was trying to express its condolences for its wearer's own depressing feeling setting in.

He turned on his heels and slowly shuffled his way down to another corridor that looked less downtrodden with masses.

Taking his spot by the wall he fished out all his credentials and set to wait in the long line of officers with set faces while another surge of actually beaming youngsters from academy shuttles tumbled by. Their cheer and excitement made his own resentment even heavier. And the itch for some dark liquid down his throat even deeper.

But all he could do was to nibble on some pills and hope his spine will hold on for a bit. He sensed the tingling getting inside all the little books and crannies slowly numbing its way down. He wished for a stool or at least some niche in the too straight wall to lean against a bit more comfortable and stable. Because while he knew the risks he didn't enjoy wheeling around in his old chair in front of cadets and other crowd. That he usually kept for his ship on worst days or the Gala.

Not that he was ashamed of his state but something about being in a chair in this particular scenery made his hair stand. Maybe it was the fact he was indeed vulnerable like this, with thousand crowd all around instead of a stage or maybe just a seated position among elite that hired guards and offered food.

And he was dumb enough to pack his cane away so it was only the wall holding his slowly creeping paralysis at bay for a moment longer.

Death is not everything,
there's way worse.
Can you imagine
lasting centuries long

After a, seemingly not that long but with so many people mingling about their businesses, long moment his line begun moving thankfully fast. He deemed that a good sign. His watch made another beep that somehow sounded way too cheerful and Noel also felt hope. Albeit he knew after two more beeps he will be in heavy need for his chair and a banana bag and whatnot.

Luckily he saw his turn just right there.

It took almost eternity inside the tiny broom closet they called an office for his paperwork to be done and over for the time being. Noel though felt his reserves being close to all used as he nearly fumbled down the escalator after his luggage.

It didn't happen thankfully so he eagerly creeped towards his line just as he passed by a bunch of Federal agents. They were standing next to a crowd of Federation officers from their starship and some Admirals he recognized from some holos.

And there was he…. Noel blinked so fast like never before at the sight of a young looking man in Federal uniform suit (as he tend to call the ones he once knew as the FBI and who all wore same style suits). But as he stared openly at those features he almost fell of his feet, literally.

However the moment was quickly over as he shook his head and lost his already wavering balance and toppled over some luggage case somebody rolled right past.

And after five minutes of humiliating explaining that it was his spinal injury letting itself known again and he should've taken his chair and the old guy apologizing for not watching his case the moment was over.

The crowd with the man, who could never be his Nate although looked like he could be, was long gone.

Any fluttering feeling that he was feeling before was amplified by thousand and he felt as if a bottom has been taken out and he was falling into an abyss.

Sure it had become obvious to the nearest folks and in seconds there was his own small crowd gathered around his shaking body. Nate….

Time is like a canyon, a thousand nights deep.
Centuries come and just go by.

He came to his senses a while later and it happened with a gasp and hyperventilation. For a moment there was confusion as he was seeing room that wasn't the hall he was trying to get his own bags.

That definitely wasn't any room he was familiar with and it creepingly reminded him of a hospital room. The thought alone sent goosebumps all over his body.

But he wasn't allowed long to let his scattered brain to float around his musings. A formal looking nurse suddenly appeared in front of his face and stuffed an oxygen mask over his face and told him to calm down and take deep breaths. As if it was easy to him in this state. She kept talking to him in a tone that made him feel a little bit like a baby and he tried so hard to take deep breaths.

That was when his brain connected back to his body and he realized with a start that it wasn't because he literally saw Nate's doppelgänger but because the damn injury made itself truly known and he somehow reached his limits on one mere day.

So Noel swatted the nurse's hands away and squeezed out that it was indeed his recurring paralysis that not only leaned down but also snaked itself upward so his lungs were getting numb and hard to cooperate with all the nerve impulses and that he indeed has a tiny med-kit on him that was created for such emergencies.

The overly young girl just nodded her understanding and moved to hastily grab and search his small crossbody for the meds. Which she did locate impressively fast and administered. Meds took some moment to kick in which made him realize his first mistake. He forgot to take them the moment numbness started to creep outside it's usual area. Rookie mistake or some fucked up self-destruct syndrome who knew but he totally ignored his body screaming at him for being idiot and now he paid the price.

Usually it would be after he took especially dark mood to his private bar after outdrinking all his crew members and woke up unable to breathe because his lungs went half paralyzed sometime towards morning because booze made his body too heroic and simply asshole to notify his brains early enough.

Maybe not a rookie mistake but he wasn't drunk either. To that thought he started to crave a bar right now. And his designated apartment held more than his share of a full cargo load of booze both Earth and alien.

The nurse was chatting away like she didn't expect him to speak and said they'd need some tests to run as he was showing signs of this and that to which he just waved his hand at her efforts and told he's fine again and only missed his dose while waited for luggage and there's no need to be admitted or anything.

