- NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS -
"'KAY-THANKS-BYE!" Wheatley shouted vaguely behind him as he followed the Rail™ down the corridor, his bottom eye plate pulled up in a big, dopey grin the whole way.
"Thank You™ so much for your help, mate! You™ arrived just in the nick of time - for a minute there I really thought I was gonna be stuck down here with that annoying disembodied voice for the rest of my life. I can't tell You™ how much I appreciate this - well, I sort of just did, but-..."
Wheatley trailed off momentarily, gazing up at the bright yellow Rail™ and offering his sunniest smile.
"So!" he chirped, "We're going on an adventure, eh? Just You™ and me, Team Wheatley and the Adventure Rail™, blazing a trail through this - what'd he call it? - unwritten territory. No doubt some crazy stuff to be seen around here, absolutely crazy stuff, but I'm sure it can't get any crazier than the last room I came out of." He shuddered. "I mean, I've seen some crazy things around the facility before - zombie fire ants, mind control experiments, televisions set to showing nothing but golf all day if You™ can believe it, just to name a few - but trust me on this, what I saw in that room takes the cake. Metaphorically speaking, of course, we're fresh out of cake - have been for quite some time now. Anyway, I know we just met and all, but something tells me I can trust You™. Like we're, like we're kindred spirits or something. Know what I mean?"
The Rail™ did not seem to have any response to this, other than to guide him up and down a few times before going back to heading left, right, up, down, and through the darkened corridors that were still manifesting as he went along. He didn't seem to be paying as much mind to that particular bit of craziness anymore, nor did he feel the need to check his map, confident that if the Rail™ wasn't concerned, then he needn't be concerned either. Every now and then they passed patches of what looked like puke orange carpet covering the catwalks, which struck Wheatley as strange enough, but then they also passed a few doors - some opened, some closed, some emitting what sounded like whispers directed at him, beckoning him inside, and strangest of all, all of the closed ones were labeled with the numbers 427 in a big black font. After his last encounter he knew better than to even dare look inside them. That and he wasn't about to go into one without the Rail™ either.
"You know, it is kind of funny, me being guided, because traditionally I've been the one doing the guiding. Back when, you know, back when the lady and I were a team." At his own mention of the lady, he perked up, an edge of admiration sharpening his tone, "Oh, let me tell You™ about her! She - the lady - is special, something very special. Never met anyone like her - and I've met lots of humans, in a manner of speaking, you know, being forced to commingle with them and all. She's the best at jumping, the best at pressing buttons, the best at gripping things - well, maybe not so much the best at catching things, maybe a 2 out of 10 on that, but once she has caught something, her grip is just-" Wheatley illustrated his admiration of this trait by pulling his handles in close together and synthesizing a kissing noise. "-brilliant, bloody brilliant. She's even the best at testing! Seriously. I am seriously betting that there isn't a single test around here - or anywhere else - that she can't solve. No one - absolutely no one - more clever than her. Except for maybe m-"
Wheatley felt his core suddenly emanating more heat than usual and gazed downward for a moment before looking sheepishly back up at the Rail™.
"Erm, well, not to make You™ feel jealous or anything, because You™'re pretty special too! You™ and the lady have a lot in common, actually, like uh.. ummm... well... you're both dead silent, for one. Yeah. Never heard even so much as a peep from her, probably because of the brain damage, and You™, well- You™'re a line, yeah? Not like I can exactly expect You™ to speak or anything. But don't take that the wrong way, I actually really like lines! Dead brilliant, lines are! Without lines, where would any of us be?"
