Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Fearless on my breath
Upon turning the corner and slipping away in the shadows Noel nearly passed out. The level of stress he kept holding back was now gushing out of every pore of his body, almost taking away his sanity. But maybe it was long gone before that. He obviously was crazy, completely insane, by the sole indication of ever dating to speak against the Fleet Command in an indirect way of involving audience in that little, heartfelt speech.
That was most possibly his biggest mistake Noel ever did during his time of restricted life. And second most notable of his life. The first obviously being that bloody explosive mistake that landed him in this fucking situation. Which will grow radically worse once all of the chain of command at the Fleet and Federation gets caught up on his latest fuck up. And then the witch-hunt will begin.
But still there was that tiny sliver of hope his mouthiness didn't cost the only price he cared about. The one he couldn't afford to pay.
He was nicknamed Narcho long ago, during the days of the training. From where the moniker had come from was still a mystery to him. But it was there and clipped on his little fighter ship side as others deserving to fly those ones. He had a time to enjoy all that until he was mostly deemed unfit for and then he received it as a plaque on his quarter's wall. He even took it and stuck on the console for getaway ride.
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me, makes me lighter
Fearless on my breath
So when the shadows swallowed his body and the surge of newfound energy that attached some weird courage which led to the moment of weakness.
Yet he did his best speech ever and still couldn't regret any single word of it. Even if it will bring him that one last downfall.
Noel was a fair man, always been. He didn't judge others much, tried to be involved with humans as less as possible. It brought him an air or certain personality that was undeniably offending at some point.
To some he was that part of high school jock who cared less, to another he seemed just unworldly tired from everything.
Truth was…. He was indeed tired. The responsibility of hundreds of those despicable beings every single second of his miserable existence was eating his soul away faster than his drink buddies liquidated mega pack of Cheetos.
His life had become an irony.
His body hidden and nonexistent to the world passing by. It gave that weird feeling of relief to realize you don't exist on this plane, that nobody even knows you, that life could just go on without you….
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath
•••
Night, night of matter
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Black flowers blossom
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my
•••
Nate felt slightly sick now that the speech was over and the crowd was plowing on onto the show. It was good that audience left it at what it was. Having angry crowd wasn't what his buddy had wished. Even if they deserved all of it he knew there were words said only to the old man. He'd heard it.
One gift from that fucked up DNA he approved.
Nate slipped off into the crowd and moved on to see the other rooms as well. It was going to happen very soon and according to the guy downstairs something really big and crazy was going down. Not that being a transport guy gave much away. That was one role he'd agreed upon and he'd stick to that gladly.
The nausea and pounding in his temples had gone from piano playing neighbor kid to a rock concert gone drunkenly sour. And even that could measure that level of miserable he felt.
But the tension was getting up and out because Roland will be acting out soon and Nate was way too late for his own plan.
If he misses Noel tonight it's gonna be the last time. This was his only chance. Even if he doesn't get the crafts he'd only need his Narcho.
Once upon a time they made this promise. It was after they lost a boy during River's incident. The little boy that everyone called his twin. They were kids so they didn't care looking alike so much. It felt as if all of them were siblings and nobody wanted to break this illusion apart.
Then boy disappeared and it went silently numb while later. Numb as a frozen finger. Mute like unplugged tv.
Names and aliases mixed together and he couldn't tell the difference.
It was way more than he wanted from his superiors so it was his last job for them. Of a man who lived under the Big Brother's little finger for most of his life and finally had done with it. The sense of his plan was urging the other plan to flip forward.
Mostly because it was finally about time to take his life back in his own hands and live the fuck out of it while he still could.
Flying had lost its appeal for more years than he could count. Mostly it was because of this dictatorship of the Fleet that still considered him a criminal. They cared less about his actual feelings or anything.
What they expected was impeccable behavior and spectacular records. Without exception.
Noel was like a rotten fruit in that basket full of ripe and fresh ones. So they kept their eye on the things and kept that long finger on his pulse.
What made him very mad about it was that so far among the crowds of all the crew members not even the most favorite Alpha shift. Which was pretty much a huge billboard of how much Fleet wanted to keep this piece of shame out of their public appearances. And while the shiny crew of the flagship wouldn't mind him if they knew they'd be less forward to the Fleet.
So he was there under a nice wrap of illusion of Fleet's generosity and kindness. As a disabled crew member on a flagship like Enterprise it was their political and diplomatic approach to deal with things like that. They couldn't push anything towards his arrest since there was one tiny thing court couldn't exactly put on him. Noel claimed no memory of basically long enough time and since health professionals couldn't prove opposite court didn't have anything to put him behind bars. And by the time he was capable of sitting up in his bed press was all over the place and cooing in his face and there was no way they could just drop the nice act. Press would just beat them into ground and make fucking public mess all over the place and Fleet couldn't deal with that level of shame.
There probably was some sort of reason why in public eye he was deemed innocent and believed it's been an unfortunate accident for such a young sweet man with brilliant mind and manners. They obviously believed he was just passed by on the way to his academy journey and couldn't be involved with criminal activity.
However by the time he was into rehab somebody had cooked up a nice story about his life that he never had a chance to live. Some bullshit shine for Fleet to polish and Federation to decide how to turn right.
So they did the best they could and shuffled the whole thing under the rug and Pike himself dealt with accommodations and pleasantries with the diplomatic side. And as for the quiet and personal- there may have been some talking involved. Unlike some other guy in the captain chair. To Pike he was dirt and something to keep away from public and maybe in a way he agreed. People had that tendency to either think he's some criminal or just a cute thing to coo at. And he sometimes used it to his own good. If he didn't there'd be a lot less niceties in the world.
Surely there was other things involved and while from medical side of things Noel was legally amnesiac and properly disabled with no doubt of that Pike had made sure there will be no foul play allowed. And he kept that promise. First years under the Fleet radar monitoring was literally painful. Not just from his injuries but also the mental pressure. And there was that little room of darkness taking constant residence.
He didn't drop pain meds at hospital like supposed. That was the first step into self-destruction and from then on he made it his duty to keep it all up. To deal with Federation and Fleet he made it his job and hobby to drink away pain and emotions while having fun. He made sure to have supply of meds for pain and since he had some way with computers there was easy way to get prescriptions and organize a little shenanigan to supply himself a lifetime of short term relief.
But now it made things complicated. The craving for something was getting deeper by each moment and his legs were starting to tremble again. Some things were real. He did need most of his actual medications to maintain his life.
Even with a constant axe hanging above his head Narcho still maintained his medical needs and while he was convinced tonight's assistants will pick his stuff, meaning chair, he decided not to really get it.
Water is my eye
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Of a confession
Fearless on my breath
So far things were going fairly well on his side. The paintings that were out in the adjacent hall were pretty stationed and seemed nobody was moving near them too often. It was still possible that they weren't anywhere in the plans and the mention was just so he'd never know the true deal. As a getaway he wasn't even supposed to be there inside. But since Roland never said anything about not pursuing small side job although it was never encouraged so far as they usually did just his way of things. And they helluva well knew he was capable of just little more than finding good escapes.
His eye caught some of the Suits walking around the big tree and trying to look like they weren't looking. At least their side was trying something. And paintings and other stuff had security details onto them. It probably was enough, if the case was that simple, but this time with these guys he knew it just wasn't the case.
There will be action and he wanted to diverge enough of Roland's men off it. Otherwise he could see nothing good coming out of this.
But first he wanted to find Narcho and talk to him. It was enough of delays, time has come.
Most faithful mirror
Fearless on my breath
Teardrop on the fire
Fearless on my breath