He just fucking saw the man he's been having relationship with for many years just never declared anything permanent as their lives weren't exactly spotless from their youthful mistakes. And while he could believe it was him his heart was sensing something else he'd totally missed so it was just powerful distraction that led him off course.

But the nurse didn't need to know that so he just said he's all fine now and she has no need to worry over him or do anything else than let him go to finally retrieve his bloody fucking bags and catch a shuttle into the city.

After two rounds of hard debate with another nurse he was finally released back into the main hall to gather his stuff and no thank you he could walk on his own to get his manual chair all by himself without falling on his ass so bye-bye.

Slightly fuming he finally got to the last line for luggages and in a very short moment got free card to get there all the way before the rest of crowd scowling at him for daring to flip his disability allowance in the face of an attendant to get there first.

But for all he cared he'd just middle-finger at them and eagerly grabbed his rolling case and packed chair with his cane and folded walker.

Now all he needed was to catch some form of transport to get the hell out of there.

For his endless luck he only was left with hover-cabs and grounded cabs as the first round of shuttles were long gone while he was getting his bearings at the medstation. Damn this day, he gloomily thought, and flagged one of the grounded cabs as he sure knew he'd do with the fare enough to get home and have leftover for some food order.

But the thoughts and all forms of decent meal plans left him once more as they slowly crawled their way through traffic which was impressive to even LA or NYC standards as it seemed whole planet wanted to take old school transportation methods. He spotted them again.

This time he took in the bunch of people using the standstill traffic to his advantage.

There was taller man with kind but somewhat stern face and broad shouldered build. Air around him literally wafted importance and seriousness. If he was to judge the man was through and through an FBI agent if he ever knew any.

There were also another man with black skin and a woman also slightly colored that definitely had air of same range as the first man.

And that left the man in question. Nate's lookalike.

He couldn't really be Nate, there were distinguishable features Noel clearly could tell he was very similar if not almost same, but it couldn't be because Nate had scars on his face that Noel could recognize even in complete darkness let alone broad daylight.

Also this man seemed to lost quite amount of weight unlike Nate who had always been on the bony-slim side. Those two features were obviously different looks on either man.

And there definitely was something missing in the man's eyes. That spark that gave people the lively appearance.

Now that the cab was pretty much standing next to them he could discern the differences in both men. This guy's suit even looked deflated from the loss of skin on the bones of its wearer. Despite the shape not being the greatest and form fitting it all was still pretty much noticeable.

Another thing was the hair. The shine has gone in fading. But the tone was different though. In hair color there always came difference. If person was more outside goer and spent time in sun he knew hair will become lighter, same tended to happen with water.

This guy's hair were a bit darker and curls slightly less springy while Nate's hair had some mild highlights and much more prominent curls. And he most of the time had his hair messy and all over the place. This man obviously liked somewhat neat look and had half an inch less length.

And the eyes.

That was another paragraph entirely. Nate's always reminded Noel of deep oceans while the stranger had more sky-like eye color.

Whoever he was though he seemed deeply troubled and depressed. As far as he could hazard a guess he wasn't actual agent, more like a side. What they used to call them- consultants?

He also walked somewhat stiffly as if something was holding his ankle. And there Noel drew a breath, that was still a bit lazy to come, and realized he possibly had an inkling of what he's seeing.

Sure they were from Earth.

Albus-7 folks were much alike but had many small differences. Most weren't direct descendants of human race so they were deeply mixed. And their features and appearance made them distinguishable from Earth humans. Also there was Earth evacuation not long ago and majority was moved to this system and planet as best option or simply because Albus's government and folks were kind and wanted to help their friendly colony. Well, in fact, Earth wasn't technically a colony, but who cared now.

And so it was obvious who was born here and who wasn't.

Finally the traffic moved just as the group started to separate, leaving the doppelgänger and the senior agent alone. They seemed to be going too so as they started to move the cab moved and for couple more minutes they still dated in his line of sight. Doppelgänger obviously walked awkwardly but tried to hide it. He also had some restrictions in other places that he did his best to hide while the agent was glaring skepticism at him all the way.

Then traffic took its cue and they skipped a whole row and moved ahead in gusto. But Noel was still back on the sidewalk next to the man who resembled his lover and baby brother way too much for it being just a coincidence.

He didn't much believe in coincidences so it meant only couple things that were actually possible.

But to investigate that part of their past he desperately needed Nate and his brilliant mind and that spark in his eyes that, despite his own troubles and hardships, seemed to be there always.

And if he was being honest he terribly missed the man. But for the most part he badly missed the old times and their shenanigans because it was also the time he truly felt happy.

Today it was like shadows that will always remain…

Breathe in the light
I'll stay here in the shadow