"So here's what we need to do," said Wheatley. "We need to pick one of these cores and then off we go to the boss lady's chamber, we replace Her with them, we have them operate the lift for us, and then we'll be home free!"

The lady nodded, her eyes going over the mound of cores sitting just on the other side of the glass partition. It gave Wheatley the impression of watching a herd of zebras in their enclosure at a zoo, except in this case nearly all the zebras were dead and the remaining living ones were watching them back with rapt attention.

"I should mention that there are a few caveats, though, just a few. So let's take a moment to go over those. First of all, we'll need to decide which one to replace Her with. These guys- some of them aren't all there, if you get my meaning. I mean, there's this one in there who all he does is talk about space, right? Just space, all the time, nothing but space, and most of the time it isn't even about space, it's just the word 'space', like literally just the word 'space', over and over. Trust me, you do not want to be stuck with him for all of eternity, especially if you happen to be spending eternity floating around in the endless void of space itself."

The lady gave him an amused sort of look, her eyes flicking to the nook full of dead, defective, and otherwise corrupted cores as if trying to locate the one to which he was referring.

"Anyway, we'll need to pick the one that is the most coherent, but also the least likely to try to kill us if something goes wrong."

At that, the lady looked a bit surprised and definitely inquisitive, so Wheatley hurried to explain,

"Now, don't be alarmed by that, absolutely nothing to be alarmed about at all, but there is a very small chance - very small, razor-thin, minute, even - very small chance that once we plug the core in, they'll turn against us."

The lady's eyebrows journeyed even further upwards and Wheatley again had the impression they had come off track. He watched them for a couple of seconds, interested in where they would end up, before continuing.

"I, uh- it's, it's not that I know anything about that personally - not like I have any up close and personal experience with the mainframe - it's just, it's just something that I've heard rumors about, you know, through the grapevine - or in our case, potatovine, as it were. I mean, just look at who's in charge now, She's absolutely off Her rocker! Even dangling from the ceiling like that, She is still off Her rocker! Like, straight off it. She might not even have a rocker anymore, that's how unglued She is."

The lady shrugged and nodded.

"Now, I know what you're thinking - Wheatley, why don't we replace Her with you, you good old buddy of mine, but here's the thing - I really don't want to do that, it's an unpleasant process, or, or so I've heard. Also! I need to be able to go to the surface with you! I can't do that if I'm plugged into the mainframe, right? Because- Because everything will power down and we won't be able to operate the lift if no one is plugged in. And I have it on very good authority - well, maybe not good authority, but just- just on authority - that there isn't even a delayed timer. So, no other options as far as I'm aware of, and all in all, not a risk I want to take. Our best bet is to just pick one of these cores here and plug them in and- and go from there."

The lady nodded in what Wheatley took as full understanding of what the plan was.

"Right, now all we need to do is figure out how to get into there." He spun around in his casing to look behind him, taking in all that he could see within and around the nook. "There don't seem to be any ports or anything of the sort around," he said and turned back to meet gazes with the lady again, "so looks like we're gonna have to default to the ol' manual override technique. You proved earlier that you're good at that! We just need something pretty hefty, sturdy, a good solid object to hurl at the glass. So have a look around and see if you can find anything."

The lady did look around and came up with nothing. This area of the facility was oddly pristine. Where were all those mounds of garbage when you needed them? They sure would have been useful right then, Wheatley thought.

Feeling at a bit of a loss, he sighed and said, "All right, well, you got any ideas, lady? Uh-..."

Something about the way the lady was suddenly looking at him made him uncomfortable, like she was about to ask him something unfavorable even though he knew she couldn't speak. It vaguely reminded him of the look she had had right before destroying every one of his monitors in his testing chambers, albeit this one did have more of an apologetic air to it. Still, it was strange and disquieting.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that? Usually that look means you've come up with a solution to something, but in this case I don't-"

Her lips quirked further to the side by half an inch - a further apology - and that was enough to tip him off.

"Oh no... Oh nononono, you can't be serious. I thought we agreed I didn't need to go smashing myself through any glass if it wasn't necessary! You're saying it's necessary now?!"

She nodded and Wheatley deflated, feeling a sense of utter defeat wash over him followed swiftly by bitter acceptance.

"Ugh... All right, just- just get this over with quickly. And make sure you do it right the first time - I don't want to have to do this multiple times!"

The lady issued him a single nod, set down the portal gun, picked him up, paused. Pressed her lips together. Passed him a grim look.

"Go on," he sighed, closing his optic in anticipation, "let's just get this over with."

