They'll say, no one can see us

That we're estranged and all alone

They believe nothing can reach us

And pull us out of the boundless gloom

The transport that came to pick the ex conman appeared on point and Neal made sure to be there, where the spot was set across the street from his sad accommodations, slightly before the set time.

He carefully set himself down inside the tiny autonomous vehicle that greeted him in smooth robotic voice that tried to hide its supposed gender.

It was cool inside and after hearing the approximate length of the ride Neal decided he could use some heater. The ride said nothing to that and just as Neal was done lifted up into the air. One of the things Neal wasn't enjoying too much was flying. Despite all his flight hours in all kinds of things and positions still couldn't make the fear fade.

••

~ "We don't know anything about him. It's like he didn't exist before his eighteen birthday. It's like Neal Caffrey dropped from the sky and that's it. And he's not telling anything about his past besides tiny things that doesn't help up locate anything or dig deep enough."

~ "Peter, look, maybe he doesn't want to talk about it. What if there is something nobody wants to know? What if he's forbidden to tell? Peter, what if his past is something so dark that would change absolutely everything and just think of all that you've built together so far. Think about how far you've both come.

You can't just jump at him and accuse of hiding his past when it barely ever touches any of the cases or anything. Have you even considered that maybe he doesn't remember?"

~ "El, I know. I've thought about this before but I can't prove anything. Neal just drops hints of so many things but after a while it just turns out he sold us lie or something twisted and misdirected from years after. And then whole office keeps putting bets on his actual age as he looks so much younger and never actually admits his age. It's overwhelming sometimes because there's too many guesses and no facts. El, sometimes I wonder too. And sometimes I just don't want that answer. "

~ "Oh, I know, hon."

••

Lifting feeling ended as soon as they connected to the desired line and filled in to the mass. Autonomous vehicles still were a liability even in this technological bloom and they still caused a lot of trouble. Statistics hated them just as much Neal did.

For some reason he felt trapped and that gave him creeps. Yes, he'd flown before but that was different. Planes and likes never has given him so much entrapment feelings.

Even when flying back to New York after their island adventure wasn't that scary. There still were people on the plane and Peter was beside. Also he was mostly so out of it because of the bullet in his leg even though Mozzie kept rumbling about all the possible fails and government trying to kill them because they now had a great chance.

All he could think about was to pass out and not to feel or hear anything. The pain wasn't too bad after hospital and course of antibiotics for mild infection that had made its way to his leg. For most part pain didn't bother him the way he expected and that let the long ago experienced moment of sheer panic after seeing nightmare so weird he was convinced maybe some of his childhood memory surfaced. And on that plane he had another one. Which made things complicated since he was taking the ride with Peter who was like dog with a bone onto Neal's secrets even he didn't know about.

For years he'd avoided talking about anything past related and he knew the agent was being pushed into finding out his secrets. It made Neal even more scared for what he had no memory of.

His dark thoughts left him cold in his seat and slightly shaking. The closer they got the more nervous he was. It was how he knew the second he'd land there's gonna be a panic attack and he'd have to hide it.

Well, not the first time nor the last, nonetheless made him even sicker feeling than he already was. If he isn't having a breakdown this night he'll deserve a fucking medal.

••

~ "Peter, you should know something."

~ "What, Mozzie?"

~ "Neal. You just can't keep digging. It's gonna become dangerous for all of us."

~ "What do you mean?"

~ "Peter, I know you're getting more curious and demanding because your fleet of bureaucracy is pushing him into something he cannot answer for. Just get them off Neal. Please. "

~ "You know I can't promise anything. Not without knowing reasons. It's either you two flee before I get to the point or he breaks apart. I can tell he's bothered. It makes me feel itchy. "

~ "Just keep him safe, Suit."

••

His thoughts unwillingly turned darker as the traffic in the air became heavier and their line got held up in jam. Something obviously had happened on the road ahead making half the skyline shuffle to a halt.

What Neal found unpleasant at times was the windows of the car. They were too small and dark and inconvenient for overseeing traffic and surroundings he had hives from that alone.

Because he's used to observe and take notes, see where he's going and what's around in case of emergency. That was his nature through and through.

For some reason he's had some instincts ever since he could remember.

Which got him back to the topic most on his mind. The past he have no memory.

Which has brought him to a conclusion that possibly there is a chance his past had some cool adventure in it so that he's not complete liar repeatedly telling people his childhood was adventurous so was his teen years.

He already lied so much about his age and other small details that always got the authorities suspicious and all Magnum PI on him. It wasn't very funny when you tried to actually do good but people you tried so hard to work with kept staring and whispering behind your back.

There was no fun in that. He'd already lived in this for some years under Peter's watchful gaze and office wasn't a place he could escape it.

Right now he felt like reliving all that while hanging several dozens of feet in the air in a metal carcass that steered itself by a computer program and his anxiety was skyrocketing. It was nowhere like a heist back in the day.

And he was dressed to nines because a bunch people would love to observe him and judge for who he once was and feel all highly superior. Plus he had to showcase his best behavior for the duration of the event and while it is up to his ally his heart wasn't in it fully. All he wanted was to curl up in his bed and sleep the weekend away like all these months since arrival.

And he missed home like crazy knowing he'll never be able to return because there simply wasn't anything left. He had the impromptu infos still running through his head and he could vividly feel how felt the other inhabitants whose planets got destroyed by something. And that was depressing and suffocating and all the other things his brain struggled to understand.

