- NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS -
As Wheatley came to a set of two management rails, he-took-the-railonhisleft.
As he-picked-his-way-aroundtheravaged-
Why, what ever is the big hurry, Wheatley? You are being quite rude by outrunning my narration once again.
The urgent little core ignored the voice and cruised right along, approaching the Extended Relaxation Center, intent only on reaching Test Subject #2845.
Wheatley, we've been through this before. Things must be done properly. Now, if you don't mind, please take this all at a normal pace. Or do you wish to make a mockery of the Line™'s sacrifice?
But Wheatley ignored the voice again. Upon arriving at the Extended Relaxation Center, he headed straight back -
Okay, stop.
- took the rail-down-four-levels -
STOP.
- tookanimmediateright -
I SAID STOP, DAMN IT!
- narrowly missing a direct, clean run-in with a rogue brick wall that seemed to have appeared from out of nowhere.
"Jesus bloody Christ!" Wheatley shouted in surprise as he screeched to a halt, "Where did this come from?! It wasn't here last time!"
Well I had to get your attention somehow - apparently being blown up has made you deaf.
"I could hear you just fine, I was- I'm in a bit of a hurry, here!"
Yes, I can see that, which is why I need you to STOP. Just stop for a moment so we can talk.
"Stop? Stop? Stop so we can talk?! That's bloody rich coming from the psychopath that just murdered me!"
Make no mistake, Wheatley - I was nice to you before, even with all your blunders and forays, but that time has passed. Now is the time - this time is the time for you to follow the narration, abide by the story the proper way. Let this brick wall serve as a reminder to you that everything here is under my control. We don't want things to end up like back at the reactor core, do we?
Wheatley's optic shrank down in fear and he shook his body back and forth, his voice smaller than a moment ago, "Nono, that won't be necessary."
Good.
The brick wall crumbled before Wheatley's eye, some of the individual bricks landing with a loud bang on the catwalk below him, eliciting from him a sharp flinch, while others spilled off the sides to plummet into the abyss below.
Now. Let's try this again. Go back a little ways.
"You want me to go back-...?" Wheatley spluttered in disbelief.
Yes, just over there. Right after you first arrive at the Extended Relaxation Center should do.
Wordlessly, Wheatley sighed and made his way back to the indicated spot and stopped. His two side panels popped out and then back in as if shrugging to say, "Now what?"
Good. Perfect, I daresay. See, this is all very doable, you just have to listen and obey. That's really not so difficult, is it? Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm.
Wheatley's eyeplates narrowed together in irritation and then narrowed even further when he realized that the voice was laughing at him.
Now, where were we-
Wheatley headed straight back, took the rail down four levels, took an immediate right, took row thirteen, and from there he made a straight shot down 42 pods until he reached the correct pod, in which lay Test Subject #2845, whose state of well-being was currently unknown.
He paused outside of the pod, feeling the need to gather himself before proceeding with the sequence of events he had already done so many times before. He had done a lot of talking and a lot of talking about doing, rather than actually doing, except for when it came to spontaneous impulses that resulted in disaster. But in this case, what would he say? What would he do? True, he had already gone through at least two scenarios - although he was rapidly losing track of everything that had happened in the last never-ending, recycling day - which had, admittedly, not gone in his favor. But what if she remembered? What if she didn't? Could he handle either eventuality?
"Okay... Okay, be cool, Wheatley. Be cool. You've got this," he breathed, shaking in spite of himself, "Just- Just go in there and, and hope that she doesn't remember anything."
But Wheatley need not worry about this, because as he had been made aware of before, technically nothing has happened yet - at least not as far as the lady was aware of - and therefore she would have retained no memories of before. It was true that at some point he would have to come clean, would have to reveal all to her, otherwise it would bastardize the entire point of starting everything all over, but now was not the time for that.
"I'm just going to wake her up and- and go from there, ask her a few questions and then it'll be like nothing happened."
I'm curious, what kind of questions do you plan on asking her? You can't just flat out ask if she remembers anything from before - that would make her suspicious.
"Suspicious? No, I won't make her suspicious. My questions will be subtle, subtle for sure."