Needing to get this over with did not, however, prepare him for the inevitability of flying through the air and crashing through the heavy sheet of glass far more effectively than he had been capable of back in the Wellness Center, so far back in the story now he only just remembered it because smashing through the current plate of glass brought it to the forefront of his processor.

"AAARRRRGHH!" he wailed. "Did you have to throw me so hard, lady?! Surely a little less force would have sufficed! I mean, ow! Just bloody OW!"

But it had worked. It had worked! The bulk of the glass lay in glittering shards all around them while some large triangular-shaped pieces of it remained attached to the outer edges of the frame, hanging there like translucent fangs, menacing and fierce.

And as soon as the glass partition fell, multiple voices filled the cavity.

There was Wheatley, lying in pain among his core brethren: "I'm not joking, that really, really hurt! You'd think I'd be used to this kind of pain by now, but nooooo! It has to bloody hurt every single bloody time!"

A core with a rich green optic and a bassy, masculine voice, brimming with enthusiasm: "Yeah! YEAH! That was AWESOME, lady! Do it again!"

One with a deep pink optic whose dialogue had a measured, mechanical cadence to it: "Glass is the strongest element in all the known universe. In the unknown universe, bananas are the strongest."

One with a bright orange optic, his voice all too familiar to Wheatley: "Oh, hi, lady! Lady! Lady! Space! Let's go back to space!"

And, of course, Wheatley again: "I mean, I'm a multi-million dollar piece of science equipment, built by the greatest scientific human minds - debatable, if I'm honest - in all the history of mankind, and you JUST THREW ME THROUGH A PLATE OF GLASS! There had to be something else lying around, anything, something else we could have used!"

The lady smirked at him, rolled her eyes, and shrugged, a combination that Wheatley had trouble deciphering as he took it as meaning she was amused, exasperated, and nonchalant all at the same time, which made absolutely zero sense to him.

"That's all you've got to say for yourself, young lady?! I mean, my God!"

The core with the green optic butted in, "Hey, would you mind turning it down a few notches there, fella? Some of us are busy trying to absorb this beautiful specimen of a woman here. Hello, pretty lady. Don't let these other guys cause you any worry - we're all gentlemen 'round here-"

"The Adventure Sphere is not a gentleman," said the pink-eyed one. "The Fact Sphere is a gentleman. Fact: Gentlemen speak only facts."

"Space! Space! Wanna go back to space!" gushed the orange-eyed one.

"-but if any of them do give you any cause for concern, ol' Rick will put 'em in their place - that's me, by the way, I'm Rick. What's your name, beautiful? What brings you 'round these parts?"

"Glass is part of a healthy diet for humans. 82% of all human diets consist solely of glass. Except for the keto diet, which consists of glass and rocks."

"Space rocks?! Space rocks! Space roooooocccccccks!"

"Oh, God, I can't take this," Wheatley groaned, already feeling an incessant buzzing in his processor, "I can't believe it's the same cores from- Ugh, never mind, please just- just come pick me up, lady, please, will you? And then pick one of these guys and let's be on our way."

He shifted from where he sat on top of the pile of empty core shells, optic following the lady as she stepped meticulously on top of them, glass crunching underfoot, and retrieved him with her portal gun.

"Oh, thank you. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be around a core that never shuts up, let alone more than one? It's, ugh, it's just-... Well, you can hear them!"

With a grimace, the lady nodded.

"All right, well, I know we don't have the best choices here, but- but they are choices - our... only choices, but choices nonetheless, so we gotta make one - a choice, that is, a choice between these cores here. And it needs to be the most competent one - that's very important, that, our choice being a competent one, otherwise it could just lead us straight into disaster."

Excitable chattering from within the nook continued while the lady looked back and forth between the only three cores that were visibly active. She grimaced again. And then she looked back at Wheatley.

"Well obviously I am the most competent core here," he said, swiveling back and forth within the energy field to emphasize his point, "and I appreciate the confidence you have in me - really, I do, you really have no idea how much I appreciate it - but in this case, we really do need to pick one of these guys."

"Hey there, pretty lady," the green one - Rick - interjected again, "you look like you've been starved for attention. Your friend there not being a good companion to ya? Because I am more than happy to oblige."

The lady covered her mouth with her non-portal gun wielding hand. Wheatley spluttered, outraged, "Excuse me?! Look, mate, the lady and I get on just fine, thank you very much, and she certainly isn't looking for- for any other companions or whatever, so you can do away with that idea right quick. We just need one of you to help us with something - short term - key takeaway points there being help and short term."