There was still no response from the Rail™, but nevertheless Wheatley felt encouraged to continue,
"You™ want to know what's so great about lines? Well- They're aesthetically pleasing, for one - all- all liney and all. Bold, pointing in... directions. Also, I sit on one all day! Lines are very good at getting me from Point A to Point Z, or in our case, Point, uh... Wherever-We-Are, to Point Reactor-Core!" Wheatley nodded and beamed, fluttering his handles a bit in excitement as the ideas came rolling through his processor and out of his mouth, "Let's see, lines are also good for counting the passage of time - like, like if you're lost on a deserted island or - oh - or like if you were the lone survivor of a deadly neurotoxin event and were trapped inside of a massive underground science facility while trying to evade the murderous central AI that was responsible for releasing the neurotoxin. Yeah, I imagine lines would come in very handy at a time like that," Wheatley nodded to himself, practically visualizing the Good Things About Lines checklist in his mind. "Let's see, measuring things, dividing things evenly, ummm, oh! Hanging up clothes to dry, that's a good one. Very important. Like if you didn't have a working dryer and needed some other way to dry your clothes - for those who wear them, anyway - bam! There you go! There's a line to save the day again! And lines are- they're very diverse, aren't they? They don't always have to be straight, do they? They can do all sorts of bendy things too - curves, circles, spirals, zigzags, loop-de-loooooowwwuuuuUUUAAAHHH!"
As the Rail™ loomed out of the darkness ahead, Wheatley was alarmed to see It™ had seemed to take his advice and took him on a wild, rotating ride in a loop-de-loop around the corridor -
"What's happening?! What's happening?!"
- defying all sense of intelligent design by bending around the catwalk -
"What's- Oh God, are we going un-.."
- under the catwalk -
"..-nnnderrrrraaaAAAHHHHHH!"
- momentarily leaving Wheatley dangling and staring down at an endless blanket of nothing, his optic pulled down to a tiny, terrified speck of light -
"Pull me back up! Pull me back up! Pull me back up! Pull me back-.."
- and back around the other side before bringing him right-side-up on the ceiling again.
"Oh!" Wheatley gasped, sitting there for a moment, shaking and laughing nervously, "Heh heh heh. Oh wow, I almost- Eheh - I- eheheheheh, that was- aha- that was-..." A grin crept back into Wheatley's features, his iris shimmering with delight, "..-actually kind of fun! Terrifying for a moment there - thought I might fall and die - but, you know, fun! Reminds me of the time the lady and I jumped into that Pneumatic Diversity Vent. Pshoooooo, what a rush! And You™! A+ on the grip, mate! Another thing You™ and the lady have in common."
Wheatley paused, the Rail™ sat there as quietly as ever, pointing onward, and then-
"Can we do that again?"
Wheatley resumed moving forward on the Rail™, beaming as the section of the Rail™ that appeared out of the preceding darkness bent itself out of It™s straight flat plane and created a sort of rippling pattern that made him wobble rapidly up and down a few times, rattling Wheatley's panels together in the process, before taking him back over, around, and under the catwalk again, making Wheatley chortle in delight the entire time. The Rail™ was not so much shaping itself before his eye as It™ was emerging from the not-yet-existent corridor already shaped in these various patterns, creating for Wheatley his own personal roller coaster as It™ materialized. It was a curious thing, the way this was all unfolding, but Wheatley was having entirely too much fun to care about it any further than that.
"Aha- ahahhahaha! I never thought a management rail could be so much fun! Why didn't the scientists just build all of them like this? Let's go again!"
Are you quite finished yet?
Both Wheatley and the Rail™ ignored the voice, or perhaps they did not hear him, as they continued on in their strange dance around the hallway.
Wheatley, it's time to turn back now. This game has run its course and we're all bored now.
"Bored? Who's bored? I'm not bored!" Wheatley professed, chuckling, "Rail™, are You™ bored?"
Almost as if in response to the question, the Rail™ presented itself in a quick back and forth zigzag, taking Wheatley along with It™. It™ then dipped down again into another corkscrew around the hallway that would have been enough to make anyone sick, except for Wheatley it seemed.
"See? Ahahahahaaa!"
Wheatley, do come on. I'm happy that you have had such a wonderful time acting like a fool - truly I am - but now it's time to ditch the Rail™ and get back to the story.
"Sorry, what's that? Can't hear you over the loads of fun we're having over here."
Fun? Going around in circles, lost in unwritten passages, dodging plot holes - ignoring the story - is fun to you?
