I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place I have made)
Won't you take me away from me
After that moment of reality and second of dreamy came the knock on the door. It brought Noel out of his fugue state immediately and he almost growled. Time to strap in and and let the party roll.
His two sidekicks returned with some fresh medical supplies that came with his records his supervisors kept out there for emergencies and stuff.
Not that he didn't appreciate the thoughtful service. The two packed up the wheelchair backpack so he was pretty much ready for everything.
Which was close to truth. But just that.
What he truly wanted, scratch that, needed, was the backpack full of booze instead meds and shit. Noel wasn't going to be happy and he knew it since he suspected somebody will be monitoring his booze intake. Hence the actual pee baggies. Like he had trouble walking and was in pain most of the time which was more like all the time just varying types and strengths of pain. Now there.
They want to control him on the ground because their reach fails to find him in the open space. Ground is always easier to cover and for someone like him it was annoying the hell out.
Federation deemed him dangerous for couple reasons. One being his upbringing. He still carried that military stance and could technically kill a whole bunch of army men with a toothpick or even his own hair. That was his upbringing. To become a versatile soldier, almost impossible to kill, super strong, inhumanly fast on his feet, stealth mode like never seen before, completely indestructible. Whoever planned this wanted a super soldier. What they didn't expect was a human mind and emotional capacity that was far above any AI so that was the factor he used to escape and not to become one made to be.
And for some amount he managed. He wasn't a killing machine. Yet he knew what to do when a ten feet Achovian tried to gut him on its planet. He did know how to manhandle some pissed of Klingon. He could manage a spar with a Vulcan.
All that he did by pure instinct and deep knowledge that came without thinking about it.
He also could out drink majority of the staff. Mostly anyone human and few alien. Starfleet was pretty much diverse in that factor and he was happy. Aliens were cool too. Some had loads of knowledge some practical skills. All of them were trained to be something. Like him.
And just like them he decided to choose instead of being placed.
Unless he wasn't deemed partly a criminal.
And yes, that he was to this day. They just legally couldn't simply come to get his head. Because his disability came with a shield with it. And this shield was very worthy to save his sorry ass from many outcomes he never even knew about. So while his legs struggled to keep their nerves sensitive and reactive, his back hurt sometimes so badly he needed actual shot to hold guttural scream at bay, it all was a price he realized he was willing to pay to stay free. It was a price he paid to still be out there and useful. Because he knew what would happen if his health wasn't as bad. They'd come after him. And they'd take all that sharp personality and whatnot away and he'd become one of them. He'd ceased to exist as a Viper pilot some knew him be, he'd cease to exist as the Raptor pilot others recognized him for, he'd ceased to be the genuine man he deep inside was. He'd loose it all.
Because he'd become either a Valkyrie or Sentinel. Most likely Valkyrie because his skill set was closest to them. Sentinel shit was never his forte. But he did had that training. He knew how to be both. Throughly.
So this was it. Small price to pay for still being on his own. And he'd take it whenever. While he knew so much inside out of so many things he kept to piloting and was content. Better than reprogrammed and brainwashed. Noel even believed they actually could take ones brain away if needed. AIs did much of brain functions anyway and to just replace a person's brain with some Artificial Intelligence machine definitely was easier than try to change the whole thinking process. Not that it's never been done before.
He knew some ancient organizations that did all crap like that. Also some that fought against that. Where he stood was a great guess.
So what Noel could do to not worsen his situation with superiors and direct supervisors because, while he was sort of a privileged and protected, there were enough people up in the chain with military willingness to still grab him off the charts. That was basically still a possibility that could happen because too many higher ups in the shadows would want to use such a resource like him. Since he basically did all that training only skipping out the last part that changed only that much.
Suddenly a thought occurred…
Nate…
Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can't go on like this
I loathe all I've become
Nate was still quite out there and they basically had gone through the very same things. And while the guy was the least violent of them he still did know how to kill a living, or even a mechanical or digital thing with same things as Noel. So while he was still in a way unaccounted for in the eye of the government and whatever old fools were up there he wasn't entirely safe either.
And that's how he was always doing these events just for the sake of his loved ones, or just one if you only count Nate, so that not only he can live but anyone else related to him. It was never about him.
So this new thought and the memory of seeing another guy that was so much like Nate but at the same time someone entirely else kept the curious guesses alive.
There could be more like them, of course, after all there were many clones in genetic engineering sector that were out for tests since, while it wasn't that new technology, cloning can not always go through like planned. He'd seen many failed results so this one might be either actual person or a clone.