Subtle... Wheatley, you and subtlety go about as well together as bleach and ammonia.
"I'm not quite sure what you're implying there, mate - I don't have any bleach on me and as for ammonia, well, I don't smell any of that around here either. But, anyway, subtlety and I are completely compatible with one another. I've had lots of practice with it. Say, for instance, I know a guy who has perfected the art of subtlety, and do you want to know who that guy is? No guesses? Me - I'm that guy."
Well, I, for one, am convinced.
"'Course you are, mate, as I said - subtlety is an artform and I am the art- master, art master, artform master of the artform of subtlety," Wheatley nodded. "Like I said, I will be subtle with her. And let me just say that knowing the answer- knowing whether or not the lady remembers will make this whole thing - the story - a whole lot easier for me to abide by."
But you already know, Wheatley. You know because I've told you-
"No, I don't know. You narrating that for me doesn't tell me anything. I need to know, and the only way I can know is by asking her, okay?"
And just what do you plan on doing if she does remember? Although, once again, as I have said, she does not.
"I- I don't know, I honestly don't. I suppose I'll just wing it. Just- help me out here, mate. Let me ask her." He paused briefly, looking down in discomfort, before adding, "Please."
Hmmmm... Very well, I'll grant you this leeway. But only out of the desire to see how far you will get before Test Subject #2845 loses patience with you - not much longer than myself, I'll tell you that. By the way, do make sure not to take too long or else I shall be forced to help you along through more pressing means.
"Right..." He lowered his voice to a mutter, "Can't mess this up this time, Wheatley, you have to get it right. You have to-" His voice broke as he felt a sharp stinging sensation rip through his circuits at the thought of losing the lady again. And the Line™... "You've got to get her out of here. Focus on that. Right after- right after making sure she doesn't remember anything. And if she does- If she does remember-... Bloody hell, I don't know."
Wheatley entered the protocols to wake up Test Subject #2845 and waited there on his rail, shifting around nervously like a sad little pubescent human awaiting his fate at the hands of his date's overly protective father. When at last the door opened and there once again stood before him Test Subject #2845, all his efforts at remaining calm and professional were thrown by the wayside.
"Oh thank God you're okay!" he nearly cried, entering the pod with such sudden swiftness that the lady was forced to take several steps back to avoid being knocked over. "I mean, you- you are all right, aren't you, luv? You didn't recently die in any explosions or anything?"
The lady just stood there, staring at him with her alert but heavy gray eyes, no doubt confused not only by this metal ball's sudden entry into her room and the awkward questions, but also by the alarms going off in the background of it all.
"No? Well, okay, fair enough, it is fairly obvious that you aren't dead or blown up, but still," he went on, circling around her as best as he could while being stuck on his rail, eye worrying over her form, inspecting her for damages, as she stood there. "Any injuries? Anything at all? Ailments, burns, anything? I mean, you probably still have the brain damage, but um, just tell me- just jump for 'yes', that is to say, if you are injured or unwell - and, and don't jump for 'no', as in you are not hurt or sick, okay?"
He was making her uncomfortable - her body language clearly stated as much, what with the way she was standing back from him and shrinking away from his attentions. Nevertheless, Wheatley did not notice, and, nevertheless, the lady stood completely still in reply.
"You're not hurt or sick or blown up? Brilliant! That's brilliant!" He nodded vigorously, his optic flickering in time with his excitement.
The room shook around them and more alarms went off, eliciting a frightened noise from Wheatley, as if he was afraid everything was going to explode again right then and there - and for all he knew, it would - which prompted him to hurry this along.
"Look, uh, things are a bit precarious right now," he said, trying his best to contain himself, "I, I don't want to alarm you or anything - well, I mean, I'm sure you can hear all the alarms and everything - but we really gotta hurry out of this place. The thing is, silly as it may sound, I do have to ask you a few questions first. Just a few really quick, really simple questions, luv, very simple. They're part of our, um, standard escape protocols and all - mandatory mental wellness, um, awareness.. questions to- to ensure that you are, in fact, mentally aware of the situation and capable of escaping. It's very easy, I promise. Just like earlier, you'll jump for 'yes' or don't jump for 'no'. All right?"
