I'll seek you out
Flay you alive
One more word and you won't survive
And I'm not scared of your stolen power
See right through you any hour
The part of his brain that processed the events of the night seemed to be broken again. It's happened to Nate before but this was worst so far. He just felt numb when he woke up somewhere dark and couldn't remember how or why he was there.
His brain made a crater of void and he couldn't tell what was what anymore.
But five minutes later he gasped in horror as he recalled the sole reason he was in the building and what was going on. He was still in the darkness and felt the power of shadows slowly feeding him the lost energy of life that Roland and his goons had taken away. It was brutal and his lungs felt tighter than when he arrived. And one thing he noticed was the amount of mucus that had built up while he was out. Without memory to tell about the missing parts of the past few hours made it difficult to understand what had happened.
All he knew and felt was the pain and confusion. Clearly a concussion from the blows. Pain that went deeper and darker was his rattling lungs and it felt like the last breaths of air.
It seemed that the poor things sensed he was close to get the treatment and just was giving up now. It's not the first time he went through that. But this was feeling different and he feared he may not make it.
And maybe it was for the best considering how bad he felt and how deeply the depression hit. The only thing holding him from giving up was the man in the wheelchair somewhere in the great hall.
I won't soothe your pain
I won't ease your strain
You'll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain
Noel. The sole reason he kept doing all those things this long. He really loved the guy with all his heart and devoted his survival to him.
They never made to talk about what was their relationship or picked labels for it. But all they knew was the deep love and affection.
They had different approaches to life which has led them apart but that didn't matter anyway.
He'd spotted the man while ago which now seemed days ago.
He wheezed a cough and struggled to find the inhaler which was supposed to save him some time but in reality was doing little.
His spasms also were getting worse. For the past decade he knew one day the whole rooftop drama will kick his scrawny ass hard and it seemed this was the day after all. It never was easy. Especially after his little run-in with unexpected heart issue that led to that last meeting with Noel.
Tonight was still giving him mild arrhythmia but he barely felt that. Between his heart and lungs many more things were wrong with his body and spasms coming back was just one more thing he wanted to push back to past.
But he had to push himself towards the future and cross his fingers for the best.
So having five minutes to cough his mucus out and do the inhaler Nate finally got up and built up the strength to face the evening again.
I'm taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
Hallways were moderately empty at this point. Few stragglers here and there wasn't much to judge how far the event was going. Those were not the signs as most had been there since the night begun. Same drunkards as always. The rich kids of the power.
He tried not to think of Noel being worse than them. He was alcoholic that wanted no cure and has been one ever since.
And Nate could see that. The man had been addict half his life just because he hurt so much. And the medicine had been just barely enough to help.
Nate just hoped he could help somehow after this was over.
A vague memory of someone else being down in the basement made Nate stop in his tracks. There was a man, likely an undercover cop or agent, that possibly had been there all along and who offered his help best way possible given circumstances.
Making his way towards the big room he couldn't forget the huge tree in the middle of the main room. He felt an itch that was hard to scratch away. And he knew Roland enough suspect he'd make some sort of an attempt to snug the thing not just some paintings. While he's been only a transport guy he just knew the picture was way bigger. It always was.
He wished he'd had some way of contacting the agent before the damage was done because likely Roland wanted the spotlight and come to some misstep sure the rest would be left to get the treatment.
And surely the undercover guy would be on the receiving end.
So he kept sneaking his way until he got to the hall just in time for the honorable mentions and slipped in the corner to watch.
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace
It took a moment for the men in black costumes to step up on the podium.
And then it was the big words.
At first they sold some juicy, sweet things about the Fleet's flagship and its mission to be successful and how well their new captain was succeeding all the praises. To which Nate cheered along since he knew a little about the young chap. The guy had most tragic start of life and equally tragic upbringing. He could relate. After all he'd managed to sneak into files and see a lot of stuff that kinda rubbed the Federation's side wrong, but then, maybe it was supposed to be that way. After all, everything happened for a reason.
Then they put the guy on stage into bright spotlight where he did his dues. Then Admiral turned to another teams from other starships and praised them as well. A good hour into the flow Nate finally spotted the man he'd sought out whole evening. And his two angelwings by his side as well.
By that time the honorable mentions turned to the latest acknowledgments in the disability corner. The speech basically highlighted all the great every disabled member of the Fleet has done and then they begun calling names.
He noticed how awkward Noel looked down there and he just had to grip the railing tighter just to keep himself from sneaking down and stuck to the side of the man.
Surprisingly there were so many disabled fleet members that each went up to podium to say their thankful words and get some medal or whatever was given them.
For whole ten minutes Nate believed Noel will be kept out of the publicity and left in peace. How wishful thinking it was.
Just as soon they turned the notch down another Admiral stepped up to speak. His words, while holding same festive gratefulness as other before, somehow made the whole thing less dire. He spoke of how at first his trust needed to be earned in a way and only after that and proofing the worthy to him he'd become something close to a friend. And that during his years as a Captain and later Admiral there were so many amazing and incredible people passing through his life.