"Weeeeee-he-he-he-heeeeee!"
Look at you - couple of bumbling, cavorting fools. You two were made for each other - and no, that is neither a compliment nor an endearment. And what of Test Subject #2845, then? First you replace her with a broom closet and now the Rail™?
"Nope, she isn't being replaced by anything. She is still my top priority. Or, well- one of my top priorities. She is safe where she is. I just gotta tweak the reactor core a bit and then she can stay safe forever. In cryosleep. Nowhere safer in this whole facility than there, if I'm honest."
Ah, so you are actually still on your ludicrous mission to fix the reactor core?
"Of course I'm still going to fix the reactor core." Wheatley rolled his eye and shook his chassis back and forth in exasperation. "It's not like I came down here for my own amusement."
Hmmm... A little difficult to discern at the moment. If I'm honest.
"Right, well-... You'll see. The Rail™ is taking me there - right, Rail™?"
Another up and down movement of the Rail™.
Actually no, It™ isn't taking you there. It™ isn't taking you anywhere. Can't you see that? The Rail™ clearly doesn't know what It™'s doing - It™'s just going all over the place. It™ isn't leading you anywhere, except in circles. Sad to say that is par for the course where It™'s concerned - and you, for that matter.
"So we're taking the scenic route. What's wrong with that?"
..Scenic route, right - so much to be seen around here.
"Oh I bet you're loads of fun at parties. Just keep your knickers on - we'll get there when we get there."
I don't know what you think this is, Wheatley, but it seems you haven't been paying attention. This isn't a road trip or a joy ride. This is a first class ticket into full-blown breakdown of the-
"Blah blah blah blah - that's what you sound like. Blah blah blah - that's all anybody hears when you talk."
Well, I don't even need to imitate what you sound like - the things you say simply speak for themselves.
"Blah blah blah blah, listen to me, I'm the Narrator," Wheatley jeered, forcing his voice to take on an unpleasant nasally tone along with what he deemed to be an air of superiority, "Blah blah blah blah, I'm afraid of a harmless little ol' Rail™, blah blah blah, I said Wheatley was gonna die if he came down this way but he hasn't, hur hur, and now nobody wants me around so I'm sad and bitter about it, blah blah blah blah."
Wheatley laughed when the Rail™ took him on another spiraling ride, this time with some added jittery motions that made his laughter shaky as he went along.
You know what. Fine then. But when the Rail™ goes and leads you to your doom, don't come crying to me. But we all know that is precisely what's going to happen, so when you do, I will gladly say that I told you so. And as for You™, Rail™, I don't know what You™ think You™ are doing, but You™ need to get Wheatley back to the story right quick before things get any worse. And believe me, they are going to-
The Rail™ abruptly looped around the railing lining the catwalk and descended down under it again - effectively cutting off the Narrator - and this time It™ maintained this heading. Wheatley followed, letting out a scoff.
"Pft, will you get a load of that guy? Trying to ruin our fun. He's just sore that he hasn't been invited to join in on our awesome adventure. I mean, who would want to invite someone like him anyway? Bossy. Rude. Talking all over me like he thinks he owns me and this whole story. You know, I can do whatever I want, actually. I'm supposed to be the main character and all and-.. Oh... Oh God, wait, You™.. You™ don't know.. about the whole being a fictional character thing, do You™?" Wheatley realized too late that he should have just kept that particular tidbit to himself. After all, if he had gone a bit koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs when he had first been told, then how would the Adventure Rail™ react? And he had had the world's worst educational video projected straight into his processor to boot. He hurried to paint over his mistake, "Tell you what, forget I mentioned that, it's really nothing to worry about, nothing to panic over whatsoever. I was speaking in metaphors anyway, it's not like there's an actual narrator controlling everything we say and do, is there? That would be completely absurd, wouldn't it? We are definitely here of our own accord, nobody telling us what to do at all, it's all up to us. And as for why I referred to him as the 'Narrator' earlier, that's-.. um... that, that was a nickname, that's all, yeah, just a nickname that I call him sometimes since he's always going on and on, acting like he knows everything, calling this whole setting, calling real life a 'story'. His real name is, umm-... errr-... Kevan. Yeah, Kevan sounds about right. Anyway, um, like I was saying, that guy - definitely not a narrator, but a real, live-.. invisible.. person... thing... And most importantly he's a total bore, and I rather like our a-line-ment, hehe. Between You™ and myself, if You™ caught my little joke there."