"Hey, lady! Lady! Let's go back to space! Space Sphere wanna see space again! Lady come with Space Sphere this time! Space Sphere tell lady all about space!"

Rick's optic brightened, unperturbed by the comments from both the other corrupted core and Wheatley. "You guys got a job for me? All right, I'm always up for a job, so long as it involves a nice, old-fashioned adventure, especially one that includes a beautiful lady. You just tell me what you need and ol' Rick will be right there for you."

"She can't speak, mate..."

"The Space Sphere has never been to space and will never go to space. The Fact Sphere is always right."

"Oh, is that so?" Rick's gaze flicked over to the lady, moving up, then down, then back up to settle on her eyes. He grinned. "Silent and beautiful. All the things I like in a lady. Nothing we can't work around."

At that, the lady threw Wheatley the most disgusted look of all time - and he really couldn't blame her there, if he was honest - but all the same, she nodded towards Rick.

Wheatley lowered his voice and said, "Ugh... Are you sure about this, luv? Are you sure you want us to choose him?"

She pursed her lips, appeared for a moment like she might change her mind, and then nodded in confirmation.

"All right," he sighed. "Well, um, Rick, it looks like our lady here has chosen you to help us."

"Yep, I knew she would. I know a lady with good taste when I see one."

"Yeah, well, if you don't mind, I'll have to ask you not to go tasting her, all right, mate? She's really not edible and that's just awkward and disgusting, and- Just- Just-..." He looked back at the lady. "Put me back up on my rail there, luv, and then I'll help you get him up here, yeah?"

The lady blinked up at the management rail, then set down the portal gun, picked up Wheatley, climbed up on the catwalk railing, and hauled him up to said rail.

"Okay, easy does it," he directed. "There's a spot on that little arm there that you can stick me onto. Ah, yeah, that does sound a bit rude, doesn't it? But don't worry - it's really not, it's just the way these things- Yep, yep, you've got it-"

"Trees grow bananas in hopes of attracting narwhals from the seas as mates. Bananas have peels because trees consider them to be formal attire." Ugh. The pink one again.

"That's the second time you've mentioned bananas! What is with you and bananas?!" Wheatley snapped.

"Bananas are rich in phosphorescence, which helps humans see in the dark," replied the pink-eyed core, turning to the lady. "The Fact Sphere is the most helpful of all spheres."

Wheatley rolled his optic. "Sure, mate, whatever you say."

"Space! Space Sphere good at space!"

"Yeah, I know you are, mate. Anyway, let's get Rick on up here next and then we'll just be on our way-"

"Woah woah woah, hold on there, partner," said Rick. The lady, who had been about to pick him up, paused. "I'm definitely up for helping you and all, but what about these other guys?" He nodded back in the direction of the other cores.

"All paths lead to space!"

"You will not succeed in this mission. You need help. Help can be acquired by dialing 0118-999-881-999-119-725-3."

"Why does that sound familiar..." Wheatley shook the thought away. "Okay, look- We really don't need to bring more than one of you, so you two will be staying right here, okay? We're just taking Rick."

Rick rotated himself back and forth from his spot on the pile of cores. "Sorry, buddy, but around here we have a thing called 'no man left behind'."

"...We're all cores, mate."

"Cores, men, same thing."

"...Are you being serious right now?"

"Serious as sunburn on a camel's back."

"...What does that even mean?! Okay, you know what..." Wheatley hung low on his rail, his eye closed, took a deep simulated breath, let it out slowly, opened his eye, and addressed the lady - who, bless her, had been standing around about as patiently as she could at this point. "I guess let's just... Let's just take all of them then. We can hook them up on the rail here and then figure out how to get us all to the main chamber."

The lady shrugged, picked up Rick, and helped him up onto the rail next -

"That's the spirit, son! Come on, fellas, let's go have ourselves an adventure! YEAH!" shouted Rick.

- followed by the excited orange-eyed core -

"Space! Space! Going back to space! Space rocks! Constellations! Happy little trees! All found in space!"

- proceeded by the stoic pink one -

"More trees can be found in space than on Earth. This is because trees have mastered interstellar flight and, indeed, their own destinies. Fact: We are not going to space and we will not be seeing any trees."

Wheatley said, "Yeah, well, as long as we aren't going to be talking about trees and bananas or whatever else the whole way... Just try to keep up, will you? Right, let's get a move on-" He started moving along his rail, expecting the other cores and the lady to follow him, only to be stopped barely a second later.

"Woah woah, hold up there, fella."