And that while most seemed not the right choice for the job or just didn't feel deserving their spots there was one man he held particularly at odds.
"You see people, this is in a no way an easy job. There are so many dangers outside and so much to learn before you can be trusted with a starship. Also even more at personal level.
We have our lives on the line every single moment. Even on planet none could be safe from danger. And we must keep up to the unspoken.
In space it could take just a mere second to loose everything and never see the day again. Never go back. It could all end in a flash. And then it would be all." The man looked up at the audience ,
"Throughout the years I've seen many cadets growing up to that level of skill this job needs. I've seen many fall from the grace as well. It's never easy. Some has been fighting their whole life for something and once they got it loosing at all again. I've seen it all.
I take pride in witnessing all this and feeling it. It's not easy but it brings a lesson every time. And I tell these stories to the next generations of cadets so that they know there is so much more than a uniform and a game to it. That there's soul."
His eyes roamed across the hall. "I try to teach them best I know and hope they take it to heart. Because we need the best.
Loosing many starships to some disasters and failures takes the job to a level that is too hard and I've been close to call it a day so many times. Because it hurts so much to loose a crew. Knowing there's no one to blame leaves blaming myself.
I've had my own troubles. I nearly died several times, I faced races that took me hostage and some even tried to kill me. How to deal with that much stress and pain, and fear, without loosing it?" He pauses and looked straight at Noel, "There is no definite answer to that because we deal with it in our own way.
I take pride in lasting in this job for so long. And probably I will die with it. It's what we do. It's what we oath to do.
And then there's this one man. He's never wanted to be here. He never planned for life to take him here. But he did. And he had to live with that.
Sometimes we cannot control where life takes us. And sometimes we even don't want it. But eventually we have to face it. With all the reservations we have.
My most surprise was that he never even believed that he had any more chance. But I must take my own being guilty for making decisions on his behalf. For that I ask his forgiveness.
You may think I'm a sap right now, and you must be right ." There were murmured laughter among the audience and when it died down again he kept speaking. "I owe an incredible apology to the man among us right now who took this with dignity, stamina, grace and diligence I've never seen before. I once challenged another young man to become best version of himself many years ago. And look, he's now a Captain. You know him very well.
And I knew it will work out.
But this was a bit different situation. This story takes us back to times when our beloved planet was still alive and fresh. People did many bad things and made decisions beyond their hopes. Some did very bad, some not so much. But it made them, shaped them, honed them into something Academy never saw before.
Yes, most would never know the full story of someone when they decide to be sour about them just because somebody did their job better and earned their place based on what their hearts made them do. It's basically bullying and it never ends well. People are jealous of those who earn better praises and get higher up the chain. That's human's nature. Only character and consciousness can lead us the right way.
You know who I'm talking about. But that's not all.
This man took upon fate only way he knew how and tried his best to carve it his way. He may have failed few times, probably got in some trouble for that. But what remained was the faith. Faith in what was in future. Past is always painful for someone. There may be darkness nobody else sees. And most people hide their past. Some disguise it some to keep secrets to themselves and show only small part.
When his story came to my ears I had to see the man my own eyes. Maybe luckily for the both of us that I pushed when he died for what was about fifth time. I took it upon myself to make decisions on his behalf. And I deeply apologize for that. Because I did it not just for him but another man that day. I thought no fight should be left like that because everyone deserves a fighting chance. In that I wasn't wrong. Both men survived in the end. One chose his own way of life later but the one that stayed couldn't do it so easily. And I once again took it upon myself to sort it out.
I'm quite nosy that way." The public took another laughter moment.
"I should regret it more. But I'm proud instead. This man has shown what fighting for life truly means. He knows how it is to have his life taken out of his control. Unlike majority of population he truly knows what it means. And I see that every time. He truly knows what a sacrifice means.
I did wrong by placing him in this situation but I believe it did more good. For greater good. But did it do any goof to the man himself?
Well, maybe not. But it's up to him to judge.
So I want to say huge thank you for another round of service. I want to express my gratitude and gratefulness in all our names. Because I was an asshole." The Admiral covered his mouth with his palm and apologetically looked around.
"Lieutenant Commander Alisson, please do come forward, tell this old man to sock it." He said with a chuckle.
Nate was standing behind the column, hidden in the shadows, stunned by the speech. The way the guy spoke about Narcho was impressive to say the least.
And then he saw his man unlocking the wheels of his chair and rolling towards the podium. He then shook hands and hugged the old Admiral and they exchanged few words before the older man presented a medal and a statue and his Narcho, the resilient , tough guy that never shared tears in public, was sporting a shiny cheek.
To even believe Narcho could be in this room let alone give them speech of the year. Believing would be so much harder if he had not seen it his own eyes.
However there he was, rolling up to the podium as the only way Alisson had been.