Least he needed another blackout. He knew he had those regularly and struggled to hide it. But it's been so long he started to fail keeping it together. Peter May have noticed he's not up his game anymore but he put that likely to the point they all were kinda off. And luckily the local office were understanding bunch that let them get acclimated and used to new life.

They'll say the sun is dying

And the fragile can't be saved

And the cold, it will devour us

And we won't rise up and slay giant

And they had to. He had to. So he did his best to appear his normal, Earth, self and just follow his orders and behave once and for all. Because this wasn't like the old times. There was no running away nor hiding. If he became fugitive or prisoner he'd sure as hell be dead because this time he'd not be able to escape the faith.

Even if Peter took a huge leap of faith and others actually accepted that choice Neal knew he couldn't mess up this chance.

Even if Mozz was still around he'd just not take that bite. Not this time. Not ever again. He sworn to himself.

Unless of course something major happened and there was literally no other option to make out of it. But not willingly.

Just as his thoughts decided to roam back to his unknown past pondering the phone or whatever pinged inside and Peter's voice echoed around Neal.

"Hey, buddy, how's your ride?" The agent asked. Neal just barely had time to get around how and where to reply when the man continued. "Just don't worry. We are aware of the traffic."

"Well, hello Peter. I'm not admitting I particularly agree to this type of transport but so far I'm buckled and still up. It must be a good sign. And I'm glad you are aware as I'm not really into explaining why I'm being late for the biggest event of the year while still being on monitor. It's nice they sent some drive for me as I have absolutely no idea where I am and where I have to be. " he tried for whole honesty and being open. Peter knew he was struggling and the office knew it so they tried to at least be nice about it.

"Just hang on bud, they'll calculate more data for possible detour. Don't worry. We send after you little early so you're not late yet. "

"Thanks Peter. I was getting worried here. See you soon."

"Okay see ya."

The call ended and car spoke up. "Mister Caffrey, please be patient, the update will come soon. If you have a wish for something on the left side is a panel that has options available for this ride." The robot voice told and Neal took a peak. For some reason there were lots of good options just he felt nothing would help.

"Thank you very much. " he said to the car and leaned back into his seat and closed his eyes. The day was barely starting and he was drained already not to mention the case they were currently on. The trip to the aircraft station was kind of a flip so he wasn't too hopeful of getting the counterfeiters anytime soon. Besides there also happened some flurry because one of the space explorer docks passengers caused a slight scene and half the gates and hallways got blocked because of that since they had to clear a path especially when it was one of the disabled crew and on the other side the high and mighty that would be all over judging if nobody cared.

Bureaucracy was so much worse on this planet than he's ever seen. Even their good old red tape couldn't compare. So they all got stuck and their suspect disappeared in the shadows. Pretty much everything tend to get lost in the shadows Neal thought as his eyes tried to follow the slow scenery outside.

From the looks it was some major crash however it would be easy to unhook the dead cars from the line and free up the space. Obviously most logical since this tech was mostly magnetic for autonomous cars and free ride self-placed lines for those that ride themselves.

From his understanding something was wrong with the cars and line itself so the magnets were put on hold and main line was disconnected for safety so they were suspended into air hundreds of feet above hard ground and Neal was having a mild panic attack from both confinement and height.

While he wasn't showing anything to anyone he indeed suffered from terrible fear. Somewhere long ago, most likely inside the black dome that contained his earliest memories, he possibly suffered something greatly traumatic that left him scarred for life. So he did his best to con everyone himself including and move on.

Luckily there's been only handful of times he actually suffered from it.

The most suppressing time was from when he got back in prison after Kate died. He still hasn't recovered memory from the moment he blacked out. All his mind provided was the sight of plane exploding and the rest was only what Peter and people that came after saw.

Neal himself simply popped back into reality about a week into his time. And that was when absolutely everything came back minus the actual events in the hangar.

And what happened to him for that first week.

Obviously nobody else but prison guards could tell him that.

And the man wasn't that happy to recollect such a trauma while being locked up because he absolutely terribly broke down in the most catastrophic way he was able to and as a result earned himself three weeks in the psych ward chained to bed with puffy cuffs and got to wear the white long sleeved shirt for another week after coming to consciousness.

Luckily it was kept pretty much under wraps so nobody knew. Least he wanted Peter or even Mozz to know he actually lost his mind for the girl and he'd either suffer Mozzie's bickering or Peter's super worried phase. Neither felt like anything Neal wanted to deal with ever in his life.

But the fact was still there. Neal suffered severe nervous breakdown caused by traumatic experience and it made his brain scattered for roughly two months that his initial sentence was deemed. And he did ask his files to be classified because he wanted not to disclose that unfortunate event. Who made it happen and how did it actually work he didn't know. Maybe he was classified from the beginning which would explain his mysterious past.

One thing Neal was especially concerned about for a very long time was the WitSec deal. The day he became Danny Brooks and all the miscellaneous things behind all that. And that was classified even to him. But somehow he'd run from it so it couldn't be that classified. So he'd had a lot of time on his hands to think about what is up with his past and why he's having so many black spots in his memory…

His life has always been a mystery even to himself and lately it felt as if all these mysterious things were crawling back in his life as if that was something of a flick of a magic wand. And the speed of all this happening was scaring the CI like nothing before.

…It takes a leap of faith

To awake from these delusions

You are the coder and avatar

A star…