"Oh, what now?" Wheatley groaned, turning back around to glare at Rick. "We really don't have any more time to be wasting!"

"Remember the whole 'no man left behind' thing we just talked about?"

"Yeah..." said Wheatley slowly, his eye moving from core to core. "And I'm counting three of you, so what's the problem?"

"You missed one."

"...Missed one? One what?"

"One of us." Rick nodded back in the direction of the nook.

Wheatley looked. "What are you talking about? I don't see any more of you! Well, okay, fair enough, I do see plenty of other cores, I do see them - a lot of them, yep, all lying in a big ol' motionless heap there, you know, not moving, not working, as in dead."

"Naw, that one ain't dead. Just quiet, is all."

Wheatley met gazes with the lady and was happy to see that he wasn't the only one who was lost.

"Okay, mate, we need a bit of help here. Exactly which one of these dead cores are you referring to?"

"The live one," said Rick, nodding again towards the nook full of cores. "Hanging from that claw there."

Wheatley located the core in question - a completely motionless core whose bright white optic light, likely made brighter due to their flashlight being stuck on, was illuminating the entire nook - and scoffed. "What, the dead one hanging from the claw? They haven't moved or spoken or anything since we got here!"

"So? Doesn't mean we should leave them behind. This here beautiful lady doesn't talk - does that mean we should leave her behind, too? Not that I would, beautiful, you're much too perfect for that. I was addressing your ableist friend here."

"Able- Excuse me- Ableist?!"

"What kind of leader are you anyway, leaving cohorts behind? Maybe I should be in charge of this here expedition."

"You? In charge? I don't think so. This whole thing is my idea, so I'm the one in charge." All out of patience, Wheatley forced out a frustrated sigh and said, "But okay, fine, fine, I see your point. Lady, can you check on that last one, please? And make it quick because we've really gotta get moving."

The lady made her way over to the white-eyed core and knocked on their hull. No movement. No noises. No verbalizations. No reaction of any kind. Like they were dead, just as Wheatley had expected.

"There, see? The lights may be on, but there's nobody upstairs, so come on, let's get going."

Rick shook to and fro. "No can do, buddy. It's all of us or none of us. All for one and one for all. Like the Three Musketeers!"

"...But there are six of us, if you include the dead core."

"It's a figure of speech, buddy. Although I definitely qualify as a Musketeer. Don't know about you, though. You're more of a sidekick kinda guy. And, like I said, they ain't dead."

"I'll show you a side kick!" growled Wheatley, who by this point was just about to suggest to the lady that they boot Rick from the team and make off with Space and Fact. "You know what? Enough of this Three Musketeers rubbish! Just grab them, lady. Please. Just haul their dead chassis over here and let's go. You can carry them with the portal gun since I doubt they'll be moving around much up here."

The lady shrugged, dislodged the final core from the hanging claw, and picked them up with her portal gun. She looked back at Wheatley and nodded, signaling that she was ready to go.

"All right, you lot, follow me," said Wheatley with deflated enthusiasm. He was beyond tired and ready to get the hell out of the facility for good.

"Three Musketeers, YEAH!" cheered Rick, in tow. "I call Aramis!"

"Space adventure!"

"The Three Musketeers were originally a bunch of genetically modified bananas destined for-"

"No more banana talk! No more space! No more bloody Three Musketeers! Let's just-"

"There you are."

"OH HOLY- What was that? What was that?!" Wheatley wailed, coming to a complete halt on his rail, which caused the other three cores to pile up behind him.

"Whoaaaa, Nelly!"

"Space?"

"In space, nobody can hear you scream. This is because when in space, people only scream for ice cream and there is no ice cream in space. Fact: We have stopped moving."

Wheatley and the lady looked at each other, mortified because Wheatley knew they both all once understood what was happening. Or, rather, what was about to happen.

"So you thought you might be able to sneak up on me," the scary boss lady's voice filled the air around them, igniting it with tense pinpricks of icy needlepoints. The other three cores looked around in interest, but Wheatley could feel only dread, even in spite of the fact that he knew they had to confront Her soon anyway. "Since you've already come so far, why don't I help you the rest of the way here? And then we can have a nice little reunion before you depart again, this time for good."

There was no time to react. Before any of them could get a head start in the appropriate direction - whatever direction that might have been - a Pneumatic Diversity Vent slithered up from the depths below the catwalks, the suction of it roaring in its intensity.

"Ohhhh, shit-... Run! Everybody, RUN!"

Author: Credit to my friend ProtoChan for the Fact Core line about bananas and narwhals! x)