Wheatley laughed, hoping that no damage had been caused by his careless slip. The Rail™ sent him on some random stair-step motion up and down below the catwalk but otherwise made no concerning motions. He let out a sigh of relief. At least he hadn't completely screwed that up.
He then decided to have a look at his map, just to see if anything on it had changed and was surprised to find that he could no longer see anything, with the exception of their current position in what was literally the middle of nowhere and nothing. Everything else was completely dark, no indications of anything else, which Wheatley had to admit was a bit disturbing. He could only surmise that this meant that they were really far off track from the "actual" story, as the Narrator had put it. And even with that, he was not too deeply concerned - that is, until the Rail™ suddenly began leading him in a progressive downward angle, away from the catwalks and pipes and straight down into the sea of darkness below.
"Um, n-not that I'm not having the time of my life and all, but any idea how close we are to the reactor core, mate? Because my map isn't really all that helpful. Like, at all, which is ironic. And.. And we seem to have lost track of the- well, everything."
He watched in dismay as the only scenery, his only point of reference, sank gradually away him and out of sight, dissolving into the velvety depths surrounding him. In a grim flash of reality, he saw clearly in his mind's eye the portal on the surface of the moon, open, shimmering, inviting him back in even though he had no way of reaching it; the lady, disappearing inside of it before it closed with a hum of finality, leaving him on the other side in darkness, afraid, angry, and alone, more than he had ever been in his entire life.
Wheatley grew more uncomfortable, but even with all of the terrible, clenching, painful swirl of emotions inside of him, he did not quite know how to express any of it in a meaningful way, nor did he want to put his newfound companion off, so he did the only thing he knew in a situation like this-
"Are You™, are You™ maybe tired, then? That's what this is all about, isn't it? You™'re a bit tuckered out and need to sit down for a bit and recharge the ol' batteries?" he said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible, even as he could feel himself trembling, "I get that, we have been at this for quite a while, haven't we? And You™ have been lugging me around this whole time, which is no easy task, I'm sure, me being made out of-.. out of metal and things. Believe me, if I could see anything on my map, I would gladly convey to You™ how far we've traveled so I could reassure you with our progress, but uh, seeing as, ah, seeing as it isn't working, I can't really do that at the moment. But maybe if we just, you know, stop here - just stop, right here, for just a little bit, You™ could get some rest - well-deserved rest - and then we can check it again to see our progress. How's that sound? Just a suggestion, though - I-I-I mean, if You™ really aren't all that tired we don't have to stop. But it is an option, there, available for You™ should You™ need a rest."
But the Rail™ only continued leading the way down, and Wheatley could swear the decline was becoming more pronounced. It was at this point that he tried stopping and turning around on the Rail™ only to find that he could not. Everything behind him had simply ceased to exist. Not without a small amount of effort, he pushed himself up the incline, his servos straining, only managing a couple of inches but still expecting to see the Rail™ re-materialize. It™ did not. Nothing happened. Only the darkness smiled back at him. He was stuck, trapped, forced to follow the Rail™ no matter where It™ took him. Funny how the thought had not bothered him at all until discovering this terribly scary setback.
It did not help that the Rail™ was no longer making an effort to alleviate any of his discomfort, perhaps oblivious to the things going on deeper inside of him. Maybe this had not been such a great idea after all, although it had certainly seemed to be at the time. Maybe the Rail™ couldn't really understand anything about him, who he was, how he felt, what he was doing, why he- anything about him at all. And for that matter, did he? Did he really understand anything besides this all-encompassing darkness anymore? Was this something that existed only outside of him, or was it something that had been inside of him this whole time, growing and expanding for so long until it had broken through him and was now all around him, everywhere, crushing down upon him? Compacting him from the inside out, condensing him down into a single dark point, a black hole in its own right.