In the first scenario it meant that Nate possibly had an actual twin brother that wasn't part of their past or involved with that organization that created them. Second meant that there was a clone that's either escaped or gone rouge or maybe even being a part of a covert mission.
Neither except for actual twin made Noel comfortable. It would be only expected if the bitches were after them both and black market always kept their sniffers onto people like them. Meta-humans, or call them mutants, were always a fresh meat, in whatever state, was only welcomed.
It earned lots of money. It was all very dark and dirty but it paid so much that one could literally turn their life around. Because whatever was claimed in those nicely sculpted ads about life in colonies and off planet it never was even a smidge of that fairy tale. Life was very expensive, especially with such a sodden health, and it was rarely a bit beautiful, if you could afford it, but it was full of something worth living it.
So all he could do at the moment was to be that good puppy and let them earn their share by making him feel miserably invalid and just suck it up. After all there was a nice escape plan in place for the second he will be let to roam. In hopes they all will be too drunk to notice. Because there was a reason he was the one legendary for being too much for alcohol to handle so he actually did win many bets across the fleet that way. But this wasn't a case today. Today was all about being thankful and happy and all the bright good stuff that Fleet celebrated after another long term mission.
He was still alive, another Fleet flagship got taken down in a fight with some aggressive race and three thousands lost their lives while five of the crew managed to jump into shuttles and snag some weapons and just using their wit and a bit of resilience knocked out the enemy and floated for several days into space until another ship caught them and brought back home. It's definitely one of the most heroic act Fleet has seen so there will be a ceremony for that event.
As for him, maybe they will acknowledge some of his missions and praise some of that stunt galore he does every other mission they decides to drop him in the chair.
But maybe not. After all there were more talents out there that deserved their spotlight more. And ones that actually did something to deserve a medal for being brave and doing something heroic to save what could be saved because not always there's a lot left to save.
Lost in a dying world I reach for something more
I have grown so weary of this lie I live
Noel waited until the kids prepped his chair up and then transferred on it. It was still smooth as always as he had about seventy seven percent of control over his lower part of body, mostly legs. While he could still pee and poop on his own sometimes he just knew his body has forgotten he needs that function so he just had to bite his tongue and suck up all the shit feelings and put a catheter in it. Just as the life itself needed something to be stuffed in it or somebody that fucking didn't know how to be a decent person.
So he had to do that while receiving pitying stares from those that knew what it took to be physically challenged.
But he did it and then washed it away with a pile of bottles. Booze always took care of everything. All the emotions and feeling that were too much just melted away in the booze and his mental walls were once again shiny.
But there were hope tonight it will all go smooth. Still he knew that kids packed well. And this time he let them to feed all his pills accordingly so he doesn't get the issue he just went through. Because one- he'd draw attention if something happened- and two- he'd possibly would be taken down to his physician for endless battery of tests that most likely announce his mobility percentage is dropping slowly and all the unhealthy lifestyle choices he's making on daily base will just make it happen sooner. In short- he's killing himself faster than the actual condition.
Nothing he didn't know himself.
Somehow the kids were pretty quiet and it suited him well. Sometimes they came all chatty and bubbly and that either made his taste for booze inhumanly stronger or made him shoo them all out. Luckily this time was not that case. General made pretty clear this year will be different in more ways than one and if he was to be his usual ass they'd make him regret every breath he took that day.
In other words- punishment will be assigned for whatever he did during the mission and all the tiniest discrepancies within the logs would be brought to magnifying glass for inspection and if he even did as much as breathed wrong way they'd take him down.
That was the vibe so he made sure to actually do his missions and logs. And even was nice to people. That and he almost didn't do anything on record that would be frowned upon, aside of course the first brawl that drew all that attention and resulted in the warning.
After that he made sure to be super careful. It seemed they might be sniffing into his previous encounters with Nate and hospital and other shit so after all that they were watching him more closely. Also from all the commotion Noel assumed something major had happened for the Federation suddenly grab Fleet by their lapels so hard, almost as if within Federation itself something was brewing.
Sure he'd heard of Earth. That was first thing that his memos dinged that morning after managing to overwhelm A'Takoos warlord and the mess they left on their Alpha system. He was sent in as a regulatory sweep and supplier but it turned sour fast and with only what meager weapons the shuttle was carrying he did managed to locate prisoners and free them to get his own ass handed to himself and then, after playing possum, strategically gaining upper hand in the last leg. It cost three shuttles, five Fleet service, two loads of cargo and finally two weeks in hospital. The ship was taken back to base while people got offloaded on nearest starbase until next ship would pick them up. They kept him longer because of the medical issue so he was later assigned to a mission even deeper in the space.