The lady gave him another wary, puzzled look.
"Umm, maybe I wasn't clear enough - that was your cue to jump, because I need to know whether or not you understand what this whole exercise is for - well, not actual physical exercise, aside from the jumping, though I'm sure you'll be doing plenty of that later on, just- just an exercise in escape safety. Okay, so, go on, answer the question: Do you understand what we are about to do? Escape, that is?"
The lady gave a short hop in response.
"Yes, you do understand! That's perfect, luv, just perfect! Next question, easy: Has anyone ever asked you about apples before?"
The lady remained where she stood, blinking at him as if he had just asked her to mentally solve a complex mathematical question.
"No? Okay, good, good, that's good. How about this then, even simpler question: Have you ever seen me before? Me or anyone like me? You know, spherical little guy like me, blue optic, dashing, brilliant?"
So much for subtlety.
"Shut up."
The lady not only again refrained from jumping but also knitted her eyebrows at him in response to the rude comment.
"Oh, I don't mean you, luv," he clarified gently for her, "I know you can't speak and I was talking to the other guy."
By the way, Wheatley, you might want to refrain from responding to me - while you can hear me, Test Subject #2845 cannot. I would say that replying to me out loud will make you look like a schizophrenic maniac, but I think you are accomplishing that rather well here on your own with your not-so-subtle pop quiz.
"Ohhh, really? Well I'll give you a pop qu-" Wheatley hurriedly derailed himself from that topic upon seeing the dubious look on the lady's face. "Um, I mean- Okay, one last question, I promise this is the last one and then we can proceed with the escaping. Are you hearing any voices? Aside from mine, obviously. You know, like, random, unidentified voices-"
"ALL REACTOR CORE SAFEGUARDS ARE NOW NON-FUNCTIONAL. PLEASE PREPARE FOR REACTOR CORE MELTDOWN."
"And that- Also aside from that one, that one's supposed to be going off. Any other voices? Any at all? Any from around, in the air, ambient? Might sound like a snobby British fella - once again, not referring to myself, but another British fella - tightly wound, talks like he's got a stick up his aAAHHHHH!"
The pod shook violently, sending some bits of the floor into the abyss below, causing both Wheatley and Test Subject #2845 to jump. Wheatley in particular took a complete memory dump as a hole opened up too close to the lady for his comfort.
"Look out! Careful! Careful! What are you doing?! Come away from there!" he spazzed, shifting back and forth on his rail in panic, all of his panels flared out, while she stepped calmly and carefully away from the hole and peered through it in surprised interest.
The whole ordeal also reminded him that time was running out - or did he need another hole in the floor to remind him? Or perhaps another countdown timer?
"No, no! Don't need another reminder! We've got it, thanks!" He turned his attention back to the lady. "All right, luv, those were good answers, really good. Now onto the next part of the standard escape protocol - escaping! Now I am going to need to plug into your pod here and maneuver it around a bit, but it's nothing to be alarmed about, nothing to worry about at all, it's all perfectly safe. Just, just please make sure to hold on tight to something - don't want to go losing you again. Again, for the first time, I mean, losing you, don't want to lose you at all. So um, do hold onto tight to something, preferably something that is anchored quite nicely into the pod itself, like the lamp on the wall over there, or, or, oh, or maybe the rod in the closet, that seems like a pretty safe bet - in fact, that's probably the safest bet of them all, the closet, might help protect you from any pieces of the ceiling that might fall out. Go on. And if we lose any more bits of the floor and walls along the way, just hang onto the support beams," he urged and then rose through the open panels on the pod's ceiling, where he went about hooking himself up to the mechanisms that would allow him to move her pod around. "You all secured and ready to go down there?"
Of course he did not receive any response - none that he could see. Nevertheless, he started things up and began moving the pod around, trying his very best to weave his way through all the pods as painstakingly as possible, though he did still collide with and scrape against many of them - which was to be expected when all the humans were as tightly packed in as sardines, though the sardines were probably much better preserved by this point.