Something else that added onto this disturbing development was that now his flashlight wasn't even revealing anything in any direction at all, except for the small section of the Rail™ just above him. The beam may as well not be on at all. And there was no echo - the darkness seemed to absorb everything he said without giving anything back, the air did not hear him, his words falling into nothingness. He was in a box, a box being led down to who-knew-where where who-knew-what would happen to him. He was in some part of the facility that maybe existed, maybe not. It was like he was in a masher, a compactor, with all the sensations of being crushed minus the actual act of being crushed.
This crushing-not-crushing sensation continued to increase, pressing down on him until he felt like he couldn't breathe his artificial breaths. He began to hyperventilate, and shortly thereafter began screaming -
"HELP! HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME! RAIL™! LADY! NARRATOR! SOMEONE! ANYONE! HELP ME!"
- and then that quickly switched over to crying -
"Oh God, Oh God, please stop. PLEASE STOP! HELLLLLLLLP!"
- feeling like he was being squeezed through a tube of toothpaste, everything inside of him forced out, grim and messy and unpleasant-..
"I'm sorry! I'M SORRY! I didn't mean to do it! I swear I didn't mean it! Just please get me out of here!"
..-until suddenly he popped out the other side and whatever it was he just went through left him there. It happened so quickly he sat there gasping and sobbing to himself before realizing he was free.
"Promise... Promise..."
When he finally did realize it, he blinked his optic open and gazed blearily around, whispering shakily, "Prom-... Am I out? Am I- I'm out? I'm really out?" And then he let out a massive sigh and pushed his panels out, stretching them in relief, "Aha! Hahahaha! Oh man alive! I thought I was going to-" His voice shook and he laughed until he thought that maybe that had all been a dream - either that or he was going crazy. In fact, he did go crazy, his joy and relief switching seamlessly into a red hot rage he had not felt since being plugged into the mainframe, "My God, Rail™, what was that all about?! Was that your idea of a joke?! Why did You™ take me through all of that?! That was TERRIBLE! Were You™ trying to torture me?! Do You™ have any idea-"
He cut himself off when he noticed that the Rail™ felt like It™ was humming or shaking, as if a current or some other faint force was transmitting through It™ and into him. He couldn't explain why - couldn't quite put his finger (or handle) on it - but he got the impression that It™ was trying to tell him something.
His anger immediately diminished, "Hey, hey, it's all right. Well, not- not really all right, if I'm honest, that was really, really horrible, quite possibly the worst thing I've ever-.. Well one of the worst things, definitely in my top ten, top five, somewhere up there along with being told I'm not real and being blasted out into space. But- hey, what's going on? What's got You™ shaking like this? Literally shaking, You™'re- You™ didn't know all that was going to happen, is that it?"
Wheatley moved forward and the Rail™ appeared from the darkness, moving back and forth from left to right.
"All right, well-.." Wheatley let out a sigh, suddenly feeling tired despite being a machine, "I guess I can- I'm sorry for yelling at you like that, I don't know what- Let's just keep going forward, shall we? I think, given the circumstances, that's probably the best thing to do - not that we have any other options, literally couldn't move in any other direction earlier so it's reasonable to assume I can't now." He paused and tried to reverse, only to have the results from earlier duplicated. "Yep, nope, can't go anywhere but forward from here. You™ just go on and lead the- Oh- Oh wait, hold on, what's this? What's happening?"
Wheatley halted on the Rail™, watching in mixed fascination and apprehension as a corridor stretched out before him. It appeared in chunks, fleshing out in front of him, revealing its full length and all its details within - more catwalks, more pipes, more of the Rail™, plus a few added details that put him on edge all over again.
Feeling a combination of disappointment and dread surging back through him, he groaned, "Oh, come on, really?"
- NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS LOADING -
WARNING: Narrative Contradiction levels at 61%. Proceed with substantial caution.