Then his PADD was brought in and the news started to hit.
While he'd lived off planet for about two decades now it still hurt to see his home planet being destroyed. That day he hacked some computer and found Nate and they chatted for over two hours and cried and drunk until one of them was greeted by actual morning sun and security tap tried to break the connection and he hacked a whole lot more to get one last message across.
That was pretty much almost year ago. Well year by this planet's time. In Earth's time it would only be mere few months. Time was pretty relative in space. Federation had to do a lot of adjustments in time assignments to ships and planets. They came up with a united time telling system for all their Fleet shipyard whenever they were sent. Ship time was same all over the Fleet. On planets they kept to ship time but also noted local time for later references.
But then he still carried Earth time along. It was just one thing he'd left of his true home. Even if his most life had been spent in the space and on other planets far away his heart still belonged to the place that brought him into the universe.
While the cruel upbringing happened on the destroyed planet he still felt a lot more for it.
I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
With that he felt some of the pressure to behave and serve better than he wanted. So he did. At least trying wouldn't hurt, right?
The kids gathered everything and pushed the chair out in the hallway. It was about to go down and he couldn't just shake off the sudden uneasiness. Something felt off the moment he stepped on the ship that took him back. Maybe it was just his own mind playing conspiracy theories and tricks that came from all that drilling years ago, but what if it wasn't just suspicion?
Deep down he hoped that it was just his brain being ass.
He watched people from the floor gathering up for fly to the event. Anxiety started to kick in but there was nothing he could do about it. And taking pills was the only option for now.
Their small caravan moved on and he moved his eyes to the ground as he noticed some of the folks staring at him. It never was easy but the kids were good sports and just cheerfully pushed his chair and carried the bag like it was the only thing in the world they wanted to do. Which probably was the only thing they did since neither looked too battle ready. Maybe it was their first job since their age seemed to be too young for any serious jobs. Maybe some school holiday job. Like he even had any idea about education system here aside his short pilot course and tactics. They couldn't make him more battle ready as he was by this point and he showed just enough skills so they could only offer some flying simulations and few practices before he officially was assigned to some ship.
While his thoughts kept snooping deeper into past they'd arrived at the dock and girl already sauntered off to look for their craft. It was on the far side of the dock and just enough big for them to squeeze in. For this event they'd chosen the regular Earth type of a chair, manual, foldable one to take apart and squish into the back portion of the small shuttle. Basically it was of a size of a car. Earth car. Which was enough. His own ship was car sized just for max three or small four people. There was enough room to put small duffels on the floor so almost same.
Finally he was allowed to stand up and stretch while they put all things inside.
And damn how nice it was. Then he took the seat by the front and noticed kids didn't protest so maybe they were too young to pilot (or drive, depends from which planet you came) so he took the controls. Boy provided a key card and it immediately brought the thing alive. Which, had he been alone, wouldn't be necessary, immediately hummed back to his senses.
See, he was one of the tech part of the group of engineered people. Like Nate he had ability to connect with technology. Either a vehicle or spaceship or computer. They both sported ability to feel and lead and command the tech. Even some AIs had been easy to interact with.
However they still had some individual skills that varied. Like both of them could fly things, but Nate more ventured into technopathy and stuff like that while he did best in the pilot seat. He felt more battle ready and maybe that was why it was for best that Nate got out. Samara… she used to be different, albeit same training. Her skills were more based in spying and sensing things. River used to be great at psychic things and sometimes made objects move. But base for all of them was fight.
Also he recalled a small boy that showed great hiding skills and ability to sneak into places and snatch things without anyone noticing. He was great with art things and shooting, and reading people. Noel couldn't remember anything else since the boy always disappeared somewhere.
And then was the whole shadow thing. It was into genetic part that was engineered. At least he thought so. Ability to hide within shadows and sneak around places as long as there were shadows. It made them both disappear from sight and senses. Nothing could detect them being in the room, even their sounds went away so they could make any sound but until they came out of the shadow nobody would hear it.
It was cool for a while. Their nightly heists after the escape were full of adventure and success. Made them enough money to get by as well as satisfied their adventurous natures.
But it didn't last long after they dropped off to another planet and the whole world changed for them.
He nearly cringed at that memory. It still hurt more than he liked.
So by the time he was done with thinking about that everything was set up and he took the steering and slowly led them out into the night. It was a beautiful night, with moons and shiny stars. And the feeling of something blossomed in the man's chest…
I have woken now to find myself
I'm lost in shadows of my own
I'm longing to be lost in you
Away from me.