"You all right down there?" he called again, steering the pod through a particularly narrow channel, grunting and straining with the effort even though it was the crane mechanism doing most of the work. "I've- I've really got to concentrate on what I'm doing up here, there are some rather tight spaces we've gotta fit through and all, so I'm afraid I can't come down there to check on you until we're through. Just please, seriously, please make sure you are holding onto something. We'll be through here soon, I promise."
Wheatley continued maneuvering as carefully as he could between the other Extended Relaxation pods. In fact, he was maneuvering the lady's pod just a little too carefully because he was going along at a snail's pace, nothing at all like his first time through where he had careened out of control and knocked over many of the dilapidated pods. It wasn't even because he was worried about accidentally killing someone who might be alive, because not only had he not been concerned about that before but also he had already checked all the other pods and therefore knew all the others were dead. There was really no need for such precautions because everything was already all laid out, and nothing would go wrong so long as he followed the story.
He really needed to get moving, otherwise things could go south very quickly for both himself and Test Subject #2845.
Wheatley-
"Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I know, you want me to move faster. But here's the thing - I'm-" He cut himself off only to resume speaking in a quieter tone, "I'm not gonna take that risk. I need to get her there safely. Keyword: safely. It'll do no good if I shear off the bottom half of her pod again or crush her up against a wall." He paused and then called, "You still all right down there, luv? Almost there, almost there. Just sit tight. Or stand, whichever affords you a better way of hanging on."
Up ahead there lay the wall that Wheatley would need to manually override in order to get the lady onto the testing tracks so as to find the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device. Although he had not built up enough momentum to be able to smash his way through, Wheatley knew he had to try. All he had to do was back up a little bit and go at it at full speed-
"Ah, no, no, not going to do that this time - that was obscenely unsafe to do the last couple times, wasn't it? Obscenely unsafe. I mean, that could kill her in any number of ways that I'm sure are all equally unpleasant! Besides, I can see the writing on the wall now - both literally and figuratively - and it definitely says the docking station is 500 feet below."
In spite of his programming dictating that he make only bad decisions, Wheatley managed to make what was perhaps his first smart choice in his entire life - he moved the pod down the indicated 500 feet to the docking station. He edged the pod forward little by little until it clicked into place - mostly, seeing as a good deal of the pod had bent, broken, or otherwise fallen apart despite his delicate maneuvers through all the pods - and then quickly lowered himself back into the pod where he began launching a barrage of questions at the lady again.
"There we go! You all right, luv? Any injuries or concussions or splinters or anything? Turn around, let me have a look at you to make sure- gah!" He flinched back when the lady became so annoyed with his attentions that she flailed both hands at him to get him to back off. "Oi! That was entirely unnecessary! You may not know this, lady, but you are extremely precious cargo and I want to make sure you are not damaged goods before delivering you forward!" he huffed, and then hurriedly backtracked when she gave him her signature cold stare before moving to march off on her own. "Nononono, wait, don't go! I, I-I-I mean, I didn't mean it like that, I just mean that you are important and I need you- we both need each other to escape, as it is. I mean, there really isn't any way you're going to be getting out of here without me, yeah? You don't even know where you are! But I do - I know exactly where we are. And- and you, I need you to help me out of here, too. Not like I can climb around or do much being stuck on this rail here, so.. so it really wouldn't be in either of our best interests if we went and lost you to some stupid minor injuries or something."
The lady's eyes narrowed at him and he sighed, beginning to feel like maybe he had messed up this whole turn anyway. And then he perked up when at last she gave him a single nod - whether in agreement or understanding, he did not know, but he decided to take it.
"You can nod?" he said, surprised, in response to which the lady nodded again, "Well, why didn't you say so! Well, not literally, 'say so' I mean, but you could have- Right, can you nod then, tell me you're all right? And then we can be on our way?"
This time it was her turn to sigh, exasperated, but she did at least nod for him.
"Brilliant! Let's go find the portal gun and be on our way then!"
She gave another nod and together the two of them forged ahead, finally, finally getting on with the real story.
- NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS NEVER THE END IS LOADING -
WARNING: Narrative Contradiction detected. Narrative Contradiction levels at 7%. Proceed with caution.