•••
I'll seek you out
Flay you alive
One more word and you won't survive
And I'm not scared of your stolen power
See right through you any hour
"Thank you, Admiral Pike. I have never received any medals, at least as far as I can tell. So thank you all who wanted me to have this. I know this means little to some and so much to others, just like the Admiral said, I have had an interesting life. Many of you might be wondering who I even am and why such a whack job should be getting any reward." Noel laughed some and then just dropped his smile to consider his next words some. "Yes, I'm a cripple, as you can see. I've been like this for about a decade or slightly more, it's long since I counted my time. And yes, the reason for this isn't one that makes me proud or even mildly heroic. I made a wrong call in my past for which I paid the highest price. However there was this gentleman in that shiny uniform who pulled some magic that got me back for the final time.
And believe if there's someone so driven by faith of their crew or anyone worthy at that point he'll make them clear giving up is no way out." He took a second to put on some show of how he admired the gifts and then looked back at the Admiral. "I forgive you, Pike. No actually I'm thankful for the way you showed me how life works. It was your first lesson from many more for me. And it was a good lesson. See," he turned back to audience with a somehow mischievous glint in his eye, "thanks to Admiral here I fought so hard that not only I was able to get better but also challenge myself to become better person and pay for some of those past mistakes. And I wanna say thank you. Your support helped me through some really tough times but it also taught me to never give up a fight. And gotta tell y'all this fight's helluva tough." He shrugged as the front and majority of the sides cheered at him. He smiled shyly and then looked up charming basically what looked the whole audience with the humble, thankful but humorous young man act. And it truly looked as genuine as one could get.
"But here I am today. After many hours of being stuffed on a shuffle and another year on a ship I thought I could finally stretch some." He said and smiled at the Admiral. Then he turned away from the microphone and spoke to the man directly.
"I really do forgive you and I wanna thank you for all what you did."
"Come on, Alisson, lets be real, they won't let you go. Whatever you do."
"Pike, how long do you know me?"
"Long enough, Alisson."
"And what do you suggest me to do after all these years? Huh? Sit there for another decade, five? I'm tired of this life."
"Listen, kid, don't stop fighting, not now. You'll regret if you do some crap."
"I already regret my sole existence for thirty years, tell me what is new."
Then he smiled at the audience and placed his trophies to the side for a moment and with a half roll pushed away from the podium. And with that Noel took a slightly shaky stand. His legs weren't as jelly and the hand that wasn't holding onto the chair already shook the pullout cane free. And with a seductive wink he stood fully and rose the statuette in the air with the free hand. To all and everyone who is fighting. Don't stop. This fight will be hard and excruciating. It will make you want to give up and end the suffering. But always remember, one day in foreseeable future you'll be thankful for not giving up.
It's easy to forget things and bury the past behind pain and whatever makes you forget for a second. It's easy to let the darkness take over, it's easy to loose the light, it's easy to let the pain take over. But believe me, if you fight through all that layers of pain, despair, darkness, you will realize it was worth it all. You will learn to accept and move on. It may take time and more pain but eventually your life will stabilize and you'll find what you once lost." With that Noel took few steps as his assistants rushed to pull the chair aside. "Never give up your fights people! And keep yourselves safe! See y'all next time!" He waves and smiled dazzlingly and with slight help on the steps with his cane he strode off to the darkness.
It maybe took two seconds to pack up and slide off into shadows. The show was over and the rest was just leftovers from whatever may come upon his head the second Federation pulleys set eyes on him. And he knew what they'd do about this stunt. At least audience looked touched and he even saw some tears among the smiles and all the other sap people seemed to taken over with.
And that had been quite a fancy showdown even for his own standards. Emotional approach and hope filled exit. Somebody would totally swoon over his theatrical ways. Acting has always been his way of dealing with stuff. It helped to mask many things and also it was why he ended up conning people and charming every living thing out of what he needed.
And if he was pushed he could actually behave nicely.
I won't soothe your pain
I won't ease your strain
You'll be waiting in vain
I got nothing for you to gain
I'm taking it slow
Feeding my flame
Shuffling the cards of your game
And just in time
In the right place
Suddenly I will play my ace
••
Eyes on fire
Your spine is ablaze
Felling any foe with my gaze
Nate was shell shocked. His mind was spiraling out of control and for round ten seconds he felt loosing the battle with sanity.
He surely knew about Noel's conman skills, they were trained together , but his own wasn't that blossoming. He could sweet talk though. That one wasn't hard to come by.
And there was his lover in all the blazing glory, sweeping the audience off their feet.
But then the whole excitement plopped down the high wave it lifted just mere seconds ago. The time Noel will have to pay for all his smooth words, secretly filled with venom and palpable promise to end the foul game.
And that was when Nate planned to step in and pull the man out of the gunfire, because sure there will be one and he was the one least wanting the desperate man to fall victim of modern day corruption and power play. He'll fucking stand against the general population with all the force he once used to own and give them back all they once gave him.
It was a silent promise for Noel …
And just in time
In the right place
Steadily